"Don't say yes, run away now..." -Speak Now; Taylor Swift

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Will you marry me?

He stared at the numbers on his digital clock on the night side table, Jason's arm draped over his waist feeling like a grounding.

Will you marry me?

He was cold and uncomfortable and anxious and scared and a million things at once and he wanted to scream and run away. He wanted to stay sleeping in bed with Jason and he wanted to never see him again. Blaine wanted to wake up next to him every morning and he wanted this to be the last night they spent together. He wanted to make breakfast for him and he wanted to delete him from his contacts. He wanted to turn back the clock and restart.

Will you marry me?

Blaine wanted to start new with a clean slate in a new life, somewhere far away with a family and a dog and place that felt safe to call home. So when he slowly crawled out from underneath of his covers, doing his best not to disturb Jason, he grabbed his phone and called the only person he could think of that reminded him that there was still a chance for that life.

Will you marry me?

He dialed Kurt's number, stepping into the hallway of the darkened apartment and hoping it wasn't too late to be phoning. It rang four times before Kurt's tired voice answered.

"Blaine?" His voice groaned on the other end and Blaine took a shaky breath.

"H-hey," he whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible. "How are you?"

"It's like three in the morning. I'm pretty fucking tired, actually. This would be cute if we were twelve-year-old girls, what do you want?"

Blaine bit his tongue sharply and began to pace quietly around his apartment, trying to come up with something eloquent and calm and not just scream at Kurt about what had happened. Though it was hours ago, he could still feel the way Jason grabbed him; the grip he had on Blaine's wrists and the darkness in his eyes.

"Um..." he began, clearing his throat at pressing his cell phone hard against his ear, hard enough that the casing creaked. "I think I made a terrible mistake," Blaine's throat was getting tighter and every word felt heavy. He heard a rustle on the other line which he could only assume was Kurt sitting up before he took a seat on his couch in the shadows.

"What are you talking about?"

His voice was calmer and more alert, even the slightest concerned. "Um," Blaine mumbled again, feeling the tears start to press at his eyes. "I, uh... Jason, I mean, he--"

"'Fuck's sakes, Blaine, spit it out, I have to be at work in three hours,"

Blaine winced. "Y-you know what, it was nothing," he lied and Kurt sighed on the other end. "It... It doesn't even matter," he truly hoped Kurt hadn't heard what he thought was his voice breaking in the midst of his sentence. "I'll, um, I'll call you in the morning,"

"No, Blaine, what is it?" Kurt's voice was smoother this time, more patient. "I don't know why you would call me at three AM to say nothing,"

Blaine looked over his shoulder to the hallway that led to his bedroom and swallowed thickly, hoping to relieve some of the pressure in his throat. "What is it?" he said again after Blaine didn't answer for a moment.

"It's Jason," he said again. "He... He proposed."

When the words hit the air, Blaine was waiting for the weight to be lifted off his chest; waited for that moment of closure he was hoping would come with saying it aloud. He kept expecting that sigh of relief. But it didn't come. In a way, the silence that stretched between he and Kurt only made it worse. So he wasn't surprised when felt his lip begin to quiver and eyes burn from the tears that wanted to fall. Blaine felt like Jason's proposal was like a shortcut to try and mend all the complications and issues in their relationships, and while part of him knew that the gesture was genuine, more than anything he felt cheated. He wondered what Kurt looked like right now; if he was shocked or just waiting for Blaine to say something else. A breathy "oh," was the only response that came.

"Yeah," Blaine sighed, swiping at a tear rolling down his cheek.

"A-and what did you say?" Blaine bit his lip, trying not to break down and end up waking Jason. "Um," he whispered. "I said yes," He heard Kurt swear quietly under his breath and he knew he didn't mean for Blaine to hear it. He was waiting for Kurt to say something reassuring, waiting for him to tell him anything that would give him hope that he hadn't completely ruined his life at twenty three by agreeing to marry a man that literally made his life Hell. He didn't know how long they remained silent, waiting for the other to break the silence, so Kurt just stayed in his bed clutching his duvet in one hand, the other gripping uncomfortably tight on his phone and listened to his best friend cry on the other line. Blaine sat in the dark of his apartment with his left hand balled into a fist, purposefully digging his nails as hard as he could into the palm of his hand, fingering the metal band on his fourth finger.

"Well, what are we going to do about that?"

"I-I don't know, that's why I called you," Blaine said quickly and quietly, trying his best not to let his tears affect his speech. And it was the truth. Blaine called him because he trusted him more than anyone he had ever met and he was the only one he felt as though he could trust. He didn't have any friends from work, no acquaintances from his past that he could phone and have a conversation with. The fact was that Kurt was wholly and entirely the only person he knew that he considered to be a friend. And if could do nothing else in his life, Blaine wanted him to know that.

"Well..." he began. "Is there any way we can see each other right now? It would be easier to talk about this in person," Just as he was going to agree, Blaine remembered one of the conditions he agreed to when he accepted Jason's proposal:

"If you promise me to stop seeing Kurt, then we can fix this, okay?"

Blaine wiped another of his falling tears before swallowing his courage and nodding. "O-okay," He could picture coming home too late and finding Jason waiting for him. He could envision Jason waking up just as he would sneak out of the apartment and though the thoughts terrified him, he realised that he needed to see Kurt at that moment more than he cared for his own potential well-being. Blaine hung up and sniffled once, getting rid of the last of the tears that were on his cheeks before slipping on a pair of his old Converse over his bare feet and a coat. As quietly as he could, he checked one last time in the bedroom and to his immense relief, Jason remained sound asleep.

It was a slow process but eventually Blaine made it safely to the confines of his vehicle and began the short trip to Kurt's apartment. It was faster than usual since there were few cars out at that hour and as he pulled into that parking lot, Blaine started to dwell on the hypothetical again.

What if he heard me leave?

What if he's been awake the whole time?

What'll happen when I go back home?

Blaine knocked on Kurt's apartment door softly before it was torn open and Kurt stood on the threshold, looking like he had just been crying. "Come inside," he said gently, stepping out of the way so Blaine could come in. The ring on his finger felt heavy and burdensome but he tried to ignore it by shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. Kurt shut the door and stared at Blaine, trying to figure out what the appropriate reaction was to just being told that your best friend agreed to marry an abusive, controlling, jealous bastard.

"Hi," Kurt said softly. "Hi," Blaine whispered back. "Shit, Kurt," he mumbled, leaning against the door and slamming the back of his head against it. "Fuck!" He sobbed, tears falling again.

"Blaine..." Kurt said slowly, trying to offer some comfort. "I fucked up, Kurt, I didn't mean to, I-I just didn't know what to say and now everything is ruined and I'm gonna have to marry him and it's just going to get so much worse! God, fuck! Why did I do this? Why did I say yes?!" Blaine shouted, hot messy tears spilling down his cheeks.

"Blaine!" Kurt interjected, "It's okay, it's gonna be oka--"

"No it isn't!" He shouted back, "God, will you stop being so fucking optimistic all the time? I screwed up, Kurt, I fucked everything up between Jason and I now I'm paying for it and I'm going to be for the rest of my life! All right? So stop telling me everything is going to be okay when this whole shitstorm is my fault!" Blaine slammed his head against the door again before choking out another sob and sliding down the door to the ground, squeezing his eyes as tightly as he could.

Kurt took a deep breath before kneeling down next to him. "Is that what he told you?" he asked softly but Blaine didn't respond. "Did he tell you that everything was your fault? That he hit you because of something you did?" Blaine turned his head slightly to stare into Kurt's eyes, still wondering how he seemed to know everything about anything Blaine told him. "He's a coward, you know that? That's why he's doing all of this. He's afraid of losing you so by any means necessary he's trying to keep you." Kurt said gingerly, shifting so he was sitting beside Blaine rather than kneeling.

"So now you have to make a choice. You can either stay with Jason, marry him, and wait for everything to get better by itself," Blaine bit his lip, his chest still heaving from crying. "Or you can run away and start anew. But you'll have to deal with some pretty harsh consequences from either. The point is, it's your decision."

Blaine sighed heavily through gritted teeth. He didn't know why but for the first time, Kurt's advice was setting him on edge. Why was everything so easy for him? Why did he have an answer to anything, whether it was completely trivial or potentially life-threatening?

"Kurt, can you please just stop?" Blaine snapped in spite of himself. "What?" Kurt asked, only slightly taken aback by Blaine's remark. Blaine wiped his nose against his sleeve and wiped at a tear. "Fuck, can you just not give me advice right now. I'm really angry and tired and confused right now, and I know you don't mean to but you're kind of pissing me off right now."

"Excuse me?" Kurt said sharply. "I'm not the one showing up at your house at three AM with news of a proposal. I don't show up suddenly after literally beating up a mirror and I'm pretty sure I didn't kiss you. You're really fucked up, Blaine."

Before he knew it, Blaine was on his feet, shouting back at him. "Well, Christ, I'm sorry you're the only person I trust. Fuck, Kurt, I didn't know you were one to be this petty! You think I don't realise how completely screwed up my life is right now? You are the only person that lets me forget that."

"Blaine..." Kurt soothed, returning to his feet. "Listen, I-"

"No!" Blaine exclaimed. "I'm not going to listen to anything right now. How do you know what this is like for me?! How can you possibly relate to what I'm going through right now?!" He was distantly aware that he should probably be keeping his voice down since people were sleeping next door, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"Fuck, Blaine, you know what, I'm really sick of your psychobabble bullshit about how the whole world is against you all right? God, I get it, okay?! Your boyfriend hits you, you that really sucks but you're not the only goddamn person in the world who has to deal with shit all right? Stop thinking you're the only one who has to deal with all the crap life throws people's way!"

They found themselves staring at each other like they always did. Neither could really believe what the other was saying. Most everyone knows what it's like to be in a fight with a close friend, a family member; it stings and it makes you cry but you don't want to stop. You want to keep yelling at each other, shooting every low blow you could think of, and that's exactly what they did.

"And what shit do you have to deal with?" Blaine retorted, stepping out of the doorway and into Kurt's living room where there was more space to breathe. "The fact that you live in a loft downtown with a job that pays you more than you probably work for? The fact that you buy clothes that cost half of a paycheque? Well, shit Kurt, I'm sorry I didn't take your situation into consideration when I came to you for advice." Kurt's heart hammered in his chest, blood rushing to his cheeks as he gritted his teeth.

"Why are you being so mean?" He said softly, dropping his head to stare at the floor. Blaine sighed and dragged his hand through his hair, wrapping one arm around his waist. "Because I can't lose you too, Kurt..." he admitted just loud enough for him to hear. Kurt peered up at him and licked his dry lips. "You're my best friend." Kurt smiled weakly at him and swallowed dryly.

"You never answered my question, though," Blaine said softly, sitting down on the couch, Kurt following his lead. He cocked his head. "How can you possibly know what this is like for me?" He tried his best not to be sharp with his words, tried to keep himself under control. It took a moment but Kurt collected his thoughts and answered.

"Because my boyfriend hit me once," he confessed faintly. Blaine gaped at him slightly, Kurt refusing to meet his gaze. Kurt sat on the edge of the couch with his back hunched and his knee shaking, hands fiddling with themselves.

"A-Alex?" Blaine asked stupidly, suddenly feeling horribly selfish. Kurt shook his head. "No, my boyfriend before him," Blaine was confused.

"I-I thought Alex was your first boyfriend?" Kurt shut his eyes and took a slow breath. He shook his head again. "Before him. We didn't date for long and we never really got along but..." He picked at his nails. "We got into a fight one day and... And he hit me. And he only did it once because I broke up with him the next day but..." Kurt squeezed his eyes shut one more time before blinking them openly rapidly. "It was terrifying. Blaine, honestly, I don't know if you're being brave or stupid by staying with Jason." Kurt turned his head and looked at him and Blaine couldn't help but break into a small smile.

"Why don't you just leave him?" Kurt asked honestly, not meaning to be accusing and Blaine tried his best to not take it as such. He thought about it for a moment, gazing down at the ring on his finger. He hadn't really looked at it until then because in an odd way it almost scared him to see it there; engagement rings were meant to be something to show off but he wanted to hide it. Blaine thought about when he and Jason first met and then it dawned on him; a thought that hadn't really occurred to him until that second and a thought that both frightened him and relaxed him.

"Because I'm in love with him. A-and that terrifies me, but I think that's the only reason I've held out this whole time. I-If I didn't love him I wouldn't keep hoping things would get better." His voice was shaky by the end but his point still ran true. Kurt just nodded once. "What about you?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "What about Alex? Don't you get scared that he's just... not gonna come back?"

Kurt's heart twanged at Blaine's words but he nodded. "Of course I do. But it's like you said; if I didn't love him, why would I still believe that it's going to get better? If I didn't love him I wouldn't hold out hope that someday he's going to waltz in through the door and be... Be home." Blaine nodded, not really sure what to say.

"Did you mean what you said about me thinking I'm the only one with shit to deal with?" Blaine asked before he really thought about and Kurt sigh exasperatedly. "You really wanna get back into this?" He said bitterly and Blaine bit his lip. "Honestly, a little bit, yeah." Kurt admitted and Blaine winced. He was hoping it would've just been a shot he had taken but not have really meant it. "You're kind of selfish, Blaine."

"I'm sorry," he defended but it was too late. He set the spark and now it was headed to a full-blown fire. "I mean, you just show up suddenly at my apartment without any warning and you always want me to fix your problems; you want me to be there for you all the time and I don't think you realise that I might have other things on my mind. I might be doing other things. I'm not your mother, Blaine. I can't be. I want to be there for you but honestly, it seems like the only reason you want to be around me is so that I can be help you. You don't exactly inspire the idea that you want to be around me because you want to be around me."

"Of course I do!" Blaine shouted, "God, how many times do I have to tell you that you're the only person I trust?"

"It's not a matter of telling me, Blaine! It's a matter of showing it! I could tell you that I'm in love with you, but if I didn't show it, you wouldn't really believe me, would you?"

"When I tell you this, you have to believe me, okay? I wouldn't make things like that up just to... to buy your sympathy! We're completely alone, Kurt! My boyfriend is an abusive fascist and yours is probably dead, so I guess we really only have each other, don't we? Sorry; my fianc�. But I guess that really doesn't change the state of your boyfriend, does it? " Just as the glib retort left his lips, Blaine was fumbling to get it back in. Kurt sat there gawking at him, trying to comprehend the fight they'd been having.

"Oh, God, K-Kurt I didn't... I didn't mean th--"

"No, Blaine," Kurt interrupted. "I think that's exactly what you meant."

"No, Kurt, please, if you would j--"

"You know what, Blaine, I think it's about time for you to go. Your 'fascist fianc�' is probably waiting for you."

"Please, I-"

"Blaine, get the fuck out of my apartment!" Kurt commanded and Blaine swallowed, trying to moisten his throat now that it felt particularly dry. He didn't mean that. He knew he didn't mean that. "And for Christ's sake, please don't come back." Kurt added just as Blaine gripped the doorknob. He took one final look over his shoulder before stepping out quietly and shutting the door softly behind him.

Blaine sat in his car, not trying to obstruct his tears at this point, but just staring at the light in Kurt's apartment. As he drove himself to a hotel he realise it; he had truly ruined everything now. He'd lost the only person he could go to for help because he was too self-centered to think about him.