June 24, 2012, 12:55 p.m.
Not Letting Go
Blaine Anderson is travelling home on a dark and stormy night when a road-block causes him to stop. What he sees when he shines his torch out onto the closed-off bridge ahead leads him to mount a desperate bid to save another man's life. (Suicidal!Kurt) WARNING: This story refers to attempted suicide. It is in no way meant to glorify such acts, but if this may be a trigger for you, please read with caution.
M - Words: 2,782 - Last Updated: Apr 13, 2022 659 0 5 5 Categories: Angst, Drama, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: hurt/comfort,
Blaine struggled to see through his windshield for more than a second at a time before the wipers obscured his view, and he felt himself slowing down to a snail's pace in order to keep his wits about him. He knew that he was coming up to Jackson Bridge, one of his favourite places to stop and look out over the river in the summertime, but tonight it would be anything but picturesque - he just hoped that the river hadn't risen so high that the bridge had been closed completely.
Blaine cursed under his breath as he rounded the last bend before the bridge and realised it was indeed cordoned off. He pulled up to the barriers and banged his head gently against the steering wheel. This little roadblock was going to add another forty five minutes to his journey home, at the very least. He gave the wheel one last headbutt and accidentally sounded the horn, rather liking the way the noise pierced the air and drowned out the sound of the rain pelting against the roof of the car. He pressed the wheel three more times, just to let out a little more frustration, and was about to back up and turn around when he noticed a bright pair of eyes reflected in the headlamps, looking out at him from the far side of the bridge. Blaine wasn't sure what kind of animal it might be, but he felt sure that it was probably caught between the two sets of barriers and might need help getting free. Ever the animal-lover, he zipped his jacket way up around his neck, grabbed a torch from the glove-box, threw his hood over his dark gelled hair and quickly bolted from the car, leaving the lights on to help guide the way and silently hoping that he wasn't gone long enough to run the battery flat.
As he dashed past the 'BRIDGE CLOSED' sign he gave it the finger with his free hand, tilting it skywards to give the weather a piece of his mind too. He stopped next to the flimsy metal barrier and scanned around with the torch, hoping to gauge where exactly the trapped animal might now be hiding - and then he saw something that stopped his heart. The pair of wide eyes were still staring back at him, but they belonged to what could only be the silhouette of a tall, slim human - and that human was standing on the wrong side of the metal bannisters, with surely just a few inches of ledge beneath his feet keeping him from the ice-cold water below.
'Oh good god ...' Blaine gasped to no-one in particular, stopping dead in his tracks and blinking back the raindrops falling into his eyes from his hood. He pointed the torch very slowly back on himself for the benefit of the person ahead of him, and fought for words as they caught in his throat.
'Hello? Can you hear me?' He shouted, pointing the torch back out over the bridge and catching that terrified gaze yet again. 'I'm gonna ... uh ... do you mind if I get a little closer?'
'Not too close ... please! I swear I'll jump!' A high-pitched voice rang out in the darkness.
'Alright. I promise I'm keeping my distance.' Blaine answered, manoevering his way under and around the cordon and inching slowly towards where the figure was standing. He shone the torch very tentatively outwards, hoping not to frighten them any more than they obviously already were. The light steadily settled upon what was surely a male, his entire body soaked through with rain and his chest heaving with fear ... or maybe panic? Cold? Blaine decided it was probably all three, and he was beginning to know just how the man felt.
'What's your name?' Blaine shouted over the rain. There was no answer. The stranger just stared out at the rushing water, a look of sheer desperation on his face.
'How long have you been here?'
Blaine didn't know whether to run back to the car to retrieve his charging cell phone, or just attempt to talk the man down from the ledge on adreniline alone. Those piercing blue eyes darted back at him once again and then blinked continuously.
'Please just leave me alone ...' His strangled voice whimpered. 'Go home - there's nothing worth sticking around for.'
'Is that why you're here too?' Blaine offered gently, now a few feet from the man but making sure to keep himself completely in view as he spoke. He was thrown an exasperated look.
'Oh, spare me your pity, Mister Good Samaritan. Just GO!'
Blaine stayed right where he was. 'I can't do that. I'm sorry ... I'm not that guy.'
'So your mother never taught you to mind your own business?' The stranger snapped, his voice dripping with malice.
'I don't think she'd want me to in a situation like this.'
'Oh? ... And what situation is that, exactly?'
'Umm ... well correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling you may just be considering letting go of that ledge?' Blaine said gently.
'Well, at least someone taught you the art of observation.' The man said, sighing loudly and letting his head fall back heavily against the metal pillar behind him. Blaine winced in sympathy at the obvious pain that would've caused, and looked down at the man's hands gripping tightly to the pillar, his knuckles white and his wrists trembling.
'My name's Blaine.'
'Great.'
'Please tell me yours.' Blaine cocked his head to the side, trying desperately to catch the stranger's eye again.
'What does it matter what my name is? Who honestly gives a shit?'
'I do. I give a shit.' Blaine could feel himself beginning to get frustrated, and tried to calm his voice. 'And ... well, I'm not gonna walk away and know that I left someone to do god knows what to themselves. Not here. Not tonight.' He shook his head vehemently, feeling the raindrops from his hood scatter around him.
'You can't say it, can you?' The man whispered, almost inaudibly. Blaine edged slightly closer.
'Say what?'
'That I'm going to try to kill myself.'
Blaine noted the use of the word 'try', and decided to cling onto that hint of uncertainty in the man's tone. 'I'd rather not, no.'
'Does it scare you?'
'What? The thought of someone trying to end their life when I maybe could've stopped it? Well ... uh ... yes, actually.'
'I'll bet this would scare you even more ...' The man said, scowling at Blaine from beneath the mop of hair slicked to his forehead. He freed his right arm from the pillar and raised one leg, teetering on the ledge and staring down at the wild water below him.
Before he knew what he was doing, Blaine had reached out and grabbed hold of the stranger's other arm, pinning both of their bodies against the metal with all of the strength he could muster.
'Fuck! You're hurting me!' The man shouted.
'I'm sorry, man.' Blaine choked out breathlessly, trying hard to maintain his grip on the cold, damp pillar. 'Look, please ... could we maybe just talk about why you're doing this?'
The man hung his head and sighed, temporarily defeated. 'I just don't wanna deal with it any more.' He said in a quiet voice. '... And it's Kurt, not 'man'.'
Blaine nodded, inwardly pleased with the progress he was making. 'Sorry. Deal with what ... Kurt?'
There was a long pause.
'All of the crap that goes with being me. I'm sick and tired of being a physical and emotional punch-bag for all of the homophobic assholes of this town, and maybe doing something like this will make them shut the fuck up and let everyone be.'
Blaine took a deep breath, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him as he listened to these words. 'But at what cost? You certainly wouldn't be there to see it.'
The man hung his head again and sighed deeply, wiping a hand across his sodden, exhausted-looking face.
'Trust me ... I know full well that people like that won't change, no matter what you do to try to shock them into doing it. They'll just move on to some other poor bastard and make it their mission to destroy them as well.'
'So, what can I do?' Kurt exclaimed. 'What can I possibly do to end all of the fucking agony I feel, inside and out, every damn day of my life?!'
'You can rise above it. Be the bigger man. Make something of yourself, and make those assholes see that no matter how much they think they can knock you down and fuck you up, that you will always be ten times the person they could ever be, simply for staying strong and being proud of who you are.'
The only response Blaine received was a tiny whimper. He held onto the man like his own life depended on it, hugging him tighter and gently squeezing every now and then, willing the stranger to see that he didn't need to continue down such a dark road.
'Kurt? Please, sweetie ... come on.'
Kurt looked up, shocked and then angry. 'Sweetie? You go from 'man' to 'sweetie'?! What - are you tired of trying to help and just wanna make fucking fun now?'
'What? No!' Blaine exclaimed. '... I'm sorry - I wasn't thinking. It's what I call everyone, most of the time.'
'You call them sweetie?' Kurt spat.
'Yeah ... I guess.' It was Blaine's turn to look away, exasperated and sad. He steeled himself up and returned to Kurt's bewildered gaze, shrugging. 'I dunno what else to say, Kurt ... except that you're not the only gay guy with issues around here. Believe me.'
Blaine blinked hard and gave a defiant nod, seeing a flicker of understanding cross the other man's face. They both gasped in shock as thunder began to rumble overhead. Kurt sighed heavily again, seeming to talk to no-one in particular. 'This really isn't a safe place to be in a storm.'
Blaine couldn't help but chuckle gently. 'So now you're suddenly bothered about being safe?'
Kurt smiled despite himself. 'Funny.' He replied sarcastically.
A bright flash of sheet lightning lit up the sky above them, dazzling the two men for a moment. The thunder was instant, aggressive and almost deafening. Blaine felt Kurt shudder beneath his grip.
'God, I hate storms.'
'Then come sit in my car until it dies down. I promise we don't have to go anywhere, or even speak if you don't want to. Please?'
Blaine looked pleadingly into the eyes of the man he was still clinging to, silent once again. His arms were numb now, and he was worried that he might not be able to hang on for too much longer. Thankfully, Kurt finally spoke again.
'Alright.' His voice was croaky and high pitched, and barely made it from his mouth.
Blaine pulled away slowly and nodded, keeping constant eye-contact with the man as he turned his body around and adjusted his weight so that he could clamber back onto the right side of the bannister. Kurt willingly kept his arms outstretched for Blaine to keep hold of, and with a few awkward movements, Kurt had managed to remove himself from the ledge.
'You can let go now.'
'Only if you promise to come to the car.'
Kurt shrugged indifferently. 'Fine.'
Another lightning bolt lit the sky, and both men scurried around the cordons and down towards Blaine's car. He was relieved to see that the lights were still on, so the battery was obviously still charged to a certain extent - for now at least. They clambered into the car breathlessly, Blaine switching on the heater the moment they were safely sheltered.
'My step-brother had one of these.' Kurt mumbled.
'Huh? Oh, yeah - the car. She's not bad, I guess.' Blaine shrugged.
'Finn hated his.'
'Well, she's no Ferrari, that's for sure.' Blaine replied, leaning heavily into his seat with an exasperated sigh. He couldn't remember ever being quite so drenched.
'Why do people insist on treating cars as though they're female? I mean, it's just a chunk of metal with some electrical stuff attached. Not very flattering to women, quite frankly.'
Blaine rubbed his tired eyes, searching for a witty retort but unable to find one. They sat in silence again for a couple of minutes.
'My dad owns a garage.' Kurt finally offered quietly.
'Yeah?'
'Mmm-hmmm.' Kurt sniffled and put a hand to his nose. Blaine gestured to the glove box.
'I think there are some napkins or something in there if you need one.'
Kurt nodded his thanks and retrieved a few, taking two and offering some to Blaine, who took them gratefully and wiped some of the raindrops from his brow. He dropped the used napkin on the floor of the back seat, but Kurt kept hold of his, wringing it through his hands. They sat quietly again for a moment.
'Does your dad know how you've been feeling lately, Kurt?' Blaine offered tentatively. Kurt sniffled some more, and Blaine could tell it was less about the cold, damp weather this time.
'He's been really sick ... I didn't wanna upset things even more. I love him too much.'
'D'you think he feels the same way?'
Kurt laughed. 'What, about loving me?' Oh god, my father is the single most infuriatingly amazing man I ever met when it comes to taking care of the people around him ... and I see what you're doing, by the way.'
Blaine raised his hands in protest. 'Hey, I'm not trying to meddle. It just sounds to me like you have someone pretty special in your life, who would more than likely hate to not have you around any more.'
'Honestly? My dad would probably insist on me being brought back from the dead just so that he could kill me again for doing something so stupid.' Kurt rolled his eyes and Blaine chuckled.
'Sounds like a great guy.'
Kurt looked at the tattered napkin that he'd been ripping apart slowly between his fingers. 'He's the best.' He said very gently.
Blaine felt his heart finally begin to slow down a little, relieved but feeling bad for the limp, lifeless figure sitting next to him. ' Should I take you home to your dad, Kurt?'
There was a long pause.
'Yes please, Blaine.'
***
THREE YEARS LATER
Kurt stood in the late evening sunshine, looking out at the Golden Gate Bridge.
'Isn't it beautiful ...'
'Sure is. And it's not the only one.' Kurt's boyfriend Dillon breathed into his ear from behind him, his arms wrapped around Kurt's torso. 'You OK, babe?'
Kurt sighed heavily. 'Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about this guy I met on a bridge once.'
'Oh, were you now? Should I be worried?'
Kurt laughed, and swatted his boyfriend's arm playfully. 'Haha ... no, no - not at all. I was just hoping he was OK. He actually kinda saved my life.'
Dillon curled Kurt's body to face him, a worried look on his face. 'Are we speaking metaphorically here?'
'Nope. I was pretty close to jumping off a bridge one night, and he talked me down. He was my hero.'
'Jesus - mine too! But seriously, babe ... what?!'
Kurt cuddled in to Dillon and gave him a reassuring squeeze, resting his head on a tanned shoulder and feeling his boyfriend's heart race. 'Oh honey, don't worry. That was the last time I ever thought about doing something so crazy. He honestly helped me so much.'
'Well I'm glad. Out of interest, are you still in touch with this super-hero?'
'No ... he gave me his number to call if I ever needed to talk, but I never used it ... and I have no idea where it is now, but it's certainly not in my phone.' Kurt looked up and frowned, catching Dillon's eye. '... Why?'
Dillon smiled. 'Well maybe I want to thank this tall, dark and handsome stranger for keeping you around for me to find.'
'Awww.' Kurt grinned and kissed the tip of Dillon's nose. 'But don't worry - he wasn't tall.'
It was Dillon's turn to play-fight, tickling his boyfriend and making him squeal. The two men hung around at the side of the bridge until the sun went down, laughing and joking, teasing and making out. Kurt had to admit to himself that life was pretty good nowadays ... and it was all because someone had saved him.
Comments
ok you hate the end because it should have been with blaine, but here are some good points, its a different kind of love and its one that matter maybe more then the mushy stuff. and there is a sentance in here that you need to read every once in a while, thus its favorites worthy.
great story beautifully writen
Thank you, sweetie :)
I really like this story! I was kind of hoping he would end up with Blaine though but in the end Blaine will still be his hero!
I'm really pleased you enjoyed reading the story. It would've been all too easy to have Kurt fall for Blaine, but that wasn't really the 'message' I was going for ... it was about one person helping another in a time of desperate need, and as you say, Blaine will always be Kurt's hero here - that will always be enough for me :)