ca_te
April 12, 2012, 1:42 a.m.
You are all I hoped you'd become
Cooper can't help thinking that he has never been brave enough when it comes to Blaine.(Warning: Spoilers from episode 3x15!!)
T - Words: 1,326 - Last Updated: Apr 12, 2012 1,069 0 0 2 Categories: Angst, General, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Cooper Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Tags: hurt/comfort,
Author's Notes: This is a little something inspired from ep 3x15. It's from Cooper's POV and well basically it's my take on his and Blaine's relationship over time (with a bit of Kurt thrown in for good measure). Even though it might not be the typical Blaine/Kurt fic, please, give it a try and let me know what you think of it :)
Blaine keeps hitting the punching bag over and over. Cooper wonders if his arms hurt, he wishes he was brave enough to let him know that he is there, to ask him how he is truly feeling.
He has never been brave enough.
He was the first Blaine came out to. His little brother had looked at him with his eyes so full of hope; Cooper knew all too well that he wasn’t going to find acceptance in their father. He felt too small and too useless, because he couldn’t replace that.
“It’s alright, Blaine.”
“A-are you sure?”
He nodded and ruffled Blaine’s hair, wishing he knew how to do more.
Cooper looks at the boy his little brother has become; he takes in his strong arms, the determination on his face. He realizes that he hasn’t truly been there while he was growing up, when he needed him.
He was sprawled on the couch, taking a drag from the cigarette Chris, his flat mate, had just passed him when his mobile phone vibrated on the coffee table. He huffed out in annoyance not feeling like picking up.
“Don’t you have to answer that?”
Cooper shrugged and took a sip of a too warm beer.
“Nah, it probably is just mum who wants to talk about what she did today.”
Chris shrugged and went back to talking about Helen, the hot girl in his microeconomics class.
His mobile kept buzzing, though, so he finally straighten up and reached for it.
“Mum?”
His blood froze as his mother’s sobs echoed over the phone line.
“What’s wrong, mum? Are you alright?”
“It’s…it’s Blaine, he is in the hospital…”
As Cooper listened to her, everything seemed to still inside of him. He would swear he couldn’t hear his own heartbeat anymore.
When his mother hung up, he simply remained there, still holding the phone close to his ear.
“Are you alright, man?”
He forced himself to nod and then pushed himself to his feet. His legs miraculously held him up long enough for him to shut his bedroom’s door and collapse against it.
Finally, he allowed himself to cry. The sobs wrenched their way out of him at the thought of Blaine being beaten, of Blaine waking up alone in a white and aseptic room.
When Blaine stops, Cooper is about to call him, but then his brother is slipping past the door that leads to the showers and he remains there, frozen on the spot. He can feel Blaine’s anger and pain all around him.
They seem to stick to his skin like glue.
When he finally mustered enough courage to call home to talk to Blaine the words got stuck in his throat the moment he heard his brother’s weak “hello” over the line. He wanted to say so many things, that he was sorry for not being there, that he would kill who had done this to him, that he would never let that happen again. He simply said that he wished Blaine could get better soon and that he didn’t know when he was going to be back in Ohio yet. Blaine’s soft “alright” cut through him deeper than anything before.
Back at home Blaine doesn’t speak much to him, he sneaks up to his room and Cooper is left to seat in the living room with their parents. He thinks about a time when he was allowed in Blaine’s room without the need to ask for permission, a time when he simply was Blaine’s big brother, without questions and without distances between them. He imagines a time when Blaine would have come to him to talk about Kurt, about their first time, about his dreams and plans for the future.
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Cooper Anderson
Subject: Congrats
Hi, Coop
Mum told me the audition for that commercial went well. I just wanted to say congratulations.
Blaine
Cooper read the email over and over. He wanted to tell Blaine that he had seen all of the Warblers’ performances on YouTube even though he had never managed to be there in person. He simply answered with a “Thanks, little brother”, hoping that one day he would be able to tell Blaine just how much he cared.
Going to Kurt seems like the only viable option. Cooper has seen how Blaine is around him, how his face seems to light up when they talk in the hallways, how his shoulders are never tense when they seat close to each other in the choir room.
He stops by Kurt’s locker while Blaine is still in math’s class.
“Hey.”
Kurt’s eyes are clear and piercing; Cooper shifts his weight from left to right at the thought that those eyes have seen deeper into Blaine than his ever did.
“Hi. Blaine is still in class.”
Cooper passes a hand through his hair.
“Actually I wanted to talk to you.”
Kurt raises an eyebrow and Cooper wonders if it is normal to feel intimidated by your little brother’s boyfriend.
“It’s…”
“He loves you, Cooper. He just needs your support.”
Cooper blinks. He knows what Kurt is saying is true, he doesn’t know if he is good enough to do it, though. He wants to be there for Blaine, he really does, but what if he fails again as he has already done so many times? He doesn’t feel as though he can be anyone’s model.
“I wasn’t there, you know?”
Kurt leans against the row of lockers.
“You mean after the dance?”
His voice is low, thick with affection and Cooper is grateful that Blaine has someone like Kurt by his side. He nods, his eyes focused on the linoleum under their feet.
“I never was there when he needed it.”
Cooper lifts his gaze at the feeling of the warm weight of Kurt’s hand on his forearm.
“Then, start now.”
“Coop! I want to sing that song too!”
Blaine pouted and Cooper chuckled. They were rehearsing for the small show they usually put up for their relatives on Christmas. Blaine was six years old and already had such a pretty voice that Cooper couldn’t help being jealous of it.
“I’m older so I’ve the right to sing the main song!”
“But…”
“No buts!”
As Blaine went back to singing backup, Cooper was certain that one day Blaine would become a star, that when he grew up his voice was going to be amazing. He didn’t say anything, he simply flashed him a smile and got back to playing the role of the lead singer.
Blaine sings, his voice slamming against Cooper as he sits in the empty auditorium. It’s powerful and so beautiful that it’s almost painful. It’s just what Cooper has always imagined Blaine’s voice would become. He can picture his brother on a Broadway stage, his eyes shining under the lights, singing his heart out.
To sing with Blaine is completely different now. Cooper feels so inadequate; he isn’t strong as Blaine is, he is talented as he is. And yet, despite all the differences that there might be between them, being on the stage with him, finally hearing what Blaine has kept locked inside all this time Cooper feels closer to his brother than he has ever felt.
This is it. This is when he can finally go back to being the older brother he was always supposed to be.
He wants to tell Blaine that he has always believed in him, that he is going to shine one day. He takes a deep breath and for once does just so.
“I’ve always seen how insanely talented you are. I want you to be as successful as you can be, Blaine, and you’re going to be. You’re going to do it all.”
When Blaine hugs him, Cooper can’t help the tears that are threatening to fall. It feels like putting a missing piece back in the jigsaw it belongs to.
He has just sat on the plane to go back to LA when his mobile vibrates with a new text.
From Blaine:
Have a safe trip. Call me when you land. Love you. Your little brother.
Cooper leans back against the seat and smiles.
“When I grow up I want to be like you, Coop!”
Cooper lowered his gaze on his four years old brother sat in his lap.
“You’re going to be better!”
He has never been brave enough.
He was the first Blaine came out to. His little brother had looked at him with his eyes so full of hope; Cooper knew all too well that he wasn’t going to find acceptance in their father. He felt too small and too useless, because he couldn’t replace that.
“It’s alright, Blaine.”
“A-are you sure?”
He nodded and ruffled Blaine’s hair, wishing he knew how to do more.
Cooper looks at the boy his little brother has become; he takes in his strong arms, the determination on his face. He realizes that he hasn’t truly been there while he was growing up, when he needed him.
He was sprawled on the couch, taking a drag from the cigarette Chris, his flat mate, had just passed him when his mobile phone vibrated on the coffee table. He huffed out in annoyance not feeling like picking up.
“Don’t you have to answer that?”
Cooper shrugged and took a sip of a too warm beer.
“Nah, it probably is just mum who wants to talk about what she did today.”
Chris shrugged and went back to talking about Helen, the hot girl in his microeconomics class.
His mobile kept buzzing, though, so he finally straighten up and reached for it.
“Mum?”
His blood froze as his mother’s sobs echoed over the phone line.
“What’s wrong, mum? Are you alright?”
“It’s…it’s Blaine, he is in the hospital…”
As Cooper listened to her, everything seemed to still inside of him. He would swear he couldn’t hear his own heartbeat anymore.
When his mother hung up, he simply remained there, still holding the phone close to his ear.
“Are you alright, man?”
He forced himself to nod and then pushed himself to his feet. His legs miraculously held him up long enough for him to shut his bedroom’s door and collapse against it.
Finally, he allowed himself to cry. The sobs wrenched their way out of him at the thought of Blaine being beaten, of Blaine waking up alone in a white and aseptic room.
When Blaine stops, Cooper is about to call him, but then his brother is slipping past the door that leads to the showers and he remains there, frozen on the spot. He can feel Blaine’s anger and pain all around him.
They seem to stick to his skin like glue.
When he finally mustered enough courage to call home to talk to Blaine the words got stuck in his throat the moment he heard his brother’s weak “hello” over the line. He wanted to say so many things, that he was sorry for not being there, that he would kill who had done this to him, that he would never let that happen again. He simply said that he wished Blaine could get better soon and that he didn’t know when he was going to be back in Ohio yet. Blaine’s soft “alright” cut through him deeper than anything before.
Back at home Blaine doesn’t speak much to him, he sneaks up to his room and Cooper is left to seat in the living room with their parents. He thinks about a time when he was allowed in Blaine’s room without the need to ask for permission, a time when he simply was Blaine’s big brother, without questions and without distances between them. He imagines a time when Blaine would have come to him to talk about Kurt, about their first time, about his dreams and plans for the future.
From: Blaine Anderson
To: Cooper Anderson
Subject: Congrats
Hi, Coop
Mum told me the audition for that commercial went well. I just wanted to say congratulations.
Blaine
Cooper read the email over and over. He wanted to tell Blaine that he had seen all of the Warblers’ performances on YouTube even though he had never managed to be there in person. He simply answered with a “Thanks, little brother”, hoping that one day he would be able to tell Blaine just how much he cared.
Going to Kurt seems like the only viable option. Cooper has seen how Blaine is around him, how his face seems to light up when they talk in the hallways, how his shoulders are never tense when they seat close to each other in the choir room.
He stops by Kurt’s locker while Blaine is still in math’s class.
“Hey.”
Kurt’s eyes are clear and piercing; Cooper shifts his weight from left to right at the thought that those eyes have seen deeper into Blaine than his ever did.
“Hi. Blaine is still in class.”
Cooper passes a hand through his hair.
“Actually I wanted to talk to you.”
Kurt raises an eyebrow and Cooper wonders if it is normal to feel intimidated by your little brother’s boyfriend.
“It’s…”
“He loves you, Cooper. He just needs your support.”
Cooper blinks. He knows what Kurt is saying is true, he doesn’t know if he is good enough to do it, though. He wants to be there for Blaine, he really does, but what if he fails again as he has already done so many times? He doesn’t feel as though he can be anyone’s model.
“I wasn’t there, you know?”
Kurt leans against the row of lockers.
“You mean after the dance?”
His voice is low, thick with affection and Cooper is grateful that Blaine has someone like Kurt by his side. He nods, his eyes focused on the linoleum under their feet.
“I never was there when he needed it.”
Cooper lifts his gaze at the feeling of the warm weight of Kurt’s hand on his forearm.
“Then, start now.”
“Coop! I want to sing that song too!”
Blaine pouted and Cooper chuckled. They were rehearsing for the small show they usually put up for their relatives on Christmas. Blaine was six years old and already had such a pretty voice that Cooper couldn’t help being jealous of it.
“I’m older so I’ve the right to sing the main song!”
“But…”
“No buts!”
As Blaine went back to singing backup, Cooper was certain that one day Blaine would become a star, that when he grew up his voice was going to be amazing. He didn’t say anything, he simply flashed him a smile and got back to playing the role of the lead singer.
Blaine sings, his voice slamming against Cooper as he sits in the empty auditorium. It’s powerful and so beautiful that it’s almost painful. It’s just what Cooper has always imagined Blaine’s voice would become. He can picture his brother on a Broadway stage, his eyes shining under the lights, singing his heart out.
To sing with Blaine is completely different now. Cooper feels so inadequate; he isn’t strong as Blaine is, he is talented as he is. And yet, despite all the differences that there might be between them, being on the stage with him, finally hearing what Blaine has kept locked inside all this time Cooper feels closer to his brother than he has ever felt.
This is it. This is when he can finally go back to being the older brother he was always supposed to be.
He wants to tell Blaine that he has always believed in him, that he is going to shine one day. He takes a deep breath and for once does just so.
“I’ve always seen how insanely talented you are. I want you to be as successful as you can be, Blaine, and you’re going to be. You’re going to do it all.”
When Blaine hugs him, Cooper can’t help the tears that are threatening to fall. It feels like putting a missing piece back in the jigsaw it belongs to.
He has just sat on the plane to go back to LA when his mobile vibrates with a new text.
From Blaine:
Have a safe trip. Call me when you land. Love you. Your little brother.
Cooper leans back against the seat and smiles.
“When I grow up I want to be like you, Coop!”
Cooper lowered his gaze on his four years old brother sat in his lap.
“You’re going to be better!”