What About Now?

A Kurt and Blaine One-Shot Fantiction

"Blaine," I moaned as he kissed down my neck and the stopping at my collarbone and being to suck lightly. Oh, didn't that feel good. My mind went blank, and I lost all my thoughts in the process. But then soon can back as Blaine leaned down closer to me.

No. This has to stop. This can't go on any longer. This is NOT how it should be. This has to stop.

"Blaine," I said a little louder making my voice crack. He didn't answer. His hand began sliding down my chest slowly and gently. He stopped at the bottom of my shirt. I shivered as his cold hand slid under to touch my warm skin lightly. My breath staggered and my heart pounded against my chest.

No it can't be this way. This isn't the way it's supposed to happen. What about romance?

I placed my hands on his chest pushing him away. His mouth making a slight popping noise as it left my neck. My everything instantly feeling cold without his touch.

"Blaine, we have to stop." He starred down at me blankly. Obviously confused by what I was doing.

"But why?" Blaine grinned. "I see nothing wrong with kissing my beautiful boyfriend." He leaned back down trying to capture my lips with his in another steamy kiss. I trying back away but the car seat made it highly impossible for this to happen. So I just pushed him away again.

"Blaine, you're drunk." I said smelling the thick alcohol on his breath.

"What's a little extra added to our fun?" he winked and his hand ran down my chest again but this time it didn't stop at the bottom of my shirt. It ran across the skin right above my jeans. A shivered ran up my spine. His hand then slid to my belt buckle. My breath hitched and my heart pounded so hard in my chest I swear if my rib cage wasn't there it would have flown right out like yesterday.

Blaine undid the buckle with one hand and his eyes never leaving my mine. All I did was stare right back afraid of what was to happen next. He grinned and began to undo my jean button.

No.

No. No. No. No. No. This is not going to happen. Not now. Not like this.

I pushed Blaine off of me again and jumped out of the back of the car.

I redid my belt and began to pace back in forth. Blaine soon followed leaving the back seat door open.

"We can't do this. We can't do this." I whispered still pacing the area I was in. I felt Blaine's arm wrap around my waist behind me pulling me incredibly close to him. He kissed the back of neck gently.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he whispered in my ear and kissed right below my ear. I struggled out of his grasp and turned around to face him.

"We can't do this Blaine!" I yelled. I saw Blaine's face change from it happy self it was only a few minutes ago to hard and angry.

"Why not?" Blaine's voice began to rise.

"Because you won't remember in the morning! You're drunk as can be!" I shot at him. "This is supposed to be romantic! What about romance, Blaine?"

Blaine rolled his eyes turning and began to walk away.

"I don't have time for this." His voice low and filled with anger.

Time for what? Time for me? Time for him? Time for us?

I felt tears burn in my eyes but I pushed them away. I leaned up against the car thinking ove0 what just happened.

He left. Why did he just leave? Did he leave because I wouldn't completely give myself to him? Because I wouldn't let him go any farther? Because he was drunk? He wouldn't remember anything… He wouldn't notice, would he? No, because he wouldn't remember. I am not wrong for stopping him. I'm not ready. He shouldn't force me to do anything. Besides he was drunk.

Oh my god, he's drunk! He could be in trouble! He could be dead or hit by a car!

I ran to the direction that he left. Straight to the park that was near the bar parking lot.

"Blaine," I whispered. The park was dark and silent. A cool breeze blew by causing me to hug myself. "Blaine are you here?" I heard a stick break by the tree on the left of me. "Blaine?" I rounded the tree and gasped.

I saw a guy with curly black hair that had some guy pushed up against a tree attacking his face like a vicious animal. My heart broke at the sight.

"Bl-Blaine?" my voice cracked and tears rimmed my eyes. He wouldn't. This isn't Blaine. He wouldn't… he would never cheat on me.

When the man turned around I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Hey, baby." Blaine's word slurred. "Wanna join us?" he winked and tripping when walking over to me. He landed in my arms. The guy that was pushed against the tree had his eyes wide and looked completely shocked.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I- I- I didn't know… I'm so so-rry." And he ran away from us.

"Where's he be going, Kurtie?" Blaine slurred into my ear. I ignored his question and began dragging him to the car.

"Kurtie Pie, where I's and you going?" Shut up, Blaine.

"Home, Blaine, You are going home." My voice was stern and weak. My heart ached as I shoved him into the car and buckled his seat belt.

I held my tears in all the way to his house. Not wanting him to see me cry and bring on more questions. I brought him inside thanking god that his parents were in bed already.

I walked back to my car and go into the driver seat. Slamming my hands down on the steering wheel as the tears began to flow out of my eyes.

I pushed those ugly memories of Saturday night from my head as I walked down the hall to the choir room. I have avoided Blaine successfully all day. But right now that was about to change. I will walk through that choir room door and there he will be.

He'll probably be in his usual spot right which is right next to mine in the back row on the right side. He is probably thinking that I have forgiven him for what he has done. This is not true though. I haven't forgiven him. I don't plan on forgiving what he has done to me.

He'll probably smile at me hoping I'll place a light kiss on his cheek like I do every day at this time and sit down right next to him our hands interlocked. But this is also something that isn't going to happen.

For I have planned to sing a song first thing before anyone has anything to say or for Mr. Schue to start the lesson. I have to get this done and over with before I back down. This has to be sung. I have to get this out. This is something I need to do or everything won't seem right. Well nothing has been right since Saturday. But this will be the closing scene. This will end it all.

I stood at the choir door. Pausing for a second before walking inside; I took a deep breath and swallowed my incoming sobs and tears. I have to stand my ground walking in. I took one more deep breath before walking inside like a man on a mission. Which technically I was.

The glee kids sat together in a group talking among themselves. Enjoying their time wisely, unaware of what Blaine had done, unaware what what's happen to us, what's happened to me. Looking through the group of kids I didn't see Blaine anywhere within that group. Looking around the room, I found Blaine sitting in the front row on the left side of the room as far as possible away from the other students. His hands folded in his lap and his head down.

Well this is nothing I had expected. Maybe he realized what he had done wrong. Maybe I should forgive him… No Kurt, you can't. What he did was something completely wrong. It was distrustful. He doesn't deserve you anymore. He lost the chance to have you.

"Mr. Schue, I would like to sing a song before we being." I spoke my voice shaky. My eyes didn't leave Blaine as I spoke. The glee kids stopped talking and averted their attention to me probably confused that I didn't greet Blaine. Blaine looked up his eyes meeting mine, but I quickly looked away not wanting to fulfill that connection. Instead my eyes found Mr. Schue on the other side of the room. His face showing confusion as well.

"Of course, Kurt." He said nodding in approval. The glee kids murmured as I made my way to the center on the room.

"Yo, Blaine, what's going on?" I heard Puck say as I looked up at the ceiling blinking away the incoming tears. Blaine was silent. I will not cry doing this. I can not cry. I will not make a fool of myself, I refuse.

Turning my attention to Brad, I said, "You know the song." He nodding and started playing. I wiped my eye, as a stray tear slid from the corner.

"Shadows fill and empty heart. As love is fading, from all the things that we are, but are not saying. Can we see beyond the star and make it to the dawn?" my voice was loud over the piano playing in the back ground. The glee kids stared blankly at me. Some had their attention over to Blaine, but I refused to look over there at him. Not yet. If I look now I know I run back to him. He needs to know what he did was wrong.

"Change the colors of the sky. And open up to the ways you made me feel alive. The ways I loved you." I squeezed my eye tight from feeling the tears burn in my eyes. "For all the things that never died, to make it through the night, love will find you."

I took a deep breath and paced to the floor.

"What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late." But it is. It is too late for anything now. "What about now?"

I stopped pacing and faced the glee kids again, but starring out the window above them.

"The sun is breaking in your eyes to start a new day. This broken heart can still survive…" I gripped the fabric that lay above my heart. "With a touch of your grace. Shadows fade into the light. I am by your side, where love will find you."

"What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?" I began to dance around the piano. "What if our love, it never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late, what about now?"

I stopped and faced Blaine. I had to be standing about ten feet away from him. His eyes were red and blood shot and filled with tears about to fall. His lips were trembled. Oh how I wish I could kiss them and make his pain all go away. But what about my pain? What about the pain that I feel? Will he… could he make that go away?

"Now that we're here, now that we've come this." I took a step closer. "Just hold on. There is nothing to fear," Another step. "For I am right beside you." Another step. "For all my life, I am yours." Blinking, I let a tears escape my eye. It ran down my face, burning all the way down. The piano slowed and I took another step closer to him.

"What about now?..." Another step. "What about today?" Another step. The look on his face killed me. He knew what he did wrong and he knew that it was wrong. "What if you're making me…" Another step. "All that I was meant to be?" I had to be about only two away from him now. "What if our love never went away? What if it's lost behind the words we could never find?" The piano began to speed up and I ran away from Blaine over to the center of the room again.

"What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that was meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late." Tears poured down my face. "Baby, before it's too late… Baby, before it's too late." I walked over to the piano and stood there facing away from the glee kids. "What about now?..." The song ended and the room was pin drop silent. Everyone was probably completely confused behind me.

I slammed down my fist onto the piano letting a loud sob escape my mouth. The room remanded silent as I cried. I heard a chair move and foot step make their way over to me.

"Kurt…"Blaine's voice was coarse. "Our love never went away. It's still here. I can feel it. It pulses through me. You can feel it too." He paused. I didn't look at him. "Kurt, baby, I am so sorry. You don't even understand how sorry I am. I love you so much, Kurt. I love you."

"Then why'd you do it?" I shot at him turning around. "Why Blaine! Why?" he looked down at his feet.

"… I don't know…" he whispered.

"It hurts, Blaine. It hurts right here." I held a hand over my heart. He eye's looked up at me and a few tears escaped. "My heart, Blaine, it hurts so much from what you did. So why'd you do it? Why'd you break the heart of someone you love so much? Huh? Why?" He didn't answer, just kept starring at his feet. "Was it because I'm not good enough? Was it because I wasn't good looking enough? Was it because I wouldn't have sex with you?"

"I was drunk, Kurt!" he shot at me.

"THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE, BLAINE! IF I WAS DRUNK I WOULD HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON YOU! I WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT I WAS DOING!" I paused staring at him, waiting for an answer, but none came. "I just wasn't good enough for you." I whispered looking at him my eyes like daggers. Tears began to fall furiously from his eyes. I looked past him at the opened mouth confused members of the glee club then back to him. Shaking my head I turned to walk out of the room. I couldn't stand to be there for another second.

"Kurt... Baby... please don't leave me." Blaine's pleads echoed through the quite room. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen." I continued to walk to the door. "Kurt…please… I love yo-"

"DON'T!" I turned around to face him again. "Don't. You. Dare. Say. That. To. Me. After. What. You. Did." I began to turn away, but stopped. "Blaine, I love you. I really do. But I just- I just can't forgive you for this. I'm sorry. I love you." And with that I turned and left the choir room.

I have half a mind to turn around and run back in there and jump straight into your arms, but- but I just cant.