A/N: Alright, this had originally been inspired by Linkin Park’s song “Leave Out All The Rest” that I was listening to on the radio as I was driving back to college. Listening to the lyrics, I couldn’t help but imagine Kurt singing that song, but knowing that is was a farewell type song, the image turned really angsty like Kurt making a suicide video/note.

…Yeah, I know it’s a tad morbid. I’ve read plenty of angsty Kurt fics on FF.Net and I’ve watched the episodes, and let me tell ya, Kurt has plenty to be angsty about. But for him to make a goodbye video, it would have to be really bad. So, I incorporated the events of Grilled Cheesus and the emotional turmoil that he went through that week.

…But then I wanted to lighten it up with some Klaine goodness, because, really, everyone needs their daily dose of Klaine to keep them going, so I initially made it fluffy, angsty, and fluffy again to appease my needs. I couldn’t just drop Blaine into the GC episode (so not canon), so I thought about what would happen if Blaine ever found the video on his own and how he would react to it. Like I said, this was written in one day, so please be forgiving if some minor mistakes make it through editing.

I wrote this up after I had moved into my new dorm room (which was yesterday), so I had nearly all night to write this out to my satisfaction. I edited it today in my spare time.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee or the characters…..Darn it.

It had started out so innocently when Blaine found it. Honestly, it was innocent.

It had been one of those rare, yearned for summer days when everything had seemed to fall into place perfectly. Blaine’s parents had left early that morning on a business trip, and weren’t expected back for another three days, blessing their son with a house devoid of tension, awkward silences, and somber dinners. However, this also left Blaine with a minimal amount of activities to occupy himself with.

So, how gratuitous and fortunate it was when he had received a call from his boyfriend Kurt, informing him that both Burt and Carole had long shifts that day at their respective jobs, and that Finn had wonderfully made himself scarce with a day of various videogame marathons with the other Glee guys. It didn’t even have to be spoken aloud for Blaine to get the message.

He would be in his boyfriend’s welcoming home, completely alone with said boyfriend, and had no chance of being interrupted nor embarrassed should they happen to get a bit physically affectionate.

Blaine felt like he had hit the jackpot. 

In less than an hour, Blaine found himself reclining on Kurt’s bed, happily watching Chicago on the boy’s laptop. Snuggling into Kurt’s side, with his arms lovingly wrapped around the countertenor’s waist and his face nuzzling into Kurt’s perfectly styled, soft auburn hair while the younger boy quietly crooned “Cell Block Tango,” Blaine could honestly say that this day couldn’t get any better. 

Then Kurt just had to tell him that he had to go to the bathroom, breaking Blaine’s cuddling trance he had fallen into. The pout on his face made Kurt giggle, and the cheerful sound making Blaine smile again without even realizing it.

“Come on, Blaine. Nature calls. While I’m gone, how about you set the next movie up for when the trial scene is over. I’ll go down to the kitchen and make us some lunch, too.” With that Kurt pecked the raven on the cheek and slipped out of his room, opting to use the hallway bathroom instead of his own while on his way to the kitchen down the stairs. Blaine watched him leave, barely resisting the urge (and failing) to ogle Kurt’s ass through his normal day-to-day skinny jeans.

Grinning softly, plans of instigating a make-out session in the near future already forming in his mind, Blaine turned back to the DVD’s stacked neatly on Kurt’s bedside table. Passing over “The Sound of Music,” because he knew that if Kurt watched his and his mother’s favorite musical, his boyfriend might end up too emotional to make out, and plucked “Wicked” out of the stack. Blaine smirked, knowing well how watching the sexual tension between Elphaba and Fiyero would inspire Kurt to be a bit frisky. Dropping the DVD case beside him, Blaine idly began to fiddle with the laptop. Feeling a bit bored, he decided to check his email while he had the chance.

Minimizing the movie, Blaine started towards the Firefox icon when he noticed a small folder tucked into the upper corner of Kurt’s desktop. It was marked “Personal Videos.”

Blaine’s curiosity was peaked, imagining Kurt making videos of his singing for practice before performing in glee club. Blaine assumed that was what the folder was for since he often did it as well. It was always better to hear a recording of yourself first, giving you the opportunity to fix any last details or mistakes, before standing up in front of your peers. Thinking he had struck a goldmine of Kurt’s angelic singing, he eagerly clicked on it.

The window that popped open didn’t have too many audio or video clips. He smiled when he found a few named “Defying Gravity” and “Le Jazz Hot,” but there weren’t as many as he thought. He was just about to close the window, feeling slightly guilty for snooping in his boyfriend’s personal files, but one clip caught his eye.

Looking closely, he saw that it was a flash video file instead of just an audio file, so Blaine guessed that Kurt made a video of himself performing. But the title of it confused him.

The file was named “Farewell Message.”

Blaine sat back against the pillows, scrunching his brows in puzzlement. He couldn’t think of a song that had that title or one even close to it. Deciding to find out, Blaine double-clicked the folder and waited for the video to play.

Now, Blaine had been expecting many things when he opened the video. He had expected to see his gorgeous boyfriend either sitting on his bed or on his vanity chair, looking poised and professional as his stage persona took over. He expected to hear Kurt’s high, lilting voice as it soared out of the computer’s speakers to his waiting ears. He expected to see Kurt’s stunning glasz eyes twinkling at him through the screen, making Blaine fall in love with him all over again.

Yes, Blaine expected a lot of things when he played the video. But not one of them was what he received.

Blaine’s jaw dropped at the sight of the Kurt on the screen. This Kurt wasn’t sitting in his vanity chair, rather he was slumped in it, his shoulders clad in a dark gray sweater drooping in what could only be described as defeat and dejection. Kurt’s head was tilted forward, hiding his face in his hands, but only for a moment. When Kurt pulled his face up to the camera, Blaine’s heart stopped.

Kurt’s face was pale, and not in the good way. His skin was pallid and drawn, the delicateflesh underneath his eyes stained a violent purple from exhaustion and sleep deprivation. His hair was mussed and chaotic, like he had tried to pull it out moments before he turned the camera on and forgot to fix it. Strands of brown hair fell forward onto Kurt’s forehead, making him seem so much younger than he truly was. That effect just made the rest of his features all the more heartbreaking. 

Blaine froze when he looked into Kurt’s eyes. They weren’t the bright blue of a happy, playful, flirty Kurt nor were they the greenish-blue of a determined, ambitious, angry Kurt.
They were a shade of cool, lifeless gray. A shade of gray so muted and beaten, it was like all the previous colors had been trampled out of it. Blaine had only seen this specific kind of gray once before, on the day that Kurt had called him, brokenly sobbing about how a certain jock had stolen his first boy kiss and begging Blaine to meet him somewhere to talk. When Blaine had walked into the Lima Bean that day, he had been stunned at not only how close to shattering Kurt seemed, but also by how comatose Kurt’s eyes had been. The unresponsive way they moved over their surroundings, filling with tears constantly, scared Blaine to his core.

After that day and the resulting confrontations that came with it, he had hoped to never see that shade of gray ever again. In his mind, he had associated that color with a broken Kurt Hummel, something that should never, and if he had any say about it, would never happen again.

But seeing that same color come pouring out of Kurt’s eyes on the screen, accentuating the copious tear tracks down his ashen cheeks, brought all of Blaine’s fears back again.
Blaine watched as Kurt tried to breathe, a tearful hiccup bursting out every now and then, until he ultimately regained control. With his last deep inhale, Kurt pulled his shoulders back and tried to straighten his spine, but the attempts failed to produce a confident posture.

Looking into the camera, Kurt began to speak, an unnatural hush and subdued tone wafting out of the speakers.

“If you’re watching this, then it’s already too late. By the time that you receive this video, I’ll have successfully killed myself.”

Blaine’s eyes went wide with shock as his hand jerked to the pause button, his fingers shaking so badly he had to push the button twice to make the video and its haunting words stop. He couldn’t stop the stinging tears as they fell from his eyes and stain his Dalton t-shirt almost immediately. Sob-filled gasps burst from his lips which he tried to cover by slapping a hand over his mouth, to keep the (hopefully still alive) Kurt downstairs from hearing him.

Blaine pushed the computer off his lap and shakily got to his feet. His knees felt wobbly, as if he had just stepped off a boat onto stable dry land for the first time. He stumbled into Kurt’s bathroom and grabbed a cool, wet cloth for his face. Standing there in the white tiled room, his face submerged in dove gray cotton, Blaine felt the worst of the tremors steadily cease. Pulling the cloth away, he took a deep, shuddering breath. Looking at his reflection, he could see the fear bubbling to the surface.

He just couldn’t believe that Kurt would say such a thing, much less record it for other people if what he said was true. Blaine had known that Kurt endured absolute Hell because of the ignorant, socially backward citizens of Lima and students of McKinley, but it had seemed like Kurt was able to rise above it in the end.

He came out to his dad without any guarantees that Burt would be as accepting as he was. He came out to his friends in glee, already expecting them to turn their backs on him even though they didn’t. He even told him, a complete stranger in a blue blazer about his problems, even though moments before he calmly admitted how taking him somewhere private to beat him up for spying was actually kinder than the treatment he received at his own school.

Through all these situations, Kurt had outwardly accepted the fact that he could be ridiculed and physically abused, but didn’t back down. He had kept his pride, for the most part, and rarely allowed the taunts and jeers of his peers show that they hurt him.

But this video…. This just proved that Kurt’s walls weren’t impenetrable. This video proved that Kurt’s pride didn’t last forever, that it too fell under the onslaught he was dealt for years.

Steeling himself, Blaine walked back into the still empty bedroom. Slowly sinking back onto the bed, he gingerly picked up the laptop with Kurt’s resigned face still staring out of the screen. Blaine held his finger over the play button, filled with trepidation at what else would be said.

He pushed it, allowing Kurt’s downcast voice to start again.

“I bet that some of you might try to call me to make sure this isn’t some sick practical joke, but I assure you it isn’t. You won’t reach me where I’m going.” Kurt paused, closing his eyes as more tears escaped, Blaine’s heart breaking with each one that fell.

“I just….j-just can’t take it anym-more.” Kurt stuttered, his chest heaving with each breath he tried to take. “I’ve never told any of you how hard my life has been and is. But that doesn’t mean I wanted you to just ignore it.” Kurt began to get angry now, high spots of bright pink appearing right below his caustic, cold eyes.

“I’ve dealt with far worse things in my life than you can imagine! It sure as Hell was worse than some of the things you complain about on a daily basis. Oh sure, I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend cheat on me with my best friend nor was forced to give up my child to my enemy’s biological mother, but have any of you dealt with the death of a parent, a parent you loved more than anything in this world?! Did you have to watch that parent waste away into nothing, until only a vacant husk remained?! NO!”

Kurt had launched into a full-blown rage, his eyes fierce and unforgiving as he screamed at the camera. Blaine could barely stand to watch him as the excruciating memories flooded out of him. And hearing what Kurt had to say, Blaine couldn’t blame him. Kurt had told him not too long after they met, as they were getting to know each other better that his mom had died when he was six. Blaine noticed that he never went into specifics about what caused her death, only that she had been very sick.

But seeing the anguish in Kurt’s countenance in the video and hearing how, as a young child, he had been forced to watch as his mother’s health kept declining until he could barely recognize her, made the words all the more distressing. And then, to add even more pain to the boy, she dies so early in his life that at present, Kurt had spent more years on this planet without his mother than with her.

Blaine could see that this rant wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. If Kurt was willing to spill every secret memory in this suicide video, then there was certainly more to come.

“I watched my mother die right in front of my eyes. She flat-lined while I was in the room! My d-dad was forced to run for help, screaming down the hallway while I was left to watch as my mother took her last breath, listening to that horrid beeping as her heart stopped beating. Can any of you justify your claims that you’ve had it worse after that kind of experience? You can’t. You all have people to go home to, parents that welcome you and ask about your day and tell you they love you every chance they get…. After this, I know you’ll run to them…and they will take you in their arms and you will feel that connection. But mine died when I was six. And now….the other might die too.”

 Kurt slumped even further into himself after that last sentence. Blaine didn’t quite fully understand that last part, but Kurt began talking again.

“They say you have to have hope in these situations, that it will turn out alright if you just have hope. Really? No, I don’t have much hope anymore. The doctors saw to that. They told me that he might never wake up, that he could die like that, that he could just stop breathing at any moment and that would be it…. And then they have the gall to tell me to be hopeful? It’s bullshit is what it is! The doctors told me if he doesn’t wake up by the end of the week, then he might never wake up at all.”

Kurt looked at the camera then, a foreign, distant look stealing his anger for a moment.

“So, I ask you, the literal query from beyond the grave, what would I have if he died? What would I have to keep me here if he left me alone? And don’t even say that I would have glee club because it seems that for almost this whole week, you’ve all been too busy trying to shove your various religions down my throat to even give a shit about me! Don’t bother denying it. Telling me that God will save my dad, orchestrating prayer circles behind my back, when all I really wanted were friends to rely on! Was it so impossible for you to take a little trip outside of your own lives to even ask me if I was sleeping or eating? If I was even trying to take care of myself? I haven’t spent more than a few hours in this house in days because it’s a nightmare to be here without him!” Kurt was screaming again, his voice rising higher and becoming harsher with his grief.

Realizing that Kurt was talking about his dad’s heart attack and coma, and that he was alone in the house at the time of this recording, Blaine could understand how Kurt had so completely let go of his emotions, letting every negative passion out as loud and cruel as he wanted.

But the sound fell into silence, making Kurt’s next whispered words seem so much louder in his empty room.

“I can’t stand how silent and dark it is here. Without him, this place is too big and empty, too much like it was when mom died. I can’t…I can’t stay here all alone. I only come here to clean up and change clothes to head to the hospital or to school. I don’t eat anymore. I can’t really remember when I had something other than some cheap 75¢ hospital sandwich or some water. I haven’t slept much either. The chairs in the hospital make me feel like my vertebrae are cracked whenever I crash and pass out. The days are starting to blur together and I can’t quite distinguish where one begins and the other ends. I…I can’t live like this anymore.” Kurt sounded so destroyed that Blaine reached out and put his hand on the screen, as if he could in some way try to comfort the Kurt from the past, back before they ever met.

“That’s why I’m doing this. I can’t stay here if he isn’t. He’s all I have left, and I just can’t lose him like this. If he doesn’t wake up, if he…d-dies, then I’m going with him. I’ll send this to all of you before I slit my wrists in the bathroom. I’ll send this at midnight, so I’ll know that none of you will receive this in time to stop me. By the time you all wake up, I’ll be gone.” Kurt was staring at the camera again, his face completely blank of any emotion, that hated shade of gray covering his eyes. Blaine shivered at the mention of Kurt cutting up his porcelain wrists in an attempt to escape the crushing loneliness that would come should his father die.

“I’m not going to ask you to mourn me or be sorry for me. Good Gaga, I wouldn’t be able to stand it if you pitied me, the poor little gay kid that killed himself. All I’ll ask of you is the following.” Kurt straightened up again, looking directly into the camera to deliver his final messages to his friends.

“Finn, take care of your mom. Carole is a great woman and I know she made my dad happy. She deserves to find love and you deserve a father. Don’t let anyone tell either of you any different.”

“Mercedes, I’m…I’m so sorry. You were the first I came out to, the first best friend I ever had. Yes, we had some rough spots and didn’t always agree, the Technicolor-Zebra look being a prime example, but I just want to say that I love you. I love you, Mercy. And I know one day, you’ll find a man that will fall in love with you for being your incredible diva self, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be that guy. I’m sorry that I’m leaving you. You deserved better.” Kurt looked down at his lap, his shame and depreciating views of himself almost consuming him, but he shook his head and plowed on.

“Tina and Mike, I would just like to say that I’m very glad to have known both of you. Tina, you brought a whole new level of Goth chic to the table that made your sweetness all the sweeter. And Mike, you will always have the honor of being the best dancer I have ever seen, and that I considered it a privilege to dance with you in Glee.”

“Santana and Brittany, I’ll miss you. Yeah, Satan, that includes you, too. Britt, even though you were my only girlfriend, you were in my eyes the very best. You could make me smile and laugh no matter what, and I am so glad to have been your boyfriend, even if it was just for a short while. And Santana, even though we had a hate-hate relationship, I have grown to love you too. …I know, Santana. I know. Don’t give up on your love, San. It will work out one day, I promise you. Although I don’t really know how much of a promise that is, coming from me right now, but it is.”

“Artie and Puck. While I haven’t been able to get close to either of you very well, I’m glad to have met you both. Artie, you had vocal skills that even I was a bit jealous of. Your range and, I must say, your excellent rapping are traits to be admired in Glee. You deserve your time in the spotlight, and hopefully you’ll get your chance. And Puck…Oh Gaga, what am I going to say about you? Well, for starters, you’re a jerk. You bullied me for years and was an overall prick regarding anything related to me, including when I won the Titans their only winning game in the whole season! But….I’ve seen that you’ve started to change. Beth and your last stint in juvie saw to that. You’re becoming a better man than you ever were before, and that’s coming from one of your former victims. Yeah, you’ve been embarrassed and harassed since you stopped bullying others, but everyone in glee will remember the honorable person you’ve become. Please, don’t lose that honor, Puck. As a favor to me?” Kurt endeavored to pull off a pout, but there was no positive feeling behind it.

“Sam, I may not have spent as much time with you, what with the various situations and stresses when you first auditioned coming into play, but I want to say that I would have liked to have been your friend. I know that I made some assumptions at the beginning, wrong ones at that, although I’ve never stopped believing that you dye, but I would have still liked to have gotten to know you. You accepted me quicker than most of the others in glee, and that made me feel like we could have become good friends…But I guess it’s too late for that.”

“Quinn, there has been many ups and downs to our relationship over the time we’ve been in glee together. You went from being top of the food chain to plummeting down to our level, where I hope you learned that popularity isn’t permanent, that how you interact with others shows so much more of your character than being head Cheerio or the girlfriend of the quarterback. You try your best to freeze people out, trying to keep them from hurting you, but you’re only hurting yourself. Let the time you spent with Mercedes and me teach you that true friends will never turn their backs on you, that even when you’ve hit rock bottom, they’ll be there to help you stand up again. Let them in, Quinny.”

“And finally, Rachel. I’ve saved you for last for many reasons, one being that I know you’re horribly impatient whenever the chance for praise comes up, that I know that hearing me talk to everyone before you must be really pissing you off. Please, do have a diva off in my memory if you want, I won’t be around to stop you anymore. My other reason is because, there are things I need to say to you that could in a way be my swan song, regardless of how misconstrued that euphemism really is.”

“Rachel, I threw the Diva Off over Defying Gravity. I could hit the high F just as well as you and most likely better. I threw the competition because I wanted to spare my dad the harassment that would come from having his teenage son sing a female Broadway number in public. He had gotten a call at the garage and he heard the caller call me a fag. You all know that I can take someone saying that to my face, but my dad….he couldn’t handle it as well. I couldn’t put him through that, I had to protect him. Your dads will understand what I’m talking about.”

“Secondly, Rachel, as much as it pains me, I admit that you are an incredible singer, and that your talent will take you to Broadway one day. You’re ambitious and stubborn, often in the most infuriating of ways, but I know that it’s just your way of making something of yourself, of becoming a far better person than all the people that mocked you and your never-ending video posts on Myspace. You’ll get out of this small town, Rachel, and you’ll see things and places that these Neanderthals will never experience for themselves. You and I were so alike, maybe that’s why we rarely got along. Dominant, proud, opinionated personalities don’t always mesh.” Kurt ended that sentence with a small laugh, the only laugh he had during the entire video.

“I’ll miss you, Rachel. I’ll even say that I love you, too. Out of all the people in glee, excluding Mercedes, I don’t think anyone had ever or could ever understand the deepest parts of me like you did. We were both outcasts that had dreams that so many said were a waste of time. We were constantly put down for the way we sang and dressed and acted, that…we were kindred spirits that were too wrapped up in our pride to notice how alike we were. I still regret that Rachel. I regret not giving you that friendship and camaraderie that you deserved from the start. I’m sorry, Rachel.”

Kurt had continued to cry throughout Rachel’s message while Blaine couldn’t keep his own eyes dry. After his final apology to Rachel, Blaine watched as Kurt stood up from his vanity to walk behind the camera. The screen went black.

Blaine was frozen as he sat on the gray comforter of Kurt’s bed, the enormity of everything he had learned being hard to process all at once. Blaine’s thoughts were chaotic, tossing and turning from fear to anger to sympathy, all for his incredible boyfriend.

Similar to his own experiences, Blaine could definitely sympathize and understand how Kurt had lost his hope. It just wasn’t until given the missing pieces could Blaine stand back and see the entire picture that was Kurt Hummel. His Kurt had been through so much in his short life, that it appeared that Fate had it out for him. Looking through Kurt’s eyes on his situation back then, Blaine found that he couldn’t fault Kurt for despairing when faced with such grueling circumstances like thinking your only remaining parent could die at any time, the grief driving him to consider taking his own life. 

It wasn’t until a forced cough coming from the doorway did Blaine’s mind come back into focus, his head whipping up to the see the somber, distant face of his boyfriend. Blaine realized that Kurt must have come back up the stairs and heard the video being played.
The two boys stared at each other, neither breaking the awkward, suffocating silence that seemed to stretch on forever between them. Kurt was the first to break the tension-filled air.

“You found it.” Kurt didn’t sound angry that he had caught Blaine snooping around on his computer. He didn’t start yelling about privacy or try to defend himself for making the video, he simply stated a fact.

“Yes, I did.” Blaine felt his mouth go dry, which wasn’t much of a surprise considering the copious amount of tears he had shed for the boy on the screen.

“It was only a matter of time. It would have found its way into your hands eventually.” Kurt stepped into the room, sighing heavily as he leisurely walked to the vanity chair and sat on it.

A few seconds ticked by, the only noise in the room being the steady breaths of the two occupants.

“Why?” Kurt looked up, confused by Blaine’s question.

“What do mean why? You heard the reasons, Blaine.” Blaine just shook his head.

“I’m not asking why you made the video. What I’m asking is why you never got rid of it? Your dad pulled through, making the video unnecessary. Why did you keep it?” Blaine’s gaze was intense, the hazel-green burning into Kurt’s glasz eyes.

Kurt thought for a moment, trying to remember the exact reason why he had kept the blasted video after that day when his dad squeezed his hand in the hospital. It was a bit difficult since his memories of his father’s recovery were blurred, warped by his mood swings and preparations for his father’s return home. Reaching deep within himself, he managed to find the incentive that had stopped him from hitting the delete button all those months ago.

“I kept it because it was the truth.” Kurt replied, which only made Blaine even more bewildered.

“The truth?” Kurt nodded.

“Yes. That video was made through complete honesty. Everything I said was true. I truly believed that my dad might never wake up again. Every moment I spent in that hospital room, clutching his hand with everything I had, begging him to wake up. And every moment that passed when it didn’t happen, I was becoming more and more convinced that I was going to lose him, too.”

Kurt took a deep breath and continued. “After my dad was discharged, I spent practically every waking moment doing everything I could think of to keep my dad from going back. I discarded his old diet and started researching to replace it with a much healthier version. I constantly watched over him, hovering to make sure he didn’t do anything that would aggravate his condition. And all of that included keeping the escalation of my harassment at school a closely guarded secret. I knew that if he found out about what Karofsky was doing to me, the stress had the possibility of killing him. And I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

Kurt kept his gaze locked with Blaine’s, the raven remaining taciturn. “I kept the video to remind me that I had something to live for…someone to live for. My dad needed me. Not just because I was taking care of him, but because he needed someone to be his rock like he was mine when mom passed. The video showed me how much I truly loved my dad, if I was willing to end my own life just to be with him, but it also reminded me of how selfish I had become.”

Blaine started, opening his mouth to protest, but Kurt cut him off. “No, Blaine. I was being selfish. I was prepared to toss the life my dad had given me in the trash just because he wasn’t around anymore. I would have been a disappointment to him if he had ever found out my suicide plans. He would always tell me that Hummel’s never get pushed around, but that’s what I would’ve done. I would’ve let every single person that had ever hated me, insulted me, and terrorized me win. They would’ve gotten what they wanted most, the quick disposal of their resident gay.” Kurt sighed to himself, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

“I kept the video to remind myself that as long as I had my dad, as long as I had someone in my corner, even if it was just him against the world, then I could survive everything I had been through.” Kurt stood up and walked over to the bed, looking down at Blaine’s upturned face as he placed a pale hand on his boyfriend’s warm cheek. “It was also a way to remind myself how lucky I’ve become. After dad’s attack, I was sent to Dalton to spy on our competition…and I met you.”

Kurt smiled warmly as he watched Blaine’s hazel eyes widen. “I found you, Blaine. I found someone who could see the real me, someone who would help me without being asked, someone who saw the world like I did and who had overcome a past similar to mine. I didn’t have to pretend with you, Blaine. It was like you knew every thought in my head, and knew all the right things to say and do to make me feel a thousand times better. To quote Sam’s favorite movie, you see me, Blaine. And I see you.”

Kurt leaned down to brush his fingers through Blaine’s shining black curls, pulling his face alittle closer to his own. “If I had gone through with it, I never would have had the things I have today. I wouldn’t have a bigger family, with a second-mother and dorky, absent-minded larger brother. I wouldn’t have known that the same people I believed abandoned me back then were more than willing to defend me and protect me now. And I certainly wouldn’t have found you, my gorgeous, talented, thoughtful, compassionate, loving boyfriend.”

Angling Blaine’s face to look him dead in the eyes, with their mouths so close they could feel each other’s breaths puffing against their faces. “I kept the video to show me how blessed and fortunate I am now. It shows me the many precious people in my life and how I live for them now… It shows me how I live for you now.”

Kurt couldn’t keep a single happy tear from falling, but it wasn’t even noticed as the two boys were utterly absorbed in the other. Deciding to take the moment further, Kurt leaned forward that final centimeter to seal their lips together.

Kurt could taste the salty saline that his boyfriend had shed for him, and it made his heart beat faster and harder knowing that the boy beneath him loved him so totally, that he would never have to worry about being abandoned again. His fingers twined in Blaine’s curls, holding him close to his heart as if he would disappear. But Kurt didn’t have to worry about Blaine slipping away when he felt Blaine’s arms wrap around his waist, his broad, warm hands plastering themselves to Kurt’s back and belt, keeping him trapped in that one spot.

Their lips moved in a familiar, chaste dance, but this time, they could feel different emotions take root. Kurt felt how Blaine understood why he had made the video, how the pain he was in at the time fueled its creation, but also the flavor of a promise to never let Kurt feel so low and beaten ever again. Blaine savored the renewed strength and confidence that Kurt had regained over time, and how Kurt would never contemplate suicide for the rest of his life now that he found a reason to stay alive.

Pulling away for much-needed air, the boys were left panting softly in the quiet of the room.
Kurt smiled contentedly, stroking the skin at the back of Blaine’s neck. “I love you, Blaine. I’ll never leave you.”

Blaine smiled back, his eyes shining as he trailed his fingers over the small of Kurt’s back, relishing the small shivers he created. “I love you, too, Kurt. And I’ll never give you a reason to leave.”

A/N: And it is done…

To answer possible questions that could be asked in reviews, for this story, I’m working off the assumption that none of the characters other than Kurt has lost a parent to illness/death while they were aware of it. I know Finn lost his Dad, but it happened when he was a baby, so he doesn't remember it. I've heard about Puck's Dad, but his Dad isn't dead according to canon. For this fic, I’m sticking with Kurt being singular for losing his Mom to death while he was a child.

Secondly, I originally wanted to include Kurt actually singing the song that inspired this fic, but when I got lost in the writing, it just got passed over. I wanted Kurt to be brutally honest with his emotions of grief, betrayal, anger, and loneliness, so stopping the emotional flow by having him sing a song didn’t work for me.

As for the personal messages for the other members of ND, please note that the video is taking place during Grilled Cheesus (not after Nationals when the rest of the fic is happening) where Lauren wasn’t present, Sam had only just joined, Quinn had come back after baby-gate and wanting her old spot on the social ladder, and I just added the slight hint of Brittana cause I thought, why not? In any case, it’s just a hint, so please, no nit-picking over something that can be overlooked if you don’t want to see it.

And finally, if anyone is confused over how Blaine is acting or whatever, let me explain. It’s kind of expected of him to freak out over finding a video of his boyfriend talking about suicide. If you want to read between the lines, Blaine is confronted with evidence that Kurt could have killed himself before they ever met, thus leading to him being very overly emotional and hurting, for himself and for Kurt. He had gone through bullying too, so I’m assuming that he dealt with depression and perhaps thought about suicide himself (his background is so murky, you could pretty much come up with your own theories concerning this). But when he realizes that Burt did live, that Kurt didn’t need the video anymore, he wanted to know why Kurt never deleted it, thus cue emotionally fluffy ending. Fin.

If you still have questions, review or message me. Please and Thank You.
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