“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t him, but I am, and it’s people like you that make me proud of who I am.” –Dear Anne; Lil Wayne

--

Kurt didn’t talk to Blaine or see him for days after the night they had dinner together. He left him countless messages and texts and he was almost beginning to feel like an overbearing mother. He wondered if Blaine was mad at him for what he said before he left that night at his apartment. Kurt wondered if what he had asked was overstepping seeing as he’d never met Jason prior to that night and shouldn’t form his opinion based off one event. Everyone has off days, and Kurt knew that, but he wasn’t sure if this jealousness of Jason’s was inherent or just a spur of the moment thing.

Kurt sighed and sat down at his desk at work. He pulled out a file for one of his clients and just stared at the papers before him. He was far too distracted by his own mind to think about textiles or crown moulding. He flicked his eyes over to his cell phone resting on his desk and wished he had seen a text message or a missed call. He pursed his lips and sat back in his chair, scrolling through his contacts. He stopped at Blaine’s names and seriously considered deleting it just so stop himself from calling again. It had only been three days since they’d last had seen each other but Kurt was still frustrated with his best friend’s lack of responses.

“Fuck it,” Kurt said quietly to himself and called Blaine’s home phone number. It rang five times before the machine picked up and Kurt groaned. He sighed quietly and waited for the beep to tell him to leave his message. “Hey, Blaine, it’s me again. I know I’ve already called you like, 17 times and your irresponsiveness is making me feel just a little undesired. I don’t know if every message I’ve left has been untimely or if you’re just blatantly ignoring be, but give me a call if ever decide to listen to your voicemail.” Kurt hung up, tossed his phone back on to his desk and tried to focus on work.

--

Blaine stared at his answering machine in dismay. Part of him wanted terribly to call Kurt back and assure him that he wasn’t mad at him but another part of him wanted to delete the messages without listening to them. He knew they were all from Kurt and probably about their lack of communication, but felt like if he called him back he would be going against Jason somehow. The last thing Blaine wanted was to be on his boyfriend’s bad side after what had been happening. Still, Jason was at work that afternoon and Blaine was sure Kurt had to have been worried about him; otherwise the messages had no discernible reason behind them.

He picked up the receiver and dialled Kurt’s cell phone number. It barely rang twice before Kurt’s anxious “Blaine?” greeted him. “It’s me,” he answered with a smile and Kurt smiled as well on the other end of the line.

“I take it you got my messages then?”

Blaine chuckled and sat down on his couch with his legs folded. “Yes, all thirteen of them. And all your texts as well.”

“There were not thirteen of them.” Kurt rolled his eyes even though he knew Blaine couldn’t see him.

“The point is I knew they were all from you even though I didn’t listen to them. What’s up?”

Kurt took in a quiet breath and rolled his words around in his mind. He didn’t exactly know how to respond because he didn’t exactly know why he left all the messages in the first place. He wanted to say that he missed Blaine but there was no reason to miss him after three days of absence. “Um, it was nothing.”

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. “Thirteen messages is a whole lot of nothing.”

“There were not thirteen of them!”

Blaine laughed but realised he should probably let it go. “Are you at work? Do you wanna get coffee or something?”

“I am at work but I can be not at work if it means caffeine is involved.”

“I’ll pick you up in ten minutes,”

After they hung up, Blaine went to his bedroom and changed into a pair of dark grey skinny jeans and a button down plaid shirt he left open with a black tank top underneath. He grabbed his car keys, a light coat and drove to Kurt’s office. Blaine saw him standing on the curb outside of his building and pulled the car up next to him. Kurt opened then passenger side door and climbed inside. He tried to pretend he didn’t notice the mark on Blaine’s cheek that looked horrifically like the one he had when they first met.

“How was work?” Blaine asked with a smile as he drove to their usual Starbucks. “Monotonous. How was your morning?”

“Better than yours, apparently.” Blaine smirked at him and Kurt rolled his eyes, unbuckling his seatbelt as they pulled in to the parking lot. “So, what’d you do this time? Did the playground bully beat you up again?” Kurt asked in relation to the mark on Blaine’s face as he held the door open for his friend.

“What?” Kurt gestured to Blaine’s face with an eyebrow raised and Blaine rolled his eyes. “Bar fight, actually.” He suddenly blurted out. Kurt snickered and Blaine stood up a little straighter, cocking his head at Kurt. “What?” he asked again and Kurt ran his eyes up and down Blaine’s figure.

“That’s cute, but I’m sorry Blaine, look at you.” Kurt quipped and Blaine glared at him. “You clearly didn’t drink enough milk as a child, so I can’t exactly buy your ‘bar fight’ story.”

“You’re like an inch taller than me so shut up and go get your coffee while I find a table.” Blaine answered snidely but knew Kurt would realise he was kidding. Part of Blaine wished Kurt wouldn’t ask him why there was a bruise on his cheek but it also made him somewhat happy to know he cared enough to be concerned for Blaine’s wellbeing. He didn’t want the question to irk him as much as it did but he tried to rationalise with himself that Kurt didn’t know why he had the discolouration on his cheek.

Blaine sat down at a vacant table and looked at himself in the reflection of his cell phone screen. The impression of Jason’s hand wasn’t terribly visible but it was clear enough to notice. He put his phone back in his pocket as Kurt came around the other side of the table, placing Blaine’s cup in front of him before taking his seat across the table. For a few seconds, Blaine just stared at his cup and Kurt just looked at him for a while. He looked tired; like there was something on his mind. He looked stressed.

Kurt exhaled quietly and took a slow sip of his drink. “Are you alright?” he asked and Blaine looked up at him. Blaine sighed but nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said too quickly to be believed. Kurt bit his lower lip and watched Blaine swallow his cappuccino.

“A-are you sure? Like, is something going on at work?”

“No, Kurt. Everything is fine. I promise.”

No, Kurt, it isn’t work, it’s just the fact that my boyfriend broke a promise I really needed him to keep and I don’t know what to think anymore.

“Blaine?” Kurt’s voice drew him away from his thoughts and he took another long drink of his coffee. Blaine’s free hand was clenched in a fist upon the table and he could feel his nails beginning to dig into the flesh of his palm. Suddenly, Kurt’s soft, warm hand was covering his and it startled him for a moment. Blaine gently placed his cup back on the table and stared at their hands. Kurt’s thumb brushed the back of his hand slowly before it disappeared entirely when Kurt retracted his hand. Blaine, however, couldn’t take his eyes away from where Kurt’s hand had just been.

“Do you wanna get outta here? You look kind of pale...” Kurt mumbled and Blaine nodded and stood up, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor. Kurt held the door open for him and offered to drive as Blaine handed him his keys. Kurt buckled his seatbelt and watched Blaine do the same but didn’t start the ignition. He kept his eyes trained on Blaine and Blaine looked up at him.

“What?”

“Are you sick or something?”

“No, i-it’s not that.”

“You’re a weird kid, Blaine.”

Blaine gave Kurt a pointed stare. “I’m older than you and you know that.” Kurt smirked. “Quality over quantity, sweetheart.” Blaine gawked at him Kurt for just a second. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Kurt shrugged, flashed him a quick grin and started to drive. They chatted idly about nothing in particular as Kurt purposefully took a long way back to his apartment.

“You’re kind of an ass, you know that?” Blaine taunted after another one of Kurt’s many friendly shots at Blaine’s expense. “Thanks.” He said with genuine flattery in his voice and Blaine rolled his eyes but his smiled still lingered on his lips. “You’re funny,” Blaine mumbled and Kurt bit his lip. He pulled the car into the parking lot of his apartment and parked. Kurt cut the engine but didn’t step out of the vehicle.

“Can I be honest with you?” Kurt asked suddenly. Blaine turned to him and nodded. “Okay. Um, excuse me if I sound like a pre-schooler, but...” he took a breath and stared at his hands for a moment. “You’re my best friend, Blaine. And I know that’s a stupid thing to say but, I just... Wanted you to know.” Blaine smiled and Kurt scoffed at himself.

“You’re my best friend too, Kurt.” He mirrored Blaine’s smile and for a moment or two they just looked at each other before Blaine unbuckled his seatbelt. “Well, enough of the sappiness, then. Wanna come inside?” Blaine nodded and stepped out of his car. Kurt tossed him keys and he pocketed them as they climbed the stairs to Kurt’s apartment. Blaine knew he couldn’t stay for long because Jason would be home soon and they had plans to have dinner together, watch a movie and try to reconnect. It had been cold and tense in their apartment since the night Kurt had come for dinner. Though it was only three days since Jason hit him for the second time, Blaine still didn’t know if he should be calling it abuse.

Blaine tossed his coat onto the back of a chair in Kurt’s kitchen and threw himself onto the couch and Kurt placed a glass of water on the table next to him. Kurt sat down on the floor with his back against the couch. He rested his head beside where Blaine’s knees lay and closed his eyes and stretched his legs out underneath the coffee table. For some reason he felt oddly solemn yet strangely relaxed all at once. Somehow, being with Blaine, for whatever reason, made him feel calm. He wasn’t ready to share everything about himself with Blaine yet but he hoped, if their friendship remained, that someday he would tell him everything and Blaine would do the same. He was sure Blaine had stories to tell, ones that few knew about, stories that would make him laugh possibly even cry, but hopefully stories that would just make him think.

As if Blaine knew what he was thinking, he groaned and Kurt opened his eyes. “Tell me a story, Kurt.” He slurred his words slightly and Kurt smiled absentmindedly to himself. He pushed himself off the floor and mumbled that he would be back in a second before walking to the kitchen and opening his liquor cabinet. He was in no mood to be sober if Blaine wanted stories so he grabbed a bottle of wine and pretended not to notice that is was only four in the afternoon.

Kurt slumped back down onto the floor and uncorked the bottle of wine. At the sound, Blaine sat up and grinned. He was absolutely on board with notion of getting drunk right now considering the last thing on his mind was keeping his word and meeting Jason at home later. Kurt took a swig of wine, disregarding the fact that he could’ve brought glasses with him. He passed the bottle to Blaine and he did the same, setting it down on the floor.

“So, tell me a story, something I don’t know about you.” Blaine said and Kurt hummed, closing his eyes and thought. He cleared his throat, gripped the bottle of wine by its neck, took a sip and began. Kurt told him about high school; about glee club and all their competitions; he told him about the football player who kissed him once upon a time; about his friends he wished he had kept in contact with. He told him about meeting Alex and how he felt when he found out he was joining the army.

“At first I laughed,” he said. “I thought he was joking.” – A sip of wine, -- “When he told his parents, I knew he was really serious about it. I was scared, hell, I’m still scared, but I’m mostly just proud of him.” Blaine stayed silent but nodded.

“Do you miss him?”

“More than anything.” He mumbled and closed his eyes for a moment. “What about you? Tell me one of your stories.” Blaine chuckled and shifted his position on the couch so he was more comfortable. He reached for the bottle of wine and took a long drink before handing back to Kurt. He took a deep breath and thought of something to say.

Like Kurt, he told him about being in Glee club and leading his group to numerous wins. Blaine told him about his parent’s divorce and how it never really came as a shock to him. He told him about meeting Jason and his first boyfriend and always wishing he had a brother.

“I just wanted someone to look up to,” he mumbled. “After I had come out to my parents I felt kind of lost. I knew that they would accept me in the end, my mother more so that my Dad but I always wished I had an older brother; someone I could go to for advice since my dad wasn’t really there for me. I wanted someone to distract my parents from always focussing on me but most of all, I think I just wanted to know that someone would stick up for me regardless of what happened.” He paused himself to assure his voice didn’t waver. “I guess I just wanted someone to help me when I needed it.”

“Well shit, I’ll drink to that,” Kurt declared, taking a long drink of wine, finishing the bottle and Blaine laughed. They had both drank enough to be loose and happy and suddenly it was much later than in felt. Kurt checked his watch; 6:50. Blaine would have to be home in ten minutes if he intended to keep his promise. He hadn’t gotten any texts or calls from Jason so he rationalised that he would wait until his boyfriend tried to make contact before leaving.

Kurt went to get another bottle from the kitchen and Blaine sighed, stretching his limbs. He took a deep breath in through is nose and shut his eyes just for a second. Kurt returned with the second bottle of wine and grabbed Blaine’s wrist, pulling him to the ground with him. He tumbled to the floor, landing next to Kurt and they laughed like children for what felt like the longest time. Being with each other made them both forget about any baggage they may have had, any secrets they kept hidden even from themselves but most of all, they made each other happy.

For Kurt, being around Blaine helped him forget that his boyfriend may very well be dead, that his father could be having a heart attack at any moment or that he never followed any of the dreams he had in high school. Being with Blaine made him forget, if even for a second, that he wasn’t living in New York; that he wasn’t on Broadway or in any way famous. He hadn’t remembered what it was like to just be with someone because you enjoyed their presence since Alex had been deployed.

For Blaine, on the other hand, being with Kurt made him forget about Jason. It made his forget that his boyfriend could hit him again when he returned home. Being with Kurt helped him to forget the fact that he truly wasn’t happy with where he was in his life, not only in regards to his relationship, but in relation to his career as well. If things had went the way he had hoped, right now Blaine would be somewhere far away from Westerville, far from Ohio in general. He would be in Hollywood, part of the public eye.

The fact was neither Kurt nor Blaine were where they had pictured themselves when they were teenagers. If it were up to them, they probably wouldn’t have been lying on the floor of Kurt’s apartment drinking wine with each other and avoiding confrontation of things that didn’t want to think of. If things had gone the way they had planned, they would be in different states, living different lives and probably never had met each other. But the truth was that these were the lives they had and they were working as hard as they could to make it through them.

Kurt turned his head at looked at Blaine. For one of the first times he really looked at Blaine. Disregarding the mark on his cheek, he was beautiful. He dressed well, his skin was beautiful and though they were closed at that moment, he had fierce brown eyes. He was breathing slowly and deeply and Kurt knew that he should be leaving soon but part of him really wanted him to stay. It was one of those nights that should’ve just kept going; a night that made you wish the sun wouldn’t inevitably rise the next morning but instead would stay set until you decided the night was indeed coming to a close.

Blaine blinked his eyes open and turned to look at Kurt. He was slightly taken aback to see him staring back at him but Kurt didn’t avert his gaze. “What?” Blaine mumbled and Kurt just smiled. “Nothing.” It would’ve been a moment in a movie in which two characters would’ve leaned in and kissed one another, the moment when they realised what they meant for each other but it wasn’t, and it wasn’t one of those moment for a lot of reasons. One reason in particular was that Blaine’s phone was suddenly vibrating in the pocket of his jeans.

He sighed, not even needing to check his caller ID to know it was Jason that was calling. “Hello?” he croaked, his voice slightly hoarse from the wine and for minutes of silence preceding the phone call.

“Are you coming home soon?”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m leaving in like ten minutes.” Kurt sat up and listened more intently to what Blaine was saying, taking a final sip of wine.

“Are you at Kurt’s?”

Blaine tried to ignore Jason’s tone when he said it. He didn’t seem angry but he didn’t seem to be in a fantastic mood, either, which gave Blaine even less motivation to leave. “N-no, I’m not. I’m having a drink with a friend from work.” He lied. Kurt furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but Blaine just shook his head at him, hoping to indicate that it didn’t matter.

“Ok. Well, I’m making dinner soon so start heading home.”

“I will. Bye.” He hung up and rolled his eyes, flopping back down to the floor. “I wasn’t aware I worked with you,” Kurt mocked and Blaine just waved his hand feebly in his general direction. “Whatever,” he groaned.

“You should probably be going, huh? It’s like 7:30.” Blaine nodded. “Not that this hasn’t been fun, but sadly, yes.” Kurt stood up, offering his hand out to Blaine to lift him to his feet. He took it, stumbling slightly as he stood up fully and grabbed his coat from where he left it. They said goodbye and Blaine started his car when he reached it. He stared for a moment and the light on Kurt’s apartment and felt the slightest smile tug at his lips.

Blaine drove back to his apartment, singing softly to himself along with whatever song came on the radio. He pulled into his parking space, turned off his car and walked to his apartment building with an obvious bounce in his step. He couldn’t help being in an uncharacteristically good mood and when he reached to door to his own apartment building, he wasn’t expecting to be met by Jason standing in front of the door.

He wasn’t expecting to be accused of lying of his whereabouts the moment he stepped inside. He wasn’t expecting to be yelled at all, and he certainly wasn’t expecting to be hit again.