Blaine frowned noticing something wrong with Kurt. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” he scooted himself closer to Kurt and looked in to his beautiful gaze that he had known for so long. Kurt was finding it had to breathe at the moment, let alone get his words out to string a sentence. He scooted back away from Blaine, thinking this was best.
Stung that Kurt had moved away from him, Blaine took Kurt’s hand in his own. “Shh, baby. It’s okay, we can talk about anything you know, anything. I love you. We can get through anything.” Blaine rambled through his worry.
“No, we can’t get through his Blaine.” He said, his voice thick with tears. Moving his hand from Blaine’s he added. “I’m ill.”
Blaine’s eyes widened, suddenly feeling so alone despite the fact that Kurt was right next to him. “What... what do you...” He trailed off helplessly. Kurt looked down at his hands, a tear rolled from his eyes down his cheek.
“I’ve got cancer, Blaine.”
Blaine felt his entire world being sucked away from him, unable to move, to breathe, to speak. Everything was hazy, and a wave of dizziness drifted over him. Kurt waited for a moment, this has hit him hand, but he didn’t want Blaine to feel sad at all; the inevitable.
“Blaine? Say something to me, please.” The last word came out as a sob. More tears threatened his eyes as he pleased with his boyfriend.
“Kurt, baby...” was all Blaine could say, holding his arms out helplessly for Kurt, needing to feel him, needing to be grounded. Kurt sure enough crawled in to Blaine’s arms, knowing that the next thing he was going to say would hurt both of them more than the whole situation.
“Blaine...”
“H-h-how long?” Blaine asked, clenching his eyes tightly as his entire body trembled.
“I’m breaking up with you Blaine. You don’t need to know anything else.”
Blaine felt his breath coming in sharp, harsh gasps as he clutches Kurt tighter to his body. “No, we’ve been together...f-f-for eight years. You...” he could hardly breathe.
“Blaine it’s killing me and i don’t want it to kill you too.” He practically screamed.
“Being without you, knowing you’re out there dying without me is going to kill me!” Blaine gasped immediately regretting the harshness of his words. Kurt moved from Blaine’s arms and grasped his face either side.
“I can’t let you do that. I love you too much.”
“Then stay with me.” He pleaded.
“Blaine it would be better if you just went and started a new lie, without me now so it won’t be as hard. It’ll be like we had a bad break up or something.”
“Kurt, i can’t...i can’t be without you; you’re my heart, you have my heart, my entire life...it’s not a bad break up....and you still – there’s still a chance you’ll be okay....Kurt, you’re going to be okay and everything – everything’s going to go back and...” Kurt caught him off with a kiss. Tears rolled down his cheeks.
“I’m not going to be okay Blaine.”
“No...” He murmured.
“I don’t know what else to say.” Kurt whispered.
“Did they tell you that? Tell you how long?”
“Three months, at most. Two months of enjoyable life maybe.” Blaine shook so harshly he couldn’t breathe.
“N-n-n-no ...my...Kurt, my parents. They- they have money, the love you; we’ll get you the best specialist out there...”
“Blaine they said they can’t do anything, i’m so sorry.” Kurt caressed the side of Blaine’s face for a moment. “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t know that, Kurt you- you- you can’t give up, you can’t.”
“Listen baby, it’s going to be okay.”
“It will be, b-because you’re going to be okay.”
“I mean you’ll be okay. Without me. You’re strong.” Kurt sighed. “You’re the most amazing person i’ve ever met. You’ll find someone amazing. Or if not buy like 70 puppies.” Kurt giggled.
“Kurt, don’t talk like that. I love you, i need you, more than anything. I’ll call Tina.. she’s a doctor, she should know the best specialists; it’ll be okay.”
“Blaine stop it. Please.” Kurt pleaded.
“What do you want me to do, Kurt? Do nothing? Absolutely nothing? Sit around and watch you.... you... get sicker without even trying to do anything?”
“No. I’m not asking you to do that.” Kurt sighed, intertwining his fingers with Blaine’s. “I’m asking you to help me make the most of my time.”
“Kurt, i can’t even ... talk about that right now; let me talk to the specialists, okay? Let me figure something out? Let me try?”
“You can talk to who you want to Blaine, but they’ll tell you the exact same thing i just did.” Blaine said nothing, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He wanted to just ignore everything that was going on, go back to five minutes ago when they were sat watching Harry Potter on the couch.
“Baby.” Kurt squeezed the back of Blaine’s neck, playing with the hair there. Blaien’s expression just made Kurt cry more. The touch proved to be too much for Blaine to handle and he shook harshly, feeling tears welling up.
Kurt crawled up to Blaine, pulling his head in to his chest. “it’s okay.” He whispered softly.
“No.” Was all Blaine could say.
“Yes, it’s okay. I love you so much.” Drops of Kurt’s tears fell in to Blaine’s curls.
“Kurt. You can’t...you can’t go away, and not be here with me. You can’t.”
“Blaine, this isn’t doing you any good!”
“I can’t help it!” Blaine wrenched himself away from Kurt, pacing around the room and letting sobs tear from his throat.
“Do you want to watch a movie? Go to bed or something?” Kurt wanted to find something so normal they could do together, something to make them feel like their usual selves again.
“I can’t pretend that this isn’t happening Kurt.”
“Can’t we just do something normal? See i should just leave.” He stood up and walked in to the hallway.
“No! God, Kurt, no, you can’t leave me...” Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt, slightly hysterical.
“Blaine you’re a wreck. Just take some time, calm down, take it in. I’ve had all day to take this in.” He pulled on his jacket, slipped on his Doc Martins and unlocked the door. It was dark out, but he’d be back soon enough.
Blaine grasped one of Kurt’s t-shirts for the comforting smell before collapsing to the floor and sobbing, unable to believe that Kurt had just walked out the door to leave him to deal with everything by himself... they’d always gotten through everything together, but.. Blaine couldn’t identify with Kurt, how calm he was being, and Kurt couldn’t understand what Blaine was going through.
Kurt was just as much of a wreck, but he was used to keeping things in. He just couldn’t stand seeing Blaine like that. He’d accepted what was happening but he was terrified. Seeing Blaine that scared would mess him up, he knew it. He turned the corner from their apartment and sat on a bench, wow, New York was really beautiful at night.
After about half an hour, Blaine couldn’t stand being in the space where Kurt had told him the worst news he was sure he’d hear in his entire life, and he splashed some water on his face before leaving their apartment and wandering the streets. As Blaine left, Kurt remained on his bench. His work as a Broadway star, obviously staring against Miss Rachel Berry herself had brought him here. Blaine’s music career was booming and he actually couldn’t believe his luck. That night it was like he was seeing New York for the first time again. Everything was new and exciting, right at the very end as well.
Blaine gazed up at the city lights and felt like crying. He and Kurt had conquered New York together. But just like that, Kurt would be gone, and none of it would matter anymore.
Kurt glanced down the lighted street, he was sure he could see Blaine wandering at the top of it.
Blaine leaned against a brick wall, letting tears leak down his cheeks, feeling tiny in a big city, and utterly helpless. Kurt sighed, watching the figure he now knew was Blaine lean against the wall. Blaine being Blaine never leant against anything unless he was overwhelmed. Okay, i dealt with this badly. He said to himself and go off his new favourite bench.
Blaine took deep breaths, eyeing the bar across the street and contemplating entering, but knowing he couldn’t do that to Kurt. Kurt was a few steps from Blaine. “Baby?” The soothing, familiar voice caressed Blaine’s ears, warming them in the chilled air as he turned slowly.
“Baby...” Kurt leaned against the wall next to Blaine and exhaled so a puff of white air floated around his face. “I’m so sorry, Kurt i just... i overreacted, but... losing you? That – that would kill me.”
“You didn’t overreact. I’m sorry i left.” Kurt paused. “I don’t like seeing you like that.”
“I dont blame you for leaving.” Blaine admitted softly, closing his eyes for a moment.
“I just need you Blaine.”
“I need you, too, Kurt. So much.”
“But i really need you, like right now. I need to know you’re there.” Kurt stopped thinking of how bad it sounded. “Okay do you remember in my senior year right before we had sex for the first time? Remember when you said to me ‘i want you to be comfortable so i can be comfortable.’ Blaine i need you to be strong so i can be.”
“I’m so sorry, Kurt. I... i should have been there for you earlier, i know that; I love you so much. I want taking care of you to be my only priority...it always has been my priority. I’m sorry i wasn’t strong fro you from the beginning.” Blaine shuddered leaving out the fear he felt, of when he needed Kurt, of when he would need him in the future. He would come home from a rough day at work, of being harassed by fans, and Kurt wouldn’t be there to hold him, making him soup and comfort and cuddle him. There would just be nothing, emptiness.
“You’ll get through it, Blaine you’re incredible. Remember when we broke up for that year? I was a mess, you did great. You even dated Sebastian! Blaine you can do it.”
“I can’t even think about you not being here. Kurt, no-one else is you...i don’t want anyone else.”
“Don’t have anyone else then. I’ll still be there for you Blaine. Every time you need someone, i’ll be watching you, making sure you keep that apartment tidy don’t you worry.” Humor was Kurt’s only defence. Blaine forced himself to give a small smile, eyes trained on the ground. “I love your smile.” Kurt put his hand on Blaine’s cheek. “Even if it is your fake one.” He smiled sympathetically.
“You’ve always known me too well, even when you just met me.” Blaine said quietly.
“Don’t you ever forget it.” Kurt pecked his lips lightly. “Can we head home? It’s really cold.”
“Yeah, baby.” Blaine said softly, savouring the warmth of Kurt’s lips against his and trying to remember it, really trying, knowing he would soon never feel it again. Kurt took his hand in Blaine’s and pulled him up the street a little.
“Movie in bed?”
“Okay.” Blaine clung to Kurt, wishing he could be the one so calm, taking care of Kurt the way he deserved.
They walked back to the apartment in silence. Kurt opened the door and took off his jacket and shoes. “Go on, chose a movie. I’ll be up in a minute.” He smiled edging Blaine to their bedroom.
Blaine pulled out their worn copy of The Little Mermaid think of how much time they had spent together with it and how they would soon never have that again. He clutched it tightly to his chest.
Kurt went in to their living room, he searched around the room for any sense of normal. He looked around the photos of him and Blaine on the side board, graduation, Blaine’s first show, Finn and Rachel’s wedding. He broke down in tears. Blaine gasped, then sighed as he heard Kurt’s sobs, realizing that Kurt hadn’t cried yet. He walked down the stairs and tentatively settled next to his boyfriend.
Kurt loudly sobbed in to his knee’s as he brought them to his chest. “Oh, honey.” Blaine murmured, pulling Kurt in to his arms. “It’s not your fault, love... you’re my perfect boyfriend, my perfect everything... it’s okay.”
“I’m s-so sorry-y”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, baby; it’s not your fault... you didn’t do this.”
“No, for crying. This is so stupid.” He tried to dry his tears, but they were just being replaced by more.
“Shh, baby, no, you need to deal with your emotions. I... i’m not happy that you’re upset, but i’m happy you’re crying. It’ll help you feel better in the long run, help you deal with this.” He pressed gentle kisses to Kurt’s cheeks. He turned his head to meet Blaine’s lips, enveloping him in a passionate kiss. Blaine kissed him back shakily, pouring his frustration, his hurt, his love in to the kiss, knowing how safe his heart was in Kurt’s hands.
After a few minutes, Kurt’s tears were gone and he was back to his usual self. “Movie?” he used his hopeful eyes on Blaine.
“I already picked out The Little Mermaid.”
“A favourite.” Kurt smiled holding his hands out for Blaine to help him off the floor.
“Our favourite.” Blaine corrected, scooping Kurt in to his arms instead and carrying him up the stairs. “Let’s get you some pyjamas, yeah?” Kurt snuggled his nose in to the crook of Blaine’s neck.
“Yeah.” He smiled, finally normality.
Blaine pulled out Kurt’s pants and one of his own t-shirts, knowing how Kurt loved wearing shirts that smelled like Blaine. “Your shirt, nice choice babe.” He smiled taking the clothes off Blaine and getting changed. “You smell so good, how do you always smell so good?” He brought the shirt to his face, taking it in.
“You’re one to talk.” Blaine laughed, pulling on a pair of his own pants and deciding to leave a shirt, he wanted to feel as close to Kurt as possible. Kurt pulled back the covers and drifted under them.
“I love our movie nights.” He smiled. It hurt him so much that the tension in the air probably wouldn’t ever leave again.
Blaine sighed, trying not to imagine coming home to an empty house and no movie nights. He’d probably have to throw out the dvd’s, they all reminded him of Kurt. “I do too, sweetheart.”
Once Blaine got under the covers Kurt moved towards him, leaving his head heavy on the younger mans chest. “Love you.” Blaine murmured, pulling Kurt in to his arms and humming as The Fathoms Below played from their tv.
“I love you more.” Kurt placed a kiss on Blaine’s chest as his fingers spread out around his waist.
“Not possible, honey.” Blaine teased, savouring Kurt’s warmth. Kurt smiled, loving Blaine like this. It was half way through the movie that Kurt started to drift off. Honestly today had tired him out, plus the whole reason he went to the doctors was because he was starting to feel tired all the time.
“Baby?” Blaine questioned.
“Hmm?” Kurt left his eyes closed and hummed. Feeling a pang of guilt, Blaine didn’t want to wake him fully.
“Nothing, doesn’t matter.” He pulled him closer feeling Kurt’s head go very heavy as he fell asleep.
I just, don’t want this moment ever to end.