"So remind why we're here again?" Kurt asked, his voice deceptively lighthearted as he rubbed his temples, staring at the frill and the lace around him with mild contempt and disinterest. It was like the slutty version of Valentine's Day that never ended.

Usually he loved shopping, buying and coordinating new and fabulous outfits was something he lived for. But in this particular store, Kurt was wary of what was considered an outfit.

Mercedes rolled her eyes, staring at the overwhelmingly black and pink store with almost the same amount of disdain. Victoria's Secret was the one store that that they both pretended didn't exist whenever they came to the mall. Kurt preferred the GAP over this store and that was saying something.

"I have no idea. Whoever thought bringing Rachel along for our Saturday Shopping Spree was a good idea needs to be shot." She replied, linking arms with her best friend, a scowl on her face.

"I don't remember either of us actually inviting her. She just sort of tagged along when she ran into us at the food court." Kurt sighed, absently checking to make sure his hair hadn't fallen out of place in a nearby mirror.

"Well I guess we should just make the most of it." Mercedes said and moved away from Kurt to pick up a lacy purple, baby doll negligee, tentatively holding it up against her body to see what it would look like on her. Kurt didn't want to imagine his divalicous best friend half naked (especially since she was a girl and all) but from a non-descriptive point of view, it would look fabulous on her.

"You'd look so sexy in that, Mercy." Kurt said walking up and molded it closer to her body, smoothing the silky fabric over her curves.

Mercedes snorted and rolled her eyes, bitterly replying, "Yea, right. Like they have anything in my size."

Kurt frowned upon seeing the longing in her eyes. Despite how comfortable she claimed to be in her own body, Kurt could tell that she would have liked to be able to buy something from this store, confident that she'd fit into it without a problem.

Before he could tell her that most of the clothing in this story is for women who are anorexic and have no idea what good cuisine tastes like, she grinned and put it up to him.

"Now you on the other hand." she said with a devious twinkle in her eye. She whistled appreciatively, "Damn boy. You'd look so fine."

"Mercedes Jones." Kurt gasped pushing it away hastily, his cheeks aflame.

"I can picture you coming into the bedroom wearing this. Blaine'll be laid out on the bed doing his homework. He'd definitely want to take a break to lick you up and down all night long." She continued despite his warning, making the same noise she made whenever they gave each other facials or indulged in a tub of rocky road ice cream. Well… Kurt indulged, while Mercedes performed a recurring ritual.

"It's disturbing that you can imagine that." Kurt replied moving away when Mercedes tried to bring it near him again.

"Hey! I am a woman with needs. And you two are surprisingly hot together." Mercedes shrugged, dismissively. Kurt didn't think he could be anymore embarrassed than he was at this moment.

"Are you guys finding everything alright?" Kurt was interrupted from replying when an employee wearing a black headset that had been hovering in the background asked, a cheery smile on her face.

Mercedes giggled while Kurt turned seven shades of red. He'd spoken too soon.

"We're fine, thanks." She replied with a tall tale tell smirk and the woman nodded.

"Let me know if you need anything." She said and walked away, surreptitiously glancing back at them a few times with a raised eyebrow.

"I can't believe you did that." Kurt grabbed the silky garment and vehemently put it back on the rack, huffing.

"Calm down, white boy. Don't get your thong in a twist." Mercedes said unable to wipe the mirthful smile off her face. Kurt's expression was priceless.

"I don't think Blaine will mind if you sneak over to his house in your beige pea coat, with only one of these on underneath. He'd probably shower me with thank you gifts." Mercedes fanned herself, growing hot and bothered at the thought of it. Kurt wasn't sure if it was because of the idea of him sneaking over to Blaine's house and the activities that would undoubtedly follow or the idea of receiving gifts from his boyfriend. And he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Th-those are for girls." He stuttered out, moving away from the rack. Mercedes followed him closely, eyebrow raised.

"So?" she asked, looking incredulous. "Kurt, you came to school in a corset once. And don't get me started on your closet. You own a several outfits that I know for a fact were designed for woman."

"Gender neutral." Kurt protested but they both knew it was a weak argument. Mercedes shrugged, knowing that Kurt was as stubborn as they came, and he'd never admit he'd lost this argument, even if he did.

"Purple's not your color anyway, it makes you look bloated. And there is no way to pull that look off, not even with your fabulous self. Black goes with everything but blue brings out the color in your eyes." She said picking up another negligee and holding it out against him, picturing him wearing it in her mind. It was a lace up garter slip made of polyester this time, a dark blue one with tiny little bows on the bottom and a lace fringe that ran all the way up to the lined underwire cups.

"Do I look like I have breasts to you? The cups will stick out like a sore thumb enhancing the fact that I don't have the mammary glands to fill them." Kurt replied, shielding his eyes from that image alone.

"Alright, we'll just have to find one without wire in it." Mercedes said, putting the garment back. She started walking away to look through the hundred others when Kurt pulled her back by the arm.

"You know, I think we should leave instead. They're having a sale at Mallory's." Kurt tried to direct her out of the store but Mercedes wasn't having it. Once she got an idea in her head, it was almost impossible to get her to change her mind.

"Nu uh, white boy. We're going to find you the sexiest negligee for you to blow Blaine's curly-headed mind. Play your cards right and maybe he'll return the favor and blow something else." She mumbled slyly, winking.

Kurt coughed and sputtered, gasping for breath at the suggestion. Mercedes cackled at him and turned back to the clothes, thumbing through them while Kurt followed, mumbling something under his breath.

"Speak louder, Kurt. I can't hear you." Mercedes urged him and he took a deep breath.

"We haven't exactly done anything yet." Kurt mumbled a fraction louder, but still low enough that Mercedes was the only privy to this information.

"I'm not surprised. You are kind of a prude." Mercedes said and Kurt glared at her.

"What?" she held her hands up in surrender, "It's true!"

"And how would you know about my sex life?" Kurt asked her with a flustered expression.

"Considering you beg me to fast-forward through all the sex scenes in every movie we've ever watched and you shield your eyes at the theatre, it's not a big stretch. Besides, if anything had gone down, you would have told me, no matter how uncomfortable you would have felt." Mercedes told him simply with a confident look on her face.

She knew him well. He sighed, nodding in agreement.

"So when you say nothing, do you mean nothing? Blaine hasn't even tried to get into your pants?" she asked after a second of thoughtful silence, which made him blush once again, his pale face lighting up like gaudy Christmas lights.

"Well… he's tried but I…" Kurt turned away, fiddling with the spinning rack full of nylon tights.

"He's just so… respectful, you know. If he sees I'm nervous, he stops advancing forward and all we do is make-out. I want to… do other things but he wants to make sure I'm ready is not pressuring me. I've told him its fine but we still haven't progressed past first base." he trailed off, embarrassed once again.

"Kurt, you guys have been dating for a while now. Sex I can understand, cause that's a big step but I would've thought you guys had gotten to all the little stuff by now."

"I know. It's frustrating as hell. He treats me like I'm some china doll that's going to break if he manhandles me and no, that is not a pun of any sort." Kurt's sigh this time around was riddled with unshed irritation.

"Well than maybe this is what you both need. Some spice in your love life." Mercedes grin was downright wicked, her lips curled into a smirk.

"What if he's not into it? What if he thinks it's weird?" Kurt asked, showing her how deep his insecurities ran.

"Trust me, Kurt. I've seen the looks he's given you when we showed him your cheerleading pictures and that was when you wore pants. He'll definitely be into it. I'm sure he's just as embarrassed as you are asking for it." Mercedes seemed so confident but Kurt still wasn't so sure. This could all blow up in his face and loose him the best thing that's happened to him.

"You think so?" Kurt still looked unsure but Mercedes could see he was starting to sway.

"Have I ever let you down?" she asked, linking their arms together once more.

Kurt smiled shyly, "Of course not, how could I ever doubt you."

Mercedes smiled back, "Come on. Let's go find you something sexy to wear."

They found Rachel in the back, carrying a bundle of negligee's in her arms. Each one was different colors and designs. Picking out a lacy teddy from the pile, Kurt held it up by a finger, looking pointedly at her.

"Every girl should have a sexy negligee for all emergencies." Rachel justified, shifting her weight from each foot nervously.

"Stockpiling for a nuclear disaster is what it looks like." Kurt retorted, eyeing the pile with apprehension.

"You can never be too prepared as my dad's always say." Rachel replied with a smug look, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder.

"All right, spill it. Last time I checked, you still didn't have a boyfriend after you and Finn broke up. Who do you think is going to see any of this?" Mercedes asked gesturing towards the pile of naughty underwear.

"Why do I have to have a reason to want so many? Kurt has scarves to match every outfit he's ever owned, I don't see how this is any different." Rachel said defensively, folding her arms across her chest.

"Yea but scarves aren't a ploy to entice your significant other to make sweet love to you." Kurt shot back defensively, fingering the silk scarf he was currently wearing.

Rachel took a deep breath before explaining.

"I overheard Santana talking to Brittany the other day in glee. They were talking about how sexy they both looked in their negligee's and how it drove all the boys wild. But each boy is different, they like different styles. She was saying how Tommy Leeder, the captain of the hockey team likes it when she wears garter but Jeff Nigel, the center on the basketball team is more into teddies. But I don't know what kind Finn would like, so I thought if I bought one of every kind, he'd see how much effort I'm making into getting him back and fall into my arms." She said quickly, all in one breathe.

Kurt and Mercedes shared an incredulous look, eyebrows raised. Seeing this, Rachel, bit her lip looking miserable and ashamed.

"Oh, sweetie." Kurt walked over and hesitantly held her in a one-armed hug, rubbing her shoulder. "I hate to break it to you, but a sexy pair of underwear isn't going to make things better."

"Why not? Finn is an adolescent male. Sex is all he surely thinks about. And don't think I didn't know about how he complained when I wouldn't let him touch my breasts." Rachel argued, sticking her nose up into the air.

"I'm an adolescent male and I think about other things beside sex. I think about fashion and school work."

"Yea but you're different. You actually value my opinion—at this Kurt tried not to snort in indignation and Mercedes shot him an amused smile over Rachel's shoulder—and doesn't sit in a self-induced daze every time I want to talk about my feelings."

"Well, in Finn's defense, he spends most of his day sitting in confused dazes." Kurt told her, shrugging.

Rachel sighed, "I guess you're right. We should just go, there's no point in staying here." she told them morosely, dumping the pile of underwear on a nearby table—the sales lady from earlier eyed the mess with wide eyes and Kurt could picture her going into anger induced palpitations at the sight of it—and adjusted the strap on her purse as she started walking towards the entrance. Kurt sighed in relief and made to follow her.

Mercedes shook her head and grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaving.

"Now, hold up a minute the both of you. We have a new mission. Kurt here is going to buy something to wear for Blaine." She announced loudly to the retreating diva, gaining a few odd looks from the shoppers nearby.

"Really? I didn't' know you were so adventurous in your sex life, Kurt." Rachel said in awe, retracing her steps quickly with an excited look on her face.

The whole store was looking at them now, some of the woman whispering with wide smiles. The few men there were (being there against their will) looked uncomfortable but didn't say anything in fear of upsetting their wives/girlfriends. Kurt wanted to find the nearest rock and hide under it for the rest of his life, preferably with Blaine there to keep him company.

"It was a joke, really. Everyone can stop staring." Kurt announced to the store, trying to aim for a mocking tone but his red face gave away his embarrassment.

"Stop being difficult, Kurt." Mercedes told him, walking back over the rack of undergarments. "We're finding you something sexy and that's the end of it."

"I think we should go with puce, it'll really make his eyes pop." Rachel's suggested enthusiastically, her eyes alight.

"You don't find this a little weird, looking for this kind of stuff for a guy?" Kurt asked, curiously while Mercedes gagged at the diva's horrible suggestion behind her back. Rachel shot him beaming smile.

"Because of the fact that I have two gay dads, while some closed-minded bigoted people like to argue is wrong, I grew up with a lot of advantages that most kids didn't. There isn't much that seems weird to me, not after that one awkward incident when I caught them role playing during sex. My therapist was very well compensated during those tender years." She retorted with a small shrug.

"Ah," Kurt had no idea what to say to that. In fact, he didn't want to touch it with a ten foot pole.

"We are not going to buy him anything in puce or anything else in the purple family." Mercedes said with a stern look on her face, hands on her hip, her hip cocked with attitude daring someone to argue with her.

"I agree, purple is not his color." A different sales lady then the one that had approached them earlier said, breaking into their conversation. It wasn't hard, seeing as none of them were making the effort to be quiet.

"Thank you." Mecedes said, looking grateful that someone was actually listening to her.

"Maybe red would be a good color on him." A random shopper came up, looking at him thoughtfully. Her husband was inching towards the door, staring longingly at the Sports Authority that was right across from them. Like a puppy that knows he's going to get in trouble but can't resist the temptation, he glanced back and forth between his wife and the store of his desire.

If Kurt hadn't been so embarrassed by his own situation, he might have taken the time to feel amused at the sight of him.

"Nah, he blushes enough as it is. Blaine might not be able to tell he's even there." Rachel replied, picking out a blue silk one.

"What about this?" she held it out for them to see. It was a light blue mesh/silk blend with dark blue polka-dots. It vaguely resembled the design of a cooking apron for the naughty housewife with small pockets in the front of it.

"You could pose as his househusband and make him breakfast." She suggested happily.

"No cups!" Kurt squealed, covering his face with his hands. Those nearest to him laughed at his reaction and Rachel put the offending outfit down with a dejected expression.

"What about that one?" Mercedes pointed to one of the mannequins, showing off a black and brown combination imitation leather and leopard print garter with straps that fell down the thigh.

"You would be one hell of a dominatrix?" Rachel whistled, admiring the riding crop that the mannequin was holding. She guessed that the expression on the dummy's face was supposed to be something sultry and naughty but it was just making her look bored.

"I'm pretty sure only women can be a Dominatrix." Mercedes mentioned casually. Kurt wasn't even attempting to stop them anymore, refraining himself from running over and smashing his head against the wall over and over again.

"Isn't it one of those gender bending roles?" Rachel asked, forgetting that Kurt was even there for a second.

"No I think a man is just called a Dominator." Mercedes replied and then looked over at Kurt for his input, "What do you think Kurt?"

She frowned when she noticed he wasn't standing behind them anymore. Deciding he wasn't going to put himself through this torture anymore, he slowly and noiselessly tip-toed towards the door, trying to escape without attracting their attention.

"Nice try." Mercedes smirked at him and pulled him back. "But you weren't fast enough."

Kurt folded his arms tight against his chest, a cute pout on his face. Both girls ignored it.

"This is the one, I know it." Mercedes held up a teal lace satin slip, the halter and hem designed with white floral appliqu�.

"Fine. Can we just buy it and get out of here?" He mumbled, grabbing the garmet from Mercedes hands and stalked towards to the register, fighting to not look anyone in the eye, head held high.

Mercedes rolled her eyes and pulled him back by the strap of his bag.

"Now who do you think I am, white boy? Did you even check to see if it's the right size." She asked him, looking at him pointedly.

"I have no clue what size I would be. Contrary to popular belief I don't go looking for these types of clothes. Ever. And even though I'm skinny, my shoulders are wider then a normal girls." Kurt retaliated, hands flaying wildly.

"That's why we're going to try some on and see." Mercedes told him sensibly. It was hard to argue with her logic.

"You can try these on?" Kurt looked shocked at this, "That's disgusting. How many other people do you think have tried it on? No. No. We're not buying anything." Kurt said adamantly. He attempted to walk over and put it back on the rack but was stopped by a very irritated diva.

"Stupid, of course they want you to keep your underwear on when you try them on. And we are buying something, even if I have to knock you out and do it myself. Think of it as an early birthday present." She looked smug once more.

Kurt scowled, "What a nice friend you are. Birthday presents are supposed to be something that I actually want."

"Stop whining and get your skinny ass in there." Mercedes said thrusting the lingerie at him and pushing him into the dressing room. On-looking shopper's clustered nearby, each pretending to be looking at something.

"I can't believe your making me do this." Kurt griped from behind the pink curtain. They both saw his shirt hit the floor—before he hastily picked it up and folded it—and high-fived each other victoriously.

"It's for your own good." Rachel cooed. Mercedes busied herself by looking at her painted nails as she waited, ignoring her best friends grumbled complaints.

"Besides, you won't die from trying on an article of clothing that has touched a girl's boobs." Rachel continued to speak, earning a shriek from Kurt.

"I MIGHT."

"Damn, white boy. Lay off on the pipes. I know you can hit a high F and all but now is not the time." Mercedes said rubbing her ears, not realizing she had said that out loud.

"What do you mean by that? Does that mean you let me win the diva off on purpose?" Rachel asked haughtily, leaning down to look under the curtain. She didn't like losing to pity. If Kurt hadn't tried his best and lost, then it really wasn't a win.

"Ooops…." Mercedes trailed off as Kurt yelped at the sight of Rachel sticking her head into the dressing room, covering his naked chest with his hands.

"Rachel, I'm changing!" He shrieked, loudly.

"You haven't even taken your pants off yet! And I've seen you shirtless before when we went swimming last summer. Remember." Rachel argued, "Now answer my question."

"MERCEDES!" Kurt yelled and she winced once more, for more than just the intensity of his tone.

"You weren't supposed to tell anyone!"

"I'm sorry! All this pink is getting to me." She sighed, "Can you just hurry up. I think I need a chocolate shake or something."

"Gladly." Kurt said and then went silent, having pulled on the top part of the slip and hesitantly dropped his pants so he was only standing in his boxers and the slip.

Rachel, who had stormed over to sit next to Mercedes after Kurt had admitted to losing on purpose, had folded her arms and was pouting.

"It fits." Kurt said over the curtain.

"Aren't you going to come out and let us see?" Mercedes asked. There was no answer at first.

"There's no way you're making me do that…" Kurt finally said with deadly conviction, "Not with all those people around."

"We'll then we'll just go in there." Mercedes stood, Rachel following suit. Without warning they stepped into the dressing room, exposing their best friend. The pale skin of his arms stuck out against the blue silk as he folded his arms awkwardly over his chest, keeping himself as covered as possible.

"Come on, Kurt. It's just us. We're seen you naked before." Mercedes said coaxing Kurt into relaxing, much like you would a wild animal.

"That was once and it was an accident." Kurt defended himself, making the dark skinned girl shake her head.

"We know. We were there." She said rolling her eyes. "Next time you should make sure you door is locked when you're changing."

"It's never been a problem before. My family has the decency to knock, even Finn, who has the worst manners in the world." Kurt huffed.

"Damn, I knew you'd look fine! But damn…." Mercedes forcefully grabbed Kurt's arms, pulling them away from his chest. "Can you imagine what he'd look like with moonlight shinning in behind him, his pale skin glowing ethereally?"

Kurt's face heated up, imagining Blaine beside him, looking at him with lust filled eyes.

"Do you think he'll like it?" he asked quietly. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He was usually so confident but sex was his Achilles heel. It was the one thing that made him turn into a quivering milk maid and what was worse. Blaine knew it.

"Like it? I think he'll love it!" Rachel gasped dramatically. "You have to buy it!"

"Ok." Kurt pushed them out of the changing room, quickly changing back into his own clothes. He balled the negligee up in his hands and stalked to the register.

"This please." He told the sales lady, blushing to his roots.

"I see you've finally chosen." She said as she rang him up, smiling widely.

"Yes." Kurt said stiffly, highly uncomfortable. He could feel everyone in the small store looking at him.

The woman said nothing else, sensing he was embarrassed enough as it was.

"Have a great day!" she told him before turning to help the next person in line. He walked over and thrust the pink bag that proudly declared the stores name into Mercedes arms.

"You have to carry it out." He told her, walking away before she could argue with him. Both Mercedes and Rachel shared a giggle at his expense before following him out. He didn't stop his fast-paced walking until he reached the food court, deciding that he'd exercise twice as long tomorrow morning. He needed a strawberry shake to calm his nerves.

"See, it wasn't so bad, was it?" Mercedes asked when they finally joined him.

"I'm never speaking to either of you ever again." Kurt said, refusing to look at them. Mercedes rolled her eyes and linked their arms.

"Sure you will." Mercedes replied sarcastically.

Kurt didn't respond, making Mercedes shake her head at his dramatic temper tantrum. "Fine, be a drama queen. But don't come crying to me when you have no one to talk to after you wear this for Blaine and get some lovin'."

"He can talk to me." Rachel said, completely forgetting that Kurt was giving her the silent treatment as well.

Kurt shivered, choosing not to reply. He'd rather poke himself in the eye with a sharp implement. But he was never going to tell Rachel that to her face.

Over the last year, he and Rachel had formed a terse friendship. But because she was so self-centered, most of the conversations they did have, were about her and her problems. Kurt never had any problems talking to Mercedes which is why she remained his go-to girl when he needed someone to talk to desperately.

"Hey, why do you think that everyone in that store was so excepting of me buying… you know... What I bought." Kurt asked, unable to say it out loud. It didn't have to mean anything if he ignored it.

"Ha! I knew you couldn't go too long without talking to me!" Mercedes gloated. Kurt rolled his eyes, knowing it was the truth. He couldn't go long periods without talking to his best friend. It was physically impossible.

"Didn't you think it was weird?" Kurt asked them.

Both Mercedes and Rachel gave him an odd look.

"I mean, this is Lima Ohio. Not San Francisco or New York. Some of those women were encouraging me and the few men there were, didn't say anything." Kurt explained. They moved forward in the line, only three behind the register for the shakes.

"I guess it was a little weird. But woman have always been more excepting of gays then straight men. And I think being in that store was torture enough for those men. They probably weren't thinking about anything other than leaving." She replied. Kurt remembered the poor man who was with the woman who had suggested the red negligee and chuckled.

"Guess so." He shook it off and supposed he should just be thankful that no one said anything mean. It gave him hope that there were some good people out there.

"Stop worrying about it. Let's just get me some chocolate and then we'll head over to Macys. I know that'll make you feel better." Mercedes said and moved up in line. Kurt, realizing it was there turn, took out his wallet and bought his drink. The bored looking teenager behind the counter took his order with a dead look in his eyes.

Obviously the food industry wasn't a terribly fun place to work.

Mercedes quickly ordered her chocolate shake and Rachel after her, ordered something similar with peanut butter in it. After everyone had their drinks, they took off towards the opposite end of the mall with their treats in hand. The pink bag swung ominously on Mercedes arm, doing its best to bump into Kurt every chance it got, reminding him of what he would eventually was going to do with it if his best friend had her way.

The biggest sale in the universe was never going to get that image out of his head anytime soon.

THE END