The slow beeps of the heart monitor flooded the room, his ears, and his mind and then as Kurt’s eyes slipped closed, they stopped and slipped into the monotonous tone of death. Silent tears slipped down his cheeks and his shoulders shook as tears wracked his body. Arms wrapped around him, a warm body pulling him in tight as he fell apart. “I’m so sorry, honey.” Carole’s mournful, quiet voice told him and Kurt pulled his arms from around himself to clutch at her, Finn and then Rachel wrapping themselves around them seconds later.

Kurt couldn’t look back at his dad as the doctor started marking time of death, as he was guided from the room. His mind ran with the last few months, the last Christmas they’d shared together, the words and looks and phone calls as Kurt lived life and Burt’s slowly slipped away. He’d been happy when his dad and turned up and told him they were spending Christmas together, as they’d hung the tree ornaments and gone for hot chocolate; then his world had crashed around him, the words prostate cancer, words so like the ones that took his mother away. They’d walked home and spent most of it silent, the word ‘cancer’ running through his head, he didn’t care about supposed survival ratings or how early they’d caught it. His dad, his hero, the man who’d raised and loved him and taught him how to be, how to love and how to dream could die at any minute from the same disease they’d lost his mom to. They’d talked about keeping those you love close, and that was how Kurt had imagined their Christmas, shared and close as a family but then Burt had brought Blaine into it and the red, raw wound had been ripped open again. Blaine was so happy to be there, so sure and telling Kurt he’d watch over his dad and part of Kurt had been happy, easily wrapped up in singing and having fun with his ex but seeing him face to face had brought back every feeling he’d ever had about the other teen, and therefore every piece of his broken heart flared white hot in his chest at just the sight of him.

Blaine had kept his promise, as far as Kurt knew but hadn’t been at the hospital to say goodbye and wasn’t at the funeral. Cooper had told him Blaine was moving to New York the day that Burt had passed and he couldn’t go to the funeral. In his mind, Blaine had had a breakdown and Kurt could understand why. As a teen just as Kurt’s friend and then lover Burt had been a rock for Blaine, his own parents as apathetic as they were, Burt was his friend and counsel. The man had brought them together and cheered their corner on many occasions and at that last Christmas, brought Blaine along to New York to see Kurt so Kurt, both of them really, would have someone else he loved there on the best and worst time of his life.

Kurt and Blaine hadn’t spoken much since Christmas, both so busy and Kurt couldn’t find the right words to say; so like the days before Blaine’s Mistake as Kurt had labelled it, they faded from each other’s lives. Blaine had indeed chosen NYADA and Kurt had resigned to seeing the man every day, at first his heart just filled with dread but as time went on and he healed, tiny sparks of hope, pride and curiosity filled it until Kurt could think of nothing but the future, that was until Burt had collapsed.

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair. Burt had talked about survival ratings and catching it early but complications had arisen and the return of the cells combined with an infection had brought the man to his knees, lying on the cold cement of his tire shop again. Kurt didn’t think Finn would ever get the image of coming around the corner to that out of his mind. It had taken a month in all. A month of phone calls, surgeries, medication, tears, bated breath and pleading for Burt Hummel to finally succumb. He’d slipped away with love on his lips and joy in his heart, telling them all he loved them so much. In their alone time Kurt had railed, whispering that his father couldn’t go, he hadn’t seen him reach his destiny. Burt had replied that he’d watched Kurt rise up, grow into a brilliant young man, love someone to the depths of his soul and get into the best school in the country for him and he and his mother would be watching over Kurt as he claimed the world as his own and married the young man who owned his heart. It was then that Kurt realised his father still knew what was best and that person’s initials were BA, as he’d drawn on Kurt’s palm with a thick, shaky finger. Twenty minutes later he was gone and Kurt was alone.

Kurt carried on. He walked into school with his head held high and almost missed the young man with curly hair and big brown eyes watching him. He’d glanced the man’s way when he saw him playing guitar with other students gathered around or warming up for dance but never really looked until big brown eyes stopped him in his tracks in the hallway. They’d stared at each other for a few seconds before Kurt had gasped and ran into his ex’s arms. They’d hugged and cried and promised to meet after classes finished for the day, glancing back at each other as they walked away.

Blaine had changed in the few months between his graduation and school starting. In the midst of his depression he’d decided to get rid of the gel, grow his hair and become someone else, someone he liked. In the end he’d actually become the grown up Blaine Anderson that Kurt had caught glimpses of in the times between school, on weekends alone, the two summers they’d shared and the heated whispers that floated in the air of their lovemaking. This Blaine was confident, charming, sweet, still the gentleman and dorky man he was but the issues that had plagued him and forced him into another’s arms had gone, petered away with the months between Christmas and graduation and then ending when Burt died and Blaine realised he couldn’t look to others for affirmation and appreciation. Kurt had fallen in love all over again at those words and the smile that accompanied them.

They saw each other each day, they shared classes and sang together on occasion, they played pranks on Rachel and grew closer together as friends, revelling in the deep friendship that had been the undercurrent of their relationship. When Kurt took a step back, he had to laugh at the situation he was in; just like all those years ago back at Dalton and the few weeks before that, he was steadily falling in love with a man who was oblivious to it, and it just happened to be the same man. Coffee dates marked another note to Kurt of how like those days their new lives were and sparked the hope of a new beginning with Blaine.

Seeing him with another man sparked an argument like never before, the screaming match sending Rachel running for cover to her room. Blaine told him he was trying to move on and live his life and Kurt had screamed that after everything he’d hoped that his dad was right, that he and Blaine would be together forever and to be honest this Blaine was a much better man than the one he’d fallen for, how could he not love him.

They didn’t speak for almost three weeks.

Kurt walked into Callbacks one night and got drunk out his mind, only fuzzily remembering stumbling into his apartment, his lips attached to another man’s when he woke up the next morning.

He turned over, his ass burning in protest and his eyes locked on bushy curls and brown eyes. They gasped at each other for a few seconds until they pulled each other close, their lips mashing together painfully, rocking their morning wood away together, coiled in happiness and shock.

Their classmates giggled and glared at them doing their walk of shame together until they saw their hands clasped between them. Most rolled their eyes or just giggled before shifting back into their previous position listening to their Music Theory teacher who just rolled his eyes and looked to them for every answer, even if they didn’t know just so he could mutter about his ‘two bright young stars’ realising the pitfalls of drinking too much.

One pair of eyes on the far end of the room from them glared, heat pouring from them until Kurt looked over feeling a mix of victory and pain for the other man as he smirked back and the eyes shifted down to his notes as Blaine’s hand found his lower back, avidly writing with the other.

Rachel had told him about the break-up not long after their argument, Blaine telling his new boyfriend that he needed to think about things and where his heart truly lay before letting go forever and making a mistake. Blaine’s soft lips met his neck briefly as the teacher turned around and Kurt turned to smile at him.

The talk came a week later as they fell into the flow of a relationship, going out on dates, spending time together at the apartment, Blaine’s apartment, going for coffee and sitting together in class and walking to classes they didn’t share. Lying sweaty and naked on his bed Kurt stared up at the ceiling and asked what they were, where they were going and if it was truly over with the man Blaine had dated. Blaine pulled his arm until he turned over and took Kurt’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He promised Kurt the world, telling him he loved him and would be honoured to officially be Kurt’s boyfriend again and the world to know it. He wanted an apartment together, to lie in their own bed, have dinners and Christmases like the ones they’d shared and the one with Burt where they’d sung together, setting the table like it was their own apartment, to get married and live their lives together, as one. Kurt had cried, telling Blaine he wanted the same things and when it came, he wanted to move to LA for Blaine’s career and be an actor or singer there.

A few months later, just before Easter Kurt moved into Blaine’s apartment and Brody moved into his – now Rachel’s – apartment. The first thing they did was hang a picture of Burt with the two of them taken at the first Christmas together, the first of many, over the fireplace.

They lived as they had before, love in motion as their lives propelled them forward, through NYADA, through their many trials, through their sparse fights and passionate lovemaking and into life as adults, caps and gowns firmly on their heads and around their shoulders once again.

Their families were in the audience, Carole and Finn screaming Kurt’s name and Paul and Kasha Anderson, not long reunited with their son on Kurt’s determined behalf as they built a relationship with their son and his soul mate on the terms of friendship and respect, shouting Blaine’s.

They’d never tell anyone, but their eyes still searched the crowd for the one man who’d never be there. They blushed at each other, their dual sadness discovered, no words needed as they linked fingers and cheered with the rest of their friends and graduates.

Life after Graduation was harder. Kurt found himself sitting on the floor of their apartment, pieces of his life, of Kurt Hummel scattered around him with no idea how to reconcile who he was with who he was then and who he wanted to be. In the walls of NYADA, like the walls of Vogue and McKinley he felt safe, the creature within him evolving, changing in safety. He could learn and become. Now he had none of that, he was uncertain, a new creature and he had no idea which way to turn.

Kurt looked up as Blaine walked into the room, a smile spreading across his handsome face and Kurt looked between his past and his future, the pictures of captured moments, letters and recorded songs and the man standing before him. Life was hard, it was an uneasy bargain between what you wanted, what you needed, what you deserved and what you feared. The road of his life was a broken, winding path that had led through darkness and light, death and life and it would lead there again many times over the journey; but as Kurt looked up at the men looking down he realised it was enough, and he couldn’t wait.