Blaine rolled over to his side, letting his tears melt into the pillow. The memories were coming back, painful and vivid. He closed his eyes and tried to shut them away but they kept running towards him, faster and faster. It had been months and the memories kept haunting him.

--
"Wait, are you saying what I think you're saying?" Kurt whispered in horror.
"Kurt, just listen to me. It's for the best…" Blaine tried to explain.
"The best? The best for you maybe." Kurt muttered.
"This isn't goodbye."
"You're breaking up with me. Of course it is."

--
Blaine took a sharp breath as Kurt's words rang through his head. He didn't mean for them to breakup. He just wanted them to take, well, a break. Kurt was going to New York and Blaine was going to stay behind in Ohio, and he didn't think their relationship would survive the long distance. He didn't think he would be able to survive. He didn't want Kurt to be hurt.
And Blaine was worried. He was so terribly scared that when Kurt got to New York, he would find someone better. Blaine spent sleepless hours picturing Kurt bumping into a handsome Broadway star on the sidewalk and them falling in love.
But he was so stupid. Blaine knew that from the moment Kurt said "of course it is" he had made a big mistake. Blaine didn't even know what he was thinking back then.

--

"I just don't want you to get hurt," Blaine mumbled.
"How could I get hurt?"
"I just don't think we could do long distance. Can we just wait until I'm able to move closer to you?"
"Are you saying that you think our love isn't strong enough to survive a measly few miles?"
Blaine shook his head quickly. Kurt wasn't understanding. "No. That's not it at all."
"So what is the real reason Blaine. Tell me."
"The reason is that you might find someone better! Someone better than me. Long distance relationships almost always end up a mess. It's natural for one of them to give up and just go find someone that they can actually see…"
Kurt cut Blaine off with a slap. Blaine's hand rushed to his face, cradling his cheek. He couldn't believe Kurt just slapped him. Kurt had never slapped him before. They had their fair share of arguments but it never got physical.
Kurt opened his mouth and Blaine could almost hear the "I'msosorryBlaineohmygod" tumbling out of his mouth but then Kurt closed it.
"Kurt.."
"I can't believe you broke up with me because you think I might go off with someone else. I would never do that to you Blaine. I thought you knew that. I thought you knew how much I loved you."

--

The thing was that Blaine knew how much Kurt loved him and it scared him to the core. Blaine couldn't bear to see Kurt disappointed in him, how his lips would tremble slightly and how he wouldn't cry but the hurt in his eyes would give it all away.
All the things Blaine wish he hadn't said played in mad loops in his head. He wish he hadn't said anything, he wished he had reached for Kurt and held him tightly while he gave him a goodbye kiss. But he didn't.

--

"I do."
"No," Kurt looked straight into Blaine's eyes,"No Blaine, you don't know how much I love you. If you did, we wouldn't be in this situation now would we?"
"God Kurt, can you just stop being so god damn stupid and just accept the fact that maybe the relationship wouldn't last?" Blaine spat out, the words tasting like poison on his tongue.
Kurt stepped back and the look on his face made Blaine's heart tear in two.
"Kurt…I'm sorry I.."
"Stop," Blaine saw tears spark Kurt's eyes and that just broke him, "I already accepted it."
Blaine reached out to touch Kurt's arm but Kurt pulled away as if he was shocked.
"Don't touch me," Kurt hissed, taking a few steps back.
"Fine," Blaine said angrily, his blood boiling, "I won't ever again. Happy now? Just leave. I try to protect you and you completely blow it off. You're such a fucking drama queen. You never fucking listen. Just go."
"Blaine Anderson, if you let me walk away now, you'll never see me again." "You'll come back. I know you will. You always come back."
Kurt walked towards Blaine, only stopping when they were just a few inches apart. Blaine could see his tear filled eyes and he couldn't tell if they were grey or blue. Kurt swallowed, "Well this time you're wrong. So do you have any more reasons to why this is over?"
When Blaine didn't answer, Kurt took a shaky breath and turned around. Watching him walk away, Blaine sank to his knees, feeling a rush of frustration and sadness course through his veins.
"You could be happy," Blaine whispered, his voice meeting silence.
Kurt didn't come back.
--

Blaine stuffed his fist in his mouth to stop the sob from escaping. He had wanted Kurt to be free, to do the things that he always wanted to without Blaine holding him back. He had wanted him to not think and just do because he didn't want to stop Kurt from being incredible. Blaine should have stopped him from walking away but he didn't and that made all the difference.
Kurt could've been happy but Blaine would never know, all he knew was that Kurt wasn't happy the day Blaine watched him go.