When somebody you love is taken away from you, people say they will never get over it. They say it's like half of you is missing, and you're left incomplete. They tell you that you wouldn't understand and that they can't put in words how it feels.

I know exactly how it feels.

 It's not that feeling right before you throw up, or the feeling of perfecting something and having that something ripped into shreds.

It's numbness.

Blaine looks up from the tear-stained paper to see it's almost morning, almost time to put on his tailored suit and prepare for the funeral, almost time to chant dammit Blaine don't cry in his head while walking up to the podium to give his speech.

He lets out a shaking breath and continues writing, hoping he can find some way to release his god damn emotions.

Kurt was-

Blaine freezes. This was it, this was the time where Blaine had to start saying Kurt was rather than Kurt is and it hurt.

It hurt because the love of his life, his high school sweetheart, was gone forever and there was nothing he could do but pretend he wasn't aching, pretend that Kurt was there, singing to him or cooking dinner in the kitchen.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears come out, wondering to himself if he'll ever stop crying.

-the love of my life. He was my everything.

Blaine whole body shook with desolation.

"Kurt, I'm sorry" he whispered to his vacant double bed. "I'm so sorry Kurt." His voice cracked and turned into a high-pitch whine, but Blaine kept talking.

"I know you wouldn't want me cr-crying... I know." Blaine fisted his un-gelled hair and a sob escaped his parted lips. "But, Kurt...It's just- it's so hard." He sunk down in his chair and his body convulsed every few seconds.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't go to the funeral and hear the people telling him ‘I'm sorry for your loss' because they didn't mean it. How could they?

It wasn't Blaine that lost something, it was the world. The world lost the man who never gave up no matter how hard life pushed him around. They lost an inspiration.

And soon enough everybody will forget.  It will be nothing but a fuzzy memory. Kurt will be nothing but a fuzzy memory.

Blaine promised himself he would never let that happen.

He picked up the pencil one last time and wrote the closing.

I'm not healed and I doubt I ever will be. Kurt was not only a great husband, but also a great person. I don't want your encouraging advice or apologies for what I've lost.

I just want my soul mate back. I want Kurt back.

Blaine doesn't cry anymore, he doesn't yell anymore nor does he hurt.

Blaine Hummel- Anderson is numb.