Because of you.
Blaine lied in bed trying his hardest not to fall asleep as he waited for Kurt to call him. But their 9:00 o'clock Skype date got pushed back to ten, then eleven and now, one in the morning, Blaine turned off his computer and collapsed in bed.
A few hours later his mother was over him waking him up since he slept through his alarm clock. He got up about third minutes before her just to work out before school. He scrambled to get ready and by the time he got down stairs his father was grabbing the last bag for his two day trip in Tennessee.
"I'll see you wednesday George," Blaine mother Lydia said expecting him to give her a kiss before he leaves.
Instead he looked at Blaine, "don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." He said in all seriousness and walked out the kitchen only to turn around and grab his coffee before leaving entirely.
Lydia was good at hiding her emotions from the people around her but even Blaine knew she was breaking inside. She swallowed hard and took her half grapefruit in her hand muttering, "don't be late for school. Order in for dinner I'll be with your aunt Karen." And in less then a minute Blaine was eating breakfast alone. He checked his phone and nothing from Kurt. Nothing from any of his friend, the friendly morning text from Artie, the color of the day from tina. Even Rachel would text him inspirational words in her Monday morning mass text.
Blaine thought his phone was broken so he turned it off and turned it back on. Nothing.
Then a quick vibrate he looked and saw he won a free iPhone s4, click here to claim before its too late. It was more depressing then the butt dial he got from Kurt two days ago, technicly the last time Blaine heard his voice. Blaine didn't even finish his Cheerios as he decided to just go to school.
It was a slow boring day as usual, Blaine aced Fridays test in physics, the only of the class, which meant his teacher owed him lunch sometime this week. He forgot PE cloths so he walked the track all class. English was a blur then lunch glee meeting he started to crash.
"And that's why I want everyone to sing a song that reflect who they are now compared to who they will become." Mr Schuster said, the only thing Blaine caught that he said. Blaine turned to Tina and mouthed what are we doing?
The group broke off some talking to the band other returning to lunch, Tina sat next to Blaine and reexplained what this weeks assignment was. "Mr shue wants us to find a song that talks about our life and what we plan to do with it. I personally can't wait, this has Katy Perry written all over it, I thinking fingerprints or simple. I'm going to the computer lab want to come?"
"No thanks, I think I'm going to the nurses I really need a nap." Blaine yawned.
"Late night talking to Kurt?' She asked as she stood and gathered her things.
"No, I haven't talked to him in a while, I was waiting for him and nothing at all." Blaine shrugged, "work is really hard for him though, I'm sure he just got to busy and thought after two hours I'd fall asleep." Blaine yawned again, "he as wrong, after three hours I went to bed. And now I'm going to rest. I'll see you in history."
That afternoon in glee Artie sung a very edited version of kayne's good life. Blaine didn't stick around for anything else, he went right home and colapsed in his bed. His phone ringing in his bag. He was too tired together it but something told him it was Kurt. He grabbed his phone and looked at the missed call from Kurt and the text that read call me asap.
Blaine retailed and wanted for his boyfriend to answer. "Kurt hummel." His voice didn't sound the same but Kurt was in business mode.
"Hey babe, I just got your message." Blaine said.
"Oh my god Blaine I'm so sorry about yesterday, my phone died at ten, and i got home around midnight, I don't even remember how I got home, I slept on my couch, and didn't put my phone on the charger." Kurt was rambling but Blaine tried to talk over him.
"Kurt its fine. I fell asleep around ten, don't worry, I'm just glad to hear your voice." Blaine lied.
"I still feel really bad, I'm going to make it up to you, Sara's niece is getting married Thursday, and i have the day off." Kurt said.
Blaine exploded with joy his fatigue replaced it excitement. "Does that mean you're coming to visit?"
"Yes, I'm coming home for a day." Kurt said a smile audible in his tone.
"That's great, we have an assignment in glee about were we want to be in the future, I want to sing from you." Blaine.
"I can't wait to hear it. But I have to go. I love you."
"Love you too." Blaine said and listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before hanging up.
Tuesday was a faint blur Tina preformed fingerprints by Katy perry. Blaine mom didn't get home til after midnight and Kurt text him three times in the six hours they were suppose to be talking. Blaine still couldn't pick a song to sing for this weeks assignment. He was all over the place, wanting to sing a red hot chill peppers song, but realizing without Puck or Finn it wouldn't sound great so he inched his way back to top forty. He fell asleep at his desk searching but woke up on time the following day.
Wednesday his morning classes drug on and on, like his teachers were dubbed in slow motion. He and Sam were going to between the sheets at lunch to find some music but Kurt sent Blaine a text to call him.
Blaine called him twice and no answer both times. In the middle of his histroy class he got a text from Kurt telling him he couldn't go to Ohio tomorrow and he would explained tonight.
Blaine was so confused and had no idea what was going on much less what to do. He loved Kurt with everything in him and then some more. But since he got the internship Kurt has been too busy for Blaine.
Blaine got home to the smell of roast beef in the oven and his mom sitting in the living room with a glass of wine. "Hey mom, is dad home yet?"
"No, he had to stay another night," she said staring off into the distance. Blaine rolled his eyes and stared down the hall but then realized Kurt was doing the same thing.
"Why is he never home?" Blaine turned and looked at her solumn face.
"He's busy at work." She quickly answered.
"Really, I feel like its because of me. Everything is because of me, he's never home, your never home, my own boyfriend isn't around anymore." Blaine began to rant more to himself then Lydia.
"Blaine just stop." Lydia shouted, "its not because of you, its because of me. You're father and I have been on the rocks for a very long time, you're not a child anymore. We don't have to hide it, we are going threw marriage counseling and its not looking good, your father and I are getting divorced."
Blaine stood numb letting her words sink in. No words left his mouth though he opened it twice. The oven beeped and with out hesitation Lydia left the room leaving Blaine shocked.
Blaine walked to his room and just started crying. He didn't really know why, he hadn't cried about anything else his parent did, he almost didn't care that they were divorcing it sucked but not enough to make him cry. Then the picture of Kurt at his bed side made him realize he was just like his parent. He never wanted to break up with Kurt but that is where the workohalic lifestyle would leave him.
Kurt called him that night but Blaine was crying and didn't want to talk. Blaine Even had a nightmare of Kurt signing their devorice papers and woke up with a start, and started to cry. He didn't want to go to school, but he had a project due. He got to school and just felt weird. His classes were a blur and lunch came around he couldn't even eat. So he went to the auditorium to rehearse his number for glee. Brad was already in there when Blaine walked in. They gave each other wistful glances and subtle noddes and Blaine handed him the sheet music to Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson.
His mothers words lingered in his head and he pictured her in the empty chairs as he sung. "I will not make the same mistakes that you did. I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery. I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard. I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far." Blaine didn't want a marriage like his parent, he won't stand around the way his mother did and watch it fall to pieces.
It wasn't just his mothers fault, no his dad is the one that taught him to hid it. Never let them see you sweat, he saw his dad in the row now and just let it all out.
"I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out. I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes. I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with." Blaine belted. He was on the verge of tears but powered through it. Kurt walked into the autoriam ready to surprise Blaine but the sadness in his voice made Kurt stay back and just listen.
"Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you I am afraid." He saw his mother again 'we were always on the rocks,' she said. It was true some nights she would just hold him and cry Blaine had no idea why until now.
"I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep. I was so young, You should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain. And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing!" He felt hot tears running down his cheeks and let all his pain out into words.
"Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk. Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything. Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in. Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty. Because of you I am afraid. Because of you. Because of you...." he felt to his knees and buried his face in his hands.
"Blaine?" Kurt emerged from the shadows and startled blaine.