Blaine hadn’t always made the right choices when it came to love, or the semblance of it. There was the Saddie Hawkins dance when he was a freshman. Cooper had warned him that going to the dance at that school with another boy would not be a good move. At the time he had just taken that as another way he was a disappointment to his older brother. Cooper had flourished at that school, making his way onto the royal court for every dance while he was a student, and even once after he had graduated. But Blaine wanted to be out and proud, and misunderstood Cooper fearing the reaction of suburban Ohio to mean that he was disappointed in him.

Then there was Jeremiah and the Gap incident of 2011. When looking back Blaine didn’t actually consider singing in a store and getting someone fired the true blunder. Even though people still did, and probably always would, make fun of him for it, he wasn’t ashamed or upset with himself for being such a bold romantic. It was just misplaced. He had been so incredibly blind to how he was feeling for Kurt. It was the same problem with his brief stint as a bisexual and his date with Rachel. He hadn’t even really explored girls or what it was like to date or kiss one before her. That wasn’t the problem. It was how his decision making effected Kurt.

Then Sebastian. Blaine still didn’t understand why he ignored Kurt’s warnings and trusted him anyway. Then there had been the night he got drunk, danced all night with the very same Sebastian, and tried to force himself on Kurt. And then when he had disconnected himself because he was sad that Kurt was graduating and planning a new life without him. There were all of these mistakes where Kurt was concerned. To be fair to himself there were good things too. Like taking a rock salt slushy in the eye to protect him. But Blaine was having a hard time forgiving himself for all of the mistakes. And his inability to forgive himself had led to the life altering and worst decision he possibly could have made.

Blaine could feel the tears stinging the back of his eyelids as he forced them closed and tried to calm himself down. Kurt wasn’t even here yet and he was already a mess. Kurt was late. 15 minutes. And Kurt was never late. Blaine wasn’t sure how long he was going to sit here outside of this skating rink, in the freezing cold, tears welling up inside of him before he submitted to what he knew was true. Kurt wasn’t coming. Why should he. Blaine made mistake after mistake. 

“Blaine.” 

His eyes shot open, surprise and the cold chill keeping the tears at bay. Blaine quickly stood up. He kept quiet for a few seconds making sure that no tears would escape. “You came,” he said finally. “You really came,” and despite himself a small smile appeared on his face.

“Of course I came. I said I would. I’m sorry that I am late, my dad-“

“No! Kurt,” Blaine said hurriedly, cutting Kurt off. “You don’t need to give me any explanation. I’m just so glad you are here.” He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep from reaching out toward Kurt. They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes. Blaine couldn’t help the anger he felt at himself bubble up. Things had never been awkward between him and Kurt. Now it was, and it was all his fault. 

“Why don’t we go for a walk?” Kurt asked.

“That sounds perfect,” Blaine responded as they fell into step beside each other. After a few more minutes of awkward silence Blaine asked how work was and Kurt, probably without really meaning to, launched them into easy conversation. They talked a little bit about the New Directions and sectionals and the evil new head of the Warblers that made Sebastian look like a kitten. Eventually the fell into a more comfortable silence as the walked.

“I’m so so sorry,” Blaine said as he stopped walking forward. He could feel the tears swelling back up. Kurt took a few more steps before he realized Blaine had stopped walking beside him. He turned around to face Blaine, but didn’t say anything, which Blaine took to mean he could finally continue. “I don’t know why I did it. I. I just love you so much Kurt,” Blaine choked out, the tears were freely falling now. “You were far away. And you were pulling away from me.”

“Oh my god,” Kurt said, anger pinching his voice. Blaine’s gaze shot up from its fixed position at Kurts shoes. “You are going to blame me for your decision to cheat on me? This is now my fault?”

“No! Kurt, you don’t understand. I-“

“You’re right,” Kurt abruptly cut him off. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand how the one person I loved more than ANYTHING could cheat on me. I don’t understand how after all this time, when I finally decided to give you a chance and listen to what you had to say, you are trying to tell me that it is my fault. I don’t care what I did Blaine, no one deserves to be cheated on!” Blaine stood in silence and shock at the anger on Kurt’s face. “I don’t know why I did this. Goodbye Blaine,” Kurt said with painful finality as he started to walk away as fast as he could.

“Kurt!” Blaine yelled, but kurt didn’t stop. “Kurt. Kurt wait! KURT! I didn’t cheat on you!” Blaine could feel all of the air in his lungs escape. He wasn’t sure if he would ever get enough air in them again. But Kurt had stopped walking. Blaine walked toward him, gently grabbed his hand and spun him around so he could see his face. “I love you. I love you so much, Kurt. And I didn’t cheat on you. Not ever.”

“You.” Kurt’s face was masked with anger and confusion. “What do you mean you didn’t cheat on me.” There were tears falling down his face now. Blaine let go of Kurt’s hand and reached toward his face to wipe away the tears, but Kurt flinched and jumped back in response. “What do you mean you didn’t cheat on me, Blaine. What do you mean!?”

Blaine let out a sigh before he responded. “I was upset Kurt. You were in New York. I wasn’t with you. Everything seemed to be falling into place without me. The worst part was that I told you to go, and I wanted nothing more than for you to fail and to come back. I resented your job. Your happiness. I resented the fact that the only thing good going on in my life was a stupid high school election and glee club, and you didn’t seem to care about any of it. Why should you? You were in New York City! I didn’t want to hold you back. So I did the only thing I thought I could do. I got on a plane, flew to New York City and told you that I cheated on you. I knew you would be upset. I knew you would break up with me. I thought it was the only way that you could truly be happy. If you didn’t have to worry about your high school boyfriend who was stuck in Ohio.” Blaine paused, searching Kurt’s face. What was he thinking? Blaine couldn’t tell. “But, Kurt. The moment I did it, I knew it had been the wrong decision. I love you. LOVE you. But you wouldn’t talk to me. Why would you? That is exactly what I wanted to happen.”

Kurt stood there a few moments before he responded. “I didn’t think this hole in my stomach could get any bigger.”

Blaine stood there frantically trying to figure out where he had gone wrong in his explanation. He hadn’t cheated. Did he not believe it? Not that Kurt really had any reason to believe the story. Even though it was every ounce of the truth. Blaine had thought with all the history, the love, between them once he was able to explain to Kurt what he had done and why it would all be ok again. “Kurt. I’m sorry.”

“Those words have been coming out of your mouth non stop lately,” Kurt said, the anger back in his eyes. “Blaine. You had no right to lie to me like that. You had NO RIGHT to force me to break up with you. I didn’t want to break up with you! I didn’t want anyone else, New York City or otherwise. That was not your decision to make for me!”

“Kurt-“

“No Blaine. Stop. I can’t do this right now. I can’t talk to you right now.”

Kurt’s back was facing Blaine again, and before he could do anything to stop him, he was out of Blaine’s sight. It wasn’t until arms were around him stroking his back, pulling him in, and a soothing voice in his ear was urging him to calm down, that he realized that he was sobbing uncontrollably. “Blaine, man, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m right here. You are going to be okay.”

“Sam,” Blaine said when he had finally calmed down enough to speak. “How did you know I was here?”

“Are you kidding me? You do know we are like, best friends, right?” Sam responded, earning a laugh from Blaine, which was exactly what he was going for. “I knew you were meeting Kurt tonight,” he finally responded in seriousness. “I also knew you never cheated on Kurt.”

“You did?” Blaine asked. “How?”

“You’re one of the good ones, Blaine. I knew you would never cheat on Kurt. No matter how much you might consider yourself a loser, that’s just not you.”

“You’re wrong. Everything I come into contact with I break. Just ask Kurt. You probably should run as far away from me as you can,” Blaine said crumpling even further into Sam, hoping he wouldn’t listen.

“Not gonna happen,” Sam said. When Blaine had finally calmed down enough they started walking back toward Blaine’s car. “Don’t worry, buddy. Kurt will come around. A love like this? I don’t think it’s meant to end. Not yet.”