April 28, 2012, 10:26 a.m.
You Know You love Me: Hold Me Tight, You'll Be Alright
E - Words: 2,716 - Last Updated: Apr 28, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 24/? - Created: Nov 13, 2011 - Updated: Apr 28, 2012 473 0 3 0 0
“I’m so sorry, Blaine.”
“Stop apologising to him, Aaron. He can’t hear you, and it wasn’t your fault...you can’t blame yourself.”
Aaron looked up at her through his teary eyes, blinking a little too hard because of the way that his eyelashes tried to stick together from the moisture.
“Just because you’re trying to act like you’re not hurting here, Santana, doesn’t mean that we’re all the same. The fact is; Blaine wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.” He choked a little on the last few words and wrapped his hands tighter around Blaine’s one on the bed.
Santana was silent for a few moments, but then she moved to the other side of the bed and placed her hand in his.
“I’m scared too, you know.” She looked at Aaron quickly before directing her gaze to Blaine’s peaceful face against the striking hospital sheets.
“It’s been over 24 hours...”
“They’re keeping him in a coma, it’s not like we’re waiting for him to wake up. We’re waiting for them to do whatever they keep insisting.” Santana fought back.
“Do you think that matters?” Aaron accused, fresh tears coating his cheeks but he couldn’t tear his hands away from Blaine’s to wipe them. “Do you really think anything matters right now? Blaine is in a coma, San, because of me.”
“This is not your fault!” She stood up, her hand still loosely in Blaine’s but her gaze fixed directly on Aaron’s. “Stop blaming yourself, do you really think that’s what Blaine would-” she lowered her tone once she realised she was practically yelling. “Do you really think that’s what Blaine would want?”
“I-I don’t know what he would want.” Aaron replied, leaning his head down to press against the sheets next to his and Blaine’s entwined hands. His head was pounding.
“You know him better than anyone. You know that as soon as he wakes up he’s gonna want to slap you for just moping around”
“Santana.”
“I can’t sit in here anymore, I’m going out of my head” she said suddenly standing up, squeezing Blaine’s hand lightly before leaving the room without a second glance at Aaron.
Aaron watched her leave the room, and then turned back to Blaine, shuffling his chair a little bit closer and pressing his lips to Blaine’s hand.
“I’m so sorry, Blaine. This is all my fault...if I hadn’t-” He swallowed thickly, letting a few tears roll down his cheek before continuing. “If I hadn’t gone after them...you wouldn’t be here. You’re just always the one fucking person to never let anything go, Blaine.” He stuttered a little, speaking into Blaine’s hand, too afraid to lift his head. “You shouldn’t have ran after me...they wouldn’t have done this to me, I know it, you just...you have to be the hero and now you’re in hospital and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.” He kissed his hand again, feeling his own tears dropping onto their hands. “Isn’t this why you left to New York anyway? To avoid this? And then you come back and get yourself stabbed. Idiot.” He laughed a little under his breath, knowing if this was the other way around, Blaine would be calling him all the names under the sun for being such an idiot for running after them. Aaron wiped his cheeks and eyes with his sleeve and sat back a little bit in his seat, his eyes finally reaching Blaine’s face. The small beeping of Blaine’s monitor went on and on for a few more minutes until Aaron spoke again, his tone a little lighter.
“We called Kurt.” He started, and then smiled. “I dunno if you can even hear me...but I remember that book that we read to Lucy when she was younger, about that boy in the coma that could hear people talking to him. So, I figured that it’s worth a shot, right? Well, we called Kurt. He’s blaming himself, can you believe that? He’s not even in America and he’s still blaming himself for this. He told Santana that you said something about it a while ago, but you made him change the subject. I laughed. That’s so you, you just don’t want to talk about anything, do you?” He paused, licking his lips. “He’s already sent Sebastian and Marc here....they’ll be here tonight. Could you just...fuck, Blaine could you just be okay? For me? I don’t know what to do.”
He looked back down to Blaine’s hand, limp around his own which was tight around the other boy’s. “You were lying on the floor, and your eyes were closing, you were screaming. I’ve never heard you in so much pain, there was so much blood...I didn’t know what to do...you’re the person who knows how to deal with these situations, I just...I panicked. I was begging you to stay awake, and try, but you couldn’t...I was so scared, I am still so scared...”
He could practically hear Blaine telling him Don’t be scared, I’m gonna be okay, he knew exactly what Blaine would say.
“What if you’re not okay, Blaine? The doctors, they said that you might have to have surgery, but they won’t be able to tell for a while and they’re gonna have to keep you in a coma until they can decide...what if it’s too late by then?” His voice cracked, and he tried to swallow again but it came up in more of a sob.
“I’m sorry, I need to go...somewhere....I’m sorry, I love you.” He kissed the back of Blaine’s hand and then stood up a bit shakily, hesitantly removing his hand from Blaine’s. He leant down and kissed his forehead. “I’ll be back later, baby.” He whispered, turning to leave the room.
As he rounded the corner out of the room he’d become all too accustomed within the past 24 hours, he rubbed his head, trying to ease his headache and made his way to the coffee machine. Just as he collected a bland coffee, Lucy came rushing around the corner and straight into Aaron’s arms.
“Aaron” she whispered, crying silently into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her immediately, the coffee forgotten and left on the counter. His shirt was dampening from her tears, but he just held her close, tears beginning to fall from his own eyes too moving to rest his cheek against her hair.
“It’s alright, Luce” he whispered in reply. “It’s alright.”
“Is he okay?”
“I don’t know, but he will be,” he pulled back, holding her shoulders so she looked at him. “He will be, I promise, Luce, he’s gonna be okay.”
“Can we go see him?” She asked as he reached down for his coffee. He passed it to her instead.
“Come on, I’ll take you.” He made himself a coffee too and took her hand. “Wipe your tears, little Lucy.”
She grinned and used her sleeve to wipe her cheeks dry. “Little Lucy” she mimicked. “That’s what-”
“Blaine and I used to call you, when you were little.” He finished.
She sniffed and smiled. At the door of Blaine’s room, she turned to him. “Don’t blame yourself,”
“Lucy, you don’t understand.”
“I do understand. You found out, that’s not something that me and Blaine wanted. But you did, and you went after him. Blaine followed you, which was his choice. Just stop beating yourself up over this. Blaine’s going to be okay.”
She didn’t wait for a response; she just pushed the door open and walked in. Aaron didn’t follow her in; he couldn’t bare those four walls again.
Instead he moved to the waiting room and found a spongy seat there. He drank his coffee whilst it was still boiling hot, not caring the way that he could feel it practically burning his throat.
“You should go home and sleep, babe, you’ve been here for almost two days” Santana suggested from the seat opposite him.
“I’m not leaving him, Santana. I can’t.”
“You can’t just keep drinking endless amounts of coffee until you wake up, you’re going to run out, and you’ll crash”
“I DON’T CARE SANTANA. I don’t care! None of this matters!” He threw the cup into the trash next to him. She stood up, and he leant forward, resting his head in his hands, more fresh tears falling as he pushed the balls of his hands into his eyes. “Please...don’t get angry at me San, I can’t...” he started, but just when he thought she was going to start arguing with him, she curled into the chair next to his and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his head.
“Let me take you home, sweetie. Just to shower and change, we’ll come back in an hour.”
*
“Kurt? Are you okay?” Burt questioned, the sight of his son at the door looked exasperated and puffy eyed worrying him.
“It’s Blaine.” He said. Burt sighed a little bit but signalled for Kurt to come sit next to him where he was going through some pages for his magazine.
“What about him, kid? Did he end it?” Burt placed two different designs in front of his son, Kurt pointed to his preference lazily.
“No. He’s in trouble.”
“You’re gonna need to give me more to go on, Kurt.”
Kurt pushed the pages away from him and pushed his fingers through his hair roughly, elbows resting on the table as he gasped out a breath.
“He’s been stabbed, Dad.” He muttered shakily, the sick feeling in his stomach come back from just moments before. He barely managed to speak the last word when a sob choked out from his throat.
“Kurt...I’m sorry...I-, is he gonna be okay?” Burt bought a hand up to rub soothingly on Kurt’s back.
“I don’t know” Kurt sobbed. “I don’t know anything because I’m fucking stuck here!” he shoved the pages even further away from him.
“You’re not stuck anywhere, Kurt. If you need to go back then go back.”
“But, London-”
“We’ll be fine. If it gets that bad, then I’ll get you to mail me some designs, okay? But you’re never gonna be able to work like this.” Kurt rolled his chair over to Burt’s and wrapped his arms around his neck, curling into his chest like he did when he was younger.
“Thank you” Kurt whispered into his shirt.
“Go on,” Burt rubbed his back one final time. “I’ll call my pilot for you. Go pack your things.”
*
“He looks so small.” Marc observed, holding onto Blaine’s hand with his own.
“I can’t believe we weren’t here, I’m sorry.”
“Sebastian it’s really not your fault, none of us knew.”
“Kurt’s gonna be here tomorrow,” Aaron stuck his head around the door to tell them, and then returned to leaning against the wall outside of Blaine’s room. He couldn’t deal with all the people, not now that Lucy, Blaine’s mom, Sebastian, Marc, Santana, Rachel and Puck were all there, but he couldn’t leave either.
After a while, Blaine’s mom and Lucy went home. Blaine’s mom, having a very demanding job, was only able to visit him in the evenings, but she made sure that Aaron kept her updated through every single thing going on. As much as she wanted to be there, with them keeping him unconscious there was nothing she could do. Rachel and Puck took off soon after, leaving Aaron, Santana, Sebastian and Marc. Aaron refused to go back into the room; he just sat on the floor outside with Sebastian and watched as the nurses switched shifts for the night nurses. No one asked Aaron to leave. They had the first night, but the amount that he’d screamed and panicked and cried, no one wanted to hurt him anymore. Sebastian didn’t try and talk to him; he simply sat in silence and let Aaron try to relax.
Marc came out of Blaine’s room a while later, telling Sebastian that they were going to go home with Santana now and stay with her for the night. Sebastian took one look at Aaron and said he’d stay with him, but insisted Marc go ahead with Santana. He didn’t want Aaron being alone, not that night, not with all of the thoughts he had.
They stayed on the floor for hours, watching as the nurses rushed around to various patients and friends and families walked through the emptying corridors.
“He almost died” Aaron spoke suddenly. His voice rough from the amount of times he’d been sobbing. He pushed his head back against the wall, looking up at the white ceiling. Sebastian looked towards him, not saying a word.
“Before the ambulance came...he lost so much blood.” Tears threatened to fall from Aaron’s eyes again, but he blinked them away, a few stray falling down his cheek onto the hard floor. “I didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t even screaming anymore, he was just...lying there with blood pouring onto the floor.” He bought his head down against his hands, trying to push the tears away. Sebastian didn’t move he just listened. “The paramedics told me to put him into the recovery position, but every time I tried to touch him, he screamed out in pain, I just couldn’t do it-” he hiccupped through a sob. “I’ve never been so scared in my life”
“He’s going to be okay” Sebastian offered, his arm coming to stroke soothingly along Aaron’s back. “He will”
“H-He stopped breathing, just before they came. I saw his breathing stop and they were grabbing at me and I just-I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t, he’s...” he paused, sucking in a breath. “He’s all I have”
“You can’t blame yourself, Aaron. You couldn’t have done anything”
“I’m scared to sleep. Every time I close my eyes I can see him lying in his blood...”
“He’s gonna be okay” Sebastian repeated, his hand rubbing in small circles. “It’ll be okay”
“I wish everyone would stop saying that.” Aaron whispered, bringing his head up from his hands. “You don’t know that he’s going to be okay”
Sebastian smiled. “Of course he will. It’s Blaine.” He said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“When we were 11, I tripped on my skateboard and cracked my head open” Aaron started, smiling at the memory. “When I woke up, Blaine was next to my bed in the hospital, and he was crying. I just...I hated it. I didn’t care about the pain, or the stitches, I just didn’t want Blaine to cry over me.”
“Don’t you think he’d say the same?”
“I think he’d murder me if he knew how much I was losing it over him.” Aaron paused. “It’s just...not gonna get easier.”
“Of course it will. Every day he’ll get closer to waking up”
“Kurt’s coming here tomorrow. I...what will he do?” Aaron turned his head to Sebastian.
“Probably just sit by Blaine until he wakes up,”
“No. What...will he do to me? It’s my fault...”
“Kurt won’t blame you. You love Blaine, he knows that.” Aaron forced a smile at him. “Come on, let’s go sit with Blaine. He hates being lonely”
*
“Kurt” Sebastian breathed, looking up to the boy in the doorway. Aaron had managed to fall asleep, and was breathing steadily on the chair by the side of Blaine’s bed.
Kurt ignored Sebastian, walking over to Blaine. He ran his hand along the side of his hair, brushing it back and leaning down to kiss his forehead. He let his head linger there for a second, bending until their foreheads were pressed together.
“What did you do Blaine?” He whispered, eyes closed. “You stupid fucking idiot”
Kurt’s hand fisted into Blaine’s hair and he leant forward to press a kiss to Blaine’s dry, unresponsive lips.
“You promised me you wouldn’t” he whispered again, fingers brushing through his hair again. “You swore it, and now look at you”
He stayed like that for a few moments, just the feel of his fingers brushing through Blaine’s hair and the beeping of the heart monitor next to him. He stood up abruptly, pressing a single kiss to Blaine’s forehead before turning out of the room where Sebastian had walked out to.
As soon as Kurt caught sight of him, he walked immediately into his arms, letting Sebastian close his arms around him, his hands rubbing softly along Kurt’s back.
“It’s alright...” Sebastian whispered softly to him, bringing one hand up to brush down Kurt’s hair. “It’s alright...”
Comments
Okay, now waiting again. Really good chapter. Can't wait for a new one ;)!
This fic is amazing! Poor Blaine, I can't wait to find out what that's all about!
Ah thankyou!! Yeah, poor Blaine! I feel like I'm the only person feeling sorry for Kurt though. He's so helpless bless him :')