So, if you haven't read the announcement on FF, they are cracking down on what they consider MA rated stories. Meaning explicit descriptions of sex or violence. Due to that, I am putting my stories on Scarves & Coffee and Live Journal. I'm also on Tumblr and Twitter, and regularly announce when I update my stories. All of the sites are under my username here, so that's easy to find. I will primarily use LJ, just because I like the format better. I am really bummed, honestly. I love the format methods here on FF, I love how easy it is to update and I love the ease of reviewing and the readers. I've had several stories on S&C for at least a month or more and have about 16 total reviews for ALL of my stories. I'd say 90% of the joy of writing is being able to hear from your readers and know that people are enjoying what they read. Anyway. Sorry for the rant. Had to get it out. So, please, if you come here one day and I'm not here, just go look on one of the other sites and I'll be there. Also, please feel free to follow me on Twitter or Tumblr, I feel like I know some of you and don't want to lose you! On to the story...

. . . . . . .

Blaine stared at Kurt, his mouth suddenly dry. "What do you mean?" he said to buy himself a few moments.

"Blaine, come on, I may be innocent, but I'm not stupid. I've given an embarrassing amount of thought to what a blowjob would be like, both giving and receiving. I expected some awkward fumbling, some teeth issues, various slobber issues, stuff like that," Kurt said, turning red. "You had moves that would make Santana look like an amateur. Not that I'm complaining, at least not about the act itself. But I was under the impression that we were each other's firsts, in most every aspect. There is no way you haven't done that before, Blaine. I need to know the truth," he said, sitting up and staring at Blaine. His glasz eyes were wide and full of fear and hurt.

Blaine thought quickly. Practice with a banana? Lots of porn movies? "Kurt, can we talk about this in the morning? I'm really beat and sunrise is just a few hours away. I love you and I promise to talk about it when we wake up," Blaine said, giving him his patented puppy eyes. Kurt would eventually call him on the look, but Blaine knew it would work for a few more years.

Kurt's face softened and even looked somewhat ashamed, to Blaine's horror. "Of course. I just really wanted to get this straightened out," he said quietly.

Blaine put his hand on Kurt's cheek. "We will. I will tell you everything, I just want to do it with a clear mind. I'm so tired and I can't give this or any conversation the lucidity it deserves right now. I'm sure you're tired, too, aren't you?"

Kurt sighed and nodded.

"Baby, there is nothing you need to worry about. Just get some sleep and we'll discuss it over a hot coffee at the Lima Bean," Blaine promised with a soft smile.

"Okay. Goodnight, Blaine," Kurt said, laying down.

"Hey, come over here and snuggle me," Blaine said, pulling him close so Kurt's head was resting in  his favorite place.

"Mmm," Kurt sighed, happily. "I love you."

"I love you, too, baby," Blaine said, kissing his hair.

Kurt snuggled into him and hummed a song for a few minutes. Soon, though, his humming drifted off and his breathing slowed.

Blaine, meanwhile, lay there with his eyes wide open, trying to figure out what the heck he was going to say. He hadn't taken any of this into account when they'd gotten stuck in the closet. He had been so deep in the moment, and so aroused, there was no way he'd even spared a thought for anything other than pleasing Kurt.

When the sun began to rise, he was still wracking his mind. He finally drifted off, his dreams troubled, seeming to run through millions of scenarios.

. . . . . .

Finn woke them the next morning, clattering around the house yelling about the pancakes Carole was making. Kurt and Blaine both moaned and hid under the blankets. They got approximately two more minutes of rest.

"Ahem," came Burt's voice from the door.

The blanket lowered, Kurt pushing it down. "Dad," he whined.

"Come on, boys, up and at ‘em," he said, crossing his arms and making it very clear he wasn't moving from that spot until they were out of bed.

Slowly, they crawled out, shuffling past Burt and to the breakfast table. Kurt and Blaine were very quiet through breakfast, eyes puffy from lack of sleep, Blaine's more so. He figured he only got an hour of real sleep and still had no answer for Kurt's question. He didn't want this to ruin everything. He didn't want Kurt to break up with him or think he couldn't trust him.

After breakfast, they went their own ways, taking showers and getting dressed for the day. Kurt had his jacket on and his keys in his hands when Blaine finally came down from the guest bathroom. Blaine froze, seeing Kurt standing there, an expectant look on his face. He gave a small smile and told him he'd be right back. His stomach was in knots. He had a general explanation ready, but it all rode on the hope that Kurt couldn't read him like a book yet. In the Other reality, there was no way in hell he could lie to Kurt. Kurt could tell within seconds that Blaine was lying.

They drove quietly to the Lima Bean, the only talk was about how tired they both still were. Blaine said it was a good thing they hadn't been drinking, it could have ended up much worse. Of course, Kurt couldn't know that Blaine knew this for a fact. He remembered quite clearly the hangover he'd had that weekend so long ago.

They got their coffees and went to sit in the corner of the empty shop. That early on a Sunday was the lightest time of the week.

"So, you were going to explain how you became so, um, proficient, at, uh, things," Kurt said, coloring and looking around to make sure nobody was listening, though they were literally the only people at a table and the employees were all on the other side of the shop.

"First, I wanted to please you, so desperately. I think that helped. But, really, and I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I kind of practiced," Blaine said, looking down to cover up the fact that he wasn't blushing.

"On what," Kurt asked, his eyes narrowed.

"My fingers, a little and then, uh, on a banana," Blaine said, sneaking a peek at Kurt. His face was disbelieving and filling with anger.

"You got that good at it by using a banana? Really? I'm not stupid, Blaine. How could you think I would believe something so ridiculous! And about something so personal and intimate!" Kurt said, moving quickly from anger to rage.

"Pancakes! I love pancakes!" Finn yelled.

Blaine opened his eyes, pathetically grateful that he hadn't given such a lame answer the night before. Then who knows how far back he would have looped.

Too soon they were back at the Lima Bean with Kurt staring at him expectantly.

"Remember when I told you that I learned a lot about sex through, um, movies?" he asked Kurt.

"Yes," Kurt said, looking doubtful already.

"Well, I had hoped that I would eventually be able to, you know, do what I did, so I uh, watched specific videos on doing that," Blaine said.

"I may not have watched one of ‘those' movies in its entirety, but there is no way in hell you could learn that kind of technique from a freaking movie," Kurt said, anger in his eyes.

"Pancakes!" Finn cheered.

"Not again," Blaine moaned.

At the Lima Bean, Blaine looked at Kurt seriously. "I may have had one relationship that went a bit far, sexually, that is," he said quietly. And he had. It would just be hard to explain that it was Kurt himself.

Kurt's green-blue eyes went wide and filled with tears. "You shared something that special with someone else and you never told me about it? How could you not tell me?"

"I didn't want to upset you, Kurt," Blaine tried, rubbing Kurt's hand.

"This is beyond simply upsetting me, Blaine. If there was any chance we would do anything sexual, I had the right to know that you've been with someone else," Kurt said, taking his hand back, tears streaming down his face. "I can't believe I wasn't your first."

"Kurt, please, I...,"

"Pancakes!"

"Finn, could you possibly not yell about pancakes so damn early in the morning?" Blaine called out.

Finn stopped by the door. "Sorry, Blaine," he muttered. "I just love pancakes."

"Go to hell!" Blaine roared.

"Pancakes! I love pancakes!" Finn yelled.

Blaine moaned.

At the Lima Bean, Blaine tried to veer the conversation away from the topic at hand.

"Why are you avoiding the reason why we're here?" Kurt asked quietly.

"I don't know how to answer it without hurting you or making me look bad," Blaine said, rubbing his eyes. That was the closest to the truth as he could get.

"You cheated on me, didn't you? You did! Oh my god, it was that guy on Valentine's day, wasn't it? The guy at the Gap with the poodle hair? Oh my god," Kurt said, choking on a sob.

"Kurt, no, I didn't," he started.

"You bastard," Kurt shrieked and hauled off and punched Blaine in the face.

"Pancakes! I love pancakes!"

"So, you were going to tell me something?" Kurt asked quietly, sipping his coffee.

"I, um, heard Wes and David discussing the topic one afternoon and I asked some questions. It was embarrassing, especially because they know I'm gay. But they told me the, uh, finer points of the job and I was able to get a pretty good picture of what I needed to do," Blaine said, watching Kurt's face carefully.

"That had to be uncomfortable," Kurt said sympathetically.

"It was," Blaine agreed, sighing in relief.

"Too bad you're lying through your teeth. What are you keeping from me, Blaine? What the hell is going on that you can't tell me the truth?"
"What do you mean?" Blaine asked, trying to keep an innocent look on his face, meanwhile feeling so damn tired of all of this.

"Blaine, you have to know that I can tell when you're lying by now. Screw this. We need to take a break until you can tell me what is going on. I can't be near you right now," Kurt said and walked out.

"Pancakes! I love pancakes!"

Blaine took a long swallow of his coffee and a deep breath. "Look, Kurt. This is going to be hard to believe, but I need you to hear me out," Blaine began.

"Okay," Kurt said, cocking his head to the side.

"Something happened about three months ago. It feels like it's been a hell of a lot longer than that," he muttered. "Anyway. I was... somewhere else. I was in Paris and I was married," he said, looking at Kurt.

"Was it a dream?" Kurt asked.

"No, it was real. Look, Kurt, this is hard to explain. But I was in Paris on my honeymoon. With you. We were thirty years old. Then, suddenly, I was here in Ohio and I was sixteen again. I knew how to please you because I've done it hundreds of times over the fourteen years we've been together," he said, a tear falling down his face. "Every time I do something wrong, I start over again. At first it was days and days that I had to relive. Now it's usually just a single day. The days loop. I met a psychic, you know her as my aunt, Moira. She is the only one who understands what is happening to me. She remembers me no matter how many times I loop. She's trying to help me figure out what is going on and how I can make it stop. The first time you and I met on the stairs at Dalton, I can't tell you how many times I had to relive that moment because I couldn't remember a simple detail. I guess it's like the universe is giving me a chance to right the wrongs I've done to you," Blaine said. He took a deep breath and looked at Kurt.

Kurt stared at him, so long in face that Blaine wondered if he'd fallen asleep with his eyes open.

"Have you looped this particular conversation?" he asked quietly.

"Yes."

"How many times?"

"Seven, I believe," Blaine said. He felt something like excitement swimming in his stomach. If Kurt knew what was going on, wouldn't that improve things? He could help him through the things Kurt needed to improve their relationship and his life.

"Damn, Blaine, that sounds like a really miserable existence," Kurt said sympathetically.

Blaine felt true hope for once. "Yeah, it hasn't been the best. Except you. I love the time I get to spend with you," he said with a smile.

"Do you love me, Blaine? Like really love me?" Kurt asked, his eyes keen as he stared at Blaine.

"Of course I do. Very much. So much more than I ever thought two people could love each other," Blaine said, his golden eyes sparkling with sincerity.

"Now, see, when two people truly love each other, they discuss things, like we're doing now," Kurt said.

Blaine nodded, agreeing.

"But see, in my mind, when two people love each other, they tell the truth. No matter if problems arise or a fight breaks out, a couple in love tells the truth. And here you are, claiming to love me and then feeding me this bullshit story. It's not even a realistic story, like you practiced on a banana or watched some movie. No, you create this world where you relive days over and over again. You know what?" Kurt said, his face colored with fury.

"What?" Blaine said sadly, knowing the loop was coming.

"Go. To. Hell. Do not talk to me, do not call or text me, none of it. Do you understand?" Kurt demanded.

Blaine nodded.

Kurt stood and grabbed his coffee. "And find your own damn way back to my house where your bag will be sitting outside. Then you can also find your way back to Dalton, where you will not speak to me," Kurt growled. "I won't give you the chance to hurt me again."

Blaine watched Kurt storm out of the coffee shop and get in his car. Kurt put his head down and smacked the steering wheel. The small car backed up and pulled out to the street. Blaine couldn't see much through his tears, but he was going to watch until the car disappeared. He hadn't looped yet. Maybe he was stuck now. Stuck in hell, because that was what life would be without Kurt.

He was still watching as Kurt pulled into traffic just in time to be blindsided by an oncoming truck.

"No!" he screamed, running out of the shop, toward the street. "No! Kurt, I'm coming!" he yelled, pushing himself to run as fast as he could.

He saw the shiny brown hair glinting in the sun, resting against the steering wheel. As he got closer, he realized there was blood. Too much blood.

"Kurt!" he screamed. Over and over, he screamed his name.

"Pancakes! I love pancakes!"

Blaine opened his eyes and started sobbing, turning over and throwing himself on Kurt. "Oh god, Kurt, you're okay! Thank god! I love you so much, baby," he cried, shivering with the remains of the shock he'd felt only moments before.

"Sweetie, what is it?" Kurt asked, instantly concerned. He'd never seen Blaine cry before. "What's the matter, huh?"

"You were dead, there was so much blood," Blaine said, weeping on Kurt's chest, drenching his t-shirt.

"Honey, it was just a dream. I'm here and I'm fine, really. I'm so sorry you had that dream," Kurt said, kissing and stroking Blaine's hair.

"Kurt, I just wanted to please you. After the first time we, you know, pleased each other, I wanted to learn more. I asked Wes and David what guys liked and I, embarrassingly enough, took literal notes watching one of ‘those' movies. Then I bought some cucumbers and practiced on those so I didn't gag. That's it, Kurt. Please don't hate me," he said, still shuddering. The lies came out so easily and he prayed it would be enough. He couldn't handle any more loops right now.

"Okay, sweetie. Of course I don't hate you. I'm flattered that you went to so much trouble just to please me," Kurt said with a light chuckle.

"I always want to please you," Blaine said sincerely.

"I know you do and so do I," Kurt said, still stroking his hair.

There was a sound at the door and out the corner of his eye, Blaine saw Kurt wave his dad away, miming that Blaine was crying. His dad must have believed him because he walked away without a word.

"Blaine, I love you so much," Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear. "Thank you for trying so hard to please me. The learning of it sounded like quite a nightmare but from my perspective, it was worth it," he said with a grin.

Blaine looked up at him and saw his smile. "It was a nightmare. But you are always worth it," he said, feeling utterly exhausted. But he meant every word he said.

. . . . . . .

Okay, so I managed to write more than I thought I would. So, what did you think? Poor Blaine. He needs a vacation.

I will keep posting here until I'm either kicked off or my stories are deleted. :'( I love this site and it really ticks me off that they are doing this.

Please, please review.