Where the hell am I? I went to work this morning. As usual Kurt and I left together and took the subway. Oh my God. That’s where I am. What happened. Where is Kurt. The dust is settling and there is a pain in my side and my head. My arm is bleeding, but I could care less. Where is my Kurt?

30 minutes ago:
“One medium drip and a large grande non fat mocha.” I turned to Kurt. “I know you hate baseball, but my company is having a party at Yankee Stadium and the band I signed last week is playing. I know you have been so busy with Fashion week, but I would love it if you would come with me. It’s tomorrow night.”

“Of course I will, Blaine. As long as you don’t make me watch or learn the game.”

“Promise.” I took the coffees from the barista and handed Kurt his coffee. “Here you go sweetheart.” I placed a light kiss to Kurt’s temple. “You smell wonderful today. Your wearing my favorite cologne.”

Kurt’s face lit up. “I did it for you. Glad you noticed.”

“So, will you be really busy today. I know Fashion Week is around the corner.”

“No, I should be good. Designs are complete and chosen. They are being sewn as we speak.”

I took Kurt’s hand. “You are so talented, Baby. You have been working so hard and I am so proud of you. I can’t even tell you how proud I am to call you my husband, Kurt Hummel-Anderson.” It still makes him blush after being together almost 8 year and married for 2 years. “And never stop blushing for me baby.”

“Blaine, I know you like to walk, but let’s take the subway today. I just feel like getting to work quicker and then we can get home quicker.”

“Sure. What time will you be home?” I want to plan something romantic for tonight. I can leave earlier and do something really special, like dinner and candles. I can buy his favorite cheesecake.

“Blaine, did you hear me?”

“Oops, sorry. No. What did you say.?”

“I said I would be home around 4:30.”

“Okay. Sounds good.” I hate the subway, but I would do anything for Kurt and it gets him home earlier. “Here, you sit.” It was quite crowded today.



The explosion. I lunged for Kurt because I heard the explosion happened, but it wasn’t in our car. Instinctively, I knew the subway car would lurch and I needed to save the person that made my life worthwhile everyday. “Kurt!” I can barely breathe. The dust is so thick. “Kurt!”

There are people everywhere, but I can’t find the blue eyes that I love so much. Where are they. Certainly they would stick out. “Sir, I think you need medical assistance.” What does this firefighter know about me. I need to find Kurt. I don’t want to live if he is not with me. The hell with my arm and my pounding head.

“No. I need to find, Kurt. I need to find my husband.” Why is he looking at me like that. Why is looking at me sadly like that. “Have you found a Kurt Hummel-Anderson.” I am holding my breath at the answer.

“Sorry sir. I wouldn’t know. This just happened and there are people everywhere. I think it would be best if you went upstairs to the medic area. If he is fine, he will be there already. We are working our hardest to find all survivors, but it is really unsafe here.” He is pushing me toward the stairwell.

“I am not leaving. I need to find him.” Get the hell out of my way. I pushed past him. I know you mean well, but Kurt would never leave without me, so I am staying down here until I find him. Even if it’s dead. Hold back the tears Blaine. You have to keep the hope alive that he is still here and alive.


2 years ago:
Perfect sunny day in New York. I am marrying the man I have loved for 6 years. He loves me! He loves me, Blaine Anderson.

The couple wrote their own vows today:

“Kurt you always told me I saved you, but the truth is, you saved me. When I met you, I thought that I was happy, but really I was just existing. My heart knew it from the first moment on the stairs at Dalton Academy. I knew when I took your hand that, in that moment, my life changed forever. I know that my head got in the way of us being together from that moment on, but I am so thankful that you never lost your faith in me to realize that we were meant to be. You have always been the one for me. You gave me the strength to become the man I am. Everything I do is because of you. I am the happiest man today, because I am marrying my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. I promise to be with you as long as forever lets us.”

“Blaine. I knew you were my savior from the first time I laid eyes on you on the steps at Dalton Academy. You were confident, beautiful and so full of life. You were everything I wasn’t at that time. We argue often about who saved who, but I know you saved me. When I really think about it, we maybe saved each other. It felt like forever took a long time to get started, but I am so happy that we found it together. There is no one else on this earth that I would rather share my hopes and dreams with. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life waking up and having you be the first thing I see everyday. I can’t wait to walk down the street for the rest of my life being Kurt Hummel-Anderson. You make me the best person I can be.”


I can barely see. Blaine you need to stop crying so that you can find him. Great now I am talking to myself. “Kurt, if you can hear me say something!” Okay, I need to think. Close your eyes and remember. I lunged for Kurt and managed to get him. He looked so scared. I knew that whatever happened I wanted to be holding him. I wrapped my arms around him and held tight as the car started to skid out sideways underneath us. He gripped me harder and I was trying to protect his head and back. All I could think about was the steel and metal impaling us. It was like we were being thrown from a moving car and he whispered. ‘whatever happens Blaine. I love you. Forever.’

And I felt him losing grip. Kurt was caught on something that was pulling him back and I tried to reach out. “Kurt!” I knew I was screaming and I saw him being taken back with the car. I was pushed out as the subway care broke in two. Where was I at?

I need to find him as I run toward the last place I was with him. The subway car was totally mangled, but I refuse to lose hope that he is still there and alive. I need to get to him and save him. “Kurt! Kurt! Please baby. Yell if you can hear me.”

“Blaine.” Muffled I hear his voice.

“Kurt keep talking. I will find you.”

“Blaine. Help me. Hurts so much.”

Then I see him. “Oh my God Baby.” Kurt is stuck tucked in the metal of the subway car. I can’t even tell how badly he is hurt because there is so much blood everywhere. I can’t let him see the tears because he needs to be strong to make it through this. The only thing I can think to do is run my fingers through his soft hair and soothe him. “We’re going to get you out.” I turned behind me to all the emergency helpers there. “Help over here please! My husband is here! He is alive!”

They quickly make their way over and they see an issue with getting him out. He leg looks crushed underneath a big piece of metal. It looked like it may have been a seat at one time. “Blaine. Remember that I will always love you.” Kurt is sobbing. “Oh. It hurts to cry.” He whimpers with every breath he takes. He looks so pale.

“Shhh. Don’t cry. I am right here.” Holding his hand is all I can think of doing while they use massive cutters to get him out. His eyes are fluttering shut. “Kurt! Don’t you close your eyes, dammit. Look at me. Look in my eyes.”

He opens them, they look heavy. “I love your eyes baby. I will miss them so much.” I finally can’t stop the tears. My angel is right in front of me and he’s dying every minute it takes them to free him from the wreckage. “I don’t think I’m going to make it Blaine. I’m so happy that you found me so I could see your beautiful face and your eyes one last time… AAAaahhhh.”

“Please.” I beg the firefighters and paramedics that are surrounding us. “Save him.” My eyes must show the desperation because Kurt is reaching with the hand I held.

“Don’t be sad Blaine. I will always be with you. I’ll always be in your heart and in your mind. I’ll watch over you always.” He touched my chest. His eyes are closing again.

“Kurt. Don’t leave me. I can’t make it without you. So many things for us to do.” I can tell that he’s leaving me. His eyes look empty not sad. “Kurt. I love you.” His eyes stay closed.

Then I hear. “He’s free. Get him out!” It’s too late for Kurt. I was too late. If I had gotten there 5 minutes earlier…


This room is cold and white and the fluorescent lighting is awful. It makes alive people look dead. Rows and rows of bodies are here and I can’t believe I have to do this. Isn’t it enough that I watched my husband die? Have I not suffered enough for one day. I am told that I must identify the body in order for them to move it, so here I am with other sad souls.

I am so cold. I can’t get warm. Will I ever feel warm again. I don’t even want to go back to our apartment. How can I even start to move on when I feel like my heart has been ripped from my body. Kurt was my reason for living. He made me whole. Without him I am only a shell of a person. In my head I can hear Kurt talking. ‘Have courage Blaine’. I don’t want courage. I fucking want my husband back here with me. Finn is on his way here. He heard about the bombing while he was at work and he called me. I told him about Kurt. Finn can help me through this and maybe we can help each other live through this. I hope.

“Mr. Anderson.”

“Yes. That’s me.”

“Please come with me.” The orderly is leading me down a long hallway that is covered with people injured and crying. He motions to a chair. “Please sit here and someone will be with you shortly.” God Dammit. I just want to see my love one more time and get away from all of this sadness and reminder of how my life has changed in a split second. I feel like I have been here for hours, yet it has only been 10 minutes.

“Mr. Anderson?”

“Yes. Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on? I just need to identify my husbands body and I want to get out of here.” I was crying again.

“Is your husband, Kurt Hummel-Anderson?”

“Yes it is.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m Dr. Raines. You are one lucky man, or should I say your husband is one lucky man. He lost a lot of blood and we did lose him for a while there, but he is one tough man. He just came out of surgery to fix his femoral artery which was partially severed and his leg has pins in it, but should heal fine. We had to give him a transfusion and he has some broken ribs and a broken arm. He had a pretty bad cut on his chest, but we cleaned it up and stitched it. When he wakes up, he’ll be in a lot of pain, but will probably be happy to see you.”

“Wait a minute. What? He’s alive? Where is he?”

“Yes. Mr. Anderson, he is alive. Someone was supposed to call to let you know. They were able to resuscitate him in flight to the hospital. He was in very bad shape when he got here, but he is alive and should make a full recovery. I apologize if you were not told.”

“May I see him?”

“Nurse, please take Mr. Anderson to recovery to see his husband. Again Mr. Anderson. I am so sorry that you were not told.”

“Dr. Raines, all that matters is that Kurt is alive. Nothing else is important.” I have never cried so many tears in a day.

The nurse brought me back to where Kurt was and I never saw anything more beautiful in my life. He was asleep, but he was there. He was alive and he was there. I texted Finn quickly so that he knew that Kurt was alive and I stood as close I dared. He had bandages and casts for his arm and leg. He was so bruised up. He would throw a fit if he could see himself. I gently took his hand in mine and I never thought I would feel the warmth again, but here it was. I lightly rubbed his hand and touched his hair again. I never wanted to forget Kurt or ever feel like I had felt for the last several hours that I thought he was dead.

“I love you so much Kurt. I promise again, to love you forever or as long as we can.”

“Blaine.” Just hearing my name from his lips was all that I ever wanted. I couldn’t contain myself any longer, so I just cried. “Blaine. I’m sorry I scared you, baby.”

“Sh..Save your strength. I love you Kurt. Just rest.”

“I don’t want to rest. I want to just look at you forever.” A tear rolled down his cheek and I brushed it away.

“I thought you died.” I kissed him on the forehead.

“I did die Blaine. I saw my mom and told her that I had so much more that I needed to do in this life. I told her about you and how we wanted to start a family and get a house. I told her she would love you so much. She helped me come back. She helped me come back Blaine.”

Though I don’t believe in things like that, I believe today because today I got the love of my life back. I don’t know if I deserved it, but I will never let him go ever again.