Blaine sucks Kurt's neck softly, his hand smoothing down over Kurt's chest, past the scars and the hair to find the start of his briefs and rubs firmly at the spot he's come to know so well, feeling the dampness, cupping it.

It's a normal part of their sexual routine, one that Kurt used to hate with a passion and had no qualms complaining about, but Blaine always assured him, it's a turn on to know how much you want me, and this is your body's way of telling me. The tracing of the slit, the rough circles at the nub, they're all things that Kurt has finally come to associate with sex. Though he still refused to take off his binder when he needed one, and it's been a while since they've really fucked because of Kurt's mastectomy. He's always needed at least that, the male top half. It reminds him of the things he knows for sure regarding himself and his relationship with Blaine.

And one thing he knows is that Blaine does not want his penis inside of a vagina.

Kurt's felt around in there once or twice. It's warm and damp, but that's about all. It's not an asshole; it isn't so tight or pleasantly rough around his fingers. It's just... a pussy. And Blaine likes dick. He likes it a lot. Therefore, the vagina has absolutely no fucking use to their sex life.

So Kurt just can't fathom why Blaine wants it so badly.

"Please..." he rasps in Kurt's ear, thrusting his hips against Kurt's thigh and he's definitely hard, there's no mistaking that. "I want to fuck you."

"Then fuck my ass," Kurt hisses, bucking against Blaine's fingers to either get more stimulation or get him the fuck away - he isn't really sure, himself. Blaine keeps rubbing.

"But baby... baby, I just... I want to try. Please, god, I just..."

"You don't like pussy, Blaine. Just get my dick out of the drawer and we can fuck all god damn night, okay?" Kurt's on edge, it's apparent. He can't help it. Since the surgery, he's really not been getting much time by himself; it's always either Blaine or Rachel in their cramped New York City apartment, "Are you feeling okay, Kurt?" "Do you need a refill on the painkillers?" "Do they hurt?" "You look a little pale, you should lay down."

Of fucking course, he looks pale. He's wandering around in this body, this amazing, absolutely incredible body, he can breathe, shirts fit him properly, and it's all so... overwhelming. And when Kurt's overwhelmed, he stresses. And when he's stressed, he's damn near impossible to live with. The fact that Blaine somehow got Kurt into bed and mostly naked at this point truly is a wonder and Rachel will probably be very proud of Blaine when she hears about it.

Blaine seems to ignore Kurt's outburst, but stops his thrusts and kisses Kurt's lips. His chest isn't pressing down against Kurt's like it used to; Blaine is still afraid of hurting his boyfriend, even though the scars have healed. Kurt kisses back but it's rough, bitter; he sucks Blaine's lips just a bit too hard, his fingernails digging into Blaine's back. Blaine groans and arches, his cock pressing against Kurt's inner thigh and he snaps.

"You know what?" Kurt says after breaking the kiss rather abruptly, "go ahead."

Kurt isn't shocked by the dumbfounded look on Blaine's face. "What?... Really?"

"Yes, really. But for God's sake, wear a condom. I am not going to become the next Thomas Beatie because you couldn't have fucking normal gay sex like a regular human being."

Blaine lets out a nervous laugh like he's been holding his breath and he kisses Kurt's mouth, then neck. "Thank you... thank you, baby..." He reaches over the bed for the drawer, opening it up and fumbling around for a condom.

Kurt's not happy. He's not excited. Mostly, he wants to get this over with and, at the end of the day... he wants to make Blaine happy. As well as wanting to see his beloved boyfriend thoroughly regret this decision.�

Blaine sounds breathless as he comes back to his position between Kurt's legs on the bed, hooking his fingers into Kurt's underwear. "Want me to suck your cock first?"

Kurt wants to lash out again - that's not a cock, Blaine, that's a clitoris, since you're suddenly so interested in female anatomy - instead he murmurs, "Sure."

"Okay..." Blaine says quietly, mostly to himself as he tugs Kurt's underwear off and tosses them aside. He looks more determined than Kurt's ever seen him in bed, staring directly at Kurt's genitals before spreading Kurt's lips and diving in.

Kurt gasps and clutches the sheets as Blaine sucks at his dick. Blaine's nose is buried in the brown curls as he sucks with the pressure he knows Kurt likes and Kurt can't help but moan with pleasure, despite his mood. It feels good. He can't deny himself a good blowjob when it's already happening, right?

Blaine moans and rubs Kurt's lips with his thumbs, enjoying the texture of the hair as he sucks and licks at the nub, humming, sending vibrations through Kurt's dick. Kurt whimpers, shuddering and grasping Blaine's curls to fuck his face.�

Blaine sucks and sucks, getting Kurt right to the edge before pulling away and sitting up to rid himself of his briefs. His cock is hard, the tip glistening and Kurt still can't fucking believe how turned on Blaine gets from going down on him. It's a far cry from the first time Blaine blew him, all awkward and unsure and Kurt had to dirty-talk Blaine all the way into his own orgasm. Watching Blaine now as he rolls the condom onto his cock, he knows they've come so far; he also realizes how far back this is about to set them.�

But what Blaine wants, Kurt will give him. He'll bitch and he'll fight, but he'll give it to him.

Kurt's eyes are intense, though he's sure Blaine doesn't notice as he gently strokes the tip of his cock over Kurt's slit, a shuddery breath escaping his lips.

"Well, go on, then," Kurt spreads his legs wide as he speaks. "fuck me."

"I... I've heard it might hurt, so... um, I'm sorry." Blaine is stuttering and nervous and Kurt would find it totally endearing under pretty much any other circumstance, but this... this is not the time. He gazes at Blaine, trying to disassociate as he feels the head pushing at his unwanted entrance, opening him up in such a strange and awkward way that Kurt doesn't understand and once Blaine's cock head is inside, Kurt's gaze finds the ceiling and stays there.

"Shit..." Blaine rasps under his breath, his tone unreadable as he continues to push inside. Kurt can feel it, every inch finding its way deeper and deeper into his most hated part; it feels wrong, like Blaine's fucking into a gunshot wound or something.

He should not be in there, it does not fucking exist.

Once Blaine is all the way inside, his hips pressed to Kurt's thighs he shudders, kissing idly at Kurt's collarbone a few times and it's far too much for Kurt to take. He digs his fingernails into Blaine's back.

"Well, are you going to fuck me, or what?" his voice sounds lower than usual, dangerous.

"I... I'm just-"

"No, Blaine. You wanted to fuck me, so let's fuck." Kurt grits his teeth at the pain as he starts to roll his hips, forcing Blaine to move and Blaine makes a strangled noise, his eyes shut.

"What's wrong, Blaine? Hmm? Isn't this what you wanted?" Kurt makes a high noise, his insides aching as he clings to Blaine's back, controlling his movements to an extent.�

"Kurt, please don't-" Blaine whimpers, starting to thrust, his body moving in a way that feels familiar to Kurt but still so fucking wrong. It hurts and it's uncomfortable but he needs Blaine to feel it, too. To understand.

"Aw, c'mon, Blaine!" Kurt is hissing by now, scraping Blaine's back, "Come on, don't you just fucking loooove having your dick inside my tight, wet pussy?"

Blaine is shaking, still thrusting, his voice nothing but a whisper, "Kurt... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Kurt loosens his grip around Blaine's body, feeling him slow to a stop, then every inch sliding out - familiar, but wrong, misplaced. Kurt looks down and watches Blaine strip himself of the condom. He's nearly half softened.

"Fuck you," Kurt spits, kicking away from Blaine and finding his underwear to pull on. "Fuck you, Blaine Anderson."

"Kurt..."

"No. Shut the fuck up, don't talk to me." Kurt pulls on a pair of jeans far too tight to be wearing after these recent events and a large, off-the-shoulder sweater, grabbing his bag. "I have to go pick Rachel up from the theatre."

Kurt faintly hears Blaine's shaky voice say, "I love you" as he's slamming the bedroom door, but he pretends he doesn't. It's tough, though, when it echoes through his mind from the time he leaves the apartment until the time he comes home with Rachel after a couple drinks to find Blaine already asleep on the futon in the living room.

"You know he didn't mean anything by it," Rachel whispers, spooned up behind Kurt in her fuzzy pyjamas that feel just a bit too itchy against Kurt's sensitive chest. "He was just curious, is all."

"I don't care."�

Kurt hears Rachel sigh, cuddling closer behind him, and he's glad that she keeps her mouth shut for once.

&&&

The following few days are hell for Rachel Berry.

It starts out fairly innocently. There's a note slipped under her morning breakfast bar from Kurt that reads, "Could you please tell Blaine to take his clothes out of the dryer? I have laundry I need to do before my class trip to the show tomorrow. Thanks, darling." She doesn't even tell Blaine it's a request from Kurt, but it's like he knows; he takes his laundry out of the dryer with this morose expression that reminds Rachel of a puppy that's just had its nose rubbed in its own shit.

And oh, poor Blaine. He's only gone into their bedroom to grab clothes in the morning and his special pillow he brought from Ohio, setting up camp on the living room futon and falling asleep with the TV on. Rachel swears he'll know all there is about the Magic Bullet before the week is out just from hearing about it in his dreams.

Rachel catches Kurt crying on Wednesday. Blaine isn't due home for another couple of hours - school from eight to four, then volunteer work with the teens at the local Queer Resource Centre until 9. Rachel shouldn't have even been home yet but class let out early and the last thing she expected to walk in on was Kurt, laying in Blaine's little futon nest with his face buried in that special Pillow From Ohio, his body shaking with sobs.

Kurt refuses to acknowledge the incident in a greater way than taking the hug Rachel offers and wiping his eyes, taking a deep breath, and getting off the futon.

"I'm going to start dinner," he says, and the house is silent besides the sound of Kurt clinking pots and closing cupboards in the kitchen.

Thursday's better for Kurt, seems to get better with each hour, but for Blaine it only seems to get worse. He doesn't go to class on Rachel's day off, instead opting to stay home with her and tidy up. When she's done cleaning the bathroom, Blaine is sitting in he and Kurt's bed with half a bottle of whiskey, staring at the floor.

"I broke him, didn't I." It's so quiet, Rachel isn't sure it was meant for her ears but she hears it, comes in and sits down.

"You know Kurt better than that, he's strong."

"Yeah, but.... fuck," Blaine shakes his head. "He's never given me the silent treatment for this long." His eyes begin to water. "You know what I found beside the couch this morning? A fucking note from him telling me to call Santana. Santana. I know what he was getting at, it's not-" his voice breaks, "it's not fair..."

Rachel sighs and takes the bottle from him, pulling an impressive swig. "Try talking to him."

"I did. Yesterday, before class. And he just acted like I wasn't there." Rachel opens her mouth to speak and Blaine cuts her off, "Literally. He looked through me."

Rachel quirks her lip. "Leave him a note. Takes two to tango, right?"

Friday morning, there's a slip of paper under the bedroom door.

I miss you.

&&&

Blaine stares blankly at the slip of paper in his hands.

Beneath Blaine's messy scrawl, I miss you, there's Kurt's impeccable handwriting:

When I get home from school, you will be in our bed. You will be naked. And you will be willing to show me how sorry you truly are. PS, Rachel's out all night. Leave the bedroom door open.

He hadn't noticed the paper stuck to the fridge before he left for work today. It's a good thing he has it in his hands now, because Kurt's due home in a half an hour and, for the first time in the last few days, he feels this incredibly startling combination of hunger and arousal. His mind buzzes as he makes himself a sandwich - he knows what Kurt is going to do to him and he can't fucking wait.

Kurt's late coming home by exactly 32 minutes. Blaine's been watching each minute pass on the digital clock next to their bed, squirming, face half-buried in the pillow and his cock hardening more and more against the sheets in anticipation.�He hears Kurt when he comes in the door but doesn't dare speak, just lays there in wait like a good boy.

When Kurt finally enters the bedroom he doesn't say a word; he just wanders up to the bedside table, opens it up, and takes out all of the supplies he'll need. Layer by layer, Blaine hears his clothes come off... his scarf, his vest, each button of his shirt... the buckle of his belt, his jeans hitting the floor, his packing cock making a somewhat comedic sound as it's tossed onto the bedside table. Blaine listens desperately for the sound of Kurt's briefs sliding down his long, flawless legs and onto the carpet. Then his body tenses up.

"Kurt-" it's such a short, brief whisper, but Kurt's ready for it and slaps Blaine on the ass.

"Don't talk."

Blaine chews his lip, burying his face deeper into the pillow and listening to Kurt's movements, feeling him kneel up onto the bed. The sound of velcro ripping. The feeling of Kurt's hard cock cradling itself between Blaine's asscheeks and his warm body pressing against Blaine's back. He thrusts slowly against the crack, his breath hot on the shell of Blaine's ear.

"Feels good..."

Blaine makes a soft noise, lifts his ass a bit but he's met with Kurt's voice in his ear again, "Nuh-uh... Stop that." Kurt arches his back and scrapes his teeth along Blaine's shoulder with a hum, scooting lower and lower.

Kurt drags his lips down Blaine's spine and settles between Blaine's legs, spreading them a bit further and sighing down at the sight. His finger drags teasingly down the crack.

"I have nothing to say to you yet, Blaine." Kurt's finger pushes at the dry pucker and Blaine bites the pillow. "But I think you know how I'm feeling."

Blaine nods. Kurt's pissed. He doesn't do things like this unless he's seriously upset. He likes his sex face-to-face, he likes I-love-yous, he likes romance.�

The teeth grinding against Blaine's ass cheek, those aren't romantic.

There's a slick digit pressing against Blaine's hole then, and a sharp pain as Kurt sucks at the flesh of a cheek and his finger breaches the tight ring of muscle. Blaine groans into the pillow, arching into Kurt's thrusts and against his mouth. Kurt whimpers.

"Nnnh... Shhhh..." Kurt kisses up to Blaine's tailbone, his second finger shoving in and scissoring the pucker loose.

"Kurt..." Blaine rasps, "Kurt, baby, please-"

Kurt pushes the thumb of his other hand against the mark he's left on Blaine's ass, digging in. "Did I say you could talk yet?"

Blaine whines and shakes his head, but he arches a bit, begging with his body. Kurt gives him what he knows he wants, slowly pressing in the third finger with a sigh when Blaine's muscles loosen up for him. He sits up and Blaine listens again, familiar things filling his senses - the pop of the lube cap opening, Kurt's fingers slowing to a stop before pulling out, the tiny shick shick shick sounds of Kurt slicking up his cock. It's then that he realizes that he's been hard this whole time and leaking against the sheets and wow, that aches;�he rocks his hips to the bed for some kind of relief.�

Kurt doesn't stop him this time, doesn't even scold him for the whimper that escapes his throat when Kurt yanks on his hips, bringing him up onto his knees as Kurt rubs the tip of his cock against Blaine's hole.�

"You've missed this, I can tell." Kurt holds Blaine's hip with one hand and strokes his cock against the entrance with the other, feeling the stimulator on the other side of the dildo nudging his dick. "I've missed it, too..."

Blaine has no warning, just the solid entry of Kurt's cock into his asshole, sliding easily with the help of some good prep and lubricant. Blaine cries out, trying to mute himself with the pillow but mostly failing. He hears Kurt, too, the shortness of his breath, the light tone to his sighs that sound almost innocent despite the situation. Clenching involuntarily, Blaine slowly raises his upper body onto his elbows. His head hangs submissively as he waits for Kurt's next move.

What he really doesn't expect is for Kurt to stroke a hand gently up his back, holding his shoulder as he gently pulls out and presses in again. He moans and tips his head back, keeping with the slow, tortuous pace.

After a few minutes of this, Blaine obviously growing more and more distressed by the pace, Kurt murmurs, "You can speak, now. But choose your words wisely."�

Blaine moans immediately, tossing his head back, "Kurt... oh, fuck, please..."

"Please, what?" Kurt bites his lip and sighs heavily through his nose, the nub inside the strap-on nudging him with each rock.�

Blaine bucks backwards at Kurt. "Please, go faster... harder..."

Kurt gasps at Blaine's desperate tone and obliges, if not only out of habit but he can't take it back, now; it feels too good and Blaine is making these noises... He pants and digs his fingernails into Blaine's hips.

"You love that... d-don't you, Blaine?" Kurt's hips slam hard against Blaine's ass and there will definitely be some bruising tomorrow. "Love my big, thick cock in your ass-"

"Yes!" It comes out like a sob, Blaine's voice shaking with pleasure, "Oh my god, yes, Kurt, please- f-fuck, you're so good- always want your cock-"

"Just want my cock now, huh?" Kurt's voice is breathless. "You sure about that?"

"Yes-"

Kurt groans, "No- more- pussy?"

"Never!" Blaine whines. He reaches down and starts jerking himself in desperate pulls, close despite the lack of stimulation to his cock thusfar. Kurt leans down and starts kissing at Blaine's back, the stimulation on his dick becoming too much and he twists his hips in the way he knows will be enough to make himself come.

"I love you," Blaine whimpers, his impending orgasm apparent in the shakiness of his voice, "I love you so much, Kurt, I love you IloveyouIlove-"

He groans loudly and comes, still babbling in between cries as he shoots over the bedsheets - something Kurt always bugs him about later, but when it happens, it happens.

And the noises alone are what do Kurt in. He hears his name tangled with all of those filthy words and proclamations of love and guttural sounds and, when the nub flicks against him just right, he's coming hard, clinging to Blaine with a few deep thrusts. He doesn't hear himself until the buzzing in his ears fades, but he's still whispering it when he comes to - I love you too, I love you so much, I love you, Blaine, I love you...

Silence follows. Kurt pulls out and unstraps and does all of the clean-up work he can while Blaine lay in an exhausted and bruised heap in a pool of his own cooling cum. It feels a little awkward, at least to Blaine once he realizes where he is and what is happening. He turns his head on the pillow to face where Kurt always lays but he isn't there. He hears water running in the bathroom. He sighs.

When Kurt returns, he turns out the light and Blaine feels him crawl onto the bed. Then there's a hand on his back, rubbing soft strokes up and down. It's soothing and he realizes it's the first time they've shared a bed in days.

"I'm sorry," Blaine whispers.

Kurt nods. "I know." He pauses. "I'm sorry, too. For... This week. How I treated you."

Blaine murmurs, before he even realizes he's said it, "It's okay. I love you."

He waits a moment before Kurt's reply comes to him in the form of a soft kiss to the cheek.�

"I love you, too." An arm slides around Blaine's waist. "And I bet you Rachel will want to throw a party or something for us making up."

"Mrrrrnh." Blaine chuckles against the pillow, nuzzling. "She can have her damn party if you fuck me like that again in the next room."

Kurt chuckles and presses his face to Blaine's arm. "Deal. Sleep now, please."

Blaine nods. "I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"Shh, I know, I know. Goodnight." There's a smile in Kurt's voice. Blaine vows to hear that smile every single night of his life.