The silence was the first thing Blaine noticed as he walked through the door of his and Kurt's new apartment. Kurt had been able to take some time off from Vogue to get the place in order after they moved across town, but Broadway waited for no man, stressful moves or not. As such, Blaine had gotten used to coming home to a different home than the one he left, as Kurt was forever trying out furniture in different places, fixing lamps and building bookcases, painting walls and hanging up pictures.

Blaine had texted to say he was on his way home after rehearsal and that he'd pick up dinner, so the complete silence was unsettling. Carefully, he maneuvered around boxes and made his way to their bedroom, stepping over Burt's big and heavy orange toolbox that had been left in the middle of the living room floor.

"Kurt?" he called out as he peeked into the empty room. "Honey, are you home?"

"In here," he heard from behind the door to their second bedroom, one that was to become their nursery and that they had agreed to tackle together in a few weeks’ time, when Blaine had some time off from his show.

Blaine slowly pushed open the door and peered into the dark room. He spotted his husband sitting on the floor just beyond the light streaming in from the hallway, and he flipped on the light to see him better.

Kurt didn't lift his head, but he kept running a piece of cloth from one hand to the other. Blaine thought he recognized it, but he couldn't be sure from his angle.

"Are you okay, honey?" he asked gently.

Finally, Kurt lifted his head and revealed his tear streaked face. He shook his head and let out a sob as he lifted the plaid flannel to his nose and tried to inhale its fading scent despite his clogged up nose. "I miss him so much, Blaine."

"Oh, sweetie." Blaine sat down next to Kurt and pulled him into his arms. "I know you do." He ran a hand through Kurt’s hair and down his back, rocking them gently. 

"It's been years. Shouldn't I be able to deal with this better by now?"

"Grief is not a linear process, Kurt. You know that. Whichever way you feel is perfectly valid, no matter how much time has passed. Burt was an amazing man and the best father. He truly was larger than life, and you two had a bond that many people only wish they could have with their dads."

Kurt buried his face in Blaine's solid chest, feeling safe enough with his strong arms around him to let go and feel everything he had been bottling up the past few months.

"It's not fair. He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to help me put together our furniture and shoo you away if you tried to help. He was supposed to tease me about our paint colors but secretly be proud of us for taking this new step.

"He was supposed to help me stress test the baby furniture and answer the phone in the middle of the night when I'm stressed about any little thing and you couldn't calm me down."

Kurt let out a loud sob and Blaine tightened his arms around Kurt, his heart breaking for him as he shook with barely restrained grief.

"He was supposed to be here, and it just kills me that he will never get to hold his grandchildren. He will never teach them about sports when we're not looking, or feed them sugar before sending them back to us all hyped up. They will never know the absolute safety of being held in his arms or hear him brag about them to his friends."

Blaine pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's hair and searched for something to say that would not sound trite or meaningless. "You're right. It's not fair. He should be here, and it really, really sucks that he isn't. But, Kurt? I promise you that our children will know him. We will make sure of that.

"We have photos and videos we can show them and so many stories to tell that we'll never need a book at bedtime. Memories may be all we have, but we will pass them on, and they will know about him.

"It breaks my heart to see you hurting like this, and I wish I could magically make it better. But I can't. We can’t give our children the grandfather they deserve, but we can try our hardest to make them feel just as safe in our arms as you felt in your dad’s. We can learn from his example and be the men that he taught us to be. If we do even half as great a job at parenting as he did, then he will never truly be gone."

Blaine felt Kurt's sobs lessen in intensity as he listened to his words. Kurt did not always like to show his vulnerability and pain, so Blaine was grateful he managed to find the right words to comfort his grieving husband.

"He will live on in you. And in our children and their children and theirs… We will keep his memory close in our hearts. Always."