"Blaine," Kurt croaked, shocking coursing through him because of Blaine's presence in his house. The boy he'd been trying to forget was standing right in front of him. There was no slushy to divert their attention away from each other, and even if there had been Burt was heading down the hall to them as Kurt's mind tried to process everything.

Blaine didn't look shocked the same way he was, if anything he looked like he was in pain. It was like a blow to Kurt's stomach to know he'd caused that –kept causing it – week after week in the hopes that Blaine would just hate him. That he could finally achieve that monumental point and let go of his own guilt, but it still hadn't happened no matter what he did. As long as Blaine still cared he couldn't let go either. The guilt just kept snowballing until Kurt was certain he'd start growing a beer gut to hold all of it in.

The typical contemptuous glare took over Blaine's face as Burt stopped behind him.

"Why don't you hang around for a little bit, Blaine?" Burt encouraged, giving his shoulder a squeeze. But Blaine jerked away from his grasp and spun around. Kurt thought he'd meant to move towards the door, but he didn't seem to want to be any nearer to Kurt than he had to be.

"I n- need to get home," Blaine stammered, back pedaling towards the table by the door. "My dad will... I just need to leave now."

Kurt's chest clinched uncomfortably at Blaine's words. He doubted much had changed between Mr. Anderson and his youngest son since their freshmen year. Blaine's father was the main reason they'd spent ninety percent of their time outside of school at his house.

"Are you s– " Finn started.

"Yes," Blaine snapped, looking disheveled by all the attention, but trying to reserve his glare for Kurt alone. "I'm only good for target practice, anyway, right?" he spat, shouldering past Kurt and pulling the door open.

Burt's face fell at his words, and Kurt stared hard at the floor. His father might not entirely understand what Blaine had said, but he was aware of the slushy problem at McKinley. It wouldn't take him long to piece it together.

Kurt's insides squirmed guilty as the door snapped shut behind Blaine. Somehow he felt even worse now than he had two years ago. The aftermath of their fight had been made him numb, but seeing the hurt look in Blaine's eyes, the anger all directed at him... it hurt now more than ever. And while he knew he deserved it, knew he'd wanted that anger at him to turn into hatred, he'd never wanted to see it up close. Just knowing it had happened would be enough, but having it look him in the face like that, after years of tormenting the other boy, was more painful than digging a knife into his chest.

"Kurt," his father's voice said sternly, breaking him from his thoughts. "I think it's time you and I had a talk."

Palms sweaty, and knees trembling slightly, Kurt allowed his father to steer him into the family room.

"Sit," Burt commanded, and Kurt dropped down onto the couch at once. He knew when he was in trouble, and right now his father's voice was clipped and intense. In another five minutes it would be furious, and that fury would be directed right at him. If he told the whole truth that was. The thought of lying to his father made his insides turn cold, but what choice did he have? If Burt found out all the details of what had happened he'd probably take him off the squad. He'd be disappointed in ways Kurt couldn't bear to think about. Kurt realized what he'd done two years ago was wrong, but owning up to it was something he couldn't face.

"We're going to sit here until you tell me what exactly happened with you and him," Burt told him. "That boy was your best friend for years. Hell, he was practically a son to me half the time."

His father's words made him flinch slightly. He'd known Blaine had looked up to Burt, especially with how his own father was, but to hear it from Burt was different. To know he'd taken away Blaine's best friend and his substitute father made his chest throb like an open wound.

"I... after I joined the Cheerios things got... difficult," Kurt began quietly. He had no idea how he was going to explain this without giving away all the details. "The um, the other Cheerios didn't like him because he's in Glee. We had a bad fight and it was just easier to not talk after that."

"And now you throw those slushy drinks at him?" Burt demanded, sounding angry. "The same thing that happened to both of you your first day there?"

Kurt opened his mouth to respond, but found his voice didn't want to work. Instead he nodded slowly, keeping his gaze fixed on his red polyester pants.

"I can't believe– I am... "As Burt trailed off Kurt looked up. His father's eyes were shut and he was shaking his head in defeat. Shame clawed at his insides. "Why would you do that to him, Kurt? After all you two meant to each other, I am so disappointed in you for throwing his friendship away like that."

"He didn't try to make amends either," Kurt argued, trying to defend his actions in some way, but the fact that he'd left out the biggest details made his voice sound weak.

"I thought I taught you better than that," Burt said sharply. "I might not know the details of what happened back then, but if what you do now is any indication, then I'm guessing most of the fault lies with you." When Kurt didn't try to refute him, Burt continued. "Blaine is the kind of friend you would have had for life, and you're just giving that up for a few years of popularity that won't mean anything two years from now. I just don't understand why you would– "

"Because I want him to hate me," Kurt whispered brokenly. He could feel the tears building in his eyes at his own words, but he kept them in check. He'd sworn he was done crying over this when he'd decided not to try to mend their friendship.

Burt was looking at him in a way Kurt couldn't quite pick apart. There was surprise and sadness, but there was something else, something that he couldn't name that made his chest ache.

"You're fighting a losing battle there, kid," Burt said with such certainty that Kurt bit down the argument forming on his lips.

They were both silent for several minutes, Kurt trying to reign in his emotions while Burt stared out the window. He didn't understand what his father had meant until he spoke once more.

"He doesn't look at you the same way anymore," Burt said quietly. "You broke his heart, whether or not you realize it."

"I– what? Blaine never– "

"Oh, yeah, he did. You might have been too oblivious to notice, but I saw it," Burt continued gently. "He used to have this look in his eyes like you were the greatest thing in the world, for a long time I think you were his entire world. I only wish he'd been the same for you."

What his father was saying wouldn't process in his brain. Burt made it sound like Blaine had been in love with him or something. He'd known Blaine had loved him, but this was different. They'd both told the other they loved each other, but that had been as friends. Friends were allowed to love each other, but this...

"Dad– "

"That boy was so head over heels in love with you it made my head spin sometimes," Burt cut in, giving him a searching look. "You never really caught on to that, though."

Kurt sat there, staring over at his father in amazement. Was Burt right? Had Blaine been in love with him? It would certainly explain why he'd stuck around even after all the crap he got that first week Kurt had joined the squad. He tried to think back to that summer before high school, the summer Cooper had graduated and they'd had a blast with Blaine's older brother while they still could. Had something changed then? He'd never really thought about it before.

It would explain why he'd never managed to get Blaine to hate him, even though the other boy should by this point. But Blaine didn't look at him like that anymore according to his father. Blaine didn't love him anymore, not as a friend or something more. How could he after all the torment Kurt had put him through?

"I'm going to go eat something," Burt said. He turned back in the doorway. "You might think it's too late to make amends, but from my experience it's never too late to try, Kurt. Don't throw away the best friend you've ever have."

Feeling numb, Kurt watched him disappear into the hall. The one boy he'd trusted completely might have been in love with him and he'd crushed him, had dosed him in frozen ice and not even stopped long enough to acknowledge him with a contemptuous laugh. Because someone of Blaine's social status hadn't been worth that much attention. And all for a few years of popularity instead of what might have been his first love.

No, Blaine wasn't in love with him, anymore. He was certain of that.

"You call that a cart wheel?" Coach Sylvester bellowed into her megaphone. "My fallopian tubes could support more weight than those pencils you call arms!"

Kurt flinched and shifted closer to Blaine as they watched the others in their gym class. It was the beginning of the year, their first year in high school, and the first unit they were doing in their freshmen gym class was gymnastics.

"She's not very nice, is she?" Blaine whispered, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

"She made Rachel cry," Kurt remarked, watching the next girl head up to the mat. "She's good for something at least."

Blaine laughed a little, but tried to look stern. "Rachel isn't that bad... most of the time."

"She's a mutant," Kurt retorted sharply."I hope me and my husband's daughter is never like that."

"Kurt Hummel, get your lazy, skinny butt up here!"

The rumble of Coach Sylvester's voice made Blaine snap his mouth shut. Kurt's hand was squeezed once more and then Blaine's warmth was gone and Kurt was on his feet. A few Cheerios on the other side of the circle of students snickered at him as he stepped onto the mat. He held his head a little higher and gave them a superior look. So what if they ruled the school? That didn't make them any better than him, no matter how much power they had.

With that thought in mind he started in on the different gymnastics moves they were supposed to demonstrate right now. He was sweaty and flushed by the end of it, but the Cheerio girls weren't laughing anymore. They looked surprised. Behind him Blaine clapped and cheered a little as Coach Sylvester stepped up to him.

"Not too shabby, Porcelain. Even if Boobs McGee's ponytail has better posture than you." One of the Cheerio girls sneered, and Kurt assumed the name was in reference to her. "Tryouts after school today. Three o'clock, Porcelain."

Amazed at the offer, and also slightly offended by the nickname and the thought of becoming one of them, Kurt stumbled back to his spot beside Blaine. Before he could say a word to Blaine, the other boy was called up and given a much ruder reception.

"Is that a tumble weed on your head, Anderson?"

It wasn't until after class was over and they were heading back into the main gym to the boys locker room that Kurt spoke.

"I'm not doing it," he said flatly, slowing down to let the other boys go running ahead of them.

Blaine looked surprised by his refusal. "What? Why not?"

Kurt stopped outside the door to the locker room, and Blaine stilled next to him. "Because there's no way I'll ever make it, and if I go and don't make it then everyone will think I'm gay, Blaine. And I'm not ready for that. I don't think I'll ever be ready for that."

Blaine gave him a sympathetic look. Neither of them had come out to their parents yet, even though Blaine kept encouraging Kurt to do so. Kurt didn't really understand where the sudden insistence had come from, but his friend almost never shut up about him telling Burt. The thought of Blaine telling his own father always silenced the other boy, though. Of their fathers Mr. Anderson would definitely be the least receptive to the idea."I think you should do it. Coach Sylvester wouldn't say that to just anyone, Kurt."

Kurt opened his mouth to refute that statement but then changed his mind. Blaine did have a point. She hadn't said that to anyone else after all. And the two Cheerio girls had seemed slightly stunned by him. Maybe he did stand a shot. The vivid image of himself, taller and more muscular with hair perfectly styled up off his forehead and a neatly pressed Cheerios uniform filled his head for a brief moment. That could be him, couldn't it?

"And just think, when you do make it nobody will slushy you anymore," Blaine said brightly. "You'll be on top then and you won't have to bring all of those extra clothes every day."

"I could protect you from them, too," Kurt added, trying not to get his hopes up. "They won't pick on you if I say they can't."

Even though Blaine's smile shifted some, he still looked happy as he pulled the locker room door open. "So does that mean yes then?"

Kurt rolled his eyes as the stench of teenage boys engulfed him. He crinkled his nose as Blaine pulled him down to the far row of lockers. "All right, fine. I'll... I'll give it a shot."

"Awesome," Blaine replied, but there was a nervousness in Blaine's voice that Kurt almost missed. Like he thought he'd get left behind if things changed."Never hurts to try, right? Maybe I'll give soccer or something a go."

Shame clawed at Kurt's insides for the rest of the week. He kept his eyes fixed on random points on the wall when he went to and from his classes, and made sure to always skip the hall where Blaine's locker was. He couldn't fully explain what he was feeling to himself, but he knew his father's words and disappointment in him had caused it.

Before, he'd realized what he was doing was wrong. Trying to get Blaine to hate him was the opposite of what he should be doing, but now that Burt knew he just felt worse. Even Finn had some inkling of what had happened between them years ago. When Kurt had gotten home very late Wednesday evening he'd been bombarded with questions about him and Blaine, and then lectured by Finn about how cool Blaine was. It was all very bizarre, but the thing that made him feel nauseous what the fact that after everything he'd told his father and all the guilt eating him alive he was still planning another slushy attack.

At this point it was something of a habit for him, and since it was the last one before Winter break it was a really big deal to all the Cheerios. Santana had rallied nine other girls besides their normal trio and had even convinced a few of the football guys to help out.

For the first time in his memory he felt the urge to warn Blaine prickling under his skin as the final bell approached on Thursday afternoon. But he didn't. He couldn't be seen talking to Blaine here, and even if he did warn him Blaine wouldn't believe him. Kurt wouldn't even believe himself at this point. The fact that he was thinking about it, and even feeling remorseful made his head spin.

Friday morning his father dropped him and Finn off at school. Santana, Brittany, and Quinn were already waiting for them and they were immediately bombarded, Quinn pecking the jock on the cheek and Santana and Brittany twisting their arms around each of Kurt's.

"That is such a gorgeous car," Quinn remarked as they headed up the steps into the school.

Kurt nodded, his stomach plummeting as he spotted Blaine getting out of his car. A small part of him had been hoping that Blaine wouldn't show up today. That somehow he'd gotten word or had come down with the flu that had been going around. "Me, my Dad, and B– I mean, me and my Dad built it back in middle school."

"You should work at the shop this summer, Finn," Quinn informed the jock. "I'd love to have a greasy mechanic boyfriend like Brittany."

"Huh? Yeah, sure," Finn said, nodding slightly and still smiling dazedly.

Kurt and Santana exchanged a thankful look as Quinn and Finn said goodbye at the first hallway. It was simply luck that even though Finn knew Kurt was gay he didn't seem to understand what that entailed. Otherwise he might find it suspicious that Kurt was dating Brittany.

"I'll see you at lunch," Quinn said, kissing Finn chastely on the mouth.

"Hurry up, Fabray," Santana snapped as the other Cheerio girls gathered around. They were all already armed with slushies. Two were handed to Santana and one to Kurt. "We've got a dweeb to slushy to celebrate break."

That sentence caught Finn's attention. He eyed the assembled group, warily. "That's a lot of slushies. Who are you getti– "

As Kurt shifted uncomfortably Finn trailed off and stared at him. "Even after what Burt said?" he demanded loudly.

"Finn, stop it! You'll make a scene!" Quinn ordered, flipping her ponytail.

"Why shouldn't I?" Finn argued back. "Blaine's nice. He's been helping me so I don't fail geometry aga– "

"What? Are you friends with him now, Hudson? Gonna get boy fabulous on us?" Santana quipped.

"Just leave it, Finn," Kurt added, fighting down the guilt threatening to eat him alive. "It's none of your business what we do. You aren't a Cheerio."

"But you are my brother," Finn snapped as Puck and Karofsky showed up and joined the group. "I can't believe you."

"Oh, got your panties in a twist, Hudson?" Karofsky crowed. He and Puck high fived and laughed loudly as they took their own slushies from the girls.

"I– fine, whatever," Finn grumbled, turning and disappearing into the crowd.

"Let's get going," Puck said loudly, looking thoroughly excited by the large group armed with slushies.

Feeling unbearably miserable Kurt let the crowd shepard him off down the halls towards where he knew Blaine would be standing his ground. The same way he had every week for over two years. Kurt's hand was trembling slightly when they turned the last corner and Blaine and Tina came into view. As soon as Tina caught sight of them she exchanged a few urgent words with Blaine. But no matter how much of his will Kurt put towards trying to silently communicate for him to leave, Blaine stayed where he was as Tina ran off.

The students in front of them parted quickly to let them pass. Most of them were familiar with Kurt and the Cheerios's usual target and turned to watch Blaine, clearly hoping the boy would take off running from the large group. But he didn't. He tucked his bag into his locker and closed it slowly, turning just in time to square his shoulders.

Puck and Karofsky were saying something rude to Blaine, but Kurt couldn't hear it. His father's words from the beginning of the week were playing over in his head.

Blaine is the kind of friend you would have had for life.

The two jocks slammed Blaine back against the row of lockers behind the smaller boy, each taking hold of him by his upper arms and hoisting him up against them. Despite Blaine's furious struggles he couldn't get his feet back onto the ground for any sort of leverage. Up and down the hallway loud laughter echoed as the watching students pointed and chortled.

For the briefest moment their eyes met, and immediately Kurt could see that something had changed, some dark fury had shifted into place. He took a step back as the others surged forward, quailing under the scalding look Blaine was giving him.

He used to have this look in his eyes like you were the greatest thing in the world.

As the first slushy slapped Blaine across the face, the look burning in his hazel eyes finally registered in Kurt's brain. Hatred. The rest of the girls, laughing and giddy, threw their own slushies in Blaine's face, over his chest, his legs, even one down his pants.

He'd finally succeeded then, and it only made him feel worse, not better or freer like he'd hoped.

The jocks let Blaine go a moment later. Blaine fell to the ground, slipped in the huge puddle and landed on his ass, spluttering and breathing heavily and obviously trying not to make any sort of pained noises.

"Let's go, girls," Quinn called loudly. "Winter break's officially begun."

Karofsky kicked Blaine in the leg as the smaller boy struggled to get back up. As the group continued to laugh along with all of the students watching the scene, Kurt remained mixed in the middle, slushy still in hand. Puck and Karofsky cleared out along with most of the girls as the warning bell rang overhead. The students in the hall quickly hurried off, but Kurt stayed where he was, the melting slushy finally slipping from his grasp.

As the cup hit the ground and splattered everywhere, Blaine's head jerked up in alarm. Their eyes met again, and Kurt stepped back farther, his stomach twisting up tightly, painfully.

"You missed," Blaine snarled, eyes squeezing shut again as he braced a hand against the wall and clambered to his feet.

"I– I– " Kurt stammered helplessly. He didn't know what he wanted to say or do, but everything about this suddenly felt so wrong.

"You what?" Blaine snapped angrily. "You'll have better luck next time? Maybe there won't be a next time. Maybe I'm finally fucking sick of getting shit on every week so that maybe you'll care for one damn second."

Blaine pushed off from the wall and stumbled half-blind down the hall and then around the corner.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered miserably as the bell rang once more.