March 30, 2013, 4:39 p.m.
Ever Enough
Burt's in the hospital, Blaine calls Kurt. Don't worry, it'll be happy, in the end.
K - Words: 2,900 - Last Updated: Mar 30, 2013 912 0 0 0 Categories: Songfics, Characters: Blaine Anderson, Burt Hummel, Kurt Hummel, Tags: OMG CREYS, hurt/comfort,
**
No, I'm never gonna leave you darling
No, I'm never gonna go regardless
Everything inside of me is living in your heartbeat
Even when all the lights are fading
Even then, if your hope was shaking
I'm here holding on
**
It's been 12 hours since Kurt got the call. That one, simple call that made everything - everything, fall apart.
He wasn't expecting it, honestly. It was a normal day. A beautiful, sunny, colorful New York day, filled with the peaceful laughter of himself and his roommates, and the calm, crisp air of the city.
It happened when he was in Central Park. He thought he'd take advantage of today, since it was so gorgeous outside, how could he resist? He hardly had time for himself anymore, and it hasn't been sunny in.. well, a while. Spring had only just begun, and he loved it. Not that he didn't love the snow - of course he loved that. But he's been looking forward to this for a long, long time.
His phone vibrated in his jeans, and he immediately jogged over to the nearest tree, leaning himself against the bark. Blaine, was what the phone read. For a second, Kurt was sort of confused. Yes, he and Blaine were friends. It's just.. been a while, since they'd last talked. They weren't fighting, they were just keeping their safe distances. Giving each other space. That's what their plan was, and that's what they'd do. The wedding hadn't really changed things - at least, not in Kurt's mind. It was a reunion of sorts, though they were 'just friends,' as Kurt kept reminding him.
It wasn't that Kurt didn't love Blaine, because he did. He wouldn't admit this to anyone - but he still loved Blaine a lot. Probably more than he should, ever since.. what happened. Every chance he got, he skirted around the word. Cheated. He hated using it. Because yes, Blaine cheated. He did. That wasn't a secret to anyone. Regardless of this, Blaine wasn't a cheater. Not to Kurt. Blaine hadn't ever given Kurt any reason to think any less of him, not before this. So, Kurt kept his thoughts about Blaine quiet. He didn't need to hear anything more from Adam, Rachel, Santana, or even Blaine himself about the situation. It was over. That was that.
"Blaine?" Kurt answered hesitantly, feeling a bit out of breath from his jogging, still. There was a smile in his voice - he made sure of this. He didn't want Blaine to think anything bad, or sad, or any of that. Because he liked being friends with Blaine. He wasn't about to go and screw it all up.
"Kurt," Blaine said, though it came out as more of a breath. He sounded tired, worn out. "I.. I need to tell you something, okay?"
Kurt suddenly felt nervous. Much, much too nervous for his liking. He also felt scared. Terrified. The only thing he could think about was.. "Is he okay?" He already felt hot tears stinging against his eyes, and he didn't even have to mention who 'he' was. He knew that Blaine would just know.
"He had another one," Blaine said, sounding just as scared, terrified, sad as Kurt sounded. Kurt's body tensed, and he felt a stray tear fall onto his shaky hand below. "A heart attack. He had another one, Kurt. And I.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Kurt shot up immediately, beginning his run towards his apartment in Bushwick. He felt sick. He felt the sudden need to vomit, somewhere, anywhere. So, he stopped at a small bush. Because he had to. God, he couldn't do this. Was this happening? Was this real?
"Kurt, please," Blaine whispered - whimpered, practically. Kurt was still on the phone with him. Right. "Calm down, okay? Please, Kurt. Just.. breathe. Please, breathe."
Blaine knew exactly what to say, and he surely knew how to say it. Because though he couldn't see Kurt, he knew what was happening. It was like a trigger, in Kurt's mind. His father's wellbeing was the most important thing to him. The most important thing. His father was the only real family he had left. "Tell me he's okay," Kurt managed to breathe out, already halfway home. "Please, Blaine, tell me he's okay. Tell me he's alive."
"He's in a coma," Blaine said, trying as hard as he could to sound as gentle and caring as possible. "He's alive, but he's in a coma."
"I'm coming," Kurt said, fumbling with his keys to get into the apartment. He shoved himself inside, and he packed a small bag as quickly as he could. Blaine was still on the phone, and he was rambling things, so many things, too many things. Kurt couldn't pay attention. He couldn't understand anything he was saying, and he just needed him to stop. "Blaine, I'm coming. Right now, I'm coming. Please - please, just.. stay with him, until I get there. Stay with him, Blaine." Kurt was practically begging, no - he was begging. He hadn't noticed before, but he was crying, too. Full-on crying. His face was red, his eyes were puffy, his voice was cracked. Don't fall apart.
"I'll stay. I promise, I'll stay." Kurt hung up. He didn't have time for thank-yous, or goodbyes. He didn't have time for that. He had to go. Now.
**
I will always be yours, forever and more
Through the push and the pull
I still drown in your love
And drink 'til I'm drunk
After all that I've done, is it ever enough?
**
It's been 12 hours, and he's sitting here, by his hospital bed. His father's hospital bed.
He's been here for so long, it seemed. It was 7:00 pm. Blaine had gone out to buy some food, because Kurt was starving. So was Blaine, he'd imagine. Blaine's been here longer than he has.
Blaine stayed, just like Kurt had asked him to. What came after that wasn't up to Kurt. It was a choice. Kurt insisted that Blaine go home, get some rest. But Blaine refused. They practically screamed at one another, fighting over something as silly as this. Though, now that he thought about it.. it wasn't silly. It was awful, and terrifying, and horrible, and.. his dad was sick. So, Blaine stayed by Kurt's side.
When Kurt politely asked Blaine to leave him alone with Burt for a little while, Blaine - of course, complied. He figured that they were both hungry, so he'd get some food for them to eat for dinner. Now, Kurt was alone.
The distance between himself and his father seemed much, much too far. He was holding his hand. That's as close you can get, the doctor said. That's all you can do, the doctor said. Don't worry, the doctor said. Don't worry? No, no. Of course he wouldn't worry. It wasn't like his father was dying or anything.
In reality, his father wasn't actually dying. He was in severe comatose, that much Kurt understood. Two years ago, it'd been the same. But he came back, right? It took weeks, but he came back. So, Kurt could do this again. He'd pull through, he'd be strong for his father. He had to. Plus, he had Blaine, this time around. Things would be okay.
Except now, Kurt's thoughts started to wander a bit too far off. And he started to talk.
"Hi," He started, giving a squeeze to Burt's hand, his own lips turning into the slightest of smiles. It turned back down, when he remembered that Burt wasn't going to smile back.
"I'm sorry, dad," Kurt said once more, not crying - not yet. Be strong, Kurt. Be strong for him. "I.. I should've been here. I should've been taking care of you, and I.. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Kurt knew that wasn't what he should be saying - he shouldn't be apologetic. But this was his father, his responsibility, right?
"You shouldn't be in here. You should be at home. You should be with Carole. You should be.." His voice trailed off, and a small sob released from his throat. Stop it, Kurt. Be strong.
**
For all that it's worth, is it worth it?
How do we know without searching?
I will write you this song to get back what's ours
Would that be enough?
**
Blaine came back from his dinner break in about 15 minutes, hands filled with McDonalds. He didn't want to go far. Kurt hated fast food, but Blaine thought that he'd survive, just once.
When he came back, what he saw was absolutely terrifying.
There was a little window that lead to Burt's hospital room, and Kurt was sitting there, lonely, tired, sad.. and that killed Blaine. It killed him to know that Kurt was in pain, that his family was in pain. But that wasn't the terrifying thing that he saw.
For a little while, Blaine just stood there, watching. The room was sound-proof - so he couldn't hear, but he could tell that it wasn't a happy conversation. It was an awfully sad, one-sided conversation. Kurt was talking to his father, squeezing his hand as hard as he could. But then..
Kurt was yelling. Blaine could tell, because he knew exactly how Kurt looked when he yelled. His eyes were wide, his face was red, his mouth moved quickly. And Blaine was terrified. Kurt was crying, too. Crying harder than Blaine had ever seen.
Blaine set their food down on a nearby table, and he let his hand glide over the hospital room's door handle, hovering for a only a moment. He took a long, steady breath, and then he walked inside.
"...should be me!" Was the first thing Blaine heard from Kurt's mouth. It was filled with sorrow and hurt, filled with anger and tears. Blaine didn't even think Kurt realized he was in the room.
"I should be dying! Not you, dad, it should be me!" Blaine's eyes went wide. And then Kurt was standing, and his hands made their way into his chestnut hair, looking like he was tugging harshly at the strands. Blaine couldn't just stand there anymore. He had to do something.
Kurt kept yelling, screaming, thrashing around hurtful words. He wasn't sure if Burt could hear them or not, but if he could, that would make this all even worse. Blaine slowly walked towards Kurt, and once he was directly behind him, he slid his hands around his small waist, tugging his back close to his chest. Kurt tried to protest. He tried to wiggle his way out, but Blaine kept a strong hold.
"I should be dying! I should be!" The words hurt Blaine more than anything on this planet. God, Kurt shouldn't be saying those things. He shouldn't wish that on anyone, especially himself. Nobody should be dying. Nobody.
Blaine brought his lips up to Kurt's ear, and he whispered gentle comfortings, which was all he really could do. "Shh," He started, keeping his hold on Kurt tight. "Kurt, please, calm down. Please, Kurt. Shh, it's okay, he'll be okay. Please."
It took a long 7 minutes of just this to finally, finally get Kurt to calm himself. He turned in Blaine's arms, throwing his own around the boy's neck. He burrowed his face into Blaine's shoulder, his hot tears making small stains in the light blue shirt. "I'm sorry," He whimpered, pulling Blaine closer, as close as he could pull him. His scent was calming. Familiar. It was Blaine, all Blaine. "I didn't mean - God, I'm so sorry. Blaine, I'm sorry."
Blaine pressed the tiniest of kisses to Kurt's head, and he pulled back a bit, only to make Kurt look up and into his wide, hazel eyes. "Stop," Blaine whispered, bringing a hand up to Kurt's cheek, his thumb swiping just under his eye - wiping a few tears away. "You're okay, Kurt. It's okay. I promise, it's okay." Blaine tried as hard as he could to smile, to show Kurt that he was there, he was trying, and he was caring.
Kurt couldn't talk. He couldn't say anything. He nodded, and he let go of Blaine completely, stepping back a few feet to give them a good amount of distance. He looked down at his hands, noticing that they were shaking - violently, almost. He let himself breathe. He gave himself air.
Eventually, once he felt like he could walk, Kurt slipped his fingers into Blaine's, tugging him out of the room. "I should - We should.. just, give my dad some time. Alone." He squeezed Blaine's fingers tighter than ever, pulling him over to one of the hospital's spare rooms for their overnight guests. There was a small bed, some drinks, and a television. "We can just stay here. I mean, I'll stay here."
"No," Blaine said, almost immediately, sitting on the edge of the small bed with Kurt's hand still intertwined within his own. "I'm staying, Kurt. I told you."
"Blaine, you need to rest. You need to go home."
"I'm not going home."
"Go, Blaine."
"No."
Somehow, Kurt got angry. Blaine was caring, so he himself didn't understand why he felt so.. enraged, all of a sudden.
"God, just go, would you? I don't need you. I don't need this." He tugged his hand away violently, jumping off of the bed as quickly as he could.
Blaine felt new, fresh tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. "I'm trying to help you."
"Yeah? Well I don't need your help!" And just like that, Kurt was shouting again.
Blaine knew it was because of Kurt's father. It was because Kurt was upset, he was angry. He didn't want to be bothered. But Blaine wouldn't let it slide that easily. Kurt needed someone.
Blaine decided to stay calm. Getting into a fight - a large one, telling by Kurt's voice - was pointless. It would only make things worse. So Blaine was going to do this as gently, as nicely as he could. He hopped up onto the bed, and he lied himself down onto the pillow that was right in the center.
"Come here." Blaine said, his voice gentle, arms open wide.
"No."
"Please, Kurt," Blaine whispered, his voice sounding helpless. "Let me hold you. Just let me."
Kurt felt himself break, his heart shattering into a million pieces. Tears started to fall harder, his cries were louder. But he had no choice. He had nowhere else to go. So, he climbed up onto the bed, lying himself down so he was facing Blaine. He wrapped his arms around his waist, and he pressed himself as close as he could to the small body, burying his head into Blaine's neck.
Things were quiet, for a while. Kurt was sobbing, shaking, trembling in Blaine's arms. They lied there - and Blaine thought it was sort of.. peaceful. This hadn't happened in a long, long time. Just holding him. Holding this boy - this beautiful person.
"You shouldn't be dying." Blaine said, suddenly, after over an hour of silence.
"What?"
"You.. you were yelling about how you should be in his position. Not that he's dying - he's not. Just.. you shouldn't be." Blaine felt his voice crack mid-sentence, and his eyes were filling with more salty tears.
Kurt pulled away just so he could look at Blaine, their faces only an inch apart, noses barely touching. Kurt's hand was now cupping Blaine's cheek, and the touch was ever so soft, so gentle, so Kurt.
"I love you," Kurt whispered, keeping his blue-green eyes locked on Blaine's. "I love you, okay?" He still couldn't say anything else. He couldn't think of anything else, not right now. But he had to say that. Because he did.
"I love you, Kurt." Blaine lifted his lips and pressed a long, lingering kiss to Kurt's forehead.
That was it. It became quiet once more, the room filled with nothing. There were so many things left unsaid, Kurt knew. But he couldn't find a way to say them.
He didn't have the energy to explain to Blaine why he loved him, or how he loved him, or if he wanted to be with him again. Those things could wait. Because now, they could just be. They could soak up each other's presence, small touches making everything okay again. Blaine was piecing Kurt back together, one step at a time.
**
They stayed in the hospital for days. They'd take turns going on food runs, they'd cuddle in the spare room, they'd share meaningful glances as they walked by. Every night, Kurt would cry, and every night, Blaine would soothe him until he wasn't anymore.
One day, things changed.
Burt was awake. Kurt was sitting with him, one day, holding his hand as he always had. And he moved. His fingers twitched, and his eyes slid open.
"Dad?"
"I'm here, kid. I'm always here."
Blaine watched in awe as the two made this beautiful connection, the connection that hadn't been made in so long.
**
Things went back to normal, soon enough. Kurt stayed in Ohio for a bit, making sure his father really was okay. He caught up with Sam and Finn and Tina and Carole, seeing how all of them were doing. He stayed with Blaine, for the most part.
Because Blaine was his best friend. Blaine - who cheated, but isn't a cheater - stayed by his side, through all this. Kurt wasn't ready to be with him. Kurt wasn't ready to have that conversation, not after everything that's happened. But he knew it would come sooner rather than later. He knew that he couldn't be with anyone else - Blaine was the one to make him feel better. Blaine was the anchor that held him in place. Blaine was the one thing - person, that he was sure of.
Blaine was enough.