May 27, 2014, 7 p.m.
Vulnerable.
He remembered feeling so weak, and vunderable. And he never wanted to feel that way again.
T - Words: 1,597 - Last Updated: May 27, 2014 779 0 0 0 Categories: Angst, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: established relationship, hurt/comfort,
Thanks so much for reading! Ive got some really good ideas for some happier drabbles too, so stay tuned for those!
It wasnt an obsession. It just felt good.
He remembered feeling so weak, so vulnerable, and he didnt want it again. He and Kurt worked together to get him back to the weight he wanted, he even took time for himself to go to the gym to get the muscle that he wanted along with the weight loss. He wasnt really sure when he was supposed to stop, but he didnt think it needed to end anytime soon.
Losing weight meant eating healthier, and eating healthier was much easier when you only eat once a day. Picking his once a day was hard. He normally met Kurt for lunch in between classes, so he should eat then. But he saw Sam and Artie around dinner time a few nights a week, so that was out of the question. But in the morning, he saw Rachel, Santana, and Kurt. So that had to be his once. So, excuses could be made for the other times.
It was easier than hed expected, being able to pawn off lunch with either saying he wasnt hungry, or just spending the time studying instead of eating. And dinner was easy enough, considering the three of them were usually munching on snack foods while playing video games. Sam and Artie werent nearly observant enough to notice.
Breakfast usually consisted of nibbling on a piece of toast, and maybe a banana, and most of that was between shared bites ith Kurt. It was far too simple, and no one seemed to question anything.
Sure, sometimes it wasnt great. Sometimes he felt, to put it in simple terms: Fucking terrible. Sometimes he felt like he was going to pass out, and throw up all at the same time. Not to say he hadnt done one or the other. Luckily hed been alone for both. If no one was around, no one could worry. And if no one worried, no one could stop him. Hed stop when he needed to.
Thats not going without saying that people had noticed. He knew that Santana and Rachel whispered behind his back. He knew Rachel worried, she seemed to worry about everything. He didnt blame her, but he also reassured her constantly that she didnt need to worry about him. And he knew Kurt noticed. Hed heard the questions that were meant to be nonchalant, about if he was stil losing weight. He noticed that Kurt called him and asked him if hed had time for lunch. But it wasnt hard to lie. He reassured him he was fine.
He was fine. He was more than fine. He was wonderful. Seeing the numbers on the scale drop felt better than most things he had in his life now. New York was everything hed expected. But New York meant being with Kurt, and so far that hadnt been how it was going. It seemed like everyday was spent either alone, or with June.
The socialite had thrown a little bit of a wrench into Blaines weight loss plan. She constantly had Blaine at events, even if just to perform. And events had food and lots of eyes on him. So eating was a given. But all of these events had him feeling as if he didnt have a minute to spare. So now instead of Kurt being too busy for him, he felt as if he never had time for his fiance.
It seemed like every free moment was still spent apart. Luckily, an hour could be spared every now and then, but not to say that the time spent alone didnt still have to be at school.
Kurt walked into the large, naturally-lit dance studio. Bright sunlight broke through the windows and made the floor warm. He looked over to see Blaine practicing a few dance steps.
"Studying for the next event?" He asked, a small smile appearing. Blaine looked over with a smile. Kurt noted the gaunt appearance of his face. It was hard to ignore.
The two approached each other towards the middle of the room. Blaine leaned in first to kiss his fiance. Kurt linked an arm around Blaines waist, slightly wincing at how thin it felt. Blaine stepped away from Kurt.
"Blaine I-"
"I want to show you this, I think its going to be my final for Miss Julys class." He said proudly. Kurt nodded with a smile.
It happened quicker than Kurt was able to prevent. Blaine had been taking a leap off the ground, one hed seen him do what seemed like hundreds of times. But instead of landing on his feet, his fiance was plummeting towards the ground.
"Blaine!" He called, as if his voice was going to stop him from hitting the floor. He jumped over to Blaine, upon hearing Blaines head hitting the hardwood. He fell next to Blaine, lifting up his head and sitting it in his lap, before pulling out his phone and calling 911.
________________________________________
His head was pounding.
He peeked one eyelid open and immediately shut it back. His head was really pounding. He groaned, but he wasnt sure if it were in his head, or out loud. He brought a hand up to rub over his face and found that an IV was attached to it. His eyes snapped open, ignoring the nagging pain in his head.
"Mr Anderson?" An unfamiliar voice asked. He looked over to find that the voice came from a young nurse.
"I-"
"Do you know why youre here?" She asked. Blaine looked closer at her name tag as she approached him and began taking his vitals. It read Miranda.
He lied, shaking his head and trying his best to seem confused.
"Youre severely malnourished." She said, grabbing a blood-pressure cuff and looping it around his arm before checking it and shaking her head.
"When was the last time you ate anything?" Blaine felt like hed been frozen. "Yep, thats what I thought." She said, shaking her head again. "Is there a reason youre not eating," She pulled out his chart and looked at it. "Blaine."
Blaine stared down at his arm with the IV in it, not daring to look up at Mirandas eyes, knowing she saw through him. He felt stupid. Why did he have to get caught? He would have stopped soon. He just needed a little bit more time.
"Will you call my fiance?" He asked, still looking down at his hands.
"Call him? Blaine, hes been sitting in the waiting room for almost five hours." She said, with the roll of her eyes, a small smile on her face.
"He seemed terrified. Really worried about you." She said, holding a thermometer in her hands, Blaine opened his mouth to take it. "He seemed completely unaware thatd youd been starving yourself." She said, a little more edge on the last few words.
"Look." He spat after shed removed the thermometer from her mouth. "I really dont need you to send me on a guilt trip. Can you just let me see him? Please."
Miranda shook her head at him, heading towards the door. "He should be back in a minute."
Blaine sat completely still, weighing his options on what to say to Kurt. Hed tell Kurt he was fine, hed tell him it was just a weird day. The sooner he got out of the hospital, the sooner things would be back to normal.
A small sniff at the door drew him away from his thoughts. He looked up to see Kurt standing in the doorframe. His hair was pointing in different directions, clearly from his hands being run through it. A nervous habit Blaine had noticed hed had. His clothes were wrinkled, and it was clear that hed been crying.
"Kurt I-"
"Why are you doing this?" He asked quietly, still never moving from his spot in the doorway.
"Im not-"
"Please dont say youre not doing anything. Please. Blaine, I know you havent been eating." He sniffed again, wiping at the tears on his cheeks harshly. "You told me you were okay."
"I am-" He looked down at his legs, picking at the sheets on the bed.
"You are not okay. This is not okay. You made me think everything was fine. God, I even told you there was nothing wrong with the way you are. There was nothing wrong with you."
Blaines eyes traveled back up to Kurt, noticing the fresh tear tracks on his cheeks. He felt tears of his own start to pool in his eyes. Suddenly the memory of seeing Kurt in a hospital bed, small and vulnerable. He remembered how trapped he felt, not able to talk to him, unsure if he was going to be okay.
"Im so, so sorry." He finally spoke. Kurt took a few steps closer to the bed and sat at the end of it. Blaine ached for Kurt to say something. To tell him it was going to be okay.
"We have to help you get better." He put a comforting hand on Blaines leg.
"Im so sorry." He said again, feeling his throat tighten again. He thought of how much this must have hurt his fiance.
"Youll be okay." Kurt moved closer to Blaine, a hand gently wiping a few tears from Blaines cheek. "Its okay."