This is the end of us

And everything you said we'd be

And all the love I bring

I will be taking home with me

         It started off slow.

            Later, Blaine will say that the catalyst was Sebastian.  Kurt would disagree, if only because he’s too proud to admit that Sebastian got to him that much.

            But they all know better.

            Sebastian didn’t do anything, per say.  In fact, when he first showed up, Blaine constantly complained about how he couldn’t hang out with the Warblers without Sebastian hitting on him and making him uncomfortable.  Kurt made fun of Sebastian’s nearly stalker status.  Everything was fine.

            Then came the run in at the Lima Bean, where Sebastian, while boasting about the Warblers doing Michael Jackson songs for Regionals, let slip that he and Blaine had been talking.  Kurt tried not to let it bother him—he trusted Blaine, and knew he would never cheat.  Besides, Blaine kept swearing that Sebastian had backed off, and just wanted to be friends.  But soon, Blaine and Sebastian were texting all the time, had inside jokes, were hanging out just the two of them—Kurt couldn’t help but feel a little left behind.

            Blaine wasn’t necessarily spending any less time with Kurt, but a distance began to form.  They kissed less, they made love less.  Eventually, any sex they did have was quick, rough and dirty.  Blaine would smile and clean up afterwards, cuddling next to Kurt when he crawled back into bed.  Kurt would kiss him on the forehead and try not to cry at how cheap it all felt.

            Blaine remained oblivious as always, which only upset Kurt more. Sebastian wasn’t even in the picture anymore—he went back to France about halfway through the year after being kicked out of Dalton for drinking and sneaking boys in for “inappropriate dorm room behavior”.  But the wedge only drove itself further between Kurt and Blaine, and neither of them knew how to stop it.

            They fought more often, which led to Blaine pulling away, which led to Kurt trying to spend more time with him in a desperate attempt to cling to whatever they had left.  If Kurt didn’t get to Glee before Blaine, the latter never had an empty seat next to him.  If Kurt managed to get there first, he made sure to save a seat every time, and Blaine would give him a tense smile and sit down, linking their hands together when Kurt would stare at the floor.

            There were no sentimental serenades or passionate performances to each other anymore.  Both of they steered clear of any love songs, be they tender and gentle or angry and regretful.  They stuck close to songs about friendship, never performing alone and avoiding each other’s eyes so as not to appear to be singing to one another.

            Eventually, Kurt tried not to be clingy, starting to keep away from Blaine. At first, Blaine hated it, and apologized, attempting to recreate some of their better moments.  When it became clear that that wasn’t going to work, he started keeping away from Kurt too.

            Sex was all they had left.  There was no more lovemaking, not even any semblance of it—it was just pure, primal fucking.  It was all a show of intimacy, Blaine riding Kurt hard while Kurt lay there, thrusting up and gripping Blaine’s hips to hold him steady.  They tried to be done with it fast, but often times it would take one of them longer to finish, and they would take care of themselves while the other looked away.  Blaine would even go so far as to finger himself so that Kurt didn’t have to.

            Kurt withdrew from Glee and his friends, causing Blaine to overcompensate with cheeriness and enthusiasm.  Eventually, that began to wear on him and he too seemed to fold in on himself.

            Everyone was worried, about both of them, but no one knew what to do. Rachel wanted to fix things, but Finn miraculously managed to convince her that it would just make things worse if she meddled.  The group tried talking to each of them individually, and while neither of them denied that the relationship had gone sour, they still both refused to give it up.  At even the slightest hint of a suggestion that they should maybe just break up from Mercedes, Blaine broke down crying and Kurt pulled him close, viciously glaring at her for even mentioning it.

            It made no sense to anyone, least of all Kurt and Blaine.  If they were both so miserable, so disconnected from each other, why were they so invested in forcing the relationship to continue?  It was hurting them both so much, but they clung to the last strings they had, knowing that to say goodbye would hurt the worst of all. Neither of them felt they could even survive it.  So they didn’t let go.

            It all blew up one night, when Blaine had come over to Kurt’s empty house (Finn out on a date with Rachel and Burt and Carole away in DC).  They fucked, Kurt coming first and pushing Blaine off him as the latter stroked himself rough and fast to finish.  Kurt locked himself in the bathroom before Blaine even came.  When he let himself out, he found Blaine shaking and crying on the bed.

            “God, Blaine, what’s wrong?  I—”  Kurt was immediately by his side, only to be shoved away.  “What the fuck, Blaine?!”

            “What is this?  What are we even doing, Kurt?”  Blaine finally met Kurt’s eyes, his red, overflowing ones meeting the bright blue ones with such intensity that Kurt couldn’t even stand up from where he’d fallen onto the floor.  “We fuck and we don’t talk and we don’t touch and I barely even feel anything anymore, and I still love you so much, but I hate this and I hate us for letting it get this bad, and I don’t know what to do and I just don’t understand what we’re doing.”

            Kurt looked away before forcing himself to look back at those pained, gorgeous eyes.  He breathed out, shakily, and even more unsteadily got to his feet before sitting gingerly next to Blaine.  When he was sure he wouldn’t be pushed off the bed again, he talked.

            “I don’t…know.  I thought we were working at it.  Isn’t that what they always say?  If a relationship is rocky, you have to work at it…love isn’t always going to be enough.”

            “How the fuck is this working at it?  Can you recall one time when we sat down and had an actual conversation about how either of us felt—“ Blaine stood up and began pacing back and forth, ignoring the hand Kurt reached out and refusing to acknowledge his near desperation for eye contact.  “—or what we wanted, or how quickly our entire relationship fucking crumbled before our eyes as we watched on? That’s not working on it Kurt, that’s self destructive, and I…I think I’m done.”

            “That’s not…Blaine, look, please, look at me, I know you’re upset.  You’re…angry, and frustrated, and I get it, I do, but please, we need to just…stop and thinkfor a minute before just…giving up on—“ Kurt was crying now too, but Blaine plowed on.

            “No, Kurt!  You don’t fucking get it!  I’m not giving up on us, because there is no us left.  We’ve destroyed ourselves, we let this happen, and now we can’t even try to put it back together, because I don’t know about you, but I think that trying to glue this fuck up of a relationship back together would kill me more than ending it ever would.  I just…I’m done, Kurt, and I don’t know what that means moving ahead, if we can ever be friends or…or what, but I can’t keep going like this.  And I don’t think you can either.”

            Kurt was stunned into silence, his soft crying and Blaine’s heaving sobs the only sounds in the room.

            “M-maybe if we just, just tried to…god, Blaine, please don’t do this, I don’t know what to do without you, I can’t—I can’t fucking believe this, I love you somuch—“

            “Maybe love isn’t fucking enough, anymore!”

            Blaine’s scream echoed and ricocheted around the room, around Kurt’s head and wrapped itself around his neck, squeezing the life and love out of him.  Even as Blaine curled against him, kissing his neck and soaking his skin with tears, whispering desperate please to forgive me, Kurt, I just don’t know what to do, you’re right, but please, I could never say goodbye to you, I know this hurts but please, I think we just need to stop this, before either of us gets any more destroyed by it, please don’t hate me, Kurt, I couldn’t bear it if you hated me, Kurt’s soul felt like it was bleeding out of him, leaving a hollow shell behind to be filled and fixed up with new stuffing.

            Blaine left at some point, and while they, of course, see each other again, there is never another word spoken between them.  There is never any closure, they never get the chance to return each other’s hearts, and so they both hold that with them as they part ways off to college, off to grad school, off to jobs and marriage and children and new lives completely separate from the love they knew in high school.

            They never did say goodbye, in the end.