Kurt didn't manage to last for all of Glee Club on Tuesday. After the first hour he left, saying he had to head over to Cheerios practice, when really he spent a quarter of an hour in the boys' bathroom heaving up his lunch. The longer he sat in the presence of his old friends, and endured their anger and hatred while Blaine, of all people, tried to make him feel welcome made him violently sick. Even after he had emptied his stomach Kurt stayed in the bathroom, his stall door locked while he sat on the floor between the wall and the toilet, his knees clutched tightly to his chest in an attempt to lessen his trembling.

A month ago Kurt had thought he regretted his actions and the torment he'd forced upon Blaine, but now he knew he hadn't even been close to really feeling the full weight of his actions. Now he realized it was possible to hate himself even more than before, because he'd spent two years telling himself there was nothing to be done; he'd ruined everything and there had been no going back. But Blaine's willingness to let him in, to give him that second chance, showed him just how wrong he had been. The only reason he'd really buried himself into this life was to wallow in his own guilt and avoid what he'd thought would be Blaine's complete rejection of his regrets.

He couldn't do that anymore. Not when every glance made his heart leap and pound, and just knowing that Blaine, steady, solid, caring Blaine, was willing to show him how to forgive himself and rebuild what he should have cherish more than anything else. There was no way he could bring himself to destroy Blaine's heart again.

It was several hours before Kurt finally pulled himself together and left McKinley, driving the long way back to his house and then shutting himself in his room without any dinner. Burt had come down to check on him, certain that he was still sick with his fake aliment from Friday, but Kurt shrugged his concern off and assured him he was fine. His father didn't seem to believe him, but he left him alone, sending Carole down a few hours later to check on him as well. Kurt refused to explain anything to her either, but a quiet, "Blaine's involved?" and his answering silence had told her what she'd wanted to know.

Whether or not she relayed anything to Burt, Kurt didn't know, but he went to school Wednesday despite his father's worries that he was still sick. Kurt just wanted to get out of the house, and if the weather report from that morning was even remotely accurate his stint in school wouldn't be very long today. A huge snowstorm was moving in from the Great Lakes that was predicted to dump several feet or more.

Much to his surprise the storm held off until early afternoon. His school day progressed in its usual fashion, and Cheerios practice was still scheduled, even though Principal Figgins had informed them that it had to be done by three o'clock. Still the brief hour of exercising and learning a new routine had helped Kurt clear his head and relax. The shower afterwards had helped as well. Putting some distance between Blaine and himself had lessened the sharp, acidic taste of guilt in his mouth, but he knew he couldn't stay away from him forever. He didn't think he even wanted to stay away from him for a few days.

Still overwhelmed by the flurry of emotions and feelings whirling through him, Kurt gathered up his things from his gym locker and set off for the student parking lot. With any luck he'd still be able to drive the short distance home before things got too bad. He might even have a day off from school to try to sort through his feelings a little better.

But as he turned off the main hall and down the short side one that led out to the parking lot, the ringing sound of music stopped him. Kurt paused, turning towards the noise, to find himself next to the side door of the auditorium. The door was cracked open slightly, but the noises were crystal clear even at a distance. He knew this song, had watched Blaine audition with it in one of his last Glee Club meeting during their freshmen year. Years later he could still remember how thrilled Blaine had been to be asked to try out for the club's male lead. To Kurt there had been no other choice but Blaine, and maybe he should have remembered that for every other aspect of his life...

"Hey, Blaine!" Mr. Schuester hollered after their retreating backs as the rest of the club was dismissed, heading to their various lockers for books and possessions before going home. "I wanted a word before you left."

Kurt caught the anxious look on Blaine's face at their teacher's words, but nudged Blaine with his elbow and followed him back towards Mr. Schuester's podium at the front. They'd made up from their fight a few days ago, but things weren't quite the same anymore and Kurt couldn't stand the change. He didn't know how to fix it either, but maybe if this was about the male lead then Blaine could have something bigger to focus on like Kurt did. Maybe the strain would disappear and things would go back to how they had been.

Without a word Blaine stopped in front of the podium, looking anxious and uncertain.

"You've been doing really great in practice," Mr. Schuester remarked. He caught sight of Kurt standing off to the side. "Both of you have, actually."

"Really?" Blaine asked, sounding surprised. "Cause I was a little flat today again. Sorry, my voice is still dropping and cracking and– "

Mr. Schuester chuckled good-naturedly and patted Blaine on the shoulder. "Don't worry about that. It'll settle with time and practice, which you do more than enough off. I actually wanted to ask you to audition for the male lead."

"I– what, really?" Blaine gasped, looking astonished as he cast a nervous glance at Kurt, but Kurt just smiled at his best friend. Blaine deserved this chance, more than anyone he knew, and if there was a way for Blaine to be both the male and female lead he'd personally hold Rachel down and let Blaine take the spot from her.

"Yeah, I'll give you... a week to get something together?" Mr. Schuester offered. "Nothing too crazy, just to show your range and ability. Perhaps something emotional that could be used at our Invitational next month. The judges are keen on that this year."

Blaine nodded enthusiastically, and Kurt smiled a little wider, knowing that Blaine would nail this performance, could probably pick one of the dozens of songs in his back log and blow the rest of them out of the water.

Kurt hadn't known then what song Blaine would pick, but once he'd heard it he'd never really been able to forget it. As he pushed the side door open, Kurt set his bag down on a empty chair by the door and made his way over to the edge of the stage by the curtains, mesmerized by the piano notes echoing around the vast, empty auditorium. He ducked around the curtains just enough to have a glimpse of the stage.

Blaine was seated behind the piano, eyes closed, head down and to the side enough for Kurt to see his profile. His fingers were moving expertly over the keys, and Kurt sighed softly. Here was where Blaine was most at home, perhaps the only place he was ever at home anymore. There was nowhere else Blaine would rather be, and Kurt loved to watch him like this. Calm and poised, sinking down into himself and then letting it all flow out through his fingers –

"Turn down the lights

Turn down the bed

Turn down these voices inside my head"

Kurt's chest contracted in a way that was both pleasant and strikingly painful. God, when had Blaine's voice matured to that? So much had changed since that audition; so much that he'd tried to stuff under a rug and ignore, but this... this incredible boy belting his heart out to a silent auditorium was still that Blaine he'd known. He was still the sweetest, greatest friend Kurt had ever had.

"Lay down with me

and tell me no lies

Just hold me closely,

don't patronize.

Don't patronize me."

The entire club had fallen silent around them, even Mr. Schuester looked stunned by the raw power and potential in Blaine's voice. Kurt had pestered Blaine all week about the song he was going to use, but to no avail, but now he knew, though he didn't understand the choice. The more he'd asked the more Blaine had shut him down until finally Blaine had said, "Just... listen to the lyrics, okay? I– I get that you don't– that I– just listen."

And Kurt was, but he didn't understand what he was supposed to draw from this. Besides, it was extremely difficult when Blaine was looking at him like that. With big, sad eyes that made Kurt think the world was probably ending around them right now, but he couldn't look away because of the pain he saw in Blaine's eyes.

"Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel

something that it won't"

There had to be something here he was missing, something important and all encompassing that he'd looked passed... but nothing struck him. Of course he loved Blaine. The other boy was his absolute best friend, so that wasn't it. But the nagging feeling just grew stronger as Blaine continued the chorus:

"And here in the dark

and in these final hours

I will lay down my heart

and I will feel the power

But you won't, no, you won't

Cause I can't make you love me when you don't."

God, how had he not seen it? Felt the power and raw emotional in Blaine's words that day? Looking back now, it had been so obvious, so glaring obvious that it caught in his throat now and made it difficult to breath. All of the thrilling, terrifying and beautiful things Blaine had been feeling had completely slipped his notice. Then he'd squashed all of it, run it over with a stampede of Cheerios and then taken its remains and frozen them over with his slushy of choice.

If he had realized it back then, would it have made a difference? Would the pleasant bubbling in his stomach these days have made an earlier arrival?

"I'll close my eyes

cause then I won't see

The love you don't feel

when you're holding me"

Kurt had started to inch across the stage separating him from Blaine at the piano, but those lyrics, full of the most tangible pain yet, stung more than anything else. How many times had they cuddled up and held each other when the other was upset? For how long had Blaine been falling in love with him while that was still going on?

How had be managed to cause Blaine so much pain when they'd still been best friends? Was he just completely worthless and no good for Blaine entirely?

Still he continued across the stage, slowly and tentatively, but at a steady enough pace to finally stop a few feet behind Blaine. He had no idea what he was doing, or going to do when the music stopped. Maybe he'd just bolt from sheer panic so that his heart didn't burst in his chest. It felt like it was getting ready to pound its way straight through his stern and out of the building – or maybe into Blaine's arms and – why did he keep thinking things like that?

There was no reason Kurt would want that unless–

"Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel

something that it won't"

Something in Blaine's voice was pulling him forward and Kurt found himself sliding onto the bench by Blaine's side as the other boy played through the final notes, his fingers stilling as Kurt breathed in deeply. Blaine's eyes flew open at the noise and he jumped, his hands slamming down on the piano and causing an angry series of noises to echo around them.

"Y- you– "Blaine stammered, eyes wide.

"Hi," Kurt breathed, his entire body tingling with their proximity.

Hazel eyes still huge, Blaine murmured, "Hi yourself."

His breathing was still heavy from singing, and his face was flushed, but he was the most breathtaking person Kurt had ever seen. And close, far too close. The bright green speckles and the golden flecks in his eyes were twinkling brightly in the stage lights.

And, fuck, Kurt was still just as blind, wasn't he?

Only it wasn't to Blaine's feelings anymore, but to his own.

It took Kurt a few seconds to realize that he'd leaned in and pressed his lips to Blaine's. His eyes flew open at the realization, only to find Blaine's eyes, now as round as the bottom of a coffee mug, staring straight back into his, seemingly frozen by Kurt's actions.

Just as quickly Kurt pulled back from fleeting, light kiss. But now he understood. Both why he'd been feeling so strange for the past few weeks and how Blaine had felt two years ago.

He was falling, somehow, miraculously, and a way he never could have predicted or planned. Only not it was too late. Just as Blaine couldn't make Kurt fall back then, Kurt couldn't do the same now. Maybe this was the way it was meant to be. Two hearts capable of giving the other everything, of beating as one, but never finding the right time, the right moment to do so together–

Kurt's vision was overcome by a handsome, slightly blurred face surrounded by messy dark curls, and then Blaine's lips were sealed against his own again, trembling slightly and tentative, but warm, dry and real. As Blaine pressured in a little harder, shifting himself closer on the bench, Kurt breathed in sharply through his nose, shaking from the cataclysmic reactions going off within him. He clutched onto the closest thing to himself, which happened to be Blaine's forearms.

As Blaine's lips moved carefully over his own, Kurt clutched Blaine tighter as the soaring in his stomach continued. His head was swimming, his lips barely moving against Blaine's as the overwhelming sensation coursing through him made the shell-like tomb he'd encased himself in begin to crack. But the freeing sensation stopped just as suddenly as Blaine's lips pulled back.

He suddenly felt terribly empty, as though all of his walls were trying to build themselves back up and stop this bombardment of emotions. Before Kurt could clear his head enough to decide if he wanted this to continue, Blaine dipped back in for another sweet, simple kiss. The second their lips met and their warm breath brushed over their cheeks, Kurt could feel the crumbling surrounding him once more. Blaine pressed in more firmly, losing some of his tentativeness as he parted his lips and gently sucked Kurt's lower lip into his mouth.

But Blaine pulled away once more, catching his breath and pressing his forehead to Kurt's before returning to Kurt's lips.

Kurt didn't know how long they sat there, moving in for a slow, lazy kiss and then breaking apart a few inches to breathe. He didn't know much of anything beyond memorizing the exact texture of Blaine's lips and the sharp way he inhaled while they kissed.

The one thing Kurt was certain of was that the longer their lips remained joined the freer he felt. The more the tomb holding him in caved and let Blaine fill him up with the sweetest sensations he'd ever felt. This was where he truly belonged, because trying to forget and never let his life come back to Blaine was the biggest mistake he could have ever made.