GreatPretending
Nov. 11, 2012, 6:12 p.m.
In Your Heart, but Not Your Hold
Despite everything that happened, Kurt and Blaine recreate one tradition for the last time. Some spoilers for 4x04.
K - Words: 512 - Last Updated: Nov 11, 2012 807 0 0 0 Categories: Angst, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: OMG CREYS,
Kurt didn’t really know how they ended up here. There was just a silent mutual agreement, and now Kurt found himself leaning over the bathtub in the tiny bathroom of the loft while Blaine was resting on the floor with his head tilted back. They shouldn't have been doing this. After what Blaine had told him last night... Kurt didn’t know what he was going to do. But he knew that right now, his chest was constricting in a not-so-pleasant way.
Kurt washing Blaine’s hair was something they did every time they managed to spend the night together. Blaine loved the light pulling and scratching on his scalp, and Kurt loved the feeling of Blaine’s curls winding between his fingers, the shampoo making it malleable the way the gel prevented.
Blaine’s eyes were closed, and Kurt could see the rise and fall of his bare chest with each breath he took, and every sigh he let out. Kurt was shirtless, too, and whenever his elbow brushed Blaine’s shoulder or his waist bumped into Blaine’s side, and electric shock would run through his body, and he would freeze momentarily.
Everything was too intense. He shouldn't feel pleasure when Blaine’s soft skin met his. He should feel upset and cheated. He shouldn't be here right now. Nonetheless, Kurt continued his ministrations, knowing that this would probably make things worse later.
It was a lot like, break-up sex, Kurt presumed. But Kurt didn’t want break-up sex with Blaine. Kurt didn’t want to break up with Blaine at all, but that was the road it seemed that they were about to take. Blaine had been worried about Kurt meeting new people in New York, but Kurt had been too trusting to have the same anxieties.
When Kurt removed his hands from Blaine’s hair to reach for the faucet, one of Blaine’s hands shot up and gripped his forearm. They both froze, Blaine opening his eyes for the first time, and Kurt could see that there were tears welling there. He watched as one slid down his cheek. Kurt’s heart was pounding in his chest, and he didn’t move until Blaine slumped back against the tub in defeat, eyes closing and arm falling back by his side.
Kurt stood and turned on the removable shower head. He took his time rinsing the suds out of Blaine’s thick hair, knowing that this could very well be the last time he got to do it. He tried not to look at Blaine’s face, where more tears were spilling out from behind his eyelids. He shut the water off, and as he stood to reach for the towel, Blaine’s eyes snapped open once more. Kurt squeezed the towel around Blaine’s hair gently while his eyes -a stunning green today- sent him a message.
If you walk away now, everything in my world will break.
Kurt swallowed. His hands fell against Blaine’s shoulders, and he steeled himself for what he was about to do.
“I lo-”
“Don’t,” Kurt said. His voice and heart broke with the single syllable.
Then he got to his feet and walked out, shutting the door behind him.
Kurt washing Blaine’s hair was something they did every time they managed to spend the night together. Blaine loved the light pulling and scratching on his scalp, and Kurt loved the feeling of Blaine’s curls winding between his fingers, the shampoo making it malleable the way the gel prevented.
Blaine’s eyes were closed, and Kurt could see the rise and fall of his bare chest with each breath he took, and every sigh he let out. Kurt was shirtless, too, and whenever his elbow brushed Blaine’s shoulder or his waist bumped into Blaine’s side, and electric shock would run through his body, and he would freeze momentarily.
Everything was too intense. He shouldn't feel pleasure when Blaine’s soft skin met his. He should feel upset and cheated. He shouldn't be here right now. Nonetheless, Kurt continued his ministrations, knowing that this would probably make things worse later.
It was a lot like, break-up sex, Kurt presumed. But Kurt didn’t want break-up sex with Blaine. Kurt didn’t want to break up with Blaine at all, but that was the road it seemed that they were about to take. Blaine had been worried about Kurt meeting new people in New York, but Kurt had been too trusting to have the same anxieties.
When Kurt removed his hands from Blaine’s hair to reach for the faucet, one of Blaine’s hands shot up and gripped his forearm. They both froze, Blaine opening his eyes for the first time, and Kurt could see that there were tears welling there. He watched as one slid down his cheek. Kurt’s heart was pounding in his chest, and he didn’t move until Blaine slumped back against the tub in defeat, eyes closing and arm falling back by his side.
Kurt stood and turned on the removable shower head. He took his time rinsing the suds out of Blaine’s thick hair, knowing that this could very well be the last time he got to do it. He tried not to look at Blaine’s face, where more tears were spilling out from behind his eyelids. He shut the water off, and as he stood to reach for the towel, Blaine’s eyes snapped open once more. Kurt squeezed the towel around Blaine’s hair gently while his eyes -a stunning green today- sent him a message.
If you walk away now, everything in my world will break.
Kurt swallowed. His hands fell against Blaine’s shoulders, and he steeled himself for what he was about to do.
“I lo-”
“Don’t,” Kurt said. His voice and heart broke with the single syllable.
Then he got to his feet and walked out, shutting the door behind him.