It was a couple of days before Christmas in 2011. Cold, snowy and especially the kind of weather where you shouldnt be standing in for over two hours. But still, here Kurt was, standing under that big ugly Christmas tree they always set up in the middle of Times Square. It had too many lights in it, colored lights to be exact which made Kurt have sympathy with the tree because ‘Who the fuck uses colored lights to decorate a Christmas tree? Just take the normal white ones, keep it classy, Kurt muttered aloud, turning around to go back home.

He was supposed to meet this guy Mark underneath this stupid tree two hours ago but Kurt was freezing and the guy wasnt even that hot to waste so much time on.

After taking a few steps, there suddenly was someone running into him and there was hot liquid spilling all over his designer coat. When he looked up he saw a guy, he couldnt be older than Kurt, staring at him with wide eyes. Kurt took a few deep breaths to calm his anger but it only started to anger him even more. First, the date who stood him up and now his designer coat being ruined by this complete stranger. ‘Im so-

‘Can this fucking day get any worse? Kurt interrupted the guy, who was now curling in on himself and taking his hands away from where they were fluttering over Kurts coat, not daring to touch it. Kurt looked at his coat, coated with what seemed to be hot chocolate. Yup, his coat was absolutely and definitely ruined.

‘Im so so sorry, the stranger apologized, looking at everything but Kurt to avoid his gaze, ‘Im such an idiot, Im sorry.

‘Dont, Kurt snapped but then he softened the tone in his voice after he saw the guy in front of him flinch. The stranger was beautiful, his gorgeous hazel eyes now currently filled with guilt, dark brown curls falling onto his forehead and a slightly darker colored skin, giving him some sort of Italian vibe. ‘Dont call yourself an idiot. Its not your fault, its the fault of either this hidious tree were under or this stupid guy I was supposed to meet up with. Its definitely not yours.

‘I-I can take this coat to one of those dry-cleaning things for you, maybe they can get the stain out, the guy offered.

‘No, its... Its definitely ruined, Kurt sighed, ‘but thanks for the kind offer.

There was an awkward silence after that where Kurt kept glancing at his coat and back to the man in front of him, who was looking down at the stone pavement in shame. ‘I, uh, Im gonna go, the stranger said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, ‘Is that okay?

‘Look, I was supposed to meet a stupid guy two hours ago and now I strongly believe he stood me up so... can I buy you a new hot chocolate? Its on me, Kurt offered as the guy made a move to walk past him.

The guy stopped in his tracks, looking at Kurt surprised. ‘Im sorry about your date but I cant let you do that. I already feel bad enough for ruining your coat, I dont want you to spend any mo-

Kurt placed a gentle hand on the mans shoulder. ‘Youre rambling and I already told you its not your fault, he smiled, ‘Please let me buy you something? Its freezing out here and I think we could both warm up a bit.

‘Okay, the guy nodded, still a little unsure, ‘If thats what you want.

‘Thats what I want, Kurt agreed and smiled, ‘Where did you get your coco?

‘Emilys Coffee Shop, the man answered, smile starting to form at the corners of his mouth while walking next to Kurt as they made their way down the square, ‘Im Blaine, by the way.

‘Kurt, Kurt smiled at Blaine, ‘Nice to meet you, Blaine.

‘Nice to meet you too, Kurt.

As promised Kurt bought Blaine a new hot chocolate. They sat down at one of the tables and made some small talk. After a while they found out they were both from Lima and that they were both in showchoirs in high school. Honestly, Kurt was glad Mark stood him up earlier today. He and Blaine talked for hours and they could go on even longer, ordering new coffees and hot chocolates every once in a while. They talked and laughed until one of the baristas came up to their table, saying it was closing time and that they had to go.

They met up a couple of times afterwards and on Christmas they shared their very first kiss underneath the Christmas tree on the square. Weirdly enough, the tree didnt look ugly anymore to Kurt since he had met Blaine there, it was beautiful.

*****

‘Honey, are you sure thats all the champagne we have? Kurt asked his husband on New Years Eve, three years later. There were already a few guests for their annual New Years party arriving and now Kurt was starting to get worried about all the little things, as he would do at every party they organized.

‘Um, yeah, I think so, Blaine answered, ‘Why?

‘It just seems like there wont be enough champagne for the whole evening, we only have two bottles and there are a lot of people coming, Kurt said as Blaine came towards him.

‘Then I will go and get some more if youre not sure. The liquor store is open ‘til midnight, Blaine smiled, ‘and its only a fifteen minute drive so you wont have to miss me for that long. He wrapped his arms around Kurts waist from behind and hooked his chin over Kurts shoulder.

‘But youll miss a part of the party, Kurt pouted, turning his head to the side to kiss Blaines temple.

‘Ill be back before the countdown begins, okay? Blaine smiled, stepping around to look at Kurts face, ‘Youll still get to kiss me at midnight.

‘Good, Kurt said, ‘Because Im not gonna kiss anyone other than my husband.

‘Ill be back before you even realize Im gone, Blaine assured, stepping away and grabbing his coat off the coat rack.

‘Drive save, okay? Some of the roads are slippery, Kurt said worriedly, ‘Rachel almost got off the road because of a slippery ice patch.

‘Honey, maybe thats because Rachels a terrible driver, Blaine smiled but cupped Kurts face when he saw Kurt raise his eyebrows, leaving no room for arguments, ‘Ill be careful, Ill be safe, he assured.

Kurt closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to Blaines and murmuring ‘I love you against them.

‘I love you too, Blaine said breathlessly after he pulled away and reached for the door knob, ‘See you in a bit.

‘See you later, honey, Kurt said as Blaine disappeared down the hallway.

*****

It was quarter to twelve now and Kurt was pacing holes in the floor right now and it was not about the champagne he was worrying about. Blaine still hasnt come home yet even though he left at 10:30. He shouldve gotten back half an hour ago. What if something happened to him and Kurt wasnt with him? What if Blaine needed him or got into trouble?

‘Kurt? Kurt, Im sure Blaines just stuck in traffic. You know how that goes here in New York, everyone wants to see the ball drop and your apartment is super close to Times Square, Kurt barely realised Rachel was talking to him.

‘People can also see the ball drop on television, Rachel. Plus, he has his phone with him, if he was stuck in traffic he wouldve already let me know, Kurt snapped but then quietly added, ‘What if hes not okay? I cant lose him, hes my everything.

Rachel leaded Kurt to the couch and sat down next to him, wrapping a comforting arm around him. ‘Im sure hes o-

Kurt immediately jumped up from the couch when his phone rang, interrupting Rachels sentence while doing so. He let out the breath he was holding when he saw Blaines number on the screen. ‘Blaine? Where are you? Im so worried about you. Are you okay? Kurt rambled and fell silent when there was no immediate answer, ‘Blaine?

‘Sir, are you Kurt Hummel? a lower but still gentle voice asked, ‘Husband of Blaine Anderson?

‘Yeah, I am, Kurt answered, voice shaky, ‘Where is he, is he okay?

The man on the other side of the line sighed. ‘Sir, Im an officer from the NYPD. I have some bad news, you might want to sit down for this.

Kurt felt all the blood drain away from his body. His dad and Carole had had a call like this after Finn passed away, he just hoped he wasnt going to get the same message. ‘O-okay, he stuttered, slowly lowering himself on the couch again and praying to every God he knew that Blaine was okay or at least alive.

‘There was a severe car accident on 7th avenue, close to Times Square. There were two cars involved and one of the cars belonged to your husband, the officer explained calmly.

‘No, Kurt whispered. He felt like he couldnt breathe, couldnt see clearly and even the words he heard started to fade away in his ears. ‘Sir, please tell me that my husband, my Blainey... Not on New Years Eve...

‘Im terribly sorry to tell you that there were no survivors of the crash, the officer continued, ‘Your husband died on impact, bystanders and paramedics tried everything but they couldnt save him anymore.

Kurt felt tears spill over his cheeks as his phone slipped from his numb fingers and crashed onto the hardwood floor. Rachels arms were around him as soon as his phone fell but Kurt pushed them away. He stood up and yelled loudly: ‘Everybody out of this apartment now!

Kurt could see all the heads turn to him and one voice in the crowd dared to ask: ‘What happened? Why do we have to go? Its not even midnight yet.

Something snapped inside of Kurt. He felt like he could mass murder everyone down at Times Square and his apartment but he also felt like he could fall apart any moment. ‘Blaine just died, okay? Is that what you wanted to know? Now get the fuck out of my apartment! he yelled again, anger slipping away halfway through his rant as tears overtook him.

He stormed off to their bedroom, fell onto the bed and clutched Blaines pillow to his chest. He sobbed and cried into it, thinking about Blaine. His hot tears were dampening the pillow as his body shook with the force of his sobs. Blaine, his lovely husband, wasnt coming home to him anymore. He wasnt there to kiss him anymore, or to hug him, tell him everything would be okay. He told Kurt hed be safe, told him hed be careful...

He looked up at the ceiling for a moment and then squeezed his eyes shut, willing the images of his dead husband staring at him with equally dead and lifeless hazel eyes away.

He just laid there for a while, hearing disappointed and sad muttering from the living room and hearing Rachel and Sam telling people to please give Kurt some space with watery voices. He had his face buried into the pillow and he inhaled the scent of Blaine which still lingered on the pillow case.

He only looked up when he heard the fireworks exploding outside. What was supposed to be a perfect New Years Eve had turned into a nightmare. He stared at the framed picture of him and Blaine on their wedding day on their nightstand. He reached out so his fingers touched Blaines smiling face, covered with the cold glass of the frame. ‘Happy New Year, baby, he croaked out before nuzzling his face into Blaines pillow again, desperately wishing it was Blaine he was holding instead of his stupid pillow.

*****

‘Well, this tree is not as beautiful anymore as it was after I met you, Kurt said into the cold winter air around him, ‘Now its just that ugly tree again. I guess you were the one that made it beautiful, baby.

It was the day of the accident in 2018, exactly four years after it happened. He came to this place every year to ‘talk to Blaine and think about him. Not that he never thought about him otherwise but here everything was clearer, this was the place where they had first met. This was the place where they had first kissed, the place where they had fallen in love.

The songs he and Blaine had ever sung together werent the same, the bed he slept in wasnt the same anymore without Blaine next to him, coming home to an empty apartment made his heart ache every time he opened the door. Everything had changed and definitely not for the better..

‘If I had just brought some more champagne from the store a few days before none of this wouldve happened, Kurt said, tears springing into his eyes, ‘Lifes not the same without you and its my fault. I know youd say its not but it is.

Kurts knees started to wobble and they gave out under him. Soon Kurt was on his knees in front of the tree, bawling his eyes out. ‘At least I got to call you my husband for a few months before the accident. At least I got to kiss you everyday we were together in those three years and Ill cherish those days until I can see you again up there. I can still feel your lips on mine every day and it sort of hurts. It reminds me of how you used to love me and it reminds me of how Im not going to be able to find that same kind of love again, he choked out, tears rolling down his cheeks.

‘And I know how much youd want me to move on from all of this but there is no way I could ever forget you or love somebody else. Its been four years and youll always be the only one for me, no matter what, Kurt touched the silver necklace around his neck where Blaines wedding band dangled from the chain, ‘Im always carrying this around so you can be with me wherever I go. Im always dreaming and thinking about you. Ive never, not even for a second, stopped loving you and I never will.

Kurt slowly got up from the cold stone ground, staring up at the big ugly tree in front of him. He sighed, wiping away his tears and then whispered a quiet ‘Im still not saying goodbye to you, Blainey, I promise you Ill see you again someday. I love you. before slowly turning around and making his way down to their apartment.

Alone.