April 13, 2013, 5:24 a.m.
When I Wore Your Bowties
If you could magically live in someone else's body, would you agree to and who would it be? Unfortunately, Kurt and Blaine didn't have a choice.Bodyswap!AU
M - Words: 9,214 - Last Updated: Apr 13, 2013 823 0 0 4 Categories: AU, Humor, Romance, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Jeff, Kurt Hummel, Nick, Sebastian Smythe, Wes, Tags: established relationship, futurefic,
Kurt is late, again. Blaine wouldn't mind if it was the first time. But unfortunately Kurt has been late to all of their lunch dates for a few months now. He knows Kurt is busy, but really he is working for a magazine, it must be hard but not that hard that the man has to be late every single time. So Blaine is waiting, once again.
Today is like any other day, they decided earlier this morning to meet up for lunch. They call it a date but really it's nothing but. They just grab a bagel, at the same food truck every single time because they don't have time anymore. They don't have time for each other and when they do have time they are both too tired to do anything. So they call those lunch meetings dates. Because if they don't they would be like two friends having sex and living together.
The food truck is near Kurt's job and it's a safe choice, but today there is another food truck right next to the bagel one. It's a Mexican one. A young boy is serving, while a woman is preparing the food. Blaine can see an old man, sitting on a chair in front of the truck. Some horrible music is blasting through a tiny radio. It's all in Spanish so of course Blaine doesn't understand a single thing.
"Hello, you," Kurt greets his boyfriend breathlessly.
"Hi. Did you run?"
Kurt takes a deep breath, obviously trying to control his breathing. "Yeah, I did. I have so much work I don't even know where to begin. Where's my bagel?"
"I was waiting for you to order."
Kurt sighs loudly and tilts his head displeased. "Blaine, how many times do I have to tell you to order me lunch even if I'm not here yet. It would save me time."
"Yeah well, this is the only way to buy more time with you, since you're always running God knows where to do God knows what."
Kurt bites back a bitter laugh and runs a hand over his face. "Are you seriously going to start a fight in the middle of the street over a bagel?"
"No, Kurt. I'm not going to start anything you couldn't finish. Because you might have to leave in the middle of it because of your work."
"I'm not going to apologize if my work is taking me a bit more time than yours. I'm not playing around with children all day, Blaine. I have responsibilities," Kurt states icily his arms crossed over his chest defensively.
They had that argument countless time, Blaine telling him that Kurt is spending too much time working and Kurt saying that it's not his fault if they have different levels of responsibilities at their jobs.
"I'm not just playing around, Kurt. But you'd know that if–"
"Burrito?" the old man that was sitting on the chair minutes ago offers with a heavy Mexican accent.
"I'm sorry but we're in the middle of something here," Kurt glares at the man who is smiling broadly.
"No, no. Take burrito," the man presses, handing the meal to Kurt.
"I said no. Can you leave, please?" Kurt snaps angrily at the man who is still smiling but with a hint of playfulness now.
"Kurt, be nice," Blaine asks before turning to the Mexican. "I'm sorry, Sir, but as you can see we already have something to eat. Thank you though, maybe next time?"
"No, no. Burrito, ahora," the man is now almost pressing the food into Blaine chest, while Kurt is huffing and throwing his hands in the air.
"No, not now, not ever."
"Si, si. Burrito magic. Take!" and then the old manages to throw the burrito right in Kurt's face, while he babbles incoherent things in Spanish.
It's all very sudden and the man turns to Blaine mumbling the same things and pointing menacingly at him before turning around and walking to his truck.
Kurt is frozen in shock but the man isn't finished and he comes back to him, picks up the burrito and smiles broadly at him, reveling few missing teeth.
"Burrito important, 4 seconds rule just myth!" the Mexican adds before trotting back to his truck.
Kurt and Blaine stare at the man for a few more seconds in shock. They've been living in New York for years now and they have seen their fair share of weird. But this is by far one of the weirdest things they ever witnessed.
"Are you alright?" Blaine wonders taking Kurt's hand.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. My dad is going to love the story of how we've been attack by Mexican food."
"Are you still hungry?"
"No, I have to go. I'm already running late. See you tonight and don't forget to do the grocery shopping, please. I won't have time to do it this time. Next time is my turn, I promise."
And with that Kurt disappears into the ocean of people.
"Figures," Blaine mumbles before paying for his lunch and going back to school and to his class.
The next morning, Kurt starts to stir slowly, feeling every little nerve of his body waking up. He doesn't open his eyes though, as he tries to stay in the sleepy bliss state that you are in right after waking up. He can feel Blaine close to him, wrapped in his arms. It is usually the other way around. It's Kurt who ends up being the little spoon. But this is nice too. Blaine's ass grinds against Kurt's dick and the shorter man turns around at the sensation, both still completely sleepy and with eyes shut. They rut against each other slowly, languidly. They are both achingly hard in their pyjama pants but it's too good to take time to remove them.
"Kurt," Blaine whimpers, his voice high.
Kurt's eyes snap open and he is greeted with perfect chestnut hair and little freckles all over the other man's face.
A man that looks weirdly like him.
Kurt observes the man in his bed before jumping out of it a bit too quickly. His feet get tangled in the sheet and Kurt ends up falling on the ground, bottom first.
"Who the fuck are you? Where is Blaine? What are you doing in my bed, dry humping me, you sick pervert?!"
"Wha– "
"I'm warning you, I'm armed with, with..." Kurt searches frantically around before grabbing the first thing that looks remotely like a weapon, "my umbrella! Blaine! Blaine?" Kurt yells, hoping to get his boyfriend's attention wherever he is in the flat.
"Stop yelling! Oh my... Fuck. What the hell is happening?! Why do you... Who the fuck are you?" Blaine starts shouting at the same time. They are both out of breath when they reach the end of their sentence, Kurt with a umbrella in hand, Blaine looking utterly afraid.
"You look like me, you sound like me, you slept in my bed in my place, yet I know you're not me since I'm me. So who the hell are you?" Kurt snaps.
It's too early for this and he might be having a heart attack at the minute because fuck there is no way a human being can wake up that quickly.
"Well excuse me, but you're looking a bit too familiar for my liking as well and this is not your place, it's obviously mine."
They eye each other for a second, assessing the other, thinking of how quickly they can reach their phone and call the police. They are also both a little confused as to why a man looking exactly like them is standing in their room.
"I think I'm becoming crazy because I can't believe what I'm about to ask but... Kurt?" Blaine wonders, looking painfully awkward.
"Yes, who else?" Kurt answers annoyed and tightens his grip around the raised umbrella." Oh, oh...oh my god, Blaine?"
"Yeah, it's me. You might want to put your 2000 dollar umbrella down," Kurt looks back at the object and slowly puts it to the floor.
"Hum, babe. You might want to look at yourself because– "
"You look like me," Blaine blurts out, unable to keep it to himself. "You have my hair, my face, my body and pyjama pants! Kurt, you are me!"
"We... oh fantastic, I also have your voice now!" Kurt states, rolling his eyes at the newfound bit of information. "Well you also look awfully like me too. I'm pretty."
Blaine glares at his boyfriend before taking his hand in his and leading them at a frighteningly slow pace to the nearest mirror.
"Oh my god!" Kurt squeaks in horror, bringing his hand over his mouth in shock.
They stare at their reflection for seconds and then minutes. Neither of them saying a thing and both being white as sheet.
"I think it's safe to say that we swapped bodies or something like that," Blaine answers in a clear and high pitched voice.
"I just can't believe it. It's like a bad version of Freaky Friday! I'm warning you, I'm not stupidly running towards you to fix this. I don't want to have bruises, I mean you, I mean me... This is already exhausting," Kurt said in a sigh, falling on the bed. "We are also far too calm about this situation."
"Well, I like being in your body," Blaine states, looking at Kurt's, now his, body running his hand down his chest to his waistband and peeking in his pyjama pants. "I really like being in your body."
"Stop staring at it!" Kurt playfully shoves Blaine's hand from where it is and locks eyes with him. "It's weird, really weird. I'm not sure I can have a serious conversation while looking at myself."
"Do you want me to draw triangular eyebrow on your face?"
"Don't you dare, Anderson! You're not going anywhere near my face with a sharpie!"
"Okay, fine. No sharpie on your face. Pity, I'm sure you would look good in sharpie. How do you want to do that?"
"Do what?"
"Hum, the body swap thing-y? It might become an issue at some point, you know," Blaine encircles his boyfriend's waist with his arm and kisses his forehead, without having to be on his tiptoes.
"Maybe we ate something bad yesterday and we're hallucinating? Or we're dreaming. Or it's a joke."
"Okay, Kurt. Calm down. I'm afraid this is really happening and we need to find a solution for today and then talk this out tonight."
"Yeah, fine. I have a big meeting today and a–"
"Kurt, I'm going to your work and you're going to mine."
"I don't think so, no."
Blaine stares at his boyfriend, taking deep breaths, mentally preparing himself for what he knew would be a battle.
"Kurt, you look like me and I look like you. What do you think is going to happen when you enter the office looking like me and order people around? Nobody is going to listen," Blaine's body looks back at himself but with a very Kurt-like expression on his face.
"You're not going to my office and you're certainly not doing my job today," Kurt points, arms crossed over his chest.
"Well, can you call in sick then?"
"No, we have a deadline at the magazine and I need to sort this photo-shoot for this afternoon."
"Well, then I guess I'm going to your office and you're going to my workplace," Blaine opens his arms like it is a definite and also a brilliant idea.
"This is just not happening and I'm not agreeing to this!"
"Kurt."
"Blaine."
They both glare back at their bodies before wincing awkwardly.
"It's not like we have a choice. I need to go to school and you need to sort out your shooting. I have some sense of fashion, it shouldn't be that hard for me to make it run smoothly," Blaine states like it effectively is going to be a piece of cake.
"Not that hard? What the hell do you think I'm doing all day? Picking random ideas and stuff? I just can't believe you, Blaine. But you know what? Fine. Go to my work, try to survive this morning and I'll go to yours. Those munchkins are going to be angels to watch in comparison to my work. I'll meet you for lunch."
"In between two food trucks. Yeah, I know. It's like I'm married to the guy that's selling us bagels."
And with that Blaine turns on his heels and make sa beeline to the bathroom.
He quickly gets rid of Kurt's clothes and steps into the shower. Despite them fighting and bickering Blaine can't help but notice his boyfriend's body. How his arms flex, his long and smooth legs, the way his skin felt under his finger tip. Without thinking Blaine runs his hand over Kurt's chest, now his, and tries to feel every bit of the smooth skin he knows so well and has mouthed over and over again. His hand finds his nipples and a soft moan falls off his lips. Blaine looks down at his, Kurt's, now fully hard cock and contemplates what to do for a second.
He knows this body better than his own, he knows how Kurt liked being touched and kissed, how to jerk Kurt off to make him come harder than any other time. So Blaine starts to stroke himself, slowly at first, and gasps at the sensation. Blaine observes how the long and elegant finger that was Kurt's moves over his erection. It's, for lack of better word, weird. Blaine tries to close his eyes and to focus on Kurt, Kurt's body... Body he is currently in. He was thinking about his boyfriend's body, while jerking off his boyfriend body that was actually his and... Blaine groans at his overthinking mind and stops what he is doing.
"This is weird," he mutters to himself and tries to push this painfully embarrassing moment to the back of his mind and clean himself. He grabs his towel and puts it around his waist before stepping in their room.
Kurt is putting his outfit together and looking at himself in the mirror. Blaine raises an eyebrow at how his boyfriend looks; he has probably chosen the most expensive and elegant outfit he could've find in Blaine's drawer but still tries to make it look like casual.
"You're not wearing that for work, right?"
"Why not?" Kurt doesn't look back at his boyfriend and instead inspects his outfit in the mirror; it looks perfect.
"Because I'm working with children and they can get messy and they tend to cry all over your shoulder?"
"You're in my body, might as well steal my sassiness as well, huh? What do you expect me to wear then?"
"Dress down a little. It's a painting day today," Kurt eyes his boyfriend, fear on his face.
"Paint?"
"Well, yeah. We built little monsters yesterday and today we are going to paint them. I mean, you are going to."
Kurt rolls his eyes and mumbles something before turning back to Blaine's drawer. The now taller man goes to Kurt's closet and opens it, finding clothes carefully put in order by color, season and fabric.
Blaine carefully picks a grey Henley that he loves on Kurt and moves to the vest and pants. Once his choice is made he puts everything on.
"And once again I would say: I don't think so, hon. You're not going out like that," Kurt says, sporting a more casual look than before but still a bit too overdressed for a teacher. "I'm not going to work looking like that," Kurt rummages into his closet, picking the perfect outfit and handing it to Blaine who struggles to get in with all the buckles and the buttons and the layers. Kurt contemplates his body being dressed and nods appreciatively at his choice of clothing.
"Okay, now just a fair warning. My job is like a jungle, Blaine. You can't be your sweet little self, this is war. Now, I'm not expecting you to make any decisions, now that I'm thinking about it, don't decide a single thing, don't sign anything, just be there,and be cold as ice. It will be perfect."
Kurt moves closer to his boyfriend and kisses him, barely reaching his lips without being on his tiptoes. Kurt shakes his head in disbelieve and walks out of their place.
Kurt looks over at his watch. It is weird, he never wears a watch but Blaine has been uncompromising about the accessories. He is early, way too early for school. He takes time to go to their coffee shop and earns a confused look from the barista when he orders his drink instead of Blaine's usual. He already has to live in his boyfriend body, he isn't going to switch his coffee order as well.
Kurt decides to walk to the next train station. It is still cold for the season but he enjoys walking and Blaine has been putting off sport recently, it will do good to his body. Kurt walks, and looks around, almost window shops until he stops in front of a tanning salon, an idea forming in his head.
It's bad, he knows it, and that is probably why he is going to do it no matter what.
Blaine looks good with a little color. Kurt knows it, Blaine knows it, the entire world know it. But Blaine never does anything about it and since Kurt is in charge of Blaine's body, he might as well turn this nightmare into an opportunity.
Kurt looks at his reflection in the window and smiles cockily at himself. He pushes the door to the tanning salon and is quickly lead to a booth.
When he steps out of the salon fifteen minutes later after getting a temporary tanning spray session, he looks like he has spent a weekend in the Carribean. Blaine's body looks great like that. Kurt has also pushed his luck and since the salon also does esthetician, he has decided to wax Blaine's body. Well, not his entire body, just the south part of it, as in: his pubic hair. Kurt has always wondered how Blaine would look like that and how it would feel when he would give him a blowjob. He has no idea how he can achieve the second part, but he can now say that Blaine looks delicious like that.
When Kurt enters the classroom, almost half an hour late, the kids are all sitting peacefully on their chairs, yelling a little but some are coloring and others just play nicely.
I so got that, Kurt thinks to himself.
When Blaine enters the enormous building where the office of the magazine is, he feels really really small. Well, he is used to that feeling but this time he almost feels insignificant. People are coming and going from the building, beeping their badges and knowing where to go. He has visited Kurt before, when they still had time to surprise each other, so he knows where the office is and he knows a few of the people Kurt is working with. It doesn't make anything better.
The moment the door of the elevator opens Blaine suddenly feels claustrophobic as a sea of men and women throw themselves at him, asking him questions he doesn't understand, asking him to sign papers he hasn't even read and expecting him to be somewhere at some point to talk to god knows who.
"Mr Hummel, we need your opinion on this article, could you read it and approve it."
"Mr Hummel, which color for the bag?"
"Mr Hummel the papers for the shooting tonight, sign here."
"Pink or blue?"
Blaine rushes past them and when directly to Kurt's office. He closes the door behind him and takes a deep breath. This was a mistake, a big big big mistake. He can't do it, he obviously can't do Kurt job. Even a class of needy children isn't that oppressing.
"Mr Hummel, Annie Leibovitz for you on line 3," Blaine hears who he remembers to be Kurt's secretary. He knows the photographer by name, of course, and he knows that Kurt has been chasing her for months now. He has to answer. Unfortunately the phone looks like it couldn't use more buttons since they are everywhere. Blaine pushes one and holds the phone to his ear.
"Mr Hummel, hi. I'm calling about tonight's shoot. I was thinking that instead of doing something elegant and boring we should go eccentric and different. We don't want to be like everybody else and I think it could be..." Blaine blanks out for a second. Kurt asked him not to make any decisions. But this is Annie Leibovitz and it is for this afternoon's shoot. It was a now or never decision and he doesn't really have time to have a mental breakdown or call his husband about it.
"Ok, I'm trusting you with it. Let's be different. Different is good."
The woman on the other end of the line is silent and for a second Blaine panics, thinking he has said something wrong.
"Well, everyone was horribly wrong about you. You are able to change your mind and to be spontaneous. I'll run all the details by your assistant. See you this afternoon."
Blaine goggles the phone and pushes a random button before putting the phone down. He sits tiredly on his chair and sighs, a heavy feeling settling down in his stomach. Maybe different isn't all that good after all.
Blaine is running late for his lunch with Kurt. The moment he steps outside of his office the same sea of people rushes to him and unfortunately it seems that they all have something they want to ask him. Blaine wasn't able to push them away this time and has ended up signing papers and picking patterns and fabric for twenty minutes before extracting himself from the building. Those people are crazy. Why do they need so much from him and can't they just choose by themselves. Blaine shakes his head and walks as fast as possible to meet Kurt for lunch at their favourite food truck.
The minute Blaine sees his body he stopps instantly, making the people behind him bump into him violently. Blaine knows his body, well his former body. And he certainly does not look like that. He is not supposed to be... almost orange?
"You're late," Kurt points as he hands Blaine his bagel and takes a bite of his own.
"What have you done to my body?!" Blaine asks mouth agape, he is almost tempted to poke his own skin but refrains.
"Your body? Oh yeah, a tanning salon!" Kurt answers, beaming and showing off his hands and arms.
"I look orange, Kurt."
"No, you look healthy. Plus, since there was no way you were going to do that on your own I just gave you a little push in the right direction."
Blaine can't help but stare blankly at his boyfriend, mouth wide open. He can also feel himself getting angrier and angrier with every passing second. Because Kurt is quietly eating his bagel and he doesn't seem to realize that you don't just modify someone's body when you swap bodies with said person. It's just not very gentleman-y or proper etiquette. You just don't change a body you inadvertently woke up in.
"Just so you know, I also waxed,." Kurt adds with a saucy grin between two bites of his lunch, making his boyfriend even angrier than before.
Blaine is effectively fuming and tries to calm himself, they still have to talk about what happened to them and it won't go anywhere if they fight. But Blaine is not going to let that slide. If Kurt decided to do things to his body, things Kurt always wanted to see or do then so is Blaine. After all by doing it to Blaine's body, Kurt gave Blaine a silent permission to do the same to Kurt's body. And Blaine knows exactly what he always fantasized about Kurt's body and what could be a perfect payback.
"Fine, whatever," Blaine mutters before adding more seriously. "We need to talk about what happened to us."
Kurt wipes his mouth and looks puzzled for few seconds. "I thought about it. The only logical explanation is that we've been bewitched, someone put a spell on us, put some magic powder on us. I don't know why but I'm sure they did something."
"Alright, let's say that it's a spell. Why would someone do that to us?"
"Because they don't like what you teach their children?"
"Ahah. Very funny, Kurt. Remember that you're the one on the short side, now. Don't push me."
"I'm not short! But that's not the point. I don't know what we did. We must have pissed someone off, or something!"
"What about your boss, you always told me she was a witch?" Blaine asks, hope in his eyes like he just found the solution to a very complicated puzzle.
"Blaine, sweetie, this is a figure of speech. She is not a real witch. Witches don't exist. So, definitely not my boss. One of your children? Those little things are evil."
"Hey, don't talk about them like that. They are sweet little muffins and they are nice."
"Your boss then?"
"Probably not. One of your colleagues? The red haired one?"
"She is a bitch but she is also stupid. She couldn't achieve something like that. "
"One of ours friends?"
"Blaine, they are our friends, you moron."
"And? Who knows, Jeff could totally do something like that and think it's funny as hell."
"I'm not sure Jeff is a magician or able to do such thing."
They are both silent and pensive as they finish their bagel. They are in front of the same food truck as yesterday, eating the same thing; even when they swap bodies they are still as boring as ever.
Wait.
"Oh my god, Kurt. That man yesterday, in the Mexican food truck. He yelled something at us in Spanish and talked nonsense about his magic burrito before throwing one at us! It's him. I'm positive it's him that did that to us!"
"He was old and probably mental."
"Possibly, but that's the best guess we have for now," Kurt glares at Blaine, running after a Mexican food truck was not in his plan, not now and not ever. But it's not like he actually has a choice. As much as he loves his boyfriend's body he'd rather ogle it than be in it... well... not in this way anyway.
"Fine, let's track it down."
"Oh no. I'm tracking it down. You," Blaine pokes his body in the chest, "have a parent-teacher meeting tonight at school. Your photo-shoot is being taken care of so I can definitely do that. I'll call you if anything happens."
"What do you mean, my photo shoot is being taken care of? I have to be at the shooting, I have to give some directions, and make sure that the models are right, and the outfits are perfect– "
"Right. Well, I'll do that. It shouldn't take that much time and then we'll meet up after work to go to the truck."
Kurt nods thinking over all he had to do today if he was himself and all he has to do as Blaine.
"Oh shit. We're supposed to see the guys tonight," Kurt says and Blaine drops his head on his hand at the mention of the evening.
"We can't go, they'll know something is up! We have to cancel," Blaine answers frantically, terrified at the prospect of spending a whole night with his friend pretending to be his boyfriend.
"No, we can't. Nick and Jeff have a big announcement to make and we have to be there."
"Fine, so work, Mexican voodoo guy and then the guys?"
"It seems so."
Blaine leans forward to peck Kurt on the lips. Well, to kiss himself actually as his boyfriend is currently trapped in his body.
"This is way too confusing," Blaine mumbles before they part their ways for the afternoon.
But first Blaine has somewhere he needs to go. He didn't forget that now his body looks like a giant living carrot and that apparently his body is completely waxed. He turns around a few times, looking for a shop he knows is somewhere, not too far. When he finally reaches it, he pushes the door and lets himself in.
"Hello, I'd like to get my nipple pierced..."
Yeah, Blaine is totally going to get Kurt's body a piercing and nothing is going to stop him. Payback is a bitch, boyfriend.
It's a painting day, it's also the day Kurt is going to die. Of that he is sure.
Those kids aren't angels, and they most certainly aren't sweet or cute. They are pure evil. They are Satan's creations sent to earth to punish him for something.
It all started very nicely, they were supposed to paint that horrible thing they had made the day before. Unfortunately one of the kid decided that it was fun to paint his little friend's face in bright red. Needless to say that the child had answered with a bomb of green.
It has been hell since then. Kurt hasn't been able to get them to calm down or to even stop them from throwing paint at each other. He is currently hiding behind a board, while all the children are playing with the paint, and are painting each other, with their little hands full of colors instead of doing the painting with brushes and on the thing that they made.
Kurt is not going to step in. They are not killing each other, they are just having fun messily and he is most certainly not going to ruin his outfit. Well, Blaine's outfit but it really doesn't matter.
Those children are evil and he is going to die behind a board because they are leading a paint war!
One of Blaine's colleague walks past the class and she locks eyes with Kurt. It looks like she tries really hard not to burst of laughing. Instead she opens the door and stands in the classroom, hands on her hips.
"Class, be quiet!" she says loud, clear and firmly. It's almost immediate, all the kids drop their hands and stop what they are doing. "Now, come and clean your hands in the sink."
Kurt steps from behind the board and tries to help the children, making sure to actually stay far away from the ones still having paint on their hands. Once everyone is clean the two teachers send them to play outside with other children that are already running around and playing under some of their colleagues supervision.
"I thought it was getting better with your class? What happened today?"
Kurt frowns a little at the questions. "Getting better?"
"Well, yes. Blaine, we talked about this a month ago. There is nothing to be ashamed of if at first you can't get your class under control. It takes time. Stop worrying that much, you're a good teacher and you love the kids. You just need more confidence."
"I...I'm doing fine with the class."
The woman puts her hands on Kurt's forearms and smiles almost motherly at him.
"Blaine, we've been colleague for few months now and I'd like to think I know you a little. If you need help, just ask for it. I won't judge and you know that. I also think you should talk about it with your boyfriend. It's always good to have an outsider's point of view," Kurt is about to say something but the woman stops him. "And I know that you are going to tell me that Kurt is far too busy to listen to a small, stupid teacher's issue. But if he loves you it should matter to him if you're having trouble at work."
The woman looks back to one of the other rooms and turns her head back to Kurt with a sad and pained look on her face.
"I have to go back to my classroom. But talk to your boyfriend and come ask for help if you need it. Alright?"
"Alright."
It seems to be enough for the woman so she trots back to her room. Kurt stays there, standing in the middle of the hallway even more confused than before. He doesn't know who the woman is, but obviously she knows well who he is. Well, not him as Blaine but him as Kurt, Blaine's boyfriend. Who is apparently giving his boyfriend the impression that he can't talk to him. Could it be the truth though? Kurt can't remember the last time when they sat and talked about their day, or just chat about little things. Kurt is certain he couldn't even mention a name of one of Blaine's colleagues. Kurt is sure he couldn't but obviously Blaine has been talking about him to at least that woman. How come he doesn't even know her? But most importantly why does Kurt have no idea that Blaine is having trouble with his class?
Kurt tries to collect himself, he has a class to face. He has been working in the fashion industry, he can do this.
Blaine's nipple hurts. Really, really hurts. Even if it's Kurt's body he still feels the pain clearly. And it is painful. But at least he got his revenge. Kurt is going to be mad but this is the price to pay for turning him into a carrot.
Blaine walks into the place that Kurt's secretary emailed to him earlier. The photographer has decided to change the location and Blaine is currently walking in the middle of a dock, smelly fishes and sailors everywhere. Real sailors. He is almost there and the second he turns the last block Blaine knows that this time he fucked up big time.
He knows that eccentricity can be good. But Kurt's magazine is actually kind of snobbish and Blaine isn't really sure that eccentric is the best idea. Especially since the models' 'hair are, well, blue. And pink, and purple.
"Ah, Kurt. Perfect. Come here. We need your opinion on the first part of the shoot."
Blaine is dragged by a petite woman that made him choose between two patterns this morning. "We already finished the leopard bit and right after we will do the zebra one. What do you think about it?"
Blaine's eye grow wide in horror. Kurt is going to break up with him because those pictures are horrible. How can a photo-shoot that was already planned can turn into a mess in just one morning? He didn't even make that much decisions. Blaine feels completely helpless as the shooting is going on and he has no idea how to stop the disaster.
"No, it's all wrong," Blaine breathes out.
The woman fidgets and huffs loudly. "What?"
"I said, it's all wrong. We can't print that later and it's just not right for the magazine," it turns more like a question and Blaine isn't all that happy with it but at least he words the fact that it's just not quite what it should be for the photo-shoot.
"Kurt? What are we doing about the sailors? Do you want them completely naked or with their hats on for the shoot?" another woman comes running towards him, papers in one hand and a cellphone in the other.
Naked?
"When did I agree for this?" Blaine asks not even sure that this has been run by him at any point.
"This morning, you signed it, look. Now can you, please, make a decision, Kurt?" the woman waves in front of his eyes urging him to make a decide quicker.
"Mr Hummel! Could you, please, come and check on the tiger? He is not fitting on the boat with the model," a boy, probably a trainee, comes asking breathlessly like he has been running a marathon.
"I... " Blaine has no idea how to sort all of this.
It's a terrible mess and nothing is going to fix it. He is not even sure he can fix anything at that point. It was supposed to be a nice photo-shoot, calm and elegant and now there are naked sailors, multicolor hair and tiger on boat. Blaine has no idea what Kurt would do, how Kurt would handle the situation. And as Blaine sees everyone's eyes fixed on him he understands that Kurt is probably dealing with this all day, every day. Kurt is always under pressure because he is expected to make quick decisions that can have a huge impact on the whole magazine. He is always expected to know what to do.
Blaine takes a deep breath and tries to use the most authoritative voice he has. He has to fix this mess somehow.
It's only hours later that Kurt is sitting in his clean classroom, waiting for the parents to come and ask him questions about their children. It shouldn't take too much time, he knows that Blaine has had meetings like that in the past with parents and he never said anything about it. But then again, since Kurt's discovery this afternoon it might just be because Blaine was thinking it would bother him.
"Mr Anderson, hello. I'm Paul and this is my wife Angela. We are the parents of Amelia."
Kurt's head snaps up and he smiles broadly at the couple, extending his hand and trying to think fast and hard. Which one is Amelia?
"Oh, yes Amelia. Please, sit down. Hum, she is very...nice," Kurt starts, after all, parents don't want to hear that their children are horrible and since he can't remember which one is Amelia, this will have to do.
"I thought she was having issues with the other children?" the mother enquires, concerned, taking her husband's hand.
"Oh, right. Hum, well. She is doing much better. Much, much better. She doesn't fight with them anymore."
"She is the one being bullied, Mr Anderson. We talked about this last month."
Kurt winces a little and remembers. Amelia: short little girl, blond hair, really nice but also very shy and not so quiet.
"Right. I..."
"The board isn't going to do a single thing, right? What can we do? She is so small and quiet," the mothers continues, tiredness in her voice.
"I'm not going to let this slide. I promise you she is safe in my class. I know what bullying is and this is not going to happen to her anymore."
Kurt finishes this meeting somehow without any other bump and sees other parents. He has no idea who belongs to whom, which child with which parents. He also learns that most of the parents loves to talk about their children for minutes and that when two divorced parents enter the room they usually go out fighting with a little child following behind. In all honesty, he stopped listening three meetings ago.
"... but the worst is probably how you teach your class. My son is nothing but intelligent and it's like he is degrading because of you!" the woman finishes.
And Kurt just can't take it. No one talks about his boyfriend like that.
"I'm going to have to stop you there. Not only is my... I am a good teacher,I also know my job. Yes, I'm still young and yes, this is my first job as a teacher and not a TA. But I know what I'm doing and I'm good with children. I'm attentive and I'm caring. I'm fun and devoted to what I do. I'm nothing but driven and my classes are constructed to awaken the children. If my class is not good enough for you, I understand. But I'll have to ask you to switch classes."
The woman is bright red of anger and leaves the room quickly, huffing and mumbling. Kurt is happy that this day of work is finally over. He has never though that a teacher has to handle so much. Kurt knows that sometimes children can get a bit much but he never thought about the parents. They are even worse and so rude. Kurt finally understands that maybe Blaine's work isn't as easy as he thought it was. It's hard and not everyone can handle it.
Blaine is waiting for him outside the school and if Kurt remembers correctly, that's the first time that they surprised each other in a month. And it's good to see him here.
"Hello, stranger. Good day?" Blaine asks as Kurt kisses him.
It's still weird; Kurt doesn't really like kissing his own body and it's weird to feel his lips but he is still not willing to give up on kissing Blaine.
"It was surprisingly difficult. You?"
Blaine looks down at him, looping an arm around Kurt's waist, frowning a little.
"It was impossible."
They don't say much about it as they both know it will be something they'll have to discuss later. Kurt turns a little and gives Blaine a hug, pressing into him. Today has been a nightmare and it's not even the end. It's nice for once to be the small one, he loves hugging Blaine and he loves how he can loop his arms around him but just for today it's exactly what he needs.
"Ouch," Blaine mumbles as Kurt presses his chest a little more into Blaine's.
"Are you alright?" Kurt asks, worried that he's done something wrong.
"I'm fine. My chest is just a little painful. Nothing's wrong."
Kurt knows that there is nothing wrong with his chest, well Blaine's chest. He has no problem whatsoever. "Your chest?"
"Yes?"
"Well, what is it? Did you hurt something or is it..."
"I got a piercing and the shirt is a little too tight so it's hurting," Blaine confesses in a rush and as quietly as possible.
Kurt is flushed for a second. His boyfriend got a piercing and he can only imagine where if the shirt hurts. But then Kurt meets his own eyes and realization hits him.
"You pierced my body? You made a hole in my body? Are you insane? Why the hell would you do something like that?!"
"Kurt," Blaine whines a little but apparently his boyfriend isn't done.
"I don't even like piercing and I'm not sure I can pull it off! And you're afraid of needles, for god's sake. Why did you do something like that? Do you know that that stuff can get infected and it can get bad really quickly? Do you want me to die?"
Blaine rolls his eyes at the short man in front of him and grabs his arms.
"I don't want you to die and, babe, payback is a bitch. You got me all carrot-like and waxex and I got you a piercing."
"What I did isn't permanent."
"What I did is very sexy," Blaine nothing but purrs into Kurt's ears and for once he can really appreciate being the taller one. It has its perks.
Kurt shudders as Blaine's breath ghosts against his ear but he can't be turned on by his own voice, can he?
They arrive shortly at the food truck that Blaine has searched for the whole afternoon between taking care of the mess he created and trying to do something somehow good enough for the magazine.
The food truck is here, right at the corner of the street. Still ugly and tacky, still with Mexican music blaring loudly and a smell of a bad enchilada around.
As soon as Kurt sees the truck he marches right to it, determines to give the man a piece of his mind.
"You!" Kurt shouts, pointing furiously at the teenager that is behind the cash machine just like yesterday. "Where is the man that throws burritos at people during his free time? I have one or two things to tell him."
The teenager looks at him with wide eyes. "No comprendo."
"Right, no comprendo my ass! He threw a freaking burrito at me and my boyfriend and things got... all weird up! Where is he?" Kurt presses angrily.
Blaine can't help but smile a little at his boyfriend. It's fun to actually see Kurt's emotions and mimics on his face. Unfortunately he can't let his boyfriend assault a poor teenager.
"Kurt, " Blaine says gently before turning to the boy, "Look, we just want to talk to the old man that was here yesterday. Hum, un hombre? Anciano?" Blaine tries, but he never took Spanish and he can only hope this would work.
"Oh, god. Not again," the boy hisses opening the door and yelling something in Spanish.
"Si?" the old man appears and Blaine is not sure if he is going to be able to restrain Kurt from hitting him. "Oh, tortolitos! Hungry? Si?" the man asks, a big, hoping smile on his face.
"No," Kurt interjects icily. "I'm not hungry. And you see I was a little disturbed this morning when I didn't wake up in my own body!" Kurt finishes accentuating the end of his sentence and glaring at the men, fists clenched.
"Oh," the boy rolls his eyes at the discussion, visibly used to it and to the old man's shenanigans.
"Abuelo, not again!"
"Bien, si. Porque these two fighting pero loves, mucho mucho love," the man tries to explain to the teenager and puzzled Kurt and Blaine.
"Oh, Christ. Ok, hum. I'm sorry but my abuelo has this nasty habit to put his nose in everyone else's business. And it seems that this time it was yours. I'm so sorry," the young boy explains.
Blaine is sure that Kurt is going to explode any second now. Surprisingly, the man's voice is calm and clear of anger.
"And what do we have to do? To fix this?"
"I'm not sure. My abuelo always says that love is the key and most of the time people find that it is actually the solution," the teenager shrugs, stepping back a little as he knows exactly what's about to happen, it's always like that.
"Most of the time? Are you kidding me? What about the rest of the time? And I love my boyfriend with all my heart. He is one of the most important people in my life and there isn't one day that goes by I'm not thankful for being his. So let me be a little upset about your poor excuse of an answer because this solve nothing!" Kurt is on a rollercoaster of emotions and one seconds he is as calm as one can be when the next he is possibly on the verge of an break down.
"Love is the key, that's all I can tell you," the teenager repeats. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have clients."
The boy runs towards his truck and leaves the two men with the old grandpa who is smiling knowingly, almost giggling.
"So, hungry? Si?"
Kurt huffs and grabs Blaine's hand to lead them to the nearest subway. There is nothing here that is going to help them anyway. Love is the key is just bullshit, this Mexican guy is just an imposter and all Kurt wants right now is to lie in bed and forget everything about that day. As Kurt is about to take one line Blaine gently pushes him towards another.
"We have to meet with the guys, remember?"
Kurt sighs loudly, and rolls his head. "I want to go home. Can't we say that we're not feeling well?"
"Kurt, Nick and Jeff have been clear that we all have to be here tonight, no matter what."
"Blaine," Kurt whines, dragging the word.
"I know, come one. We're not far."
They are a little late but just a few seconds. Everyone is already there, waiting for them. Jeff is bouncing in the booth and Nick is quietly chatting with Sebastian and Wes.
Blaine automatically sits beside Jeff and smiles broadly at him. It all he needs after a terrible day like that, a little of Jeff's happiness. Kurt sits beside Sebastian as they all greet the couple.
"You finally have the right to sit beside be, killer?" Sebastian whispers in Kurt's ears, half joking, half teasing.
"I'm sorry?" Kurt asks, eyebrows up as he tightens his arm around Blaine.
"Usually I get to sit beside Ice Queen. Not that I mind, you know that we get along just fine. But you smell nicer."
"I smell just fine, thank you very much," Kurt snaps with a bitchy glare directed at the taller man.
"I just told you that, Blaine."
Oh, oh. Right, Kurt is not Kurt. Kurt is still very much in Blaine's body. This is going to be painful and difficult.
"Uh, yes well. Hum, stay away from me."
Sebastian frowns a little but doesn't say anything.
"I ordered for you,"Jeff announces to the couple before turning to his husband. "Nicky, can we say something now?"
"Nope, not yet."
The waitress arrives with the drinks and she puts a beer in front of Blaine and a coke in front of Kurt. The couple looks at each other and knowingly exchange drinks.
"Hum, since when do you drink beer, Kurt? I thought you didn't drink because of some weird story about Bamby?" Jeff looks puzzled and confused like the rest of the people around the table.
"Oh well, yes... I... am trying. Just for this once."
They all look weirdly at them before Wes leans towards Blaine, well Blaine's body and asks. "So, Blaine, how are those little monsters?"
"They're great, yesterday we build some little..." Blaine in Kurt's body answers the question directed to Kurt in Blaine's body. "I mean..."
Wes crooks an eyebrow at the couple, his eyes going from one man to the other.
"What Kurt meant was that I built some nice stuff with the children yesterday. And today I made them paint it. It was interesting to say at the best," Kurt finishes quickly, afraid of giving anything away.
"Right."
The evening is a nightmare. Blaine can't answer any fashion questions that Nick asks him and several times the man is more than a little confused at Blaine's answers. It's also painfully clear that the couple is not exactly themselves during the night; Kurt answering questions directed to Blaine and vice versa.
"Ok, Nicky, can I say it now?"
Nick laughs fondly at his husband and kisses him on the lips before nodding approvingly.
"We're pregnant and it's a girl!" Jeff shouts happily.
"Oh my god, Jeffy! Congratulations!" Blaine bursts, throwing his hands in the air and coming near to his best friend to hug him. "I'm so happy for you, man. It's amazing!"
"Thank you, Kurt," Jeff still has a smile on his face but seems more than confused as to why Kurt is calling him 'man' and 'Jeffy' when Blaine looks happy for him but not overly happy.
"Oh, right," Blaine extracts himself from the embrace and smoothes his shirt. "Sorry, I'm just really happy for you."
"Why, thank you, Kurt. I'm glad you're happy since we want Blaine to be Alice's godfather!" Jeff blurts, gazing lovingly at his husband to take his hand and turning back to Blaine's body, where Kurt is freaking out because what would Blaine do?
"I...Alice?"
"Yes, it's her name! Come on, Blainers, we always talked about how we would be each other first baby's godfathers!"
Kurt tries to find Blaine's eyes, but the man is still awkwardly turned back to him. "Hum. Yes?"
"Yeah? Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Jeff bounces to Blaine's body and engulfs him into a tight hug.
The rest of the evening is still very awkward for both of the men. But they manage and when they finally find themselves in bed they just fall asleep right away, emotionally exhausted.
When Kurt wakes up the next morning he jumps back a little when he sees himself, sleeping peacefully next to him. He groans because the situation hasn't solved itself, obviously.
Blaine stirs lightly and opens his eyes, a soft laugh escaping his chest.
"So I'm still you and you're still me," Blaine is still laughing a little as Kurt pouts. "I'm cute when I pout," Blaine playfully adds before being shoved a little by Kurt.
"We need to talk, Blaine."
"Uhoh. Good talk or bad talk?"
"Blaine, love, why didn't you tell me you were having issues at work with the children?"
Blaine's face falls instantly and a pained look replaces the bubbly one that was there mere seconds ago. Blaine hides a little in the pillow and takes a deep breath before facing Kurt who is encircling Blaine's waist with his arm to bring him closer.
"Hey, don't go ashamed on me. You're my boyfriend, Blaine, and I love you. I want to know when you have problems."
"Kurt, it's not... It's just not important, okay?"
"Of course it is. Blaine, you are important. And I'm so sorry if I gave you the impression that you couldn't talk to me. I want to know about your day, I want to know if the children are giving you hell or if the parents are being difficult to deal with. I love you, Blaine. I want everything with you and it means that when something is bothering you I want you to tell me if you want to or keep it from me if you feel like it. But I don't want you to keep something from me because it feels like you can't talk to me."
Blaine smiles at him and nuzzles into Kurt's neck, placing a kiss there and trying to win some times.
"It's... I didn't want to keep it from you, but you seemed out of reach. And I'm sorry if I didn't try harder to get to you but you can be hard to reach as well when you don't want to."
"Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry, I had no idea."
"It's alright. I had no idea your work was that stressful and I didn't know you had that much responsibilities on your shoulders. It explains why sometimes you're a little out of it. I guess it's always here, on the back of your mind and I guess sometimes it's eating you up a little."
"Thank you," Kurt breaths lovingly against Blaine lips.
"What for?"
"For being you, for understanding, for knowing what to say and how to say it. For being so loving and, yeah, basically for being you. I love you."
"I love you too, godfather."
It's Kurt's time to hide his face into his pillow. "I had no idea what to say! You never told me you made that pact with Jeff and I didn't know that it was that important to you."
"You never asked," Blaine answers shrugging a little.
"Do you want children?"
"Yeah, a lot. Is... don't you?" Blaine looks up from Kurt's arms, trying to decipher Kurt's emotion on his face.
"I don't know. I never thought about it before. But, yeah, why not? I can see us with a little boy with dark curly hair, just like his daddy's," Kurt is pensive, imagining the scene, the three of them, cuddling in bed on a Saturday morning, exchanging little laughs and tickling each other before showering their son with kisses. He never thought about it before but he can perfectly picture it now.
"I missed you," Blaine closes his eyes and kisses Kurt, fully on the lips, pouring into the kiss all the love and the passion he has for his boyfriend.
He has missed him, he can't count all the times he wished they would be back to being like this. When it was simple and just them. But lately it wasn't and this morning is just what they need. They don't say much, but they know and it's enough for now. They'll work on the rest later, the hardest part is acknowledging the problem and seeing it. They kiss for hours or maybe minutes. It is still weird, but it doesn't really matter in the end. Because it's Blaine. Because it's Kurt.
When they finally open their eyes, Blaine is greeted with breathtaking blue orbs, a toothy smile and a freckled nose. He blinks several time, only to be looked back by Kurt. Not Kurt in Blaine's body but Kurt in Kurt's body.
"Wha-" Kurt shakes his head, words stuck in his throat as he takes all of his boyfriend in. He is speechless and in utter shock.
"Kurt?"
And all Kurt can do is nod because he does not trust his voice right now. He grabs Blaine and kisses his forehead, nose, chin, cheeks before throwing his arms around his boyfriend and bringing him as close as it's humanly possible.
"It's you," Kurt croaks a little.
But it doesn't matter. They are themselves again.
Blaine shifts a little closer, putting his chest against Kurt's as he tries to smell him and just be happy to be himself again.
"Blaine."
"Yeah?" Blaine is breathless and Kurt finds that he missed this like crazy.
"You pierced my nipple."