Kurt stumbled out of the driver's seat and felt weak as he grabbed the lilies out of the front seat and trudge to the granite stone marked "Elizabeth Hummel." It took some doing to get there, between the aching feeling in his chest, the heavy feeling in his gut, and the wobbly feeling in his knees. Kurt didn't know how he could still move when it felt like the world had ended. With the words that had tumbled out of Blaine's mouth it seemed as though the world has stopped turning. It didn't matter when Blaine swore up and down it was just a kiss. What mattered was that Blaine had done it. In one small act, he had taken everything they had ever known and thrown it all away.

That hadn't made everything stop. No. As if by some cruel joke everything Kurt had felt for Blaine was still there, clinging mercilessly to his heart like there was no tomorrow. He still felt warm, whole, filled entirely with love. But broken at the same time. And empty and alone. He couldn't quite explain it, but if he'd had to compare it with something he'd guess it was like that mug his dad always drank coffee out of. Burt had thrown it at the wall when they got the news about Kurt's mom. Then broke down in tears when he realized he'd broken the last thing Elizabeth would ever give him.

That night after his father had gone to bed, Kurt had crept into the kitchen. He silently scooped up the pieces and glues then back together. He painted over the still visible cracks. No one could tell it'd spent the last few hours in pieces. Kurt sat it on their kitchen table and went back upstairs just before sunrise. He doesn't know if Burt knew what happened with the mug, but he drinks coffee out of it every day. Even if it's still broken.

And that's what Kurt supposes he feels like now. Broken, but filled with warmth.
Kurt falls to his knees in front of his mother's grave. He runs his fingers along the cool stone, tracing the letters.

"Why momma? Why?" He asks even though he knows she won't answer. "Why does it hurt do much?" He begs of her. "Why can't it go away? Why did he do it? What did I do that made him want to hurt me so bad?" Kurt places his forehead on the cool stone, tears coming down in a stream and he just keeps asking,

"Why?"

He becomes so consumed in his pain that he doesn't hear the rustling of the leaves behind him that announce someone's arrival. But he does feel the cost that's dropped on his shoulders. It's not Burt's, he knows. Partly because he made him promise not to come, party because the smell of the jacket isn't his father's. No it's  not his day's, but it's one he recognizes nonetheless. Ad he suddenly feels as though he can't breathe.

He's gasping for air, choking for it when the arms of the owner of the jacket wrap around him from behind, holding him tightly. They begin to gently rock him and smooth his hair and Kurt's turned around in the arms, facing his---boyfriend? Ex?----he doesn't know but he finds himself clinging to the curly haired boy, crying and gasping for air.

And he must be talking too, begging for answers to the questions he's been asking of his mother.

Blaine runs his back and shushes him, smoothed his hair, and when he speaks its rough, "Kurt, I'm so sorry honey. I was so stupid---and lonely, God Kurt I was so alone---but that's no excuse. I was stupid, so incredibly idiotic, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I hurt you. Sorry because I let you think it was something you did, sorry because I made you think I didn't love you...and that...that's what I hate the most. That you thought that I didn't," Blaine pauses to tilt Kurt's chin up so he could see his face. Kurt was still crying, but quietly, "Kurt you need to know that I have always and will always love you, even if you left now, you...are the love of my life. And I can't make that go away."

Blaine's voice broke on the last word and then he was crying too. He buried his face in Kurt's neck and started to sob loudly. And Kurt let him, he held the boy tight ad nuzzled his curls. They stayed like that for several minutes. On the ground. Blaine's jacket on Kurt, Blaine with his arms around Kurt's middle, Kurt's face buried in Blaine's curls, both of them crying.

Eventually though, Kurt gives a gentles tug on Blaine's curls an Blaine looks up. "I...god Blaine...I wanna hate you, I really do. I hate what you did...but... I-i love you, more than anything." Blaine nodded, "A-and where does that leave us?" Kurt closes his eyes and kissed Blaine's forehead, whispering, "What you did hurt Blaine, it hurt...so much. But so does being without you. I'd like to give us another shot." Blaine's eyes li up and and Kurt added, "But I can't---if this happens again, I'm done. I'm out. Trough." Blaine nodded rapidly, "But it won't. It won't. I swear it, I swear it won't, I swear---" Blaine was cut off by Kurt's lips and he felt like crying.

Because kissing Kurt was like...