After the Alcohol


Kurt was at Rachel’s helping her clean up after the party she threw two nights ago. He hadn’t admitted to her that the only reason he was helping her was because he was hoping she’d slip some form of information about her date with Blaine from last night.

Right after she called Blaine to ask him out Kurt blew up at Blaine a little to harshly and Blaine reasonably wasn’t forgiving. He stormed out of their favorite caf� and hadn’t said a word to Kurt since. He did feel bad for being insensitive to Blaine about the situation because Blaine had a point. “As confusing as this is for you, it’s actually a bit more confusing for me.” Kurt was only yelling at him over anger and jealousy and heartache. It wasn’t for the reasons he was actually saying.

Kurt’s blas� conversations with Rachel as they picked up cup after cup quickly escalated to a full on argument once the topic of her movie date with Blaine came up.
“I know you think I must be crazy for asking him out.” Rachel said sympathetically, but with an upturned mouth.

“No, I think you’re selfish, insensitive, and not a very good friend for asking him out.” Kurt dropped the cup in his hand down into the trash bag he held.

“I’m selfish?” Rachel asked, quickly changing her tone a voice to accusatory. “Blaine and I are two of your best friends and you can’t be happy that the two of us have decided to find out our feelings for each other? You’re the selfish one because all you can think of is yourself and how you feel.”

“Exactly! You and Blaine are two of my best friends and you didn’t even consider my feelings when deciding to go out. Not to mention he’s gay! Oh my God Rachel! How thick can you get?”

“I could be doing you a favor. So what if he is confused? If he really likes me then we’ll be happy together and if he finds that he really is gay then I would have helped him out and he would be running right back to you.”

“No he won’t! You’re dumber than Brittany sometimes. Don’t you get it?! Rachel, you know I have feelings for him, but you drunkenly staggered right in and asked him out. Friends don’t do that!”

“You’re over reacting. It was just a date.”

“With the guy I’m in love with.”

“Kurt stop! Blaine and I are enjoying our time together and we like each other, but if you can’t be happy for either of us then you’re not a very good friend.”

“Then I guess I’m not a very good friend because I can’t be happy about this.” Kurt dropped the bag of empty solo cups and bottles and stomped out of Rachel’s house.

When he got to his car, Kurt knew his eyes were already rimmed red from trying to hold back tears. He started the car and turned it back off immediately. He collapsed onto the steering wheel and began sobbing. Why? he thought. Why am I the only one who has to be alone? Why him? Why Blaine? Why did she have to choose Blaine? What was it about Rachel that made Blaine question himself? His shoulders were rising and falling rapidly as his cries came out in broken breaths. He knew his tears had already streaked violently down his face enough to mark his shirt.
Kurt was suddenly startled when he heard tapping on his window. He didn’t look up, figuring it was Rachel. “Go away!” he screamed without looking up. Then the car door opened and he felt a hand on his back. It wasn’t the delicate hand of a girl, but the tender touch of a teenage boy.

“Kurt, what’s wrong?”

Kurt looked up. Blaine was crouched down, his eyes looking pained just to see Kurt in pain. He gasped and quickly rubbed his face with the sleeve of his shirt, now suddenly not caring about the care of his designer shirt. “W-What are you doing here?” Kurt sniffled.

“Rachel asked me to come by. What’s the matter? Why are you crying?”

Kurt was on the verge of tears again. You! I’m crying because of you! He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Nothing. You know me. I have the emotional fuse as short as a dynamite stick.”

“Don’t shrug it off. Something’s really wrong and I want you to tell me.”

“Why are you even talking to me? Aren’t you mad at me from our argument yesterday? You didn’t even talk to or go near me all day.”

“I was mad, but you know I can’t stay mad at you long.”

“You wouldn’t even look at me, Blaine.”

Blaine’s eyes fluttered downward, making his eyelashes cover his honey orbs. “I was looking,” Blaine said almost in a whisper. “It was just when you weren’t looking back.” He raised his eyes back up to Kurt and pulled him out of his car so that they were both standing. “Is that what’s bothering you? You thought we weren’t friends anymore?”

“We’re not friends anymore!”

“Don’t be silly.” Blaine put a hand on Kurt’s shoulder and squeezed. “Of course we’re still friends. It was a stupid argument that got blown out of proportion.” Seeing Kurt like this quickly made Blaine forget all about their argument at the coffee shop the day prior.

Kurt shook his head. A tear rolled down from each eye. “No. I can’t be happy for you and Rachel. I can’t see you be with her and not be jealous.”

“Jealous?” Blaine asked both confused and intrigued.
Kurt overlooked Blaine‘s comment because he was now sobbing again and couldn‘t stop himself from expelling what was really tugging at him deep down. “I can’t look at the two of you without being completely heart broken.”

“Kurt…” Blaine moved to embrace Kurt, but Kurt stopped him by swiping Blaine’s arms away.

“You knew how I felt. I told you before Valentines Day. You knew I was in love with you and all you could say was that you really cared about me, but I had hope that maybe when you were ready we’d be together. Now I know what you meant. Now I’m able to read between the lines.”

“Kurt there’s no lines to read between. I-”

“You would rather be with anyone else than me! You wanted a guy that was legally too old for you, you checked out Finn at the party right in front of me; my brother, Blaine! And now you want a girl. A girl!” He was gasping for breath now. “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? I had to watch you kiss Rachel in that stupid game and then sing a duet with her about wanting each other. I had to listen to you sing every word to her and mean all of them, while I sat there and watched all that hope that you gave me, diminish to nothing. I was nothing. I am nothing. I’m nothing to you.”

“Kurt-”

“You knew I was in love with you and you shattered my heart like it didn’t matter. You’re gay and you’d rather be with a girl, an annoying one who happens to be my friend, than be with me? Am I so awful?” Kurt slumped against his car and turned his head down. His eyes were shut tight again and he’d evened his breathing out enough now that the tears just ran instead of burning his cheeks. Kurt had nothing left in him to throw out. He was defeated.

Blaine felt a lump in his throat. The truth was that he had no idea how Kurt felt. They hadn’t really discussed it at all. He had an idea that Kurt had a crush on him or some kind of feelings, but he never actually came out and said it. Blaine was the one who said that he cared about Kurt. Kurt had only hinted that he might have had feelings for him when he asked if he was supposed to think that everything they did together was nothing. Now he replayed everything in his head. Every glance that Blaine caught when Kurt thought he wasn’t looking. Every gesture, every text, every phone call, ever conversation, every last word. Then he realized that he did know. Deep down, he did know that Kurt was in love with him.

It hurt Blaine to no end to know what he’d put Kurt through because Kurt was right. Blaine did go after what he couldn’t have. He went after older guys and straight guys and, God, even girls that he could have, but saw no future in. He understood now that he didn’t have feelings for Rachel, not even close. It was merely an avoidance to cover up what he was afraid of, what he really felt: love. Blaine was in love with Kurt; he knew that now. Maybe he knew that all along, but was too afraid of opening his heart up to someone. He had always been so guarded and afraid of being truly vulnerable with someone enough to allow love in. Kurt somehow broke down that wall and he couldn’t stop himself from falling down and down, deeper and deeper in love with the porcelain skinned boy in front of him.

He took a tentative step toward Kurt and lifted his hands to cup Kurt’s neck. He brought Kurt’s face up to look at him. Kurt flinched at the touch, but allowed him to do it. “Look at me,” Blaine asked, his breath shaking.
Kurt opened his eyes to see Blaine’s eyes welled with tears. Blaine began wiping the tears off his face by caressing Kurt’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m sorry,” was all Kurt could say.

“Tell me again,” Blaine said meekly, not hearing the apology that fell from Kurt’s lips.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt repeated.

“No the other part, about you being in love with me.”

Kurt sniffled. He didn’t understand why Blaine was torturing him by making him say the words, but he looked him in the eyes and said it anyway. “I’m in love with you.”

Before Kurt had a second thought, Blaine was pressing his lips to Kurt’s. Kurt’s eyelids closed heavily. Even as Blaine was kissing him, Kurt was putting the pieces of the puzzle together in his head. Kurt told Blaine that he was in love with him and Blaine answered with a kiss.

Their lips parted almost as if they’d kissed before and knew what was coming next. Kurt could taste Blaine’s breath and feel the beginnings of his stubble. He could smell the hints of his aftershave and hear the slightest of moans come from the very top of his throat; it was almost a whimper. As Blaine’s lips massaged his, Kurt couldn’t help but think that this is what a first kiss should be like, not like the one he had in a locker room with Karofsky.

Kurt finally relaxed into his kiss when Blaine pulled back his lips and pulled Kurt to him, needfully embracing him. Blaine’s body felt electric. He was sure he had goose bumps teaming all over his skin. One hand cupped the back of Kurt’s head, holding the taller body to him and caressing his hair. The other rubbed up and down Kurt’s back lovingly.

They stayed that way for a few very long minutes before Kurt heard Blaine take a audible, purposeful breath. “I’m in love with you too.”