Nov. 5, 2012, 1:01 a.m.
Bang Bang: Chapter Twenty-One
E - Words: 3,231 - Last Updated: Nov 05, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 24/24 - Created: Oct 05, 2012 - Updated: Nov 05, 2012 1,570 0 3 0 1
Kurt had trouble sleeping at night, and he hated that. His bed felt empty, cold, and his apartment seemed eerily quiet without the soft sounds of Blaine sleeping beside him – his breath, the occasional light snore. He knew he hadn’t heard any of it while he was sleeping, or even registered it most of the time when he was trying to fall asleep or just waking up, but apparently his subconscious had been aware. In less than a week, Kurt had managed to get addicted to everything involved with having Blaine in his bed, and not having him there anymore was awful.
It was a blessing and curse that Kurt got so busy with work. He couldn’t complain, because he’d been promoted to be an assistant to one of the designers he’d been working with the majority of his internship. Having an actual, legitimate job at Vogue, as opposed to just an internship, was a complete blessing and he would never complain about that. He knew he was fortunate, and he’d been working his ass off trying to get something like that, so it was definitely nothing to sneeze at.
The shift in his work life just so happened the week after Blaine had left for Ohio, so that helped distract him.
Being busy with work meant that Kurt was exhausted, more often than not. That helped with his sleeping problem. Shifting his priorities and task orientation, keeping track of what his duties were as opposed to what they had been before, it wasn’t easy at first. Getting used to it all and trying to keep up with his responsibilities wore him out, and there wasn’t much he wanted to do once he was done at Vogue for the day. Still, he forced himself to make dinner every night and at least try to work on something design-wise, and within the first few days he’d sent off a batch of bow ties to Blaine from the fabrics Blaine had picked out when he’d been in New York.
Blaine had been thrilled for him, and Kurt was waiting for the moment he could return the excitement – because they were both just waiting for that phone call to come from the Big Bang in New York. The only problem was that Kurt had less time than usual to check his texts during the day, and he was heading to bed earlier than before most nights, so it was turning into a situation where he barely got to talk to Blaine at all on the nights when he worked. Mondays and Tuesdays were his favorite nights of the week, as they had always been; because that was the only time they had hours to spend.
Skype wasn’t the same as being together, but it worked better than just talking on the phone. Kurt needed those nights, that way to actually, physically see Blaine. It was that little extra that made it better, because he missed the way the corners of Blaine’s eyes would crinkle when he laughed, though he could imagine it well it wasn’t the same as seeing it for himself, and the way he would rest his chin on his hand and just watch when Kurt was off on a tangent about something, but especially the look in his eyes when he would sing – which he gladly did almost every time they spoke.
Kurt did his best to talk to Brittany as often as he could though, considering her schedule was essentially the same as Blaine’s, except with more going on during the day, it was difficult. He made himself promise to go to the bar one night a week, because he wanted to have her company at least that once. They were kindred spirits, more and more every day, and he knew if there was anyone he could talk to about how he was feeling that she was the right person – not just because they were in similar situations, but because she was Brittany.
The night he went, when he was able to go, was always Wednesday. It was easily the slowest night and he could hang out by the bar, holding a conversation with Brittany between customers. Kurt could see the change in her demeanor depending on who she was talking too – a little too cheerful with most people who were ordering, though he knew she was happy it was more forced, as opposed to the honesty he got when she didn’t have anyone else to take care of.
Normally on her breaks she just stood beside him at the bar, nursing a sugary drink and resting her head on his shoulder, but then one night she took his hand, leading him over to the stairs up to the alley.
“You okay?” Kurt asked, the door to the bar swinging closed behind them.
“I’m tired,” Brittany replied, her brow furrowed as she climbed halfway up the steps and sat down, resting her elbows on her knees. “I’m really tired, Kurt.”
“Having trouble sleeping? I do sometimes, too. Work usually wears me out, but have you tried herbal tea? That helps, too…”
“No, not tired tired,” she clarified, shaking her head as he ascended the stairs to sit next to her. “Well, yes that, but I’m so tired of waiting.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve been waiting for so long,” Brittany continued, her voice soft but still audible over the muffled music from the bar. “I’ve been so patient. I waited for so many years to find someone to love, who would love me back so perfectly and just right, and I knew if I was patient that I would. And then Santana came here and I knew, I knew right then that she was the one. It took a little bit to get there, but I knew from the first second she talked to me, and it didn’t matter that she was so far away because she was the right person. Except then I had to wait for her to come back.”
Kurt slid his arm around her waist, hugging her into his side as she went on, and he could hear her voice cracking, the emotion fighting to break through. “So I waited and then she did, and it’s been like that ever since – me waiting for months and only getting days in return – for years it’s been that. And I thought, when she told me why there were here last time, that I wouldn’t have to wait anymore, but it’s just the same because she’s gone and I’m here and it’s not fair, Kurt! It’s not. I’ve been so good and I never complain, until now, and it’s not enough. When do I get to stop waiting? Because it hurts, my heart hurts, and I don’t want to hurt anymore…”
Brittany covered her face with her hands, and Kurt could feel her body shaking against his. He pulled her in, both his arms wrapped around her to keep close as she curled into him and cried in earnest. She buried her face against his shoulder and his shirt was quickly wet with tears, but he just tightened his arms around her, pressing a soft kiss against her hair and feeling helpless to help her.
There wasn’t anything that he could do to make that feeling go away, Kurt knew. His heart ached for her. Two and a half years, headed more toward three, was a long time to go with only seeing someone infrequently and for short stints. He had to imagine it was the same for Santana, and he immediately thought back to that hotel room in Columbus, Blaine talking about how he saw what distance did to relationships. He’d never been quite so thankful that Blaine had been insistent on keeping anything from moving forward until there was such a promise and almost guarantee that distance wouldn’t be keeping them apart.
“What… what if it doesn’t happen?” she whispered, barely close enough to his ear for him to hear, but he did. Her tears seemed to have subsided enough for her to talk without whimpering, as had been happening when she’d tried minutes before. “What if they don’t get it? Kurt, I don’t think I could… I couldn’t…”
“Hey,” Kurt said softly, leaning back to put a little distance between them so he could actually see her. “No talk like that.” He brought up his hand to brush the lingering tears off her cheeks with his thumb, and he kissed her forehead. “They’re going to come here, Brit. There are one way tickets to New York in their future and it’s just a matter of a phone call. Waiting sucks, it does.” He paused, not wanting to tell her that she just had to wait a little longer because that was probably the last thing she needed to hear. “You love Santana, right?”
“Santana?” Brittany sniffled a little, rubbing at her eyes with the heels of her hands before blinking at him. “She’s… everything. I love her more than anything in the world.”
“She’s going to be here, Brittany. She is. I know I don’t know her, well, almost at all, but I’ve seen the way she looks at you and I’ve experienced how… intense she can be.” Honestly, he doubted he’d even scratched the surface on how she could get, but he figured he was going to have plenty of time to find out. “I don’t think anything’s going to stop her from getting here to you as soon as she can, even if she had to walk all the way from Ohio. She’s coming.”
“I just want her to be here now. I’m just so tired, Kurt.”
“Don’t lose hope.”
Kurt hated leaving the bar that night, because he felt like he was abandoning Brittany. By the time someone had come to find her so she could get back to work, she’d put on a brave face. She’d given him a smile as they walked back out, before she slipped behind the bar, but Kurt had been able to tell that it wasn’t one that she actually meant. He’d stayed as long as he could, before he knew he had to go or he would convince himself to stay until the bar closed. Brittany had hugged him across the countertop, and her arms had stayed around him long enough that he’d thought she wasn’t going to let go.
Despite the fact that he knew it was a long shot, Kurt called Blaine as soon as he was back at his apartment. It rang through to Blaine’s voicemail. He didn’t know what he’d planned on saying, why he’d called, so he hung up without leaving a message. It was late, Blaine was at work, and he knew firsthand that cell service was next to nothing down in that bar. Kurt left his phone on his bed as he went about getting ready for bed, trying to make himself tired – in the normal tired way, not the way Brittany had been talking about.
He’d just gotten into bed, reaching to turn on the music he’d gotten accustomed to listening to for background noise, so it wasn’t just quiet and city noise and not Blaine, when his phone went off.
“Hello?”
“Kurt…” The way Blaine breathed out his name made Kurt feel like he was getting wrapped up in his arms, and he wished that were true. “I saw you called.”
“Mhm, it was nothing, I didn’t mean to interrupt your night.”
“You’re never interrupting, don’t be silly,” Blaine said with a light laugh. “What’s up?”
“Like I said, it’s nothing. I just… miss you.” Kurt sighed, rubbing his face. “A lot.”
“That doesn’t sound like nothing to me,” Blaine replied quietly. “I miss you a lot, too.”
“I know I said I wouldn’t ask, and I haven’t, but… do you have any idea?”
The suspense of the potential job offer had been a taboo topic, because neither of them wanted to jinx it or linger on a question that they couldn’t answer anyway. It was just that Kurt had to ask, because Brittany had planted the seed of what-if in his head.
“No, I don’t. I know there were others auditioning last week, from Nashville. As far as I know, there weren’t any others beyond that, so… whenever they choose between us.” Kurt frowned. He’d only been there that one night the week before, but he hadn’t even realized there were different people. He supposed he’d been too stuck on the fact that none of them were Blaine so they didn’t register. “It has to be soon, though. They have to replace people and there needs to be enough time for relocation.”
“I hope it’s soon,” Kurt murmured, and Blaine hummed in agreement.
“You know I’ll call you the second I find out. I know you might not be able to answer but, I will.”
“I know.”
“Shit, I have to go,” Blaine muttered, and Kurt could just picture the annoyance on his face, the way his mouth tugged down in a frown and his brow furrowed. “Work.”
“It’s okay, go. I need to sleep anyway, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright?”
“Definitely. Hey, I love you.”
The words made a thrill run through Kurt’s body, and he felt more awake than he needed to be considering the late hour but he couldn’t care because being groggy the next morning was entirely worth it. Hell, he’d give up sleeping all night for those three words to be murmured in his ear like they had been in that moment. It made him burrow down under the blankets even further, allowing himself to imagine that Blaine was there with him, arms tight around him and cuddling close.
“I love you, too.”
Falling asleep was hard, the soft music playing not nearly a good enough substitute for the calming soothe of Blaine’s breath playing against Kurt’s skin and murmuring into his ear. There was nothing that could ever replace that, and Kurt knew that he had to wait patiently for the day to come again that he would be able to sleep easily and comfortably with the warmth of Blaine next to him, there with him. Waiting was rough, but the payoff was worth it, he knew.
***
Kurt spent his Saturday morning out, because being in his apartment for so long was starting to drive him a little insane. The amount of time he’d stayed in was starting to wear on him. He’d been used to it, before. Unless Rachel had swooped in to demand his attendance for a night out with her, Kurt was perfectly used to spending his nights in – he just wasn’t used to it being because he was too tired to do anything else. Other than going to work, to the store for food, and to the bar once a week, he’d become a recluse in his apartment and he needed the escape.
The Garment District was familiar and comfortable, and Kurt walked at a slower pace than usual so he could take it all in. Even the shouts of people on the sidewalk and the noise of cars driving past were welcome to his ears. For a while, he just stood off to the side in front of one of the stores, cupping his coffee cup in his hands and letting its warmth wash over him. Part of Kurt wanted to go into a store and buy some lavish fabric to turn into something impractical just so he could curl up in it and feel luxurious, but he knew he wouldn’t. Not when he could spend money on things he would actually use.
Originally, the plan was for Brittany to meet him there and then get an early lunch after, but Kurt had woken up to a text from her saying she had to cancel. Considering that it had been sent at four in the morning, he wasn’t surprised. It would have been nice if it had worked out, because he had a feeling she could use some time doing something out of her norm, but asking someone who worked at a bar to get up semi-early after a night at work had been a long shot and he knew it. Still, there had been an abnormal amount of frowny faces in her text, so Kurt figured that she was actually sad about missing it.
Once his coffee was gone, Kurt wandered in and out of stores, fighting the urge to look at his phone every minute in case Brittany had changed her mind. Really, he was waiting for a text from Blaine to signal that he was awake. Weekdays didn’t have ‘good morning’ texts, because Kurt most likely wouldn’t see them until it was well into the afternoon, but weekends were a different matter altogether. It was always a text that he anticipated, because it immediately brought a smile to his face and it was the indication that his day was about to get so much better.
He was in the midst of buying several yards worth of an amazing herringbone patterned lightweight wool, already planning out the structure of a jacket that would be comfortable and on trend for the season, when his phone started buzzing in his pocket. It was early, Kurt knew, and he was used to being greeted with ‘good morning’ when it could barely still be considered such, but even still it was early for normal people – not just night owls like Blaine.
“Thank you,” Kurt murmured to the cashier, glancing down at his phone after he got his purchase and heading straight for the door. He’d missed the call, but hadn’t wanted to be rude, so he hit the redial button as soon as he was outside. Suddenly, he wasn’t as okay with the street noise as he had been earlier.
“Kurt? Oh my God, I love you.” Kurt blinked, but couldn’t help the smile that quirked the corners of his mouth.
“You sound very awake for nine-thirty on a Saturday morning,” he replied, walking away from the intersection to try and cut out the amount of sound going on in the background. “I love you, too. Did you wake up early just to tell me that?”
“No, I woke up because of a phone call.” Blaine sounded breathless, and Kurt felt like the entire world had come to a halt because of those nine words. It could have been any phone call, but would Blaine have called him if it hadn’t been the phone call? Maybe, because he would have been already awake and why not start their day sooner rather than later, but Kurt doubted it.
“Phone call?” Kurt asked, ducking into the doorway of a store to get out of the flow of pedestrians on the sidewalk. He’d stopped in his tracks at Blaine’s statement and almost gotten run into, and he didn’t trust himself not to react no matter what Blaine said next. “What… um, what phone call?”
“Start spreading the news…” Kurt’s heart leaped in his chest at the low timbre of Blaine’s voice as he sang, but it was more so what he was singing and not as much the way his voice was still a little rough from how early it was for him, and that alone could have sent a shiver down Kurt’s spine.
“Blaine…”
“My little town blues, they are melting away. I gonna make a brand new start of it in old New York!” Blaine broke off with a laugh, but Kurt could hear Santana picking up where he left off, singing in the background. “We did it, Kurt! We got the job!”
Comments
Yay! I so love this story...I think I've told you that before but it never hurts to remind you.
YYYYAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! Omg im crying lol so good
soooo freaking happy they got the job!!!!!!!!!!!!