Blaine could barely keep up with what was going on around him as he was ushered into the house by Carole and Finn. Kurt and Burt were lingering behind them, and just the thought of his old friend sent a spike of anger and regret through Blaine. He just wanted the pain to stop, for Kurt to just disappear from his life, but on another level he didn't want to say goodbye even now. Each day he kept telling himself things couldn't get any worse, and yet somehow today he'd eaten his own words.

He was exhausted, miserable, and wanted to fall asleep somewhere cold and lonely and never wake up from this nightmare. For years he'd come face to face with the fact that Kurt wasn't the boy he'd loved, or if he was he hid it from the world, but this morning had broken him like nothing else could. It made it abundantly clear that he'd only been fooling himself into believing any decent part of Kurt still existed, and yet here he was accepting their offer for a place to have some company over the holidays. He wasn't sure when he'd become such a masochist, but he was positive that was the only way to describe himself now. Why else would he torture himself by so easily agreeing to come here?

Of course, when Burt had presented the offer he'd been too worn down to bother putting up much of an argument. Even now as he was ushered into the living room with Finn prattling away at his side he couldn't manage more than a few nods and mumbled replies.

Much to his surprise Kurt hung back in the entry way to the room instead of disappearing down to his room as Burt dragged Finn off to find the old cot they had buried in the garage. Carole sat down next to Blaine and placed her hand against his forehead as Kurt looked on.

"You feel a little warm, sweetheart," Carole told him. "I'll get you some Tylenol for the pain. If you're getting sick from being so cold it'll help with that, too."

"I– okay," Blaine mumbled in surprise. He barely even remembered this woman, and he was positive she didn't remember him at all from those distant cub scout meetings, but she was already being so gentle and caring with him. "Thank you."

"It's no problem," Carole assured him as she stood up. She glanced over at Kurt. "How does beef stew sound for dinner, boys?" She looked back to Blaine. "It'll warm you up."

"But I can't eat anything heavy– "

"Oh, Kurt, please. You're a sixteen year old boy. You'll be hungry again before you go to bed."

"I– fine," Kurt relented, crossing his arms tightly and taking a few steps into the room. "But if Coach Sylvester gets on me about my weight– "

"I'll make sure to come into the school and personally put her in her place about it," Carole finished, smiling softly as she patted Blaine on the shoulder and shuffled off to the kitchen.

It hit Blaine suddenly that he and Kurt were now alone. For the first time in years they were alone and there was nowhere for Blaine to run off to. There was nothing for Kurt to throw in his face or any Cheerios to encourage him to say cruel things. Despite how hopeless Blaine was feeling when it came to Kurt, he stared over at the other boy. There had to be some small part of his Kurt left, even if he didn't let it show. Part of him hoped for a glimpse, and the other half of him didn't. If he caught sight of him he'd never really be able to let this go. He'd keep standing his ground and crying himself to sleep and hoping desperately, despite all the odds and things in their way, that Kurt would come back to himself.

Kurt bit his lip as he inched further into the room. It was a nervous habit Blaine was familiar with, and it surprised him. Did Kurt think he was going to start hitting him or something? He certainly deserved it, but right now Blaine could barely keep his eyes open.

"Do you want to um, watch something?" Kurt asked, sounding timid.

It struck Blaine hard that those words were the nicest thing Kurt had said to him in two years. Blaine shrugged noncommittally, and watched Kurt shuffled from foot to foot nervously. It was certainly a nice change from how things had been for so long. It made Blaine feel powerful for once, but he wouldn't use his supposed power the same way Kurt did. He wouldn't turn against the other boy with it. No matter what he wouldn't become who Kurt had.

From down the hall came the sound of grunting and scraping as Burt and Finn carried the small cot into the house from the garage. As they passed by, Kurt and Blaine watched them. It took them a few minutes to fit the little cot through the basement door, but then they were gone and Kurt and Blaine were alone again.

"Look," Kurt said suddenly, briskly. "Let's just act buddy-buddy so my Dad stops this nonsense. Then we can go back to– "

"To what?" Blaine asked in disbelief. "Back to how things where? You mean like how they were this morning? Or maybe last week or two years ago? Maybe I don't want to go back to any of that. Maybe I just want to forget you were ever a part of my life."

"I– you... you can't mean th– "

"Why the hell can't I?" Blaine said loudly, and Kurt turned his face away, looking uncharacteristically hurt. The vindictive part of Blaine took a sick satisfaction in the look. "You built me up and made me the happiest I can ever remember being, and then you knocked my feet out from under me. I'd rather just forget all of that, because knowing who you were – how much you meant to me – makes it hurt that much more."

Kurt opened his mouth to reply, but then snapped it closed. He glanced away again, and Blaine had a feeling that there was a lot more Kurt wanted to say right then, but for whatever reason he couldn't or wouldn't. That brief flash of regret, of something more that reminded Blaine of the boy he'd once trusted with everything, gave him hope. It also made him feel weak and sick, because his mind kept shouting that this wasn't how things were supposed to be – that even if Kurt was still tucked away from the world, these past two years couldn't be undone.

"Just– whatever," Blaine said in frustration. "It won't matter in a few weeks anyway if Dalton will take me."

"If– you're transferring?" Kurt said in amazement.

"If you got slushied and taunted and ridiculed every damn day by the person you once called your best friend, wouldn't you transfer?" Blaine demanded waspishly.

"I- I guess so," Kurt murmured softly, dropping his gaze and staring at the floor. There was a long silence before Kurt spoke again. "Look, I... I really am sorry, okay?"

"I don't care if you're sorry," Blaine told him, even though his stomach clenched painfully at Kurt's words. God, this was all too much after this morning – after the past two years. To know that there might still be someone worth fighting for inside Kurt hurt too much to think about. "I just want this to be over, and I want to stop hurting. I want my best friend back, but that's never going to happen. You can't give me back what we lost."

"No, you're right," Kurt replied. "We can't go back to how things were after... after all of this."

We can't seem to move forward or do anything else either, Blaine thought sadly.

Carole bustled back into the room a moment later with a cup of water and a few pills.

"Here you go, Blaine," she said, handing them off to him. "I'm going to go start dinner. Kurt, will you go make sure they haven't put any holes in the wall carrying that cot downstairs?"

With an almost regretful look at Blaine that pierced right through Blaine's chest, Kurt spun around and disappeared down to the basement.

"He'll open up to you again," Carole said from his side. Startled, Blaine turned to eye her curiously. "There's a lot for him to work through to be as open about himself as you are, but I know Kurt. He's still in there if he'll let you find him."

Blaine cast his gaze over to the basement door way as he turned her words over in his head. The conversation they'd just had had been rough, and nothing like their old ones, but as much as he tried to force it down, his hope was returning. But he didn't want it to. It would only get him hurt again and make it that much harder to finally turn tail and run away to Dalton.

"I thought I knew him, too," Blaine said firmly instead of agreeing with her. "Look where that got me."

Carole didn't argue with him as she rose from the couch and returned to the kitchen.

Blaine couldn't believe how drastically Kurt's life changed the first day he came to school in his uniform. Sure, it was a little big on Kurt since he was about three inches shorter than Blaine, but it looked good, and like the other Cheerios it instantly made him stand out. At first all the looks had scared Kurt, and Blaine had been at his side, clutching his hand reassuringly until the student body adjusted to this new addition to their elite. He didn't think any of them had really noticed his presence at Kurt's side as Kurt slowly built up his confidence, but the other Cheerios certainly did.

By the end of the day Kurt was holding his head high, and looking pleased at going a whole day without being slushied. Blaine was glad for the change. It made his heart feel lighter to see Kurt beaming as he walked down the halls, except when Finn had taken notice of Kurt. That moment in the hall definitely hadn't made Blaine feel better, but overall he was happy for Kurt. Even if he couldn't get out from under the heap of students to shine, at least Kurt would.

As long as Kurt was happy then so was he. Which was why the end of the school day made Blaine feel so horrible. They met at his locker like always and made to head outside to go to Kurt's for their usual Friday night, but a trio of Cheerio girls stopped them at the door. Blaine eyed the slushies in their hands warily, hoping desperately that they were for him instead of Kurt.

"H- hello, girls," Kurt greeted, trying out his new haughty voice.

The girl in the middle gave him a condescending smile. She was a little taller than Kurt, with tannish skin, and dark straight hair. He thought her name was Satan or something. He hoped he was wrong.

"Hello, lady balls," she replied, voice dripping with venom. "Is this little bow tied tree monkey bothering you?"

Blaine fixed his glare on the tiled floor and said nothing. He knew what was about to happen. In the Cheerios eyes Kurt was one of them now, and Blaine wasn't. For their own reputations they couldn't let Kurt be seen with the likes of him.

"What? Blaine, isn't– "

A cup of frozen slushy slapped Blaine in the face. Kurt gasped loudly beside him and knocked the second one out of the third girl's hands. "How dare y– "

"Okay, let me tell you have this is gonna work, lady balls," the middle girl continued sharply. "You're in that uniform, you're on top. So you either start stepping on this little hobbit's head or I'm gonna ends you. Got it?"

Before either of them could respond the three girls turned on their heels and exited the building. Blaine reached up and wiped the red slushy from his cheeks and made to pull his glasses off. Kurt's hand batted his away, and a second later he felt his glasses slide off his face.

"Oh, god, Blaine. I'm so sorry," Kurt whispered, sounding slightly hysterical. "This is all my fau–"

"No, it's not. Let's just get out of here, okay?" Blaine cut in, trying to sound like he wasn't bothered by what had just happened.

Originally he'd thought they'd slushy Kurt as punishment for hanging out with him, but he'd forgotten what Kurt had told him about the agreement all the Cheerios had to sign about their uniforms. Coach Sylvester would have killed those girls if she'd found out they'd been responsible for the stains. Instead they'd targeted him. They were going to try to turn Kurt's friendship with him against them by convincing Kurt that he could save Blaine from their slushies by not being in his presence at school. Blaine had been preparing himself for the beginning of their assault for the past week but it didn't make it any easier.

Kurt's arm stayed wrapped tightly around his shoulders as they walked the four blocks over to the Hummel house. As usual Burt wasn't home yet, and normally wouldn't be until five or six. Most Fridays the older man came home with a few pizzas or burgers for them as dinner, but right now Blaine couldn't even stomach the thought of food. He was so terrified of what was going to happen within the next few weeks. He didn't want Kurt to lose something that could make his life so much better, but he didn't want to have to pretend they weren't friends either.

With Kurt's help he washed the slushy out of his hair and off his neck and face. Blaine changed into the pajamas he kept at the Hummels house for their impromptu sleepovers that happened throughout the week and accepted Kurt's comforting embrace as they dropped down onto the bed.

"I'm sorry," Kurt mumbled again, rubbing his hand over Blaine's curls.

Despite how worried he was the gesture always made Blaine relax. They'd held each other like this before when things had been bad, but he never got over how content it made him feel. As Kurt continued to whisper his apologies, Blaine felt tears starting to build behind his eyes.

"I'll just turn in my uniform on Monday, okay? Then they'll forget we exist again and– "

"No," Blaine cut in hoarsely, pulling himself out of Kurt's arms and sitting up. "I– you can't give this up, Kurt. It's going to be so good for you."

"Yeah, for me, not us," Kurt informed him, sitting up as well.

"No, you– I pushed you to do this, remember? I wanted you to get this so you could get out of this" Blaine gestured to his damp hair and the red stains he knew were still on his forehead and cheeks. "I know how much you hate the slushies, and how expensive and important your clothes are to you. I just... I just wanted you to be happier."

"But I want you to be happy, too, Blaine. You're my best friend."

Blaine nearly flinched at the reminder, and the fact that he almost did made his chest hurt. He should love that Kurt considered him his best friend, and he did really, but he wanted so much more. If Kurt only thought of him as a friend he'd never stand a chance. Especially with Finn wandering around.

"I know," Blaine replied quietly. "Please, don't give it up for me, okay? You're so good at it, and maybe these next few months are going to suck, but if you can really get them to look up to you then things could get better."

"I– "

Kurt looked so uncertain in that moment that Blaine almost changed his mind and took back what he'd just said. But the selfless part of him couldn't do it. He'd rather throw himself into the stampede of slushy wielding Cheerios than let Kurt suffer anymore. He'd already been through enough between all the crap he got from the other boys and losing his mother so young. If doing this meant Kurt didn't have to suffer through any more pain or humiliation then Blaine would see it through.

"O- okay, I'll keep with it," Kurt finally agreed, and Blaine breathed a sigh of relief as Kurt tugged him back into his arms.

Tomorrow he'd call Cooper when he got home. Surely his older brother would have some advice for the situation they were walking into, but for now Blaine shut his eyes and let Kurt hold him against his chest as they fell asleep.

It was still dark when Blaine woke up. For a moment he couldn't remember where he was or why he was on a small, lumpy bed in a room that wasn't his. Then it all started to come back as he rolled over and caught sight of Kurt's room – well, half of what used to be Kurt's room. There was a lot that had changed down here since their freshmen year, but he'd only caught a few glimpses of it last night.

Even in the dark he could see the outlines of all the different furniture and the shadows on the walls for all the different posters and decorative pieces. Kurt's outward physical appearance had definitely changed and toned down a lot, but his room was just as Kurt and flamboyant as Blaine remembered. Briefly he wondered if any of Kurt's Cheerio friends had ever seen his room, and if so, what they'd thought of it.

Blaine sat up slowly, wincing slightly as his back throbbed. He slid his legs off the bed and took in the drastically smaller room. He thought he remembered Carole mentioning something about splitting up the basement into two rooms for Finn and Kurt last year, but he wasn't sure. Most of what had happened after dinner last night was just a blur for him. Carole leading him down here and showing him the little cot they'd set up for him in Kurt's room, the sound of Kurt and Burt arguing about the arrangement and then deafening silence as Carole had left and shut the door.

He'd fallen asleep almost instantly, only to be awoken by the slam of the door what had felt like a few minutes later. It had probably been several hours, but it didn't really matter. The fact that Kurt had been so furious about his presence was more than enough reason for Blaine to make the decision to leave now. If he stayed he'd just be a burden to them, and make Kurt angry. An angry Kurt would just mean more problems for him when they returned to school in January. If he had to return to McKinley. Part of him hoped he didn't, while the other half of him would miss Glee and his few friends terribly.

Swiftly and quietly Blaine dug his bag out from under the little cot and changed in the dark. He toed on his shoes and slung the bag Finn and Burt had packed up over his shoulder. As soon as he started the motion he realized it was a bad idea, but he wasn't quick enough to stop it. The strap dug painfully into the bruise across his upper back and the heavy weight smacked against it.

A loud hiss of pain echoed around the room and the lump on Kurt's bed twisted around. Several seconds later the bedside lamp flickered on and Blaine found himself staring at a sleep rumpled Kurt, who was rubbing his eyes and patting down his messy hair.

" 'eally? It's, like, five in the mo- o- orning," Kurt yawned, casting his bleary eyes up to Blaine's face.

"I'm going back to my house," Blaine answered quietly, moving towards the door. "Nobody wants me here, anyway."

Kurt groaned and sat up the rest of the way. "Because that's really going to convince my dad that everything's okay again. He'll just drag us all back over to your house to bring you back or whatever."

Blaine grit his teeth and tried to control his temper. They'd only been talking for a few minutes and he already wanted to throttle Kurt. He wasn't sure what was setting him off. Maybe it was just all of the pent up anger he'd been holding onto for the past two years, but he was ready to explode if Kurt started in on him.

"Just tell him I called my parents and I'm going out to stay with Cooper or something," Blaine suggested as he tugged the door open.

"I'm not lying to my dad," Kurt retorted, and those words made Blaine's temper snap.

"Right, because you've never done that before," he replied scathingly.

"Shut up," Kurt snapped, climbing out of his bed. Blaine felt his face flush as he caught sight of Kurt's bare chest. Great, just what he needed right now. "You don't know a– I'm not doing that anymore, all right?" Kurt crossed his arms and looked away from him. "I've hurt him enough because of all of this."

Some of Blaine's anger deflated at Kurt's words, because even now he knew how important Kurt's father was to him. Kurt cherished that relationship in a way he hadn't cherished anything else in his life. Burt was all Kurt had had to hold on to right after his mother's death. At least until he'd met Blaine. A wave of bitterness washed over him. He'd thought he was important to Kurt in the same way, but Kurt seemed to be fine with making him feel much worse than he'd made Burt feel.

"How much more do you have to hurt me for it to be enough?"

The question slipped past Blaine's lips before he'd even thought about it, but he saw, actually saw, the flash of pain and regret that took over Kurt's features. In the dim light Blaine saw Kurt's eyes flicker, and he almost swore he saw tears in them.

"I'm just going to– tell your dad I appreciate all of this," Blaine mumbled brokenly as he stepped through the doorway.

"Blaine, I– please, stay," Kurt requested suddenly. "Don't– I just... nobody should spend the holidays alone. "

As Blaine turned around he found himself almost face to face with the other boy. For a brief moment he thought his mind had flashed back to the past and his vision was presenting the face of his old friend to him. Kurt looked so miserable and sad – as broken and terrible as Blaine felt most days. The hopefulness that had almost disappeared yesterday was trickling through him now, because this was his Kurt.

"I really meant what I said," Kurt murmured quietly. "I really am sorry, and I get that you don't believe me, but I just... we can't go back anymore and I... "

Kurt's voice broke and he stopped talking, staring down at the floor. Something tightened painfully in Blaine's chest at his words, because he knew at this moment those words were sincere. If anyone else had been around he doubted they would have ever left Kurt's head, but hearing the words and knowing the thoughts existed made his vision swim unexpectedly.

"That doesn't mean we can't move forward," Blaine told him, but Kurt was already reassembling himself right before Blaine's eyes. Whether or not those words reached him was anyone's guess.

"I'm going to go make breakfast," Kurt said briskly as his usual cool exterior returned. He slid past Blaine and stepped up onto the landing. "I'll set an extra spot for you."

Blaine watched Kurt disappear up the staircase. He wanted nothing more than to believe Kurt's words, but everything that kept happening between them just convinced him of the opposite. Every time Kurt's exterior crackled he cut himself right back off, and Blaine thought he might have an idea of why now. Kurt was scared – had always been scared – of what everyone else would think of the real him. There were two sides of Kurt that existed – the one that he tucked away and protected, and the shield he placed around himself that was vicious and cruel so the same things wouldn't be directed at him.

Blaine only hoped the one that he remembered and had just glimpsed was still the real one.