It took Kurt another week to figure out how to approach Blaine after his talk with Sebastian. Even then he couldn't find the guts to actually do so. Something seemed to have switched on inside of Blaine since Sebastian had driven down from Dalton. Kurt briefly wondered if the Warbler had something to do with it, but with the numbers of texts he received daily from Sebastian demanding an update on Kurt's relationship with Blaine, he doubted it. Blaine was finally angry with him again, only this time it was the last thing Kurt wanted.

Everyday leading up to Spring Break Kurt tried to find a moment where he could be alone with Blaine. His old friend, and possibly ex-boyfriend, was constantly surrounded by other members of the Glee Club. Even Rachel, who was usually too caught up in herself, had joined the little honor guard that went everywhere with Blaine. Kurt didn't know how to get him alone for a few minutes, and he couldn't bring himself to go over to his house and face Blaine's mother's disappointed face when she opened the door. He had no idea if Blaine had told her, but Kurt couldn't bear the thought of disappointing anyone else.

The Friday before Spring Break officially began Kurt had resolved to ask for a minute alone with Blaine when we passed by the other boy's locker after the final bell if another opportunity didn't present itself before then. By fifth block Kurt had began mentally rehearsing what he wanted to say. He only hoped Blaine would give him a few uninterrupted moments to say his piece. Half way through class he went the bathroom, too distracted with his own thoughts to keep up with the lesson and bookwork he was supposed to be focusing on.

As he slunk down the hall, Kurt wondered how much trouble he'd get in if he just burst into Blaine's classroom and started apologizing until he was dragged out. Maybe that was the only solution for him now, a completely insane, over the top gravelling apolo–

Kurt froze in the bathroom doorway, his eyes catching sight of the room's only occupant. Blaine was across the room, planted in front of the urinals, and the very thought of what part of himself Blaine was touching made Kurt blush as he let the door ease closed behind him.

Blaine shifted his footing a little, but didn't look around. Kurt hadn't expected him to – eye contact was very rarely made in the men's room, and the only chatter was of a young boy speaking to his father or brother. Kurt headed over to the sink, trying to force his eyes away from Blaine and to keep his heart rate from escalating exponentially.

This was his chance. The one he'd waited for all week. Hopefully Blaine wouldn't dart out as soon as he saw Kurt, maybe it would be best to corner him at the urinal so he couldn't escape before Kurt could say the things he wanted–

"Are you doing to use that sink or should I just shove you aside?"

Kurt jerked his gaze over to his right, finding Blaine standing a few feet away, looking stoic and not at all the cheerful, bright boy Kurt knew. Blaine tilted his head towards the other sink, and Kurt looked, too, even as Blaine spoke.

"This one's broken," Blaine added pointedly as Kurt read over the taped on notice.

"S- sure," Kurt stammered, back pedaling out of Blaine's way. The fact that the first thing they were talking about since they'd fought was a broken sink felt weird to Kurt. But at least they were speaking... sort of.

For a few moments he simply watched Blaine, turning on the tap, and lathering up his hands. He'd been stupid to think Blaine would cheat on him, had been out of his mind to ever doubt anything Blaine said or wanted of him. Blaine had only ever had his best interests at heart, after all, and maybe that was half the problem all along. Each of them were so focused on the other and how they were feeling or adjusting that they hadn't stopped to think about themselves.

"I don't need a babysitter while I'm washing my hands, you know," Blaine quipped roughly, glancing up in the mirror at Kurt's reflection behind him.

"I– c- can we talk?" Kurt asked hesitantly, watching Blaine rinse his hands. "Please?"

"Why?" Blaine grumbled. "Here to accuse me of something else? Maybe toss up another slushie that'll end with us not talking for another two years?"

"Blaine, please, I'm sorry. I was stupid and just give me another chance t– "

"To what?" Blaine snapped, finally whirling around, hands still wet, water splashing over Kurt's uniform. "This was your second chance, Kurt, and right now you're blowing it."

"Blaine– " Kurt reached out and tried to take hold of Blaine's hand. If he could just touch him, feel his grip and warmth, then he'd calm down and listen. Then they'd talk and be all right, maybe even better than that for the first time in years.

"No, I can't keep doing this," Blaine argued, side stepping Kurt and wiping his hands on his jeans. "I deserve better than this, and I deserve better than you. It's high time I thought about myself for once with all of this."

Blaine stalked towards the door as Kurt stumbled back and leaned against the sink. His words hurt more than anything else could have. More than seeing Blaine in that unexpected lip-lock and more than realizing how utterly wrong he'd been once Sebastian had confessed to him, even worse than the moment he'd first slushied Blaine. It was as if all of his worse, unspoken fears had finally been acknowledged as real, that the hill of his own self-loathing he could never climb to the top of was finally concrete and impossible to mount.

"No, you know what? That's not true."

Kurt's head jerked around to fixate on Blaine in the doorway, looking as broken as Kurt felt. For a split second he foolishly hoped that Blaine would take back his painful words, but the truth was still lingering there between them, and Kurt didn't even attempt to bat it away. Part of him knew he needed to hear this, especially if he ever wanted to get past this.

There was a fierceness in Blaine's gaze Kurt hadn't seen since they were little kids. It reminded Kurt of that day they'd first met on the playground, when Blaine had stepped in to help him, despite not knowing him.

"I know who you can be. I still remember that sweet, kind, beautiful boy that I would have promised my very existence to. I deserve more – better – than t- this hollowness you've been trying to replace him with. We both deserve better than that," Blaine said vehemently, dragging his sweater's sleeve over his eyes as Kurt shivered and clutched himself tighter. "I want to hate you so badly sometimes, because the Kurt I know has such a huge heart, and the strongest spirit and love I've ever encountered, and you think it's something to hide and be ashamed of, and I just– I can't keep waiting for you to understand that. Wishing that you'll realize how much I want to have that boy to love again isn't going to make you want it. I just- I can't handle feeling all of this all over again and not knowing that it's worth it – that my heart isn't going to shatter in my chest and fill me up with shards."

Kurt was left there in the bathroom, the door slapping closed as Blaine walked out. He was in there for a long time, thinking and trying to process it all once the pain ebbed a little. He knew Blaine was right in a lot of respects, and knew before he could really know his own heart of Blaine's that he'd have to forgive himself. He'd reached the hill now, the only decision left was if he could make the climb.

When Kurt rounded the first corner his should knocked into someone and sent him stumbling into a wall of lockers.

"Watch it, Twinkle Toes," Santana snide voice remarked from beside him. "You're only allowed so may missteps in one day."

"L- leave me alone," Kurt choked out, but Santana's hands caught hold of his arm and steered him along the empty halls as he hiccupped, eyes streaming.

"Not going to happen," Santana said, pushing open the door of the girls' bathroom and guiding Kurt in.

He only realized where they were when Santana handed him a wad of paper towels to dry his cheeks and eyes. After several moments of trying and failing to stop his tears he leaned back against the wall and let the tears fall. Santana was watching him, perched on the sink with her legs crossed and swinging out towards him.

"I was hoping you wouldn't be stupid enough to go in there today," she remarked casually. "Guess you're still fishing around for your brain after Friday."

"Shut up," Kurt snapped, sniffing loudly. "Just leave me alone. It's not like you care– "

"I do, actually," Santana admitted quietly. "Maybe not in the way you want or the way Heart Eyes did, but I do. I didn't out you to Quinn, did I?"

Kurt remained still and quiet, trying to get his tears and the image of Blaine's face from his mind. It wasn't working in the least, though.

"You should have listened," Santana said sadly, "and made the drop on your own terms. Even told him, and kept things secret. That's how we– "

She broke off suddenly and tugged more paper towels free from the dispenser and shoved them at Kurt. He had no idea what she'd meant by that, but there was obviously something she was hiding the same way he was.

"Strop trying to buddy up with me after you blackmailed me," Kurt told her. "I want my best friend back, not y– "

"You're not getting him back, Kurt," Santana said softly, and there was actual pain and regret in her voice for the first time in Kurt's memory. "This is high school. There's no changing back on what happened, and really? You think he'll take you back after what he was just singing?"

Kurt had realized she was outside the door, had heard everything Blaine had sung, but the last fragment of him that hoped for some type of reconciliation withered away with her words. Blaine shouldn't take him back and forgive him. Kurt couldn't even forgive himself for what he'd done, and now he had to live with that guilty and the misery of knowing he'd ruined the best friendship of his life. He was the villain in his own story now, and there was no legitimate way to undo what he'd done. At least nothing he could think up would ever make him worth Blaine's time.

"For better or worse you're a Cheerio now," Santana informed him, hopping off the sink and looping her arm through his. "A real Cheerio. You might as well have a few good years before the world beats you down for wanting cock, right?"

"Oh, my god," Kurt whispered, eyes still filled with tears, but his hiccup was broken up by a laugh.

He was guided over to the sink and Santana started to help him rinse his face.

"I know I'm not him, or even a friend you want, but I'm a friend you need right now, I think," She decided. "Even Snix agrees."

"Snix?"

"I'll let Britt tell you about her," Santana said with a devilish little smile. "My girl knows me best."

Kurt didn't comment on her word choice, or the slight shyness that leaked into her smile at the term of endearment. It had never fully crossed his mind that Santana might be– that her and Brittany where... but in some bizarre way it sunk into his brain and made sense.

He might have to be his own villain now, but that didn't mean he had to be theirs. After all, Santana hadn't outted him, why should he do that to her?

Kurt didn't attempt to draw Blaine away from his friends after that. He spent the rest of the afternoon thinking and over-thinking Blaine's words. Until the final bell he still believed there was nothing he could do to change anything or to get himself up and over his own problems. But by the time he arrived back at his house, avoided his father and Carole, who were in the kitchen, and had locked himself in his room, he knew that was wrong.

Was his constant focus on his own self-loathing and guilt the reason for its persistence? What if he just took that leap, just let himself fall away from everything he felt surrounding that and moved on?

There was no doubt in his mind he'd made a horrible mistake two years ago. Every ounce of his heart regretted his own actions and wanted to cast off the fear he'd let drive him down into someone he'd never thought he'd be. For years he'd been able to acknowledge all of that, but had never let himself learn to move past it, not the way Blaine hoped he would.

But if he wanted this back, wanted to really know himself again and be able to open himself up to all of this he had to.

As he mulled everything over, Kurt left his radio on, curled up on his bed for hours as he tried to really let himself back in. Blaine was worth the risk of everything he still had to loose, and he'd been fine accepting that, but now... now he had to accept that he was worth the same risk, that he deserved the same chances and love that Blaine held, waiting, for him.

Then one song that was playing hit hard, and Kurt knew what he had to do. Beyond having to make this right and having to apologize to Blaine again, he had to do this for himself, in a way he never had before.

A few hours later he left the house with his radio, telling his father and Carole that he was going to the Lima Bean to meet a friend for coffee. The other two didn't seem to think much of it, and in fact looked relieved that he was going out for a bit of fun. Kurt didn't think fun was going to be any part of what he was about to do, but he could feel how right the decision was as he drove over to Blaine's house.

When he got there the house was dark, the long driveway empty except for Blaine's little sedan. His parents must be out of town again, or at some late night gala. Kurt glanced at his watch, parked his car behind Blaine's and clambered out onto the cobblestone driveway.

He must be out of his mind to do this. It was freezing and windy, snow crunching under his boots as he circled around to the back of the house until he could see Blaine's window. It was dim, not as dark as the rest of the house, but a lump climbed up Kurt's throat and he couldn't swallow it back down. Feet away and miles apart in his heart.

Kurt set his little radio down on the tree roots of the big oak outside of Blaine's window, taking a little ball of snow and smashing it together between his hands. He stood back up, took aim and the snowball splattered against the siding by Blaine's window, sending a little explosion of powder into the wind.

The main light in Blaine's room flickered on, and Kurt took a deep breath before he turned on the CD he'd made. As the song began, the acoustic guitar and piano blending together at Kurt's feet he watched Blaine's silouette appear against the bright light in his room.

Blaine looked stunned, and slightly scared, and Kurt realized he'd no doubt startled him terribly. Just another mishap on his part. He'd make up for it. For the rest of his life he'd take Blaine into his arms and his heart, and they'd make each other happy together.

"If you need a friend

Don't look to a stranger

You know in the end

I'll always be there."

It was so much deeper than Kurt was used to singing, and he knew he'd end up climbing back up to his comfortable register, but Blaine had flung his window open as was staring down at him in wonder.

"I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say

I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be

But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,

I promise, I promise you I will."

As the chorus fell from his lips Kurt grasped the lowest tree branch and hoisted himself up while the music took over before the second verse. He'd probably miss the first half as he climbed, but he needed to be closer to Blaine. To reach out and touch him, to see the expression on his face as Kurt opened himself up completely to everything they were.

Kurt made it up to the branch hanging right out of Blaine's window, sliding none too gracefully across it on his butt, as Blaine pressed his shoulder against the edge of the window frame and hugged himself. From the light behind Blaine Kurt could see the tears glistening in Blaine's eyes, the rawness and hope.

"Sometimes if I shout,

it's not what's intended.

These words just come out

with no grip to bear."

Kurt finally stopped in front of Blaine, resting his boots on the window ledge and steadying himself with his hand on the house's siding.

"I'm sorry but I'm just– "

"I love you," Blaine broke in, reaching out and clutching Kurt's hand where it was resting against the house. "I'm sorry I let him kiss me and– "

The music still played on down below them, but Blaine was tugging Kurt in through the window and into his arms.

"I'm sorry," Blaine murmured tearfully, burying his nose against Kurt's neck.

"I'm sorry, too," Kurt replied softly, stroking his hand through Blaine's loose curls and holding him tight. "I'm sorry for everything, but I'm done letting it get in between us. This is what I want. You are who I want, and I'm not going to let one mistake make me miss out on this anymore."

"I love you so much," Blaine breathed against Kurt's neck. He pulled back and sniffed loudly, tears on his eye lashes as he smiled.

"You've had me falling in love with you for years now, I think," Kurt admitted, taking Blaine's face in his hands and resting their foreheads together. "It just took me forever to figure it out."

Blaine hiccupped loudly and they both laughed through their tears.

"Y- yeah, it did," Blaine agreed, his arms sliding down to Kurt's hips as he nuzzle his nose against Kurt's cheek. "Do... do you want to stay the night?"

Kurt sucked in a harsh breath at the suggestion, but when Blaine quickly plowed on and added that he didn't mean that as sex or anything more than they'd done before, Kurt relaxed. He knew he was in love, had admitted it to Blaine just now, but physical intimacy like that... he didn't think he was ready for that yet.

"I'll stay," Kurt decided, cutting through Blaine's babbling.

Blushing they both snuggled down onto the bed, tangled together carefully, not kissing, but holding on to each other tightly.

"You forgot you radio outside," Blaine murmured minutes later.

They were both quiet for a moment, and the sound of Lady Gaga echoed up from the base of the tree. Blaine snorted, and Kurt couldn't help but start giggling himself. Who cared what the rest of the school thought or did to him? He was in love for the first time in his life, and he had the best friend he'd ever known back. They could never take that away from him, no matter what else they did.