A black pit of despair filled every fiber of Blaine’s being. The immense pain always washed over first before the profound nothingness swallowed him completely. That’s what happened after the break up but there was always still that little bit of hope hiding away deep inside of him that refused to give up faith. That tiny spec still thrived within Blaine but now had been swallowed up by the enormous black hole that was once his heart.

“I don’t trust you anymore.”

He couldn’t figure out what was worse, losing Kurt’s love or his trust. Both were something that Blaine had held since the day they met on that staircase but now that meant nothing. All of those memories were fully and irrevocably tarnished by Blaine’s stupidity. How could he have cheated on Kurt? What he felt when it happened was nothing compared to the aching loneliness that haunted him now. It was as if someone was lurking over him day and night saying how worthless and pathetic he is. Without Kurt life wasn’t only bland and boring but just utterly purposeless. Two years ago Blaine was on top of the world; he had great friends, was lead singer of the Warblers and ruled the school and now what did he have? A broken heart and a bunch of people who don’t even seem to notice him. He felt awful for Kurt before his transfer to Dalton but now that Blaine was actually in his shoes he couldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone, not even Karofsky who he had felt, at the time, needed to be taught a lesson. Maybe it would have been better if they had never met at all. If on that day he had left on time for the performance or maybe if he’d taken a different route the boys never would have met and fallen in love. Was it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all, Blaine didn’t know.

The hallway had begun to fill with the cast’s family waiting to congratulate their son or daughter on their wonderful show and amazing performance. Blaine laughed bitterly; it’s not even as if anyone in his family showed up to see him. He didn’t care though because the only person he wanted there had just walked out of his life, possibly forever. He trudged his way through the halls not able to think of anything, those few little words were still coursing through his brain.

“I don’t trust you anymore.”

Blaine broke into run as the memories of past love began to break down the walls of solitude that surrounded his heart. He grabbed his chest as if he was physically injured and needed to keep the wound from tearing open and killing him. Neglecting to take his things with him, Blaine left McKinley and climbed, with difficulty, into the trunk of his pick-up truck lying on the cold metal he pulled his knees up to his chest and waited for the pain to subside so the emptiness could wash over him, at least then he could drive home and lie in his own bed…Which was filled with memories of Kurt. All of the things they had done there would never go away no matter how many times he cleaned the sheets. The memories of those perfect nights were forever stitched into the covers. In fact there was plenty of history of theirs in the back of the trunk where Blaine laid as well. They’d always gather a bunch of pillows and blankets to make it cozy so they could stare at the stars all night curled in each other’s arms. Those memories made the emptiness finally overtake him but thinking that Kurt had once laid there with him only a couple of months back and would probably never return made Blaine physically ill. He must have been back there longer than he thought because almost all of the cars had left the lot. He stood up and jumped out of the trunk landing very uncoordinatedly on the pavement. Physically he was fine but every memory of Kurt flashed through his mind like a slideshow.

Kurt doesn’t miss you, he doesn’t trust you and he doesn’t love you.

He latched his hands onto his gelled scalp and let out an enormous cry of frustration that if anyone was still in the building would have heard. Stumbling back to his truck Blaine grabbed his keys with shaky hands and tried to fit the little key into the hole. Finally it clicked and he plopped himself down onto the driver’s seat but after a few seconds he knew there was no way he could drive home, not in this condition. Blaine climbed into the back seat but not before grabbing Margret Thatcher Dog from the passenger’s seat. It was the only thing that gave the boy any comfort nowadays; he had grown so accustomed to sleeping with Kurt that this little gift from him was the only thing that allowed Blaine to get any sleep. He curled it up to his chest and let his eyes drift shut, He would drive home in a few minutes he just needed to get his head on straight first. In that moment though he still stuck to his original belief, it’s always better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.