o~o~o


Parties are never quite as great after the fact, they just aren’t. Sure, it’s fun while it’s happening, when the drinks are flowing freely and the music is throbbing through your body, but in the morning, when any music that isn’t ‘easy listening’ makes you feel incredibly nauseous, you’re left feeling totally gross. You stink, you’re sticky, you’re seriously lacking in the memory department and you have to wear your sunglasses all day, regardless of season or weather conditions. And, if you’re Blaine Anderson, you’ve usually lost a random item of clothing along the way too, probably something like a sock, and it’ll all feel like a part of some great mystery that you’ll never understand. Blaine doesn’t even try to comprehend it anymore, it‘s like trying to work out who created the universe and that’s just impossible.

So, understandably, Blaine is feeling really proud of himself when he wakes up on Kurt’s sofa and nothing is missing, he has both his shoes, his cardigan, his watch and his phone and that’s almost too good to be true. Except, he knows it’s true because he was determined not to get too drunk last night, he was drunk, he just wasn’t so drunk that he couldn’t handle himself if he had to. Kurt was there with him, as were about twenty McKinley jocks, and Blaine wasn’t going to get too sloppy just in case they started something. Blaine needed to be able to throw a few punches because if one of those meatheads made it their mission to mess with his boyfriend he needed to be able to throw his fist firmly in their face. It’s not that Kurt couldn’t defend himself, it’s just that Kurt isn’t the kind of guy who fights with fists, he’s more of a words man, and while Blaine totally respects that he knows that words don’t ever beat fists in fights; so, he was careful with his consumption, just in case. No one was putting their hands on his boyfriend, they’d gone out as a couple, with the intention of having fun and they were going to have it. Blaine was certain of that. As were Puck and Sam and Mike.

As it turned out, the jocks had left Kurt alone for the most part, and they hadn’t said a single word to Blaine, as always. Sure, they’d had a few nasty things to say about gay people the minute they’d stepped through the door but that was nothing that Kurt couldn’t handle by himself. His boyfriend has a seriously vicious mouth on him- when he needs one. Kurt’s the perfect combination of disgust and superiority and sarcasm when he needs to be and Blaine’s not gonna lie, it makes him so damn proud when Kurt sticks up for himself so fearlessly. When there’s passion burning brightly in Kurt’s eyes Blaine‘s heart starts skipping beats all over the damn place. It sends a rush straight through him because that level of confidence is just so fucking sexy on Kurt.

But Blaine can’t dwell on the sexiness of Kurt, not right now, it’s too early in the morning for him to think about his boyfriend pressing him into a mattress. Ugh, his body shudders just thinking about it. Thinking about Kurt laying those hot, heavy kisses up his neck and then sucking firmly just behind his ear, on that sensitive spot that just makes him growl like a fucking animal. Plus, it’s only nine in the morning and there’s absolutely no way Kurt is awake yet, so, there’s no way he can sneak upstairs for a dirty kiss because Kurt would kill him if he didn‘t get his eight hours sleep and Blaine just doesn‘t have a death wish. He’s enjoying his life these days, thank you very much.

Eventually, Blaine decides that making breakfast is a good substitute for thinking about Kurt because it uses up all of his brain power and that way his dick will stop stirring in his pants. And Blaine would like that because if someone comes downstairs and tries to talk to him all kinds of awkward could happen. Oh, hi Burt, yeah, this is just a boner I have from thinking about your son touching me inappropriately but isn‘t the weather just lovely today? No thanks. He could seriously live without that.

Anyway, it’s decided now, breakfast, and to repay Burt and Carole, for letting him crash on their sofa, he‘s going to make them both breakfast. He’s making Finn some too, of course, assuming Finn‘s home because they kind of lost track of him last night. Anyway, Finn is Kurt’s brother now and that‘s kind of a big deal around here and, if Blaine was being honest, he thinks it’s all at least seven different types of adorable. They can’t go an hour without mentioning the word ‘brother’ and, yes, that should be pretty weird but it’s just so endearing that Blaine’s heart starts melting into goo before he can criticise it.

Blaine’s not a chef, he can barely boil an egg but it’s the thought that counts, right? Right. That’s what they say. So, when his scrambled eggs look more like charred crumbs he just sighs and scrapes them into a bowl. He never claimed to be a culinary genius or a gastronomic whiz kid. He can’t be good at everything, so, don‘t judge him. His pancakes are just as awful and then there’s the aroma of char that’s wafting shamelessly around the kitchen and it’s decided then. No more cooking on the stove because I’d be totally awesome if Blaine didn’t burn the house down. Really, it would. So, he gives up cooking altogether.

Blaine’s about to decide which delightful fruit of his labour he wants to sample first when he hears someone shuffle into the kitchen behind him.

Blaine spins around, expecting to see Burt or Carole and he’s about to tell them not to come too close because he still stinks but his mouth just hangs open, he didn‘t expect this. Not this early in the morning.

“Finn?” Blaine says, an expression of shock lingering on his face. Finn doesn’t get up until midday on the best of days. It’s a bit of a surprise, seeing him standing there in his baggy pyjamas; looking absolutely exhausted. His face drained and far too pale to be healthy.

“Oh. Hey.” Finn says carefully and he looks completely worn out, like he hasn’t been asleep at all and his tone isn’t exactly screaming morning cheer. Though, unlike Blaine, Finn isn’t one of morning’s natural cheerleaders. He’s the kind of guy who stays up all night, playing on his x-box with his friends, regardless of it being a school day or a test day or anything else. Blaine’s the complete opposite, he’s the kind of guy who goes to bed early with his Modern Family box set and rises at the crack of dawn- just in case he wastes a minute of his life. That’s just the way they are and Kurt, well, he’s kind of a perfect combination of the two- which is probably why they both get along with Kurt so well.

Blaine watches as Finn sways further into the kitchen and he cringes- Finn definitely drank far too much last night. They should have kept a closer eye on him. He hardly has any coordination, his feet are barely moving off the ground and his eyes are nothing but tiny slats. Blaine doesn’t envy him, his head must be pounding.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asks eventually, “Because, I’ve got to be honest here, you look pretty rough. In fact, you look awful, Finn. I made... Breakfast, if you want some.” Blaine finishes cheerily and Finn just bites at his lip.

Blaine waits and waits for Finn’s hung over brain to catch up, a stupid smile plastered on his face, but when Finn doesn’t say a thing Blaine’s smile slips away. Finn looks so incredibly nervous right now and that’s actually really worrying. Hangovers aren’t exactly nerve destroying things, they just make you puke a lot and wish you lived in one of those old black and white a silent movies. A perfect word where nothing is too bright and everyone’s mouths move pointlessly because, yeah, silent movie. But they generally don’t make you nervous, unless you’ve done something stupid, that is.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Blaine asks carefully then, his pitch high and soft. A tone Kurt had told him was warming in all the right ways. Finn looked like he needed warming.

“Can I talk to you about something? S-something private?” Finn whispers suddenly and Blaine is almost frozen because he’s never heard Finn sound so small. Blaine’s always talking about how ‘tall’ Finn, yes, Blaine has a height fixation because he’s a short guy and that gives a boy a complex but, no, he was never just talking his height. Finn’s a tall guy on the inside too. In fact, he’s tall in a lot of ways. But anyway, Finn is talking to him and he‘s trying so hard to listen.

“Sure.” he affirms and then, “Of course you can, Finn. Come and sit down.” Blaine says softly because he likes talking, he loves it, and if Finn needs to get something off his chest he can be the person he tells. Blaine pulls a chair out for himself and Finn mirrors him… before he hesitates and steps backwards.

“No, actually, I’ll just stand.” He says quickly and then, like an afterthought, “Thanks though.”

Blaine is frowning then, as he tucks the chair back under the table, because Finn is having a hard time looking anywhere but the floor and that isn’t right. None of this seems right. If Blaine’s head had alarm bells inside it they’d be ringing so hard right now. They’d be playing him a tune and it’d be loud and intense and it would sound a lot like a warning. But human heads don’t come with alarm bells, they come with the desire to understand and connect to other people, regardless.

“What‘s wrong?” Blaine asks eventually, carefully, and Finn shakes his head once before he takes another step backwards. Blaine can’t help but reach out a hand then. He doesn’t know why but he needs Finn to stay with him, there‘s a feeling deep inside of him and it‘s telling him that this talk is important on some incomprehensible level. Blaine’s not the kind of guy that argues with his feelings, he just goes with what feels right, and Finn walking away isn’t right.

“It doesn’t matter. I feel.. really stupid now.” Finn explains and Blaine knows he’s close to leaving but this is obviously important to Finn and Finn is important to Kurt which makes Finn important to him. This, whatever it is, it matters.

“It obviously does matter, Finn. Just say it, whatever it is, you’ll feel better.” Blaine tries and Finn looks right at him then, for the briefest of seconds, and there is nothing in his eyes but confusion and pain. That’s so unexpected that it makes Blaine do a double take.

“W-what is sex like for gay dudes?” Finn stutters out quietly and a heavy blush flushes his face. Blaine gets even more confused.

“What?” Blaine replies a little sharply because he wasn’t expecting that, not at all. It sends Finn the wrong message.

“I’m sorry. I should just-- I should just go.” Finn apologises then before he starts to turn around. Sadness, that’s all that’s in his voice, pure sadness. Blaine’s heart starts pounding.

“No, Finn. No, it’s okay.” Blaine says quickly before, “Let’s see, okay, so sex for gay guys is just like sex for straight guys except it’s a bit different anatomically, at least that‘s what they tell me. I‘m not an expert, Finn. I haven‘t done much, sexually, especially not the big stuff. Me and Kurt, we‘re happy with where we are right now, we‘re not in a rush. So, I‘m not the expert.” He says sincerely and Finn shuffles back into the kitchen, his legs look like they’re barely working and when Blaine really looks he can see dark circles around his eyes. He has absolutely no idea what’s going on right now but he‘s incredibly glad he‘s not a shy guy.

“But it’s not for wimps, right?” Finn whispers helplessly then, his eyes glued to the floor. His cheeks are crimson, Blaine feels bad that this is so uncomfortable for him.

“Huh?” Blaine says instinctively but his brain’s running on autopilot and that doesn’t exactly highlight his articulate nature.

“Sex for gay dudes. It’s not for cry babies.” Finn explains and Blaine is really, really confused, now more than ever. What is Finn talking about?

“Sex is for whoever wants it, Finn.” Blaine clarifies obviously and Finn draws his lip back between his teeth, almost like he didn’t know that and that worries Blaine. That worries him a lot. He doesn’t get the time to dwell on it though.

“D-does it always hurt?” Finn asks then and there’s a feeling deep inside of Blaine that wont settle down. It’s an awful sensation and he really wishes it wasn’t there.

“No. I mean, I’ve read it doesn’t hurt at all if the prep is done right.” Blaine says helpfully because he has read that, well, Kurt read it and then emailed him the link.. but still.

“Prep?” Finn asks then, looking at Blaine quickly before their eyes meet accidentally and he drags them away. This whole thing is starting to terrify Blaine.

“Preparation. No one needs to be in pain, Finn, sex is about pleasure. It‘s about love and trust, at least, that‘s what I want it to be for me. I want it to be something joyful and pure.” Blaine confides earnestly and Finn falters.

“O-oh.” Is all he can say to that and then an theory suddenly strikes Blaine.

“Finn, are you questioning your sexuality or something because you should just know that it’s totally normal to have thoughts you don‘t quite understand at our age? It doesn‘t mean you‘re gay, or straight, or whatever other labels people like to throw on the people that they can‘t understand. You‘re not alone, Finn.” Blaine reassures and Finn almost flinches.

“N-no. I mean, I’m d-definitely straight.” He says shakily, “Definitely.”

“Okay. Then has something happened?” Blaine probes and Finn shifts uncomfortably. Blaine didn’t think it was possible for Finn to look any smaller but apparently it is.

“N-no.” Finn stutters and Blaine sees it then and it’s completely horrifying.

“Finn, you’re shaking.” he says breathlessly, walking towards Finn instinctively. He wants to touch him, hug him, tell him that it’s okay, whatever it is, but he doesn’t because as soon as he’s within reaching distance Finn flinches and Blaine pulls his hand back like it‘s on fire.

“S-sorry.” Finn says then, clasping his hands tightly together to hide the worsening tremor.

“Look, did something happen at the party?” Blaine asks urgently, his voice deathly quiet. The silence is starting to unnerve him.

“I-I was drunk…” Finn confesses then and Blaine shrugs.

“We were all drunk, Finn, that’s not a crime.” he reassures softly and he’s trying so hard to understand what’s going on in Finn’s head.

“H-he just wouldn’t stop, he kept… pushing-” Finn recounts, his eyes closed tightly now, his head turned away. Finn is a stark contrast to Blaine- whose leaning progressively forward as his eyes grow wider.

“Who? Did someone say something to you? Did those meatheads say something about Kurt being gay?” Blaine says quickly, urgently, his chest rising and falling at an alarming speed, his protective side kicking in.

“He-he wouldn’t stop. I couldn‘t make him stop.” Finn says then, trying to explain, and Blaine can hear the disgust; the self deprecation and it makes him feel sick. It makes him feel nauseous.

Another realisation hits him then.

“Wait. Finn, did someone hurt you last night?” Blaine whispers heavily and the air seems to be vanishing out of the room. That would explain a lot, if one of those jocks had cornered Finn, pushed him around, mocked Kurt- his brother. Blaine could understand perfectly how that would give him a sleepless night.

“He wouldn’t stop touching me and I-I was too drunk to push him away. His hand were so heavy and I didn‘t-- I didn’t want him touching me there.” There are tears in his voice now.

“Finn.” Blaine gasps then and his heart is pounding. He reaches out a hand again before he remembers Finn flinching and drags it back. Someone hurt Finn, someone touched him. Oh, God. Blaine is suddenly hit with a torrent of guilt- he should have kept a closer eye on him. Just because Finn’s taller, and stronger, and on the football team- that doesn’t make him any less vulnerable. Blaine has never felt this awful, not ever in his life.

“I didn’t want to but he said that didn’t matter. It didn’t.. it didn’t matter if you wanted it or not when you‘re a faggot. And I got so confused. D-does it matter, Blaine?” Finn questions desperately and Blaine can feel the emotion rising through his chest now. He wants to cry. He wants to scream. He wants to turn back time and insist that Finn stays near him. He wants to meet the person who did this and tear them to fucking shreds.

“It-- it doesn’t matter. Does it? He was-- he was right.” Finn says then and his voice is so damn shaky that it makes Blaine’s heart shake.

“Jesus, Finn! Of course it matters. Did this guy… did he force himself on you?” Blaine whispers lowly and Finn’s face scrunches up, crumbles with emotion.

That’s all the answer Blaine needs.

He hadn’t known a heart could break so quickly.

Finn can’t say anything, one of his fists is bawled up tightly at his side; the other is at his face wiping at his eyes. Blaine just wants to hold him and scream: I’m so sorry!

“Finn?” Blaine tries eventually and the taller boy sniffles.

“I should just go. I’m-- I’m sorry.” Finn mutters apologetically and Blaine is standing there, staring back at his boyfriend’s step-brother in complete shock.

Finn starts to turn away.

“No. Wait, Finn. If someone hurt you then you need to tell someone about it.” Blaine says quickly because he doesn’t know what else to say, he’s a teenager, he doesn’t know how to fix this. They don’t teach you about this at school, or on the television, or in any of those stupid magazines that Kurt reads.

“I--” Finn starts before shaking his head and stopping himself. Pulling a face that’s filled with disgust and it’s obvious then that he’s thinking about last night, that he’s thinking about himself and Blaine can hardly stand that.

“You-- you haven’t done anything wrong.” Blaine says then because that’s what you’re supposed to say, you know, on account of it being one hundred percent true.

“You don’t know that.” Finn whispers shamefully and Blaine is ready to burst because this is just too much.

“Did you want it?” Blaine asks then, almost inaudibly, and it takes less than a second for Finn to say, “No.” Blaine wonders if that’s how long it took Finn to say ‘no’ to the guy who did this to him and then he feels absolutely sick. He feels utterly disgusted.

“Then it wasn’t consensual and that makes it sexual assault, Finn, and this is really, really, serious.” Blaine says firmly. They can’t let the guy get away with this. This is wrong, on so many levels, this is wrong. It’s awful and it’s against the law and it’s against every single decent person’s morals.

“I’m n-not a girl.” Finn says then and Blaine almost flinches.

“Your gender seriously doesn’t matter here.” He counters but Finn just shakes his head. Like Blaine has just told him a really, really awful joke.

“That’s silly. You can’t …sexually assault ..a guy.” Finn mutters and Blaine thinks that maybe that hurts him much more than it should but he feels like he’s just been punched in the face.

“Of course you can, Finn! If someone had sex with me and I didn’t want it what would that be? Would that be okay? Would that be right? Just because I‘m male?” Blaine says passionately because he doesn’t care if you’re a boy or a girl or a man or a woman, or anything in between, you alone hold the rights to your body.

“Of course not!” Finn says in utter shock, “ That’d be wrong. It’d be.. it‘d be… r-rape or something. .. Oh, my god.” Finn gasps then, as the realisation hits him, as he tastes the word that describes what happened to him.

Rape.

“You need to tell someone, Finn.” Blaine urges then and Finn bursts into tears. Blaine has never felt so upset for someone else in his entire life. Not even Kurt. He has never seen another human fall apart in front of him, not like this.

“I--I can’t.” Finn cries and then Blaine starts crying too because this is so wrong, this is all so wrong. They’re just stupid kids.

“You should go to the hospital.” Blaine says then because that‘s what an adult would say and Finn could be seriously hurt.

“No.” Finn says shakily and Blaine can tell it was probably meant to be a lot firmer than it actually was.

“You could be seriously hurt.” Blaine tries then as he wipes at his eyes and, in that moment, he really wants to hold Finn.

“It’s not-- it’s not bleeding anymore.” Finn says then and Blaine can feel his face collapse.

“Jesus, Finn, you need to get checked out.” Blaine says urgently but Finn shakes his head.

“I’m o-okay.” He whispers but it’s not very convincing, not even to him.

“No, you’re not. Did he even use a condom?” Blaine whispers deeply and Finn frowns.

“I don’t think so.… I felt his... He- he came… inside me, I mean.” Finn shifts uncomfortably and Blaine is absolutely appalled.

“Finn, that’s it, I’m taking you to the hospital.” He says then because they can’t handle this, they’re just not able to and Blaine can’t be strong or whatever Finn needs him to be because this is just too much. This is far too big for two boys to handle alone.

“N-no I’ll be okay. Please, Blaine?” Finn pleads and it hurts Blaine so much to hear Finn begging over something like this.

“He could have infected you, Finn.” Blaine reasons but Finn is having none of it.

“I c-could be fine.” He replies quickly but ‘could be’ is not enough for Blaine, not anymore, he’s read about the infections and the diseases and the illnesses unprotected sex can give you. He watches as Finn swipes away more tears and he has to bite his own lip to stop his eyes blurring. His heart is still pounding.

“Finn, you need to make sure you don’t have a STD or something much worse. This is really important. We’ll go down together, I won’t leave you, if the thought of being alone is what’s worrying you about the hospital?” Blaine tries desperately.

“I’m not going.” Finn says firmly then and Blaine’s own hands tremble. He doesn’t want to push Finn on this because he must be feeling like his control has been completely obliterated but this is very important. So he does it, he uses the parents card but he’s sorry before he’s even opened his mouth.

“Finn, I can’t not tell your mom and Burt if you won’t go to the hospital with me. If you’ve caught something, if he’s damaged you… internally, and I just sit here…Jesus, I just can’t, Finn, okay? I‘m sorry but I can‘t ignore this.” Blaine says regretfully and Finn’s face just falls.

“But I don’t want to.” He sniffles and Blaine feels like a monster.

“I know but you need to.” Blaine reassures, inching closer to Finn.

“You’re going to make me do it. J-just like he did.” Finn whimpers and Blaine winces.

“No. Don’t say that. I’m not like him, Finn, I’m just trying to help you because I care.” Blaine promises and his heart isn’t broken anymore, it’s utterly destroyed.

“You barely know me.” Finn says softly then. Blaine nods, he understands that.

“But we know each other well enough, Finn, and I’d give the same advice to my closet friends…. and to Kurt.” Blaine say’s his boyfriend’s name so quietly that it’s barely audible but it must be because at the mention of his brother something changes within Finn. He suddenly holds himself differently.

“Y-you won’t tell anyone?” He says then and Blaine waits until he‘s looking in Finn‘s eyes to say, “I promise you, Finn, I won’t say a word unless you ask me to.”

Finn thinks about it for a while then, he really thinks about it, Blaine can practically see his brain working and then eventually, slowly, he nods.

“O-okay, w-we can go, if you promise not to leave me. I‘m s-scared of hospitals.” Finn offers shyly and Blaine gives him an understanding smile.

“I won‘t leave you, I swear.” he promises and Finn reaches out to him then.

It takes less than a second for it to register in Blaine’s mind and then his arms are wrapped around Finn in a way that says: thank you so much for trusting me.

“I was so scared.” Finn cries then, his face resting on Blaine’s head and this would look so peculiar, so strange, if it wasn’t so haunting. The tall boy hunched over the smaller boy, tears running down his face as his sobs shake him.

“I know. I’m so sorry.” Blaine mutters, his face pressed into Finn’s chest; he can feel the other boy’s heart racing. He fights back his own sob.

“It hurt so much.” Finn whispers desperately into Blaine’s curls then and Blaine tries to swallow the lump in his throat. He tries but he can’t.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers again and Finn clings to him.

“N-never do that.” He whispers, his warm breath ghosting over Blaine’s neck.

“Do what?” Blaine asks quietly.

“A-always-- always make sure that you’re ready, t-that Kurt’s ready I just.. please.. promise me you’ll never put yourself o-or someone you love through this pain.” He cries and his grip tightens on the smaller boy. The boy who talks too much and smiles too often and isn’t afraid to touch him, isn’t afraid to hold him and isn’t afraid to help him.

“I promise. With all my heart, I promise you that, Finn.” Blaine whispers passionately, his mouth moving against the material of Finn’s shirt, “God, I promise you that.”

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