June 2, 2012, 10:55 a.m.
Bittersweet Memories: Chapter 23
T - Words: 3,691 - Last Updated: Jun 02, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 29/29 - Created: Apr 03, 2012 - Updated: Jun 02, 2012 1,579 0 1 0 0
Blaine had been right to think Monday was just a short reprieve for Kurt and himself. The rest of the week got progressively worse for themselves and the Glee Club members. Every day they were drenched in slushies and Blaine and Kurt were shoved into lockers. He kept expecting Kurt to ditch him and slink back into the ranks of the Cheerios, but he remained firmly by Blaine's side. Part of him hadn't really expected it, because he knew how much courage it had taken for Kurt to simply greet him at the beginning of the week. Some of Kurt's strength, the one Blaine had always admired, seemed to be surfacing again and while the rest of the school hated it, Blaine's friends were now all on board with them as a couple.
The daily harassment still took its toll on them. It was a struggle just to roll out of bed each morning, and he knew from the numerous phone calls they exchanged in the mornings that if they hadn't had each other as support they probably wouldn't go. Just seeing Kurt at school made his day brighter, though, and while he had to endure classes and hours without the other boy, he finally had his best friend back and at his side. That alone made all the insults much more bearable.
Weeks passed, the harassment never stopping, but thankfully not growing worse for them. Blaine knew Finn was having a rough time between Quinn and his teammates, while the others we sinking back into the background again. Coach Sylvester hadn't seemed too surprised to realize Kurt was gay, and while she'd been in no way happy with his choice of boyfriend, according to Kurt, she hadn't told him to find someone else or run back into a closet. Her only words had been to practice some bizarrely long Madonna medley for Nationals and to not ruin anymore uniforms. The rest of the squad had been called out by Coach Sylvester, and they didn't slushy Kurt anymore, but they ignored him completely now, even during practice.
By the second week of February Blaine was exhausted with it all. His time at McKinley had certainly never been easy, but it'd never been this difficult either. Both Cheerios and jocks had been threatened by Coach Sylvester not to slushy anyone in her uniforms which unfortunately meant they focused on him instead. Kurt was furious with all of them, and spent several afternoons a week, washing the dye from Blaine's hair and then hugging him tightly and apologizing through his tears. Blaine didn't know what to do about it anymore.
The Tuesday before Valentine's Day was one of those afternoons. They'd just been leaving Glee Club, where they'd spent the better part of two hours working on a dance routine for their group number at Regionals. The Duets competition was set to start in a few weeks, and the solo number had yet to be decided, but Blaine would bet every bow tie he owned that it was handed to Rachel.
As Kurt shuffled Blaine into the bathroom he shared with Finn, Blaine shrugged another ruined shirt off and let Kurt lead him towards the sink. They couldn't keep doing this, day after day, week after week. When was enough going to be too much for them to handle?
Blaine let Kurt dunk his head under the faucet, jumping a little because the water was still warming up.
"Sorry," Kurt murmured, sounding tearful. Blaine couldn't hear anything else he might have said because Kurt's hands pressed his head under the water and started to wash the slushy out.
All of this was so unfair, but at least Kurt hadn't turned away from him once more. When he finally popped back up and accepted the towel from Kurt, Blaine had tears in his own eyes. He just wanted everything to be better and safe for them. Kurt stepped in close and looped the towel over Blaine's shoulders, running it up his face and neck and into his hair gently.
"I'm sorry, Blaine. This shouldn't keep happening and it does because of me– "
"Shh," Blaine soothed. "It's not your fault. The world's just so fucked up... "
As Kurt continued to dry him, Blaine felt his phone buzz against his thigh. He tugged it out, dropped his chin onto Kurt's right shoulder and saw that he had a text message from Nick, one of the Warblers he'd become friends with.
Nick [5:26 P.M.]: Warbler meeting tomorrow! Thad's got a girl he wants to serenade at the mall for Valentine's Day. Wanna join?
Instead of responding immediately, Blaine shoved his phone back into his pocket as Kurt finished towel drying his curls. Of course he wanted to go. Whenever he hung out with the guys from Dalton, whether in a Warblers atmosphere or something more casual, he had a blast. He spent more and more time with them, or texting the guys he really got along with, and if it wasn't for Kurt he'd have transferred and been done with McKinley.
They returned to Kurt's room and Blaine was handed an old shirt with Hummel Tires and Lube printed in fading letters across the front. He tugged it on as Kurt wiped at his eyes and apologized once more.
"Kurt, stop, it's not– "
"I know, but I still feel horrible, okay?" Kurt told him sadly. "I feel so helpless."
"C'mere," Blaine mumbled, settling down against the pillows and motioning Kurt into his arms.
Kurt was quick to accept the invitation, and sunk down against Blaine's chest, clutching him desperately. Sometimes it surprised Blaine how much of his Kurt had survived two years as a Cheerio, but every day the torment brought them closer, bonded them tighter, and brought forth another little part of that Kurt he remembered. There were still pieces of the Cheerio that resonated in Kurt, but that aloof coldness and the cruelly had all but ebbed away in the past few weeks.
Between their bodies Blaine felt his phone buzz once more, and Kurt jumped slightly in surprise, rolling back some and digging Blaine's phone out of his pocket. Before Kurt had even dragged his finger over the screen to open it, Blaine knew it was from another Warbler. It wouldn't have surprised him if the group was sitting down to dinner and taking turns texting him until they had an answer.
"From Sebastian," Kurt read out. "Warblers public serenade on Valentine's Day. Sadly it isn't from me to you, but come help us out."
A flush appeared on Blaine's face at the implications of Sebastian's words, and while the other boy had been fairly tame with his advances since they'd met it made Blaine feel horribly guilty. Kurt frowned as he sat up and looked at Blaine.
"I thought the Warblers were all straight," he said carefully.
"The rest of them are," Blaine assured him. "Sebastian's just... he's a flirty kind of guy. You are my guy, okay? He's just a friend."
"He's flirting with you," Kurt accused, pouting slightly as Blaine tugged him back down.
Before Kurt could further his argument against the Warbler Blaine kissed him swiftly, long and slowly.
"Forget him, Kurt," Blaine murmured. "You should come with me this week," he added hopefully. "I'm sure you can skip one Cheerios practice."
"Can't," Kurt argued, sounding regretful. "Coach will skin me alive if I'm not there to run through our Nationals routine. I can cut out after that. My singing isn't the issue with that performance, it's the girls being too busy glaring at me to dance."
Blaine snorted and tangled his fingers into Kurt's hair, stroking his scalp softly. "They don't meet until half past three. Can you make it by four?"
Kurt nodded against Blaine's chest, his own fingers tracing the letters on Blaine's shirt. "You really like it there," he commented quietly.
"Yeah," Blaine agreed. "It's great there. I don't have to deal with all of this." He yanked on one of his damp curls and sighed. "If it wasn't for you... I'd have transferred in January. I still want to most of the time."
"Then do it," Kurt encouraged, even though his voice broke and he sounded upset at the thought. "You deserve so much better than McKinley."
"So do you," Blaine countered firmly. "I... I've been doing a little research and had them help me. They have a gymnastics team, and scholarships for that and lower incomes... "
Kurt shifted against Blaine's chest, but said nothing.
"We could both go there next year, and get away from all of this," Blaine persisted. "Sure, we'd miss a few people, but it's not that far, and we'll be safe there, Kurt. Can you even imagine what that'll feel like?"
"No," Kurt admitted softly. "Though maybe it feels like this does," he said thoughtfully, squeezing Blaine. "I always feel safe and sure when we're cuddled up like this. You've always been that rock for me."
"So you'll come meet them?" Blaine asked again, trying not to sound too hopeful. "I know you'll love it there, Kurt. We can hold hands and kiss and not get slushied every other class. Then we can head off to New York or California for college and really be free."
Kurt nodded against his chest. "Okay," he said. "I'll get there as soon as I can after practice."
By Monday Kurt felt like his insides had been scooped out and tossed into a dumpster. He hadn't explained anything to his father despite all of the worry it cause Burt. Kurt couldn't bring himself to admit to how badly he'd screwed up, especially not to his father. His father's opinion meant everything to him, and if he told him how badly he'd screwed up he'd lose his respect.
When he arrived at school Quinn and Santana were waiting for him and they grouped around him immediately. He let it happen, knowing there was nothing else to it. Nothing could forgive what he'd done to Blaine, and now he would have to live with that. It was easier to fall into the persona and cruelty the two girls were insisting he adopt than it was to fight it or admit his own faults.
He was a monster now, after all. He ought to act like one, and who better to learn it from than Quinn and Santana?
The rest of the student body seemed alarmed but the abrupt change he'd undergone. He was cold and aloof in their eyes, though to Kurt that was simply his own distractedness. Even now he was still lost within his own thoughts, and trying desperately to figure a way out of this or to change what had happened. Nothing struck him as a possibility, however, and by the time lunch arrived he was so caught up in his own thoughts he didn't realize where he'd sat down until Blaine's voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Come to throw another slushy in my face, have you?" Blaine's voice was cold and angrier than Kurt could ever remember it being.
He startled a bit as he realized he'd let his feet lead him straight to his usual table with Blaine. The other boy was glaring at him across the table, looking furious and scared. Kurt hated that look. It only reminded him of his own screw ups and faults even more. He'd made Blaine feel this way, and nothing could take that back. He wasn't worth any amount of forgiveness.
"No," Kurt whispered, his voice cracking and strained sounding. "I– "
"You never called," Blaine said simply, looking hurt as some of his angry melted away. "I... we can still fix this. I thought we could, if you wanted to, but – "
"I can't," Kurt found himself saying despite the little voice inside of him bellowing that he most definitely could. He didn't deserve Blaine's forgiveness or friendship after Friday. He hadn't even been able to contact the other boy because of his own guilt. The only thing left to do was squash that voice down and allow himself to continue on his chosen path.
"Kurt, please, don't– look, I'm furious with you, but you're my best friend," Blaine pleaded. "Don't let us get lost because of this."
"I– "
"Hummel, what are you doing with him?" Quinn snapped from behind him.
Two trays clattered down on either side of Kurt and he pushed the voice begging for Blaine's forgiveness down further. He was in their clutches now, there was nothing else to do about it.
"I... I thought we could use a new table," Kurt said hollowly as Blaine's eyes dropped to his half-eaten food. "Those football guys are needlessly crude."
"Hmm," Quinn nodded, and then flashed Blaine a snotty little smile. "Get lost, queer."
Santana shoved Blaine's tray into his chest and it clattered to the floor, leaving mashed potatoes and ketchup on his shirt. Blaine's favorite shirt, Kurt thought miserably. He told that voice to shut up, too.
"Kurt, please, just talk to me– "
"Leave me alone," Kurt told him, his voice monotone and lifeless as Quinn nodded approvingly at his side. Hurt and fury flashed across Blaine's face as he stood up and knocked Kurt and Quinn's trays to the floor.
"Fine," he snapped before rushing out the side door.
Everything felt hollow and frozen as Quinn and Santana laughed and mocked Blaine's abrupt departure. The little voice in his head had one final plead before Kurt stomped it into submission. It didn't matter though. Blaine couldn't save him from this now. He couldn't even save himself.
Blaine loved going to Dalton. He doubted he'd still feel the same if he transferred there and had classes to attend in the fancy halls, but he still loved the atmosphere. All of the guys there treated him with respect, and the Warblers were quickly become some of his closest friends. That was one of the most difficult parts of being at McKinley for him. He had very few guy friends, and while he loved Mercedes and Tina to death, it wasn't quite the same. He didn't relate to them as well, and when he would rather being boxing or watching football they wanted to do was paint their nails. Blaine usually joined in on their little parties, but it was tiresome for him after a while.
At Dalton, however, he was surrounded by guys of all kinds. A lot of the Warblers followed college football, and he ended up having a lot to talk about. Blaine hoped Kurt would feel just as at home at he did here, but he was nervous about the outcome. He wanted this to work and fit for both of them so much, and if it didn't there was no way he could transfer on his own and leave Kurt in that hell.
When he arrived all of the guys were excited for the performance planning. It was apparently their first public performance in a number of decades, and they wanted to be perfect.
"Hey, slugger," Sebastian greeted, sneaking up behind him, and getting more than too close.
Blaine stepped back, and tried to smile politely. It wasn't that he didn't like the guy after all. He just didn't like him in that way. He had Kurt, and Kurt was everything to him.
"Hey, I don't think I've ever seen everyone so excited," Blaine commented as Thad and Nick burst into the practice hall already bellowing "Uptown Girl".
"Ha, yeah, they get really into serenades apparently," Sebastian shrugged easily and continued to smile sweetly at him. "I'll have to plan one of my own soon."
"Uhh, right," Blaine said, turning away and watching the other boys assemble.
As the Warblers all took their seats and started to discuss the layout of the place and how they were going to proceed, Blaine felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that he had a text message from Kurt.
[3:37 P.M.] Going to be late. Coach Sylvester wouldn't let me go until we did four run-throughs and there's some kind of accident on the highway. Haven't moved in almost ten minutes.
Blaine felt Sebastian trying to read the message over his shoulder, and quickly sent a sad face back in response. The Warblers Council called them all to order then and he quickly stuffed his phone back into his pocket.
The rest of the meeting was spent working out a dance routine and creating acapella parts for the song they'd chosen. Blaine was thrilled to be involved in the process, and even more excited when they let him take the lead on arrangements. According to Wes and David he had a fantastic ear for it, and they were more than willing to let him direct that portion of their practice.
Their practice ended at shortly after five and Kurt still hadn't arrived. Blaine was disappointed that his boyfriend had missed all the excited and having a chance to really get to know the group, but a quick call told him Kurt was nearly there, and the Warblers were happy to have both of them come to dinner at the dining hall.
After telling Blaine where it was and leaving Sebastian with him as a guide just in case, the rest of the group set out, talking and laughing, while Blaine and Sebastian waited in the visitor's parking lot for Kurt to appear.
"So this guy gets bullied for being gay, too?"Sebastian asked him curiously.
"Yeah, we both have ever since fifth grade," Blaine informed him. "Well, it was more for being weird back then, but freshmen year I came out to the whole school and... it's kind of been a disaster ever since."
Sebastian nodded slowly, actually looking sorry about their circumstances. Or Blaine's, most likely. He hadn't met Kurt yet, and Blaine hadn't mentioned that they were dating. It was still all so new to him, and he really didn't want to jinx it.
"That sucks," Sebastian remarked, casting his eyes around the parking lot and trying to subtlety shift closer to Blaine.
A little unnerved, but too friendly to tell him to not, Blaine took a step away and hoped he'd get the hint.
"The three of us should hit up Scandals sometime," Sebastian offered. "Have you been there?"
"T- that's the gay bar, right?" Blaine asked uncertainly.
Sebastian nodded, his eyes fixed on Blaine. "It's a great dance spot."
The sound of a car door slamming behind him made Blaine turn around, hoping to see Kurt's big, black Navigator pulled up into one of the vacant spots. But it was just a little blue car across the lot, now with an older man and woman, probably someone's parents, in the front seats.
"Damn, I was hoping that was– "
As he spun back around he was cut off by Sebastian's lips. His mind didn't even think about enjoying it or wondering if he liked it. He was so surprised, so shocked by the other boy's audacity that he froze momentarily and then shoved him away.
"What the hell are you doing?" He wiped his mouth on his sleeve quickly and took several steps back, glaring over at the taller boy. "I have a boyfriend."
"You– so? Come on, I thought you liked me, too, Blaine," Sebastian wheedled, looking affronted at being pushed away.
"Not like that," Blaine snapped in annoyance. "We're friends, that's it. I love Kurt, all right?"
"But– "
"No, just– I'm going to wait inside," he decided, shoving past the other boy and heading into the main building.
Relief flooded through him at once when he spotted Kurt ahead of him, walking fast and towards the opposite doors. There was a bouquet of roses in his hand, and with a jolt Blaine realized that they were most likely for him. An early Valentine's Day present. He'd already gotten Kurt something, made it really, but he hoped it was good enough.
"Kurt! You finally made it!" Blaine hollered after his retreating back, but when his boyfriend turned around Blaine stopped chasing after him, looking alarmed.
Kurt was in tears, his face red and scrunched up.
"Kurt, what's– "
"Don't pretend at me, Blaine Anderson," Kurt snapped, shaking slightly in anger. "You damn well know what I just saw and– "
"What?"
And then it dawned on Blaine. Sebastian had just kissed him, had caught him completely off-guard and landed one on him right as he'd turned around.
"Kurt, that wasn't anything. He– I love you," Blaine rushed to reassure him. "He tried it, and I– didn't you see me shove him away? He doesn't mean anything to me."
"Then why did you let him kiss you?" Kurt argued back. A watery sob escaped his mouth and he shoved the bouquet of roses into Blaine's chest. Blaine barely caught them before Kurt let go. "Here, I bought these for you. I wanted to make our first Valentine's Day as boyfriends special, but I guess we aren't boyfriends, are we? Not if you go around kissing people– "
"He kissed me!" Blaine argued back furiously. "I was turning around and he just plopped his mouth down on mine and– "
"I should have seen this coming," Kurt whispered weakly, hugging his arms around his chest. "I never deserved you, and this is my punishment for being so cruel and breaking your heart, isn't it? Now you get to break mine and we get to call it even."
"Kurt, no, it wasn't what you think– "
But Kurt shook his head, looking furious with himself despite his tears. "I was stupid to think this would ever work, that you could ever forgive me for what I did– "
"But I did, Kurt. I still do forgive you for that. It's yourself you need to forgive, don't you see that?" Blaine insisted desperately. Something inside of his chest splintered as Kurt continued to shake his head and started to walk away.
"I was stupid for letting myself fall in love with you," Kurt mumbled. "I'm always so stupid. First I was too late and now I'm not good enough. I'm not what you want anymore."
"Kurt– Kurt!"
The other boy had turned around and walked out, though, and the splintering in Blaine's chest cracked and shattered more. This wasn't how today was supposed to go, this wasn't how they were supposed to go. Not after all this time and difficulty, when they'd finally figured it all out and let themselves love each other.
Blaine crumbled to the ground in the middle of the empty hall, the bouquet of beautiful roses still in his grip. Why couldn't they ever be happy completely?