On Friday Kurt faked sick and stayed home from school. Fortunately he'd only had to fool his father in the morning, and since Burt had already been late for work it hadn't been difficult to give a few weak, pained groans and curl into a ball on his bed. However, when Carole arrived home from her shift at the hospital a few hours later he'd been caught. He'd refused to tell her the specifics for why he'd faked sick, unconvincingly telling her he had a test he'd forgotten to study for, but she seemed to realize it was something very different even if she hadn't said anything.

There was no way he could bring himself to tell her that Fridays were the days he slushied Blaine before first block. If he admitted that she'd want to know why he thought such a thing was a good idea in the first place and then why he was so desperate to avoid it. He couldn't even explain his reasons for either of those to himself and sound convincing.

Blaine's words and questions on Thursday had struck him hard. Hearing the other boy refer to him as "my Kurt" had been particularly painful. He could have been that, had been in some ways, if he hadn't kept down the path his one bad decision had led him to. Even worse he couldn't adequately explain why he'd kissed Blaine a few weeks ago. It had been a rash, spur of the moment reaction he hadn't even thought about until it had been over. Blaine would never accept that answer, because it would only sound like Kurt was avoiding the truth.

Sometimes he felt like he was. Sometimes, for a few seconds or when he awoke from a nightmare about his own actions he wished he was still that boy. He wished he had Blaine by his side when he woke up and a best friend he could confide anything in without worry of being blackmailed at some point down the road.

Over the weekend he spent more and more time thinking about Blaine and how things might be right now if he'd made a different decision two years ago. He might have realized that Blaine had been in love with him, maybe he might have fallen himself. There was no way any of that could ever happen now, though. Even thinking about being in love with Blaine made his stomach somersault.

By the time Monday rolled around he didn't need to fake sick anymore. He felt sick enough from guilt and his own uncertainty about everything he was doing and was a part of in his life. Fortunately, Kurt was immediately dragged off by Quinn when he arrived. Without an explanation she led him to Coach Sylvester's office, and Kurt was momentarily filled with dread. He'd been found out. They somehow knew how conflicted he was about Blaine and his life as a bully and were going to blackmail him into continuing to be the terrible person he'd forced himself to be.

But as soon as Quinn shut the door all thoughts of Blaine were driven from Kurt's mind.

"I want to spy on Glee Club," Quinn said. "Finn joined them because of that nerd. I want to know what they're up to."

Kurt remained silent, waiting for Coach Sylvester's response. She was leaning back in her chair, watching them thoughtfully.

"Have a seat, Q," she said evenly.

Quinn obeyed, looking furious at her boyfriend's actions. "Everyone thinks he's gay now, Coach. I can't lose him. I'm the Head cheerleader, he's the star quarterback. I won't let those freaks take him away from me."

"Glee Club," Coach Sylvester commented, looking annoyed. "Will Schuester's failed attempt at making screaming and flapping around on stage something cool. Your boy toy won't stay with them long. Once the rest of his team of hooting roughhousing ogres get a hold of him he'll drop it."

"But I want to keep an eye on him," Quinn insisted. "That little snot, Rachel Berry, was all over him in the hallway this morning and– "

"What exactly does this have to do with me?" Kurt cut in pointedly.

Quinn turned to him, looking determined. "You've got inside information from before you... got your head on straight" – Kurt snorted in his head at the phrasing – "If I'm going to spy on them and get Finn out of there, then I need to know what you do."

"If I agree to this," Coach Sylvester reminded her stiffly. "One of my head Cheerios joining such a pathetic group of slushy absorbing maggots... "

"I won't let him ruin my reputation by dumping me for Glee," Quinn declared angrily.

As Coach Sylvester and Quinn continued to debate over their course of action Kurt tuned out. If they agreed to go forward with this... maybe he could convince them to let him take Quinn's spot. After all he had no idea if Quinn could sing so she might be completely useless to the club. He, on the other hand, already knew he could, and joining Glee Club, even if it was only briefly, meant time with Blaine. If he could spent time with the other boy, without it looking terribly suspicious maybe he could sort all of this out in his head.

The very thought of seeing Blaine made Kurt's stomach fill, and he squirmed at the sensation. He still didn't understand why that kept happening, but at least the thought of Blaine wasn't making him sick with guilty for once. Maybe he could show Blaine that he was worth the effort.

"You'll join up and spy on him and see just what Schuester is up to," Coach Sylvester ordered. "If he's recruiting jocks it's only a matter of time before he comes for you ladies."

"I'll do it," Kurt offered. "It'll look less suspicious since I can sing and use my singing for a few of our competitions. I'll just say I'm using them to improve my voice so that we can win another National championship."

"Really? You'll do this for me?" Quinn asked in surprise.

"Finn is my step-brother," Kurt reminded her. "Even I want to know why he's nosing diving into the nerd pit. Besides, I was part of the group once before, it'll be easier for me to keep everything straight."

"I want reports after every practice, Porcelain," Coach Sylvester told him. "Get Q her man back and destroy whatever new plan Schuester has."

Kurt nodded to show that he understood, but really he couldn't care less about either of their plans. He was one step closer to figuring out all of the confusing things he was feeling. Maybe he'd even be able to convince Blaine to go to Dalton where he'd be safe, because with two of McKinley's finest joining Glee Club, Blaine was about to unwittingly step into a warzone. And if Kurt's past mistakes were anything to go by, he'd probably fuck up and put himself first once again.

Kurt was still angry with his father by the time he and Blaine left for school Wednesday morning. They'd ended up have a rather nasty argument over whether or not Kurt could quit Glee Club, and it had only ended when Blaine had miserably started to gather his things to leave. Even now Blaine looked dejected and out of place by his side as they headed across the parking lot to the brick building.

Several students waved and spoke to Kurt as they made their way up the steps, and he was quite happy about the change. No more dirty looks or shoulder checks, just a bunch of people wanting to be his friends and smile at him because of his new status. But as he entered through the doors, Blaine still trailing behind him, he was stopped by a group of Cheerios, all armed with slushies.

Santana stepped forward from the other girls, looking fierce. "I seem to recall warning you about that," she spat, jerking her head in Blaine's direction.

Feeling defensive, Kurt stepped closer to Blaine's side, even as his friend shrunk back from the group. It dawned on Kurt then that he wasn't wearing his uniform today. Since their first game was Friday Coach Sylvester had sent all of their uniforms out for dry cleaning. None of them had them on, which meant he was a target for those slushies, too.

"Leave him out of this," Kurt snapped through gritted teeth.

"I will if you will," Santana said harshly. "You're only making things worse for yourself. Ditch the loser or go back and join him."

She raised her cup, taking aim at Blaine, who half-heartedly started to raise his binder to block, but Kurt got there first. He didn't even think about it as he leapt over and blocked the frozen ice's path to Blaine's face. The rest of the girls followed Santana's lead, tossing their own drinks in his face as Blaine looked on in shock.

"Spread cheers with us or fairy dust with hobbit," Santana said quietly to him as the other girls broke off from the group. "It's your choice. You can have this every day, or you can go back to enjoying being one of us. Make the right decision and make it fast. I'm not covering for you."

Mouth hanging open from the audacity of his teammates and Santana's words, Kurt silently let Blaine steer him to the nearest bathroom and clean him up. He didn't notice the gentle caresses and touches from Blaine as the other boy washed the frozen drink from his hair and neck. Nothing but fury and humiliation registered in his mind. How dare they do this to him. He was one of them now, wasn't he? One of the elite above the rest of the school.

"I can't believe them," he spat, suddenly slapping the towel Blaine had been using against the floor. A chunk of ice he'd missed suddenly slipped under the waistband of his pants. Ugh, I hate this!" he bellowed. "I never, ever want to deal with this again! I'm a Cheerio now, I shouldn't be slushied! I'm not some stupid nerd– "

"You don't have to deal with this," Blaine cut in softly. "You heard her. I know how much you hate this. Just– "

"What? Abandon you? I'm not going to– "

It dawned on his angry brain in that moment that he might be one step closer to leaving all of this behind, but Blaine certainly wasn't. His best friend had no way to escape this without Kurt's help, and that help wasn't something Kurt could even legitimately offer. How was he supposed to stop them from treating Blaine like shit if he couldn't even do that for himself? Was any of this ever going to work for them?

"You want to quit Glee, though," Blaine reminded him. "If you do that then what's stopping you and me from not being friends? Cheerios is all you talk about and all you want to do."

"I thought you wanted me to stay on the team," Kurt said slowly, some of his angry returning. "If you don't then why did you say that you did?"

"I just... I want you to be happy," Blaine admitted. "Not getting slushied or tormented makes you so much happier. I– I don't want you to suffer because of me. I'm not worth that."

"Yes, you are," Kurt insisted. "I stayed on this team to protect you from this," he said, gesturing to his ruined shirt. "I'm going to make this work, I promise. I'll figure something out so that you're safe from their slushies."

Blaine's face didn't look any happier at his words, though. If anything he only looked more sullen, even guilty.

"What if you can't? Are you just going to keep trying forever?" Blaine wondered. "What if they want you to slushy me to prove you're really one of them? Then what? Maybe," Blaine paused, folding his arms over his chest and looking nervous, "maybe this was all just a bad idea."

"You know I would never do that," Kurt said, rolling his eyes at Blaine's ridiculous fears. "It's not a bad idea, we're just not doing this right. We've got to factor in Santana and Coach Sylvester somehow. I need them on my side. Then maybe I'll become Captain next year and– "

"And then what? Then maybe you can stop them from slushying me? What if we can't last that long?"

"We'll make it work– "

"I'm starting to doubt that," Blaine said honestly. "They're getting to you, even if you haven't noticed it. I've never heard you yell at your dad like you did last night, Kurt. The Kurt I know doesn't act like that."

Suddenly angry at Blaine's words Kurt glared at his friend. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do. I like being a Cheerio. It's better than getting mocked and laughed at for that stupid Glee Club."

Blaine nodded slowly, shouldering his bag and heading towards the door. "Right, I forgot that you're above me and our friends now. My bad."

Before Kurt's guilt over his harsh words could fully sink in Blaine pushed the door open and disappeared. Angrily Kurt tugged his wet shirt off and flung it at the mirror in front of himself, blocking his dark expression. What did Blaine know? He wasn't a Cheerio. There was no Santana blackmailing him with his sexuality. No Coach Sylvester bearing down on him every evening at practice. He didn't know what kind of pressure Kurt was under by trying to get all of these girls on his side so that he could become Captain. He didn't know anything except his stupid Glee Club, Kurt thought savagely. And Glee Club meant nothing to this damn school. Why should it mean anything to him?

After Kurt and Quinn had left Coach Sylvester's office Kurt had gone to find Mr. Schuester to discuss him rejoining Glee Club. They'd decided to set down during lunch in Mr. Schuester's office to discuss the decision and to go over rehearsal schedules. The meeting had been difficult, much more so than Kurt had planned on it being. Mr. Schuester had asked him a lot of questions Kurt hadn't really been ready to answer, and the fact that he had, and seemed to almost be protecting Blaine from him, had surprised him. His old Glee teacher had never exactly been on top of things, but it had even been obvious to him how badly Kurt had screwed up and hurt Blaine, which only made Kurt feel worse.

But he deserved to feel this bad, to always hate himself when he thought about how stupid and cowardly he'd been. As Monday turned into a dreary, blustery Tuesday, Kurt started to get nervous. He hadn't faced any of the other Glee Clubbers since his freshman year. No doubt they'd have a lot to say to him this afternoon because of how he'd treated Blaine.

Quinn had filled Santana in on their plan at some point last night, mostly to keep her in line when the rest of the school found out, but she still seemed cautious as they sat down at lunch with Brittany.

"So are you going to be a brighter unicorn?" Brittany asked him as Santana eyed him carefully.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Brittany's interpretation of their scheme, and shook his head as Santana clicked her tongue loudly.

"You're doing this... for Quinn," Santana said slowly, her eyes fixed on his expression.

Kurt tried to keep his face calm as he met her gaze, but part of him didn't even want to lie. Sure, in the beginning Santana had done nothing but blackmail him into a corner that he'd never let himself escape, but things had changed between them. They shared secrets they couldn't trust anyone else with, and even if they might not entirely trust the other, they knew they were in the same boat.

"Yes, it'll be easier for me to join back up– "

"Really? Because I think joining a group that has a dozen good reasons to hate you, especially after how you ditched one of their main guys, makes it a lot more difficult," Santana cut in sharply. You're doing this for him. Don't even lie, Hummel."

Kurt glared at her, but realized there was no point in denying it. They knew each other too well.

"Fine, maybe I am," Kurt agreed. "And so what? Are you going to blackmail me some more so that I don't?"

Santana eyed him angrily before looking around the rest of the cafeteria. Her eyes paused on a spot in the line and Kurt looked over there, too. Blaine was grabbing his lunch, hunched over and skittish looking as he quickly paid and ducked out the side door.

"This school will tear you apart if you start this again," Santana said carefully. "Me and Britt are both Cheerios and we'd still get– listen. I get it. Being alone has to suck, and I don't know if you're trying to make amends or just trying to get some ass to give your hand a break, but this is dangerous. You start getting close to him again and – "

"Maybe I don't care anymore," Kurt decided shakily. "Maybe I'm sick of the McKinley herd dictating my entire life. Blaine was my best friend, "he reminded her. "The best friend I've ever had. He put me first over and over again and I trampled him into the ground because I let you get to me."

Kurt and Santana stared at each other across the table for a few moments. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do or how he was going to do it, but the closer he let himself get to Blaine the worse the rest of his life made him feel. To a certain point Santana understood him, and he didn't think she would push him into that position again. Not when he had plenty of dirt on her now.

"Are you going to be a real dolphin now?" Brittany asked suddenly, looking thrilled at the prospect.

Santana stared at him for a second longer, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, Britt," she said. "I think he is."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Kurt sighed. "I don't think I've ever been so confused, and I know you don't like Blaine– "

"I never said I didn't like the guy," Santana cut in smoothly. "He's at the bottom of the pyramid, buried under it really. I can't look as though I like him, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't if things were different or I got to know him. But this is high school. I'm not supposed to even know his name because to me he's supposed to be scum." Santana shrugged. "I'm just playing the game to survive."

Kurt watched her go back to eating her dinky little lunch, and with Brittany's arm curled through his for appearances, Kurt got what she meant. He understood it so much better than he'd ever really wanted to.

His friends didn't meant Blaine or Glee Club for the rest of the day. By the time the final bell rang, though, it was impossible to forget where he was headed. The same room he'd run out of two years ago in tears and never returned to. At least until now.

Since his math class was right down the hall he was the first to arrive and kind of glad for it. He could get his bearings and let those last few memories in here crash over him before the verbal assault began. Not a lot had changed since his freshman year. The same empty trophy case, the same piano and drum kit. Even the plastic chairs facing the front hadn't looked like they'd been moved, except for the empty spot to what had always been Blaine's chair. That was where he'd sat. Now he'd have to pick a new spot, probably off to the side because none of them would want to sit beside him.

a shoe squeaked on the floor behind him and Kurt spun around, expecting Rachel Berry to start squawking angrily at him, or Mercedes to start waving her hands in his face and shouting, but to his relief it was Blaine. A tired, weary version of him, but the one person in this club – this school – that he thought he was capable of being himself with.

"K - Kurt?" Blaine stammered in surprise. "Are– are you lost?"

Kurt laughed softly at Blaine's question, and shook his head. "No, I um, I'm joining Glee Club."

He wasn't sure what sure of reaction he had expected at his pronouncement, but Blaine barely gave one at all. For what felt like several minutes Blaine only stared at him critically, looking surprised by the suddenly change and unnerved.

Before Blaine could ask him why, get defensive, or stop talking to him, Kurt spoke up.

"Quinn wanted to so she could keep an eye on Finn and figure out why he's joined," Kurt told him. "I figured it'd be a better idea if I volunteered to take her spot. She won't like seeing for herself that Finn joined just because he's having fun."

Blaine cleared his throat and nodded slightly, moving past Kurt and setting his bag down on one of the chairs. It was as far from his old spot as it was possible to be, and it pained Kurt to realize it. He'd ruined so much, cost Blaine so much heartache and pain he almost couldn't believe that he had the audacity to try to mend any of this.

"So you joined... because of Quinn," Blaine repeated, sounding like he didn't entirely belief Kurt's words.

"There's a lot of reasons I took her place," Kurt said softly, smiling slightly at the repetition of Blaine's vague response last week out the cafeteria.

Blaine, however, rolled his eyes at the similar. "Ha ha, you're so hilarious."

"At least you know I was listening," Kurt replied, taking a chair from a stack by the door and setting it down next to Blaine's. "I thought over what you said a lot."

"Is that way you didn't come to school on Friday?" Blaine asked him.

When Kurt didn't answer, Blaine tucked his bag under his chair and sat down. "Santana and Quinn still slushied me, if that's what you were avoiding."

"But I didn't," Kurt remarked, heart hammering as he turned and looked up at Blaine. "I can't– "

The click of high- heels announced the arrival of Rachel and Mercedes. Kurt and Blaine both spun around to see the two divas, looking shocked at who was in their choir room.

"Oh, hell no," Mercedes snapped, glaring furiously at Kurt. "Nuh uh, get out, Hummel. We're not doing this again."

"You let Finn join," Kurt argued, glaring right back as Rachel spun on her heel and marched from the room.

"Finn didn't break my boy's h– "

"Mercedes, stop!" Blaine demanded, standing up and blocking her path to Kurt. "Mr. Schue already let him join. There's nothing you can do– "

"Oh, we'll see about that," Mercedes growled, flinging her bag down so hard she knocked her chair over. "And don't you dare defend him, Blaine. After what he's done to you I'm not going to l– "

Just then Rachel came charging back into the room, yanking Mr. Schuester along by his shirt sleeve.

"There!" she screeched, pointing dramatically at Kurt. "An imposter! He's here to sabotage us! I demand his immediate removal at once."

Mr. Schuester sighed slowly as the rest of the club appeared, all catching sight of Kurt and joining in with their own complaints. Finn at least, eyed them all like they were lunatics and shuffled over to Kurt and Blaine.

"Wow, no wonder you quit," Finn commented. "These guys really hate you, Kurt."

Blaine groaned. "Finn, that's not– nevermind."

He sighed and sunk back down into his seat as Mr. Schuester tried to gain control over the rest of the club. Kurt sat down next to him, crossing his arms and hugging himself tightly as they continued to make low, angry remarks about him. He'd known it would happen; it had been inevitable if he was going to return to the club, but it still stung.

A tentative, warm hand suddenly squeezed his thigh. Even before he looked down he knew who the hand belonged to. A thrill shot through him from the contact, settling like a hard lump in his throat as he followed the thick line of Blaine's arm up to his face.

Blaine's eyes were subdued behind his glasses, but he gave Kurt a little half-smile that made Kurt's chest flood with warmth and reassurance.

Blaine would stick up for him, and the thought made the warmth in his chest turn to ice. Of all the things he'd learned from Blaine over the years, he really wished that had been the one that had stuck with him. Maybe then he wouldn't be sitting in a room with people he had once called friends, all glaring and sneering at just the sight of him. Maybe then Blaine's hand would be held tightly by his own instead of giving him a comfort he knew he didn't deserve.