April 1, 2012, 7:37 p.m.
Angelic Demons
"Maybe I'm not supposed to be in the spotlight." Set during HOT16. Companion to my story Nicely Naughty, but not a necessary read.
T - Words: 2,264 - Last Updated: Apr 01, 2012 924 0 0 0 Categories: Angst, Drama, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship,
"You're distracted," Blaine observed, resting his hand atop Kurt's. "Are you being passive aggressive again?" Blaine teased lightly.
"What?" Kurt blinked a couple times and pulled his attention to his boyfriend. Blaine lifted Kurt's hand, turned it palm up, and slid the pencil out from Kurt's grasp. Kurt watched the other boy run his thumb over the tense fingers.
"You've been staring at that application since Sebastian left." Kurt took a deep breath and quirked a smile at Blaine's concern. He loosened his fingers and let Blaine slide his between Kurt's, comforted by the connection.
"Just being my usual dramatic self," Kurt commented with a shrug, though his tense expression belied his nonchalance.
"Kurt," Blaine chastised lightly, not swayed by the other boy's flippant tone. "Did Sebastian say something?"
"Nothing important," Kurt replied easily, though his gaze shifted to the pencil now lying atop his papers. Blaine tilted his head, contemplating the other boy. Kurt took a sip of his now-cold coffee.
"Let's go," Blaine said quietly, his eyes pleading. Kurt swallowed slowly, then nodded his head. They silently gathered their belongings, disposed of their cups, and headed out into the chilly afternoon. As soon as they settled into Blaine's car, Blaine reached for Kurt's hand and tugged him over the center console. Blaine met him, his lips immediately on Kurt's in a desperate kiss. Kurt pressed a hand to Blaine's jaw, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.
"Well, that was unexpected," Kurt breathed out several moments later, eyes still closed and forehead touching Blaine's. Blaine let out a soft laugh before cupping Kurt's face and pressing kisses along his cheeks, temples, and forehead. Kurt sighed contentedly, wrapping his fingers around Blaine's wrists. He opened his eyes, smiling at the happiness shining from Blaine's face.
"I love you," Blaine said simply, earnestly.
"I love you too," Kurt said matter-of-factly. Blaine pulled his hands away from Kurt's face, slipping out of Kurt's grasp and instead meshing their fingers together.
"Please don't let Sebastian get to you," Blaine pled gently. Kurt's smile slipped from his lips.
"You know me too well," Kurt said ruefully, his gaze sliding to their entwined fingers.
"That's a bad thing?"
"No," Kurt shook his head. "Just a little scary."
"I don't want to be scary."
"You're not." Kurt lifted his eyes back to Blaine's, managing a smirk at Blaine's earnest expression. "You're," Kurt paused, contemplating his words, "nice."
Blaine's scrunched nose and pout had Kurt laughing, though he quickly turned somber again.
"You didn't even block him on Facebook did you?" Blaine's silence and shifting gaze was answer enough. "It's okay," Kurt said, eliciting a surprised look from Blaine. "I know you've turned him down."
"I have," Blaine confirmed.
"Just remind me every now and then."
"Always." With that, Blaine leaned in and kissed Kurt again.
...
Even the rush of adrenaline and the cheers of the audience could not quite overcome Kurt's dark mood. He had jumped around and cheered with the rest of New Directions as they took their bows, but seeing Sebastian standing in the audience, clapping and smiling enthusiastically, filled Kurt with an ominous feeling.
Kurt looked down the line of his peers, arms slung over shoulders and hands clasped together. He watched Blaine and Finn shake hands. Kurt suddenly felt detached from the group, more than just physically as he stood apart from the others but also because he lacked the same level of excitement. He stood still, the applause turning into an annoying buzz as the seconds ticked by. As soon as the lights dimmed, signaling their cue to exit, Kurt pivoted on his heel and strode offstage.
"Kurt! Kurt!" Blaine called out, catching up with him in the hallway. The rest of the glee club was flowing around them, all heading for the choir room. Blaine's wide smile banished Kurt's somber mood, as did the excitement shimmering around the boy. Kurt could not help smiling back, or the laugh when Blaine wrapped his arms tightly around him. Kurt returned the embrace enthusiastically, letting the tension lessen in his rigid frame. "I love you," Blaine whispered into his ear.
Kurt swallowed roughly, and pressed closer to the other boy. "I love you," he breathed out, lips brushing against Blaine's neck. He felt Blaine tense, but then his arms were tightening around Kurt and Kurt sighed. Blaine pulled away, leaving a hand at the small of Kurt's back.
"Your jump was amazing! Did you see Finn? And Tina's solo? I can't believe we made it through all three numbers," Blaine gushed, smile still firmly in place, as they continued toward the choir room. Kurt laughed again, desperately grabbing onto the other boy's happiness and holding fast.
...
Kurt had sat quietly in the choir room while everyone buzzed about with residual energy, his thoughts swirling around in endless circles. Revenge scenarios aimed at Sebastian mixed with memories of last year, when the bullying had been at its worst. Tugging at every thought was the reminder of how he went unnoticed, and how fear and loneliness overwhelmed each day.
Kurt took the hand Blaine offered when it was time to head back to the auditorium. Whether Kurt masked his tension well, or the cloud of post-performance exhilaration still enveloped the other boy, Blaine merely smiled and tugged Kurt out of his seat.
Now, as they waited for the results, Kurt made a point not to look at the audience. He ignored Blaine's gesture to join him on the riser. Kurt kept his eyes toward the announcer, though he saw Blaine's curious and concerned look in his periphery. Soon enough, the winner was announced and the group was cheering, hugging, and retrieving their trophy.
Kurt latched onto everyone else's excitement, still consumed with his own thoughts. He forced a smile as Quinn squeezed his arm, and seeing Blaine's utter happiness managed to calm his mind's storm. Blaine was part of the group now, had been accepted, and Kurt found relief in the temporary serenity this knowledge gave his thoughts. But as Blaine continued to shine in the spotlight, Kurt found himself shrinking into the darkness.
...
"Talk about sexy. I don't think Michael Jackson holds a candle to you."
Kurt froze, fingers gripping the handle to the locker room door. Despite his instinct to make his presence known, he stayed inside the room.
"It was all Mike and his choreography," Blaine said.
"Well, no one else could have pulled it off quite like you," Sebastian complimented sweetly.
"Thanks, but it was a team effort."
"Your modesty is really cute."
Kurt squeezed his eyes shut as he imagined Blaine blushing, even ducking his head in embarrassment at the compliment.
"Why don't I take you out? Celebrate our Sectional wins?"
"Sebastian, you know I'm with someone," Blaine said, voice barely concealing his annoyance.
"Whatever. You are too good for these public school rejects. You should come back to Dalton."
"I told you why I'm here."
"Right, because your heart is here," Sebastian retorted, disdain coloring his tone.
"Sebastian," Blaine warned.
"There's nothing for you here."
In the silence that followed Sebastian's words, Kurt loosened his grip on the door and turned, leaning heavily against the cool tile. He let his arms fall to his sides, barely keeping a grip on the hangar holding his tuxedo before it fell to the floor. He braced himself for Blaine's answer.
"Kurt's the most important thing to me," Blaine finally replied, quietly but firmly. "And insulting him isn't really the way to win me over. I think we're done here."
"Well, you just let me know when you come to your senses," Sebastian said indifferently. "I'll see you around."
Kurt could clearly visualize Sebastian's smirk as he listened intently to the sharp footfalls moving down the hall. He focused on his breathing when the noise disappeared entirely.
"Kurt?" Blaine inquired quietly, having stopped with the door half open upon seeing the other boy.
Startled, Kurt jumped away from the wall as his eyes shot open. He turned to his boyfriend with what he hoped was a calm expression.
"Are you okay? Did you-."
"Just tired," Kurt said with a sigh, cutting off Blaine's question. "That routine killed me. I think I'm going to be sore," he joked. Blaine smiled understandingly, though Kurt could see the other boy assessing him. Kurt hitched his bag higher on his shoulder.
"Everyone else is already heading over to Breadstix. You ready to go?" Blaine asked a moment later, much to Kurt's relief. Kurt nodded and Blaine slid his hand into Kurt's as they headed down the hallway.
...
When the group hug dispersed, Kurt flashed a smile at Brittany and hugged Mercedes tightly. He took a moment to watch Blaine laughing with Sam and Finn, and Puck sneak up from behind to tackle hug the shorter teenager. The rest of the teenagers were lost in various conversations, and Kurt took the opportunity to slip into the darkened wings.
Wandering backstage, he let his eyes adjust to the unlit area. He approached the makeup tables, now devoid of the clutter that had inhabited them during the musical. He perched on a stool, running his hand along the cleared surface.
He's too good for you. There's nothing here for you. Despite Kurt's confidence in himself and Blaine, Sebastian's voice kept echoing in his mind. Coupled with the loss of the musical lead and his campaign defeat, the doubt persisted. He knew that Blaine really was too good for many things: public school, the bullying, and yes, sometimes, even him. But that did not mean he was going to give him up, not by a long shot.
"Hey," Blaine said softly, causing Kurt's gaze to meet his concerned expression in the mirror. Kurt did not turn around. Instead, he watched Blaine's reflection move closer and pull another stool over. Blaine tucked a leg under him as he sat behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around the other boy, perching his chin atop Kurt's shoulder. Kurt slid his hands along the arms surrounding him and meshed their fingers together. He closed his eyes, reveling in the warmth and comfort.
"I heard you and Sebastian after Sectionals," Kurt admitted, only briefly wondering why he hadn't told Blaine before.
"Is that why you didn't sit with me today?" Blaine asked gently. When Kurt opened his eyes, he could see the sadness and hurt on the other boy's face, even in the dim reflection. His gaze flickered away.
"I know you turned him down again, but I just can't help it."
"Help what?"
"I'm trying to be the better person, letting you deal with him, but he's clearly upsetting you." Kurt lifted Blaine's hand and rubbed his thumb across the other boy's still red knuckles, from too many hours spent with a punching bag. "And he's upsetting me."
"I blocked him when I got home from Sectionals. And I won't talk to him again," Blaine supplied earnestly.
Kurt sighed and pointed out, "He's going to be at Regionals. You shouldn't have to avoid your friends to avoid him." Blaine ducked his head, pressing his cheek to Kurt's shoulder, and tightened his arms. They sat in silence for several moments.
"We'll figure something out," came Blaine's muffled encouragement.
"I know. I just hate how he makes me bitchy and insecure," Kurt revealed. Blaine lifted his head, eyes immediately drawing Kurt's attention in the mirror.
"You are so much better than him. I want to be with you," Blaine asserted, "always."
"Always, huh? I think I could live with that," Kurt teased, running his hands along Blaine's arms. His smile did not quite match Blaine's.
"There's something else," Blaine prodded, again resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder.
"I love seeing you in the spotlight," Kurt said after a beat, "watching you shine."
"But if you're watching me, you aren't in the spotlight," Blaine pouted, not distracted by the other boy's compliment. "I'd shine brighter with you next to me."
Kurt shrugged, eyes downcast and voice suddenly small, "Maybe I'm not supposed to be in the spotlight."
Blaine pulled away and Kurt was keenly aware of the sudden lack of warmth. He didn't have a chance to look where the other boy had gone to when he was blinded by the sudden light flooding from the bulbs surrounding the mirror. Kurt blinked, vaguely registering Blaine sitting beside him now. Blaine pressed his chest against Kurt's shoulder, the caress of his fingers across Kurt's jaw pulling the other boy's attention back to the mirror.
"Kurt, you love the spotlight. You're beautiful in the light," Blaine insisted when blue eyes met his in the now bright glass. "Why would you say that?" he asked sadly when Kurt huffed and looked away again.
"Just the demons inside my head," Kurt threw out quietly.
"Well, tell them to go away." Blaine slid his fingers along Kurt's temple, the tender gesture bringing tears to Kurt's eyes.
"It's not that easy, you know that," Kurt whispered, sparing a glance sideways at the other boy. Blaine settled his hand on Kurt's shoulder and offered an empathetic smile.
"Then change them into angels," Blaine suggested after a beat. Kurt looked at him curiously. "Angels inspire and comfort. They encourage. They sing praises. They banish darkness."
"That's nice, but I don't believe in them."
"Then believe in yourself," Blaine persisted, "because you're my angel."
Kurt stared at Blaine for a long moment, speechless, the tears clouding his view of the other boy's honest and adoring expression. He finally blinked, clearing his vision, and turned back to the mirror. Blaine wrapped his arms around him and leant his head against Kurt's shoulder.
"I'll help," Blaine offered with a quirk of his lips.
Kurt took in the image in the mirror-his boyfriend rubbing his cheek affectionately against Kurt's shoulder, tightening his hold, and sighing contentedly; the other boy's expression that showed so much love and caring; hazel eyes that offered understanding; and a smile that promised happiness. Kurt squeezed the arm settled across his abdomen and smiled as their eyes met again.
"You already do."