I miss having you hold me when I’m sad and I miss being able to kiss all your tears away. Only five more months now.



Blaine closed his beautiful eyes, his eyelashes brushing against his skin. If Kurt was here right now he would comment on how ridiculously long his eyelashes were and Blaine would grin and everything would be okay, but Kurt wasn’t here. And he wasn’t going to be for another five months. Blaine wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle five more months without the man who had stolen his heart. Actually, Kurt had not stolen it, Blaine realized. Blaine had given it to him willingly, because there was nothing he would not do for the man who had captivated him and had Blaine completely under his spell.

I will see you soon, I promise. Four months and three weeks is nothing, baby, nothing. I will be with you soon and I will be able to kiss you and hold you and make everything better.



Blaine sighed, looking around the corner of the hall at McKinley. He wasn’t safe there, not anymore, not without Kurt there. People had stopped harassing Kurt when he was in his senior year, they had gained some respect for him and because Blaine was Kurt’s boyfriend he was left alone, but now that Kurt wasn’t here…. Blaine knew that he could transfer back to Dalton and be there with his friends, but that would feel like running and Blaine just couldn’t run anymore. He was tired of running. He wanted to be someone that Kurt would feel good about being with, someone Kurt was proud to call his own, and that boy, that man, did not run. And so, Blaine stayed at McKinley where he was continously shoved in to lockers and thrown in dumpsters. He was at a place where he was told that he was worth less than anyone every single day and he had no one to stand up for him and eventually Blaine began to believe their words. Gradually, he lost himself in hate, but he didn’t tell Kurt because he couldn’t dissappoint him. Blaine just couldn’t tell Kurt because he just knew in his heart that Kurt would be dissappointed in him for letting them get to him. So, Blaine kept quiet and instead he let it tear him apart.

Four months until I can see your beautiful face again now, Blaine. Four months until I will be able to hold your hand and see you smile.



The bullying was getting worse and Blaine was becoming more and more frightened by the mere thought of going to school. His parents did not notice, of course they didn’t. They never had, and if they had they didn’t care enough to do anything. And so, Blaine suffered in silence, taking all of the harsh words and all of the hate to heart and he let it destroy him from the inside. But carefully. No one was allowed to see how much it was tearing at him. No one was allowed to notice that his smile faltered when no one was looking and that he jumped at loud or sudden noises. No one was allowed to know that Blaine was slowly breaking, and that he did no longer see any escape. Least of all Kurt.

Only three and a half months now, Blaine. I will be able to hold you soon. Are you doing okay? Tina says that you’ve lost some weight recently, weight you can’t afford to lose. Is something wrong?

Blaine wiped his tears away angrily. He could not afford to cry, he could not allow himself to wallow in self pity, at least not here, not now. Tina had noticed the dark circles and the loss of weight. She had noticed that something was wrong with Blaine, but Blaine refused to let her know what. Because the bullies had grown smarter since Kurt went there. Now they only charged at him when no one else was around because that way they could not get caught. No one could stop them. No one would stop them. Blaine tried to eat more, tried to get more sleep, but he was unable to gain back his weight and to get rid of the dark circles around his eyes. He lost more weight, the circles grew darker and the bullying grew more violent and vicious. Blaine’s mind quivered on the edge of surrender. He wasn’t strong enough to deal with it alone, but how could he let anyone know that he was weak?

Blaine, baby, is something bothering you? You seem less enthusiastic and less happy lately. You look more tired than I can ever remember having seen you. What is wrong?



Only three more months, Blaine reminded himself for the hundreth time that day. Three more months until he could see Kurt and make all of this dissappear, the town, the school and the people. He would never have to go back ever again, and he could just put it all behind him. Faggot, Blaine’s mind yelled at him as he walked down the hall and saw the smug faces of his tormentors. No one will ever love you, not even your faggot boyfriend! Blaine’s heart stung painfully in his chest as he played the words over and over again in his head. Of course Kurt didn’t love him, how could he? Blaine would never be anyone special, even his parents agreed on that. Blaine would never be good enough for anyone, so why did he even try anymore? The answer was, he didnt. Which was why, later that day, Mr. Schuester pulled Blaine aside from Glee practice and told him that he wasn’t really focused enough to have a place in Glee club anymore. Blaine didn’t protest, he just accepted it quietly as one of those things he weren’t good at. Lately, that seemed to be everything.

Just two more months now, hang in there! I will be there for graduation, I promise. I am gonna watch proudly as you graduate. I love you.



Blaine winced a little as he stopped in front of his locker. His leg hurt like hell, but he supposed he only had himself to thank for that. It was his own damn fault that he had gone crazy with the scissor and not thought about the consequenses. But then again he actually enjoyed the pain it brought him because how could he not? He deserved it, every last bit of pain that shot through his body was something he deserved because finally he had understood that he was wrong. He was an abomination, and not just because he was gay, oh no. It was because he could do nothing right and it was because no matter what he did it would never be good enough for anyone, not even Kurt. Especially not Kurt. Because Blaine Anderson wasn’t enough, not anymore, no sir. He wasn’t enough at all.

Blaine, what is wrong? I know there is something. Talk to me. Please. I will be there in a month and I want you to talk to me when I see you. Tell me what is wrong, Blaine, please?



Kurt had been begging for Blaine to tell him what was wrong, but Blaine couldn’t. Because how could he explain to his wonderful, beautiful and strong boyfriend that Blaine was what was wrong. It wasn’t the world, nor the bullies, nor the fact that mr. Schue had kicked him out of Glee. No, none of that was what was wrong. Blaine was. The only reason why he was tormented was because he was wrong, and the reason why his parents didn’t care about him was the same. He wasn’t good, he was an abomination. Wrong. Ugly. Faggot. Go die. Blaine thought over those last two words. Go die. It was something he had considered, something that looked like an option, at least at the moment. He had a stack of pills in his room, he had been saving up for when he had the courage. Courage. Kurt. Could he do it, knowing that Kurt would be left behind? Of course he could. Kurt would be better of without him.

Blaine: Goodbye, my love.

Kurt: What is going on?

Kurt: Blaine?

Kurt: BLAINE!

Kurt: Answer me Blaine

Kurt: I love you

Kurt: Please dont do anything stupid

Kurt: I love you now and until the end of forever

Kurt: Baby what is going on?

Kurt: Why aren’t you answering me?

Kurt: Blaine? Baby?

Kurt: I’m calling 911 right now okay

Kurt: Please hang in there

Kurt: I love you



Ohgod, ohgod, why hadn’t he been there. Why had he gone to New York for school? Why hadn’t he stayed home with Blaine and made sure that he was okay? Why had he insisted on waiting to see Blaine until graduation? Why had no one noticed that Blaine was just a shell, empty on the inside? Why hadn’t Kurt been there?

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand gently, tears pouring quietly down his face. He hadn’t said a word to anyone since he arrived at the hospital two hours earlier. He drew in a shaky breath as if attempting to steady his voice and said, ”I’m so sorry.” Because there Blaine lay in a white hospital bed, surrounded by white hospital walls and a white hospital building because Kurt had not payed enough attention to what was going on. Because Kurt hadn’t been at home and taken care of Blaine when Blaine needed him.

”I am so very sorry, Blaine. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t –” Kurt stopped, choking on his tears. He couldn’t lose Blaine, not now, not ever. He needed Blaine because Blaine was the other half of him and he just couldn’t live without half of himself.

”I love you,” he whispered, lips grazing against Blaine’s knuckles.

”Now and until the end of forever,” Blaine breathed brokenly, not even having the strenght to open his eyes. He then drew in a breath, and let it out before growing completely limp in Kurt’s arms. The monitor’s that Blaine were hooked up to went wild, beeping like crazy, or just giving Kurt the steady flatline that he understood. Blaine was no more.

As Kurt was ushered out of the room, that was the only thought in his head. Blaine was no more.