Blaine's head was throbbing. He'd spent most of the morning being sick, half from a hangover and half in response to what he'd done the night before. It wasn't the sex that bothered him, either, which he refused to dwell on. It was what he'd done to Kurt. He'd hit him so hard, his hand was sore today. The shock, hurt, and utter devastation on Kurt's face haunted him. He showered and sipped at a cup of coffee, downing as much aspirin as was safe, hoping his head would stop hurting. It wouldn't do anything for the ache in his chest, but he figured that was the least he deserved.

Finally, when the pain in his head was a dull throb, he pulled out his guitar. Where he sat on his bed, he could see his reflection in the mirror above his dresser. He wasn't too fond of what he could see. That person was not someone he recognized, not someone he could be proud of. Strumming the guitar softly, he began to sing. He sang to the reflection, to the person he'd become.

Scratching at the surface now

And I'm trying hard to work it out

And so much has gone misunderstood

And this mystery only leads to doubt

And I didn't understand

When you reach down and take my hand

And if you have something to say

You'd better say it now

He began strumming harder, fiercer, almost yelling the words. Glaring at his reflection, he sneered at what he'd become. The words were a sort of challenge; to what, he couldn't say. But he poured all of his frustration, confusion and anger into the music.

Cause this is what you've waited for

Your chance to even up the score

And as these shadows fall on me now

I will somehow, yeah

Cause I'm picking up a message Lord

And I'm closer than I've ever been before

So if you have something to say

Say it to me now

Say it to me now

Say it to me now

Breathing hard, he glared at his reflection. Not taking another minute to consider his actions, he threw his guitar on the bed and left the apartment. Taking the stairs two at a time, he went to Kurt's apartment, grateful that Wes had told him which one it was a while back. He stood there for a moment, wiping his hands on his jeans, took a deep breath and knocked. There was no answer so he knocked again, a little harder, wincing at the pain in his knuckles. Grimly, he welcomed the pain, knowing he deserved it.

Kurt opened the door and Blaine gasped. "Oh my god, Kurt, I am so sorry," he cried.

The left side of Kurt's face was swollen and purple. Kurt just stood there and stared at him, slowly crossing his arms protectively in front of him. As his shirt shifted, he saw bite marks and hickeys lining his collar bone. Refusing to acknowledge the small thrill those marks gave him, he looked into Kurt's eyes. This was what worried Blaine the most; his blue eyes were empty, haunted.

"Kurt, can we talk, please? I have to make this right," Blaine pleaded.

"No," Kurt said simply.

"Come on, we're friends, at least I thought we were becoming friends. We can get past this," Blaine said, knowing he didn't believe his own words, but maintained hope anyway.

Kurt fidgeted with his fingers then held his hand out. Confused, Blaine held his hand out. A beautiful platinum ring was dropped in his hands. Without another word, Kurt turned and closed the door, the deadbolt sliding home like a bullet to his heart.

Blaine stood there for several minutes before walking back to Wes's apartment, feeling as if a thousand pound weight had just been dropped on his shoulders.

David was eating and Wes was watching ESPN when Blaine walked in. "Hey guys, can I, uh, talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?" David asked, reaching over to turn the TV off.

Blaine explained everything, even down to sleeping with Kurt and punching him. His friends didn't blink an eye at the mention of him having sex with Kurt, but when he admitted punching him, they both leapt to their feet.

"Are you fucking serious?" Wes demanded.

"Why would you do that to him? He loves you more than any damn person on this earth, you dumb ass," David added.

"I don't know. I was freaked out and all I kept thinking about was how it was unnatural and how because I wanted Kurt, I did something unnatural and wrong," Blaine tried to explain, knowing any argument he had was weak and meaningless. "I went up to try and talk to him just now."

"And?" Wes asked as he and David sat down again. Both of their expressions were hard, they were still angry, not that Blaine blamed them.

"I asked him if he'd talk to me and he just said no. Then he handed this to me and closed the door on me," Blaine said, holding up the ring. "What is this?"

Wes and David looked at each other, both of their expressions switching from angry to truly sad. David finally spoke. "That's the ring you gave Kurt when you proposed to him."

Blaine stared at them then down at the ring, his stomach sinking. It was beautiful and he could see why Kurt might like it. "Why did he keep it this long?"

Wes glared at him. "Really? You really can't figure that out? He had hope. He didn't give up on his love for you. Not until you made it impossible, that is." Wes walked out of the room and slammed his bedroom door.

"Don't mind him. He has been yours and Kurt's biggest fan since the beginning. This whole thing has been hard for him; for all of us really," David said.

"What do I do?" Blaine begged, desperate for advice.

"Give him time, just like he gave you when you got out of the hospital and wanted nothing to do with him. He respected your boundaries. Now you have to do the same," he answered.

Blaine knew he was right. But there had to be something more he could do.

. . .

That Monday at Velocity, they were still running through various performances, getting ready for the benefit. Kurt walked up on the stage, his face still discolored, though the swelling had gone down. He was wearing loose jeans and a plain gray long sleeved sweater that came down and hooked over his thumbs with plain black Converse sneakers. Blaine couldn't remember him looking so basic before. He didn't think the shadows under his eyes were from the bruising either. He put his head in his hands, filled with self-loathing. He had to make this right. Already he found himself missing Kurt's presence in his life. He would go to text him something random as they'd begun doing over the past weeks, only to remember that he shouldn't and put the phone back down.

Kurt stood at the microphone and looked down where Lauren, Mercedes, Finn, and Rachel were sitting in the front, cheering him on. He gave them a shadow of a smile and listened to the music intro. As he began singing, Blaine felt like the last vestiges of his heart were being pulled out. He was responsible for all of this. The loss of a friend, the estrangement of other friends, the broken man standing before him. Kurt's lovely, pure voice eased a part of him at the same time that the lyrics stabbed at him like a million knives.

Of all the things I've believed in

I just want to get it over with

Tears form behind my eyes

But I do not cry

Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old

It feels like I'm starting all over again

The last three years were just pretend

And I said,

When Blaine heard the lyric "three years", even knowing it was part of the song, tears escaped his eyes and he gasped with the effort to keep from sobbing. People kept looking back and forth between he and Kurt, either wondering or knowing the sentiment behind the song choice. Wes and David came and sat on either side of him, sharing an arm and a hug of support. Blaine was glad to know that Wes was still his friend.

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

For the first time, Kurt's eyes met his own. Even from where he sat, Blaine could see the beautiful blue of his eyes, the long lashes that swept the top of his cheeks when he blinked.

I still get lost in your eyes

And it seems that I can't live a day without you

Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away

To a place where I am blinded by the light

But it's not right

Kurt dropped his gaze, having made his point painfully clear. Blaine clutched at his chest as he felt like his heart was being ripped out. This ache inside him wasn't just over friendship, was it? He refused to answer that even to himself.

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time

I want what's yours and I want what's mine

I want you

But I'm not giving in this time

Kurt's voice had been whisper soft but the last line he belted out, looking out at Blaine, his expression resolved.

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

He repeated the chorus one more time before the music went silent. The audience applauded him and surrounded him when he walked off the stage. Lauren grabbed him and hugged him and he seemed to collapse against her. His friends led him over to some seats and held his hands protectively.

Blaine remained in his seat, devastated. Everything was so fucked up. Everything. He'd lost a friend, someone who had come to mean so much to him in such a short time. And the screwed up thing was, according to everyone but his parents, they'd been friends plus a whole hell of a lot more for over three years. There was one person he knew he could go to for the truth and some advice. Satisfied with his new plan, he listened to the remaining performances before raising his hand.

"I have a solo I'm thinking of using," he said to Mr. Schue.

"Great, we only have time for one more, so, come on up," the advisor said.

He bounded up the stairs and handed out the music before taking his place in front of the audience. Everyone was looking at him unhappily, except Kurt and Lauren, who was whispering in his ear as she rubbed his back comfortingly. Though he wouldn't look at him, nevertheless, Blaine didn't allow his eyes to leave Kurt's face as he began singing.

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

Kurt finally looked up and Blaine put all of his emotion into the song, hoping to push the words into Kurt's heart, hoping that this could earn him a chance to at least try to apologize.

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

Tears were streaming down Kurt's face and his shoulders were shaking. Lauren hugged him, but he kept his eyes on the stage. Blaine was having a hard time keeping his own tears under control, though a few escaped when he sang the words of apology. He'd never meant words more in his life than he did now.

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

and the reason is you

and the reason is you

and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

As the last word left his mouth, Kurt stood up and walked out of the auditorium, Lauren at his side.

"Kurt, come back! Kurt," Blaine called, jumping off the stage and running toward the door. An iron hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Puck and Finn were standing there, both looking ready to rip him apart limb from limb.

"Stay the hell away from my brother, do you understand me? I should end you now, but he asked me not to, and that is the only reason I don't lay you out for laying a hand on him," Finn growled, putting his face right up to Blaine's.

Blaine glared right back at him. "I just want to talk to him, to apologize," he insisted.

Puck pulled the arm he was still holding. "You wait for him to come to you, got it? I think you've put him through enough without doing more damage."

Blaine stared at them both and finally shrugged Puck's hand off his arm. "Fine." He turned around only to find himself surrounded by the remaining members of Velocity.

"Why, hobbit? Why'd you have to hit him when all he's done, all he's ever done, is love your ass," Santana ranted.

"He's supported you through this whole thing even though it's done nothing but rip him up inside," Tina added.

"He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep and it's all your fault," Mercedes said.

At that, Blaine finally broke. He fell to the floor in front of them all, sobbing, trying to mutter out apologies through his gasps for air. David came and knelt down next to him.

"Okay, guys, I know you needed to get that out, but let's leave him be, okay?" he said, looking up at the group, keeping a hand on Blaine's shuddering back.

"Fine. But you stay away from our boy," Puck said as they all dispersed.

A little later, the room was empty, Blaine having sent David on his way since he still had one class. He just sat there, trying to calm down when all he wanted to do was scream. Hearing footsteps near him, he turned to see Lauren coming over, her face guarded. Leaning against a chair, she crossed her arms over her chest. Her brown eyes were serious and seemed to see right through him.

"What do you want?" she asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you want with Kurt? If you could have whatever your heart desired, what would it be?"

He sat there for a moment, giving serious thought to her words. What did he want? Finally, all he could do was shrug. "I don't know. I just don't want to lose him."

"That's not good enough. And until you figure out what you do want, you need to leave Kurt alone. He's had about as much as he can handle," she said firmly.

Blaine knew she was right. He had to know what the hell he was doing before he screwed things up even more. And he knew right where to start.