*****

Wed sit on my porch at night, eating sunflower seeds and drinking gatorade. The red kind, you loved it, even if it did make your teeth red hours upon end even after you brushed them. Ranch sunflower seeds were my favorite. It was only fair that we both had something we liked. 

Besides each others company. 

I miss those days dearly. 

Youd come to me every night, crying and blaming yourself for everything. Then wed sit in silence, on my porch, eating sunflower seeds and drinking gatorade. There were nights when wed talk, when wed laugh, and when I could look at you and smile because you were smiling.

My parents would leave us alone, knowing something was going on with you. Theyd even pay for our nightly snack, sunflower seeds and gatorade. If and when you needed a place to stay, theyd give it to you. Id give you my bed and Id sleep on the floor. Sure, it was uncomfortable but I was just happy that you were safe. It made me smile when youd talk in your sleep. 

Sometimes in the mornings youd wake up and tell me of your dreams. Happy dreams not sad ones. I would listen intently, smiling and nodding. Your eyes were brightened by the simple fact that youd had a good nights rest. And then the part that always made me laugh is how youd tell me good morning and then leave to use the bathroom.

Every. Single. Time.

Then there was that one night. We were sitting on my porch, eating sunflower seeds and drinking gatorade, and you kissed me. My eyebrows had shot up in shock, our lips still fused together. I sighed and smiled against your pink lips, opening my mouth. Youd tasted like ranch and cherry, not the best mixture ever, but tasting it in your mouth made it worth the time. 

So, that became our regular routine. Sitting on my porch in silence, eating sunflower seeds, drinking gatorade, and kissing. It had suited me perfectly because I was with you still and thats all that mattered. That I was with you and you were safe and we were safe.

Then wed made up a song about sunflower seeds and gatorade and kissing. We called it Cherry Sun Kisses which fit perfectly. Remembering back now, I cant recall the lyrics but they were funny. And sweet. Funny and sweet at the same time, just like you. I liked that. You did too, you told me yourself. 

After a few more months of this, we lost our virginity to each other. It wasnt suppose to happen even though it did. But I never regretted it and neither did you. And Im glad it did, because I could never see myself losing my innocence to anyone but you. That was what wed had; long silences, cherry and ranch kisses, and our bodies connecting.

Wed been lying in my bed, singing that crazy song when you rolled over onto me, straddling my waist. We had shared a kiss and you lifted back up, peeling your shirt off. All I could do was watch, watch the muscles contract on your stomach and have my breath completely taken away. Id asked you what you were doing and you grimaced, shrugging your shoulders. I think you apologized to me fifty time before I shut you up. 

Id told you that if you needed it then Id do it. Only for you. So, that was that, youd ground yourself against me. Our pants and boxers came off soon after, that was when you bit your lip... questioning yourself. I knew you were silently asking me to make love to you. We were nervous, I was nervous as Id watched you lower yourself, and you were nervous as you had me inside you. 

It was all moans, gasps, and small sighs after that. You were so gorgeous, sweat running down your body, eyes squeezed shut, and your mouth open. Youd moved with ease and when you knew you were close to release youd pulled off and had me spread my legs. Id done so and held back a scream as you entered me. And even though itd hurt, so bad, everything was okay. Because I was with you and we both knew that wed never hurt each other.

Although in the end... you did hurt me.

After our first time we both got really hungry. Youd smirked and said youd wanted sunflower seeds and gatorade. Obviously, we snacked on those. There were times after that night that we had sex. And each time wed eat sunflower seeds and drink gatorade after, falling asleep in each others arms when finished.

Then there was that night, one week ago today, that you left me forever. Hurt me. The car crash that changed my life forever. The person that meant so much to me gone. Id told you to stay home and be with Burt & Carole, afterall... it was Thanksgiving. Youd refused and still came to my house, two minutes from our porch you were hit by a drunk driver. 

Id heard the crash and saw the smoke rising up in the air. My parents and I ran to the scene and when I saw your car, I cried. My parents held me back from running to pull you out of the burning vehicle, Id screamed. Screamed at the idiot who killed you, even though hed died himself. 

Id cried in my bed that night one week ago. 

And, now, Im sitting at your grave, staring at the headstone with Kurt Hummel engraved at the top. Your birthday and death date underneath it, you were so young. So young to die but you did, so young. Our Cherry Sun Kisses song is engraved underneath all that but I dont bother to look at the lyrics. 

There are no more sunflower seeds and gatorade. I have the last of them with me, right here. Its a weird way to cope but I just finished placing the sunflower seeds in the ground on top of your grave. Opening the cap to the gatorade, I pour it out on top of the seeds. Maybe theyll grow, doubt it, but God does amazing things.

Maybe sunflowers will grow over your grave from gatorade. Because if they do I know youre still with me more than ever. I stand up, shaking my hands, and stare at your grave. The one boy I ever loved like I did. And the one I always would love like that.

You eat worms and dirt and drink the wooden scent of your coffin.

I eat nails for breakfast and tacks for snacks.

There are no more sunflower seeds and red gatorade.