In which Finn Hudson learns that learning to knock is in his best interests. This fills in the blanks between Originals Songs and Prom Queen (but was written before the episode aired).
This is not exactly how he would have wanted to find out. A simple "Kurt Hummel is in a relationship with Blaine Anderson" notification from Facebook would have been more than enough. But walking in on Kurt and Blaine making out when they're supposed to be practicing for their duet for regionals? Not the best way of finding out that your stepbrother has a boyfriend. But here he is, gaping into his brother's room as said brother tugs on Blaine's collar, murmuring "this... this needs to go." He shifts uncomfortably and the movement catches Kurt's attention, and he gasps "Finn!"
Blaine pulls himself off Kurt with an incredulous "Really, Kurt? We're making out and you're thinking of your stepbrother?!"
"Uh," Finn says, clearing his throat. "You could have, y'know, put a sign up. 'WARNING: MAKING OUT WITH BLAINE - DO NOT ENTER' or something."
"It's called knocking, Finn. It's a very useful skill that you might want to develop," Kurt responds, raising an eyebrow.
"It's called letting your brother know that you're dating someone," Finn shoots back. "Which, by the way, congrats, dude," he adds, turning to Blaine. "I'm glad you pulled your head out of your ass."
Blaine sputters and Finn can't help but laugh at Kurt's scandalized look. "No offense, but we all thought you were dating back when Kurt was still at McKinley."
Kurt opens his mouth to respond, but Finn cuts him off. "Anyways, I'm here because your dad called and apparently Mom and him are going out for dinner and we're supposed to order pizza. And yes, I know not to order extra cheese because I'll die really early. Not because it's unhealthy, but because you'll kill me for ordering food that will make your hips look like pears, even though you're not fat," he adds before Kurt can say anything. Judging by Kurt's satisfied grin, he's said the right thing.
"I've taught you well," Kurt says approvingly.
"So I'm gonna go order the pizza. Use protection, guys!" Ignoring Kurt's protests, he scurries out into the hall.
"It could have been worse," he hears Blaine say. "It could have been your dad instead of Finn."
"Oh, god, don't even go there," Kurt groans. "Let's get back to practicing."
Finn doesn't want to know if practicing is some kind of euphemism for what Kurt and Blaine were doing. He rushes to the phone to call the pizza delivery guy.
---
It's not his fault. Really, it isn't. They're sitting at the dinner table, and he mentions the Night of Neglect fundraising thing. And since Burt and his mom are both busy, they can't go. But they really need the money or whatever, so he turns towards Kurt and tries his best to imitate Blaine's pleading look, because that seems to be the only thing that works on his brother.
"Come on, Kurt, you should come. We all miss you, and you can bring Blaine if you want. It can be like a --" Kurt's shaking his head frantically.
"--date," Finn finishes, wondering why.
Burt chokes on his sip of water (oh, that's why) and Finn thumps his back frantically, hoping desperately that he's not going to choke to death. Kurt drops his face into his hand.
"Date?" Burt asks when he recovers.
Finn's pretty sure Kurt doesn't intend for that ridiculously happy smile to steal across his face. In fact, he's pretty sure that Kurt should be shooting him a death glare right now. But he's not. Instead, he's turning towards his dad and beaming and saying, "yes, Dad. Date. Blaine and I are going out."
It's quiet for a moment, and Finn thinks he might be able to use a butter knife to cut the tension. But his mom's gasp of "Oh, Kurt, honey, that's wonderful!" does the job just as well. Burt clears his throat. "You and I, Kurt, we need to have a talk."
The next thing he knows, he's being dragged into the living room by his mother.
Finn flops onto the couch and says, "I think Kurt's going to kill me."
Mom gives him half a smile and says, "I don't think he will. I don't think he particularly likes the colour orange."
Finn blinks at her. That makes no sense at all. It's quiet for a bit, and they can kind of hear snippets of what's being said in the dining room.
"...hear it from you... happy?" That's Burt's voice.
"Yes... so long... can't really believe..."
"...all that matters to me... for you."
"Thank you."
Finn can't resist peeking into the dining room, and he sees Kurt pulling away from a hug and wiping his eyes with an embarrassed laugh. "So you're not going to shoot Blaine the next time you see him?" he jokes weakly.
"No. But I'll probably threaten to, just to make sure he doesn't try anything funny," Burt says with a grin as he ruffles Kurt's hair, who pouts.
"Blaine's a gentleman," Kurt says over his shoulder as he makes his way towards the door. "That won't be necessary."
Finn takes this as his cue to retreat back into the living room and holds a pillow up in defense. "Don't kill me yet, Kurt," he babbles. "I'll take out your trash for a month, I promise."
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Don't be silly, Finn. I'm not going to kill you."
Finn sighs in relief. "And the performance?"
"We'll be there," Kurt confirms. "At least, I'll call Blaine and ask him."
"Awesome!"
---
He doesn't know why in the world Santana would even think about dating Karofsky, but if it means that Kurt can come back, he's not going to complain. Because, let's face it, even though he was really reluctant about the whole brothers-with-Kurt-which-means-that-Kurt-will-probably-see-him-shirtless-at-some-point thing in the beginning, he really misses Kurt when he's at Dalton. And if he's being really honest, New Directions just isn't the same without Kurt. So when Burt tells him to keep an eye out for Kurt, he assures his stepfather that he's got this.
Kurt turns and catches his eye and gives him a self-satisfied smirk, and Finn crosses his fingers and hopes that this means that Kurt's really going to transfer back. It's confirmed the next day, when Kurt stands at the top of the staircase and announces that "Kurt Hummel's back at McKinley!"
And it's awesome. Sure, he feels kind of bad for feeling so happy when Kurt and Blaine are both in tears and hugging, and he's half expecting one of the jocks to throw a slushie at them or something (and his fists are already clenched, just in case). But Kurt is definitely glad to be back, and he's pretty sure they'll be seeing more of Blaine at home to make up for the time they're missing.
Sure enough, Blaine's bright red car is parked right beside Kurt's after school, and Kurt runs across the parking lot and throws his arms around Blaine's neck while Finn rolls his eyes and makes his way towards Kurt's car. "Gosh, I missed you," he says breathlessly, kissing Blaine quickly. "How was your day?"
"Can I be honest?" Blaine asks, raising his eyebrows.
Kurt rolls his eyes. "You're supposed to be."
"It sucked." Blaine says flatly.
"Oh."
"After chem, I walked halfway to your English class before I realized you weren't there. And then the same thing happened after history."
"I picked up fries today during lunch before I realized that you weren't there to steal all of them," Kurt says, smiling wistfully.
Blaine runs a hand through Kurt's hair - bad choice, Finn thinks, but Kurt just leans into the touch. "I guess Dalton spoiled us. We got too used to seeing each other all the time. Holding hands in the hallways," Blaine says, grabbing Kurt's hands to emphasize his point.
"Stealing kisses between classes," Kurt adds, smiling as he presses their lips together.
"Going out for coffee after school," Blaine says when they pull apart.
"We can still do that," Kurt replies as he throws his keys towards Finn. "Here, take these and go home."
"You're letting me drive your car," he says in disbelief. "Really?"
"I can't just leave my baby here. Make sure you don't crash."
"Your 'baby'?" Blaine teases. "Seriously?"
"Oh, be quiet. At least I didn't name my car Gloria." Kurt rolls his eyes as he slips into the passenger seat of Blaine's BMW.
Finn snorts as Blaine insists that Gloria is a perfectly acceptable name for a car as glorious as his, and he suddenly sees why Blaine doesn't think Kurt's weird. He remembers what Burt said about keeping an eye on Kurt, so he follows them to the coffee shop. Blaine holds his hand out to Kurt, and Kurt takes it, beaming at him.
Finn waits a few minutes before pulling sunglasses and a dark trench coat out of his bag and following them inside. He tries to remain inconspicuous as he stands in line, but that's kind of hard to do when you're really tall. So he approaches the barista and says "The name's Hudson. Finn Hudson. Medium drip, shaken, not stirred." with his best James Bond impersonation. He's probably been spending too much time with Sam. She gives him a really funny look as she prepares his coffee.
He pays and takes the drink, sipping as he looks furtively around the shop. He promptly spits it back into the cup. Blech, coffee is disgusting.
"Finn Hudson, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Kurt hisses from the table in front of him. Finn peers at him through his sunglasses. Blaine looks incredibly amused. Finn wishes he could say the same about his stepbrother.
"I'm ... uh, James Bond. But I don't know how you can drink this shit, it's disgusting," he says, holding up the coffee.
"Finn," Kurt says with measured calmness. "Here's what you're going to do. You're going to give me those sunglasses." He holds his hand out expectantly. Finn pouts and hands them over.
"You're going to promise to never touch my Dior sunglasses again." Kurt raises an eyebrow.
"I promise to never touch your door sunglasses again," Finn repeats.
"Dior."
"Whatever, dude."
"And finally, you're going home. And if you ever stalk me on one of my dates again, you will be sorry. Understood?"
"Can't promise that, bro."
Kurt frowns at him and Finn gives him a meek look. "I mean, of course, Kurt."
Blaine shoots him a sympathetic grin. "Maybe we can double date? With you and... Quinn, is it?"
"Yeah," Finn replies. "That'll be awesome." He stands there awkwardly for a moment, but Kurt puts him out of his misery.
"Here," he says, handing him a chocolate chip muffin. "Have this. And now leave us alone." Kurt smiles, but Finn's pretty sure that's his if-you-don't-do-what-I-say-I'm-gonna-go-all-serial-killer-on-you smile.
"Awesome!" Finn grabs the muffin and rushes out of the coffee shop before Kurt can change his mind.
"I guess being a bad spy runs in your family," he hears Blaine say.
"We're not even related," Kurt replies, and Finn's 99% sure he's either rolling his eyes or giving Blaine his signature Kurt-Hummel-bitch-face. Possibly both. They might not be related by blood, but Finn's definitely got the whole broternal instinct thing down.
--
Maybe it's because of their mutual love for pizza and college football, but Finn really likes Blaine. Or maybe it's because Kurt's always in a good mood because he has a boyfriend now, which means he bakes more cakes and complains less about carbs and cholesterol and stuff. It doesn't really matter, because the point is that Finn likes Blaine, because that dude is awesome. Though if he's honest with himself, he'd always thought that Blaine would be the one to break Kurt's heart, not the other way around. Which is why he's so shocked when he sees Kurt outside of Sam's motel room.
Because, sure, Finn might not be the brightest crayon in the box (and that quote has never made sense to him, because crayons don't even look like people, but whatever), but he's pretty sure Kurt's smitten with Blaine, what with all the hand holding and smiling and making out. And the fact that Blaine is the only person who's allowed to touch Kurt's hair without being killed. And if you really like someone, you shouldn't cheat on them, right?
He doesn't really know what to do, because the last thing he wants is for Kurt to be pissed at him. And that little voice in the back of his head can just shut up, because it's not about the cake. Well, part of it is. But it's mostly about not wanting Kurt and Blaine's relationship to go downhill.
But when he gets home to see Kurt and Blaine sprawled out on Kurt's bed, with Blaine curled up against Kurt as he reads a book miserable lesbians as the latter flips through one of his many fashion magazines as he absently plays with Blaine's hair, something in him snaps, because they look so couple-y and cute together, and he can't believe that Kurt would do this to Blaine.
"I can't do this anymore," Blaine huffs, tossing his book aside and burying his face in Kurt's shirt.
"I love Les Miserables!" Kurt gasps in mock outrage.
"The musical," Blaine deadpans.
"Well, yes," Kurt admits, putting his magazine down. "I think we should--"
"Kurt," Finn interrupts from the doorway. "We need to talk."
"Um... okay?"
"Alone."
Kurt raises an eyebrow but reluctantly pulls away from Blaine, joining Finn outside his room and closing the door behind him. "What do you want, Finn?"
"You have to tell him," Finn says firmly.
Kurt looks confused. "Tell him what?"
"About you and Sam." As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he's not going to get through to his stepbrother, because Kurt's face closes off.
"It's good to know that you have such a high opinion of me," Kurt says coldly, turning back towards his room.
"Dude, you can't do this to Blaine," Finn pleads, and Kurt whirls around, eyes flashing.
"I'm not doing anything! Just because every girl you've ever been with has cheated on you, doesn't mean the same thing will happen between Blaine and me!"
That's a low blow, but before Finn can respond, Kurt is turning on his heel and slamming the door in Finn's face.
"I can't believe him," he hears Kurt seethe.
That's really funny, because Finn's thinking the same thing. He sighs in exasperation and goes downstairs to get a snack. He really needs to write a self-help book on being a good brother. And include a whole chapter on not getting involved in your brother's relationships, especially when your own are so messed up.
He's glumly picking at a slice of the chocolate cake that Kurt had made last night - and you know there's something wrong when Finn Hudson doesn't want cake - when he hears someone clearing their throat. Gosh, he really doesn't want to talk to Kurt right now, and he's turning around to tell him that, but then he sees that it isn't Kurt.
"Oh, Blaine. Uh. Hi."
"Look, Finn," Blaine says, cutting to the chase. "I know you mean well, but I trust Kurt. He's one of the most amazing and moral people I've ever met. Do you really think he's the kind of guy that would cheat on anyone?"
"I didn't think that Quinn was the kind of person that would go and have a baby with her boyfriend's best friend," Finn points out sullenly.
"Somehow, I don't think Kurt's going to get pregnant," Blaine says with half a smile.
"No, he's not," Finn agrees. "But now he's just really pissed off and will probably never make cake again," he adds, stabbing at the slice in front of him with his fork.
"It'll be fine," Blaine assures him as he shrugs on his jacket. "I'll see you around."
It isn't fine, at least until everyone knows about Sam. Until then, Kurt's giving him the silent treatment. But then that night, Kurt shuffles into Finn's room with two glasses of warm milk and a tentative smile. "So now you know," he says.
"Yeah," Finn replies, taking the milk gratefully. "Dude, I'm really sor--"
"It's okay. I said some shitty stuff, too."
"So... just to make sure... you're still gonna make cake, right? Like, maybe tomorrow?"
"I'm going out for dinner with Blaine tomorrow. But maybe the day after, sure."
"Awesome."
"Really, Finn, is the cake all you care about?"
"No!"
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Kurt says.
"Dude, how many times do I have to tell you, this is 'bro chat', not 'lady chat'!"
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Just drink your milk, Finn."
---
It's Friday, which means that after dinner, the Hudson-Hummels are all sitting down for game night. It's Monopoly tonight. Finn's phone buzzes and he reaches for it.
Blaine A: Make sure Kurt's the one to answer the door.
He frowns at the message, confused, then texts back.
Finn H: dude wut
"Finn, it's your turn," his mom tells him, pushing the dice towards him.
"One sec," he replies.
"Who are you texting?" Kurt asks.
"Uh, Puck," Finn lies.
"Didn't he lose his phone?" Kurt counters, raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah, and then he found it. So he texted me to tell me that he found it." Finn laughs nervously, checking his phone again as it buzzes.
Blaine A: You'll see ;) just make sure!
Finn H: ok bro, w/e u say
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Just roll the dice, Finn."
As if on cue, the doorbell rings.
"Just get the door, Kurt," Finn replies. Kurt gives him a sour look, but gets up anyways. Well. That was easier than he expected.
"Blaine," he hears Kurt exclaim. "Hi!"
"Hey, Blaine's here!" Finn says brightly, trying to avoid rolling the dice. "I'm gonna go say hi!" He races into the hall, only to see Kurt wrapping his arms around Blaine's waist as he kisses him. On the ground is a sign that says 'I don't know if there's any protocol for asking your boyfriend to his prom when he goes to a different school, so here goes: KURT HUMMEL, WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME? b29;' in Blaine's writing.
Blaine pulls away, arms still around Kurt's neck. "I'll take that as a yes, then?"
"Definitely," Kurt smiles, taking his hands. "Want to watch Finn fail at Monopoly?"
"Hey!" Finn protests.
"How can I say no to that?"
"Not cool, dude," Finn says. "Next time I'll get Burt to answer the door instead."
Blaine just grins at him over his shoulder as Kurt leads the way towards the living room. "We both know you wouldn't."
As Kurt predicted, Finn fails epically. The Monopoly Man practically beats him to death with his pimp cane. "We're playing Jenga next time," he grumbles.
"I'm feeling generous tonight, so I won't comment," Kurt says. "You're coming over on Sunday so I can show you my prom outfit," he adds, turning to Blaine.
"Someone's prepared," he comments.
"Oh, no. I'm buying it tomorrow. But I have a general idea of what I want."
"Doesn't everyone? I mean, for guys, all we have to do is buy a suit or something," Finn says.
Kurt just raises his eyebrows and smiles secretively.�
---
Sunday finds Blaine and Finn sitting on the couch as they wait for Kurt to unveil his prom outfit, even though there are still two weeks until the actual event.
"Dude, the way you asked Kurt to go to prom with you was really cool," Finn says.
Blaine beams. "You think so?"
"Totally," Finn replies. "I didn't even get to ask Quinn. She just told me that her dress was light blue and that I'd better get one of those flower thingies that match her dress. And that my tie or something had to match her dress. And she wrote her prom queen acceptance speech two weeks ago."
"Wow. Well, I really hope she wins," Blaine says.
He's about to tell Blaine that Quinn will probably gouge the winner's eyes out if it isn't her and that it's a good thing that Blaine and Kurt are both guys, but then Kurt enters wearing a skirt or something, and he can't help commenting, "Dude, that rocks, it's like Braveheart!"
Blaine turns and looks at him incredulously. "I don't think Kurt would take that as a compliment."
Kurt spins, oblivious to Finn's intended compliment, and says, "What do you think?"
"I think," Blaine says in a strained voice, "that you should help me pick out my tie. Right now. In your room."
Before Kurt can respond, Blaine's grabbing his hand and dragging him upstairs.
Finn finishes his glass of warm milk and belatedly realizes that he should probably also get Kurt to pick out a tie for him. Because if he picks out the wrong one, Quinn will probably yell at him. And Kurt has really good fashion sense (according to Kurt), so asking him for help is probably a very good idea. He's making his way up the stairs when he hears Kurt's smug, slightly breathless voice.
"I take it you like it, then?"
"Like it? I love it!"
And then there's a thump from Kurt's room. He instantly assumes that Kurt's shelf has fallen on top of him and Blaine (and in hindsight, that is the second most stupid assumption he's ever made - the first being the whole Kurt-is-cheating-on-Blaine debacle) and rushes towards the door, pushing it open and yelling "I'll save you!" and gasping when Kurt and Blaine pull away from each other in shock, hair mussed and lips red.
And in hindsight, he really needs to remember that Kurt and Blaine are both teenage guys that like to make out. He's pretty sure the image of Kurt's tongue tangled with Blaine's will be burned into his retinas forever. "Dude, that's it!" he exclaims in frustration. "I am getting you that 'WARNING: MAKING OUT WITH BLAINE' sign and you are going to put it on your door. Because I thought your shelf fell over and trapped you and I was going to be your epic bro and save you both and then you'd help me pick out a good tie so that Quinn wouldn't yell at me and--"
"Okay, Finn, calm down," Kurt says, frowning as he buttons his shirt back up. "I'll help you pick out a tie if you leave now. And promise to never barge into my room ever again. Especially if I'm here with Blaine. Because really, I have no intention of committing myself to a life of celibacy just because you have a vendetta against knocking."
"I'll knock next time, I promise!" Finn says, eyes wide.
"I think this is the part where you leave," Kurt tells him, not unkindly.
"Yeah, okay," Finn replies as he turns towards the door. "Will you kill me if I tell you to use protection?"
"Probably, since it's coming from the boy who thought that he could get someone pregnant through a hot tub."
"Not cool, dude," Finn says, but he turns and leaves. When he's halfway down the stairs, he turns and calls, "USE PROTECTION!" Kurt's door flies open and a pillow hits him in the face. Finn shrugs. It could have been worse.
An hour later, Burt's telling him to go call Kurt and Blaine down for dinner and Finn's muttering "knock or else you'll go blind!" under his breath. So when he reaches Kurt's room, he knocks on the door quickly before turning the handle, one hand held protectively over his eyes. It's pointless, because all he walks in on is Blaine spinning a laughing Kurt around and telling him how he's so glad he has someone to go to prom with this year and Kurt pulling Blaine into a hug and whispering "me too".
Finn really doesn't want to interrupt, because he's pretty sure they're trapped in their own little bubble of bliss and that they didn't even hear him knock. But he kind of has to, because dinner will get cold. So he knocks again, a little louder this time, and Kurt and Blaine both look up.
Kurt nods approvingly. "You're learning."
"Yup," Finn beams. "Even though the one time I knock, you two aren't doing anything that'll scar me."
"We can start if you want," Blaine says with a wink. Kurt swats his arm and hisses "exhibitionist, much?"
Finn doesn't really know what that means, but he sure as hell doesn't want to see more of Kurt's tongue than he already has, so he backs out of the room quickly, saying, "No, dude, it's okay. I'd rather not. Dinner is ready, by the way."
It takes Kurt and Blaine at least five minutes to come downstairs, and Finn notes that Kurt isn't wearing the skirt anymore. And if he notices that they're flushed and beaming and that Blaine's hair is more than a little bit messy, he doesn't say anything. Because he thinks that Kurt won't appreciate it if Finn gets his boyfriend killed. And then Finn will never get cake again.
Also, Finn's an awesome brother and he thinks that Blaine is totally cool, and not just because he helps him with algebra. So he just rolls his eyes at their linked hands and says "Dudes, I'm really cool with you guys being, y'know, together and stuff, but you're going to give me cavities."
Kurt and Blaine beam at him, and he thinks that maybe he should just deal with the cavities. After all, his dentist always gives him candy, and Finn's not the kind of guy who'll say no to that.