Chapter Fifteen

To everyone else Kurt Hummel was the same as he had always been. He was still gay. He was still in glee club, and still at the bottom of the social pyramid. But to himself he feels like a new person. It's like everything has changed. Nothing is the same, not anymore. No one can see it. Not yet. Not even he can. But he knows. He can feel the changes taking effect in his body.

Of course everything is still overwhelming. Frighteningly so. He had started to think twice about some of his actions. Though he had always been a graceful walker, he now made extra sure of his footsteps. At school he gave everyone a wide berth. He didn't want to risk getting shoved, whether by accident or on purpose. He forced himself to eat, even though his appetite still wasn't completely there. The hardest thing he had had to do was give up his coffee. He'd been like an addict until Carole had told him he shouldn't drink any whilst he was pregnant. He was mourning that loss particularly hard.

At school he had started to spend more and more time with Blaine. They weren't together but they were working on a friendship. Blaine became more of a chaperone compared to the shadow he had been before. Though he didn't know the real reason that Kurt allowed him to do what he was doing. Secretly Kurt loved that Blaine was always around and by his side. It made him feel just that little bit less alone in all of this. Blaine didn't even know that he was protecting his own child whilst looking out for Kurt.

Yes, Kurt still hadn't worked up enough courage to actually tell Blaine. He knew he should and that he shouldn't be leaving Blaine in the dark about something so important. This was something that was going to affect Blaine even if he wanted nothing to do with it. Kurt knew he might be setting himself up for more heartbreak. He was getting close to the boy when the news of the pregnancy might make Blaine run a mile, maybe even two. But Kurt just couldn't seem to stay away. Especially not when he saw how happy his presence made Blaine.

All of New Directions were angry with Kurt. They obviously didn't understand Kurt's actions when it came to Blaine. It wasn't like they knew what was going on. Kurt certainly hadn't let slip any information to them. Kurt started to become a little isolated from the group. It was a little upsetting for him but they had never been able to protect him from the real threats like Blaine had been able to. He had to do what was best for his baby and right now, that was Blaine.

XXXX

Blaine and Kurt were sat in the library. It had become a usual haunt for them. They often went there together so that Blaine could study and Kurt could help him as and when he needed it.

It had been two weeks since Kurt had first approached him in the library, and to this day Blaine was still confused about what had changed between them. He knew something had; he just didn't know what. He didn't question it though. He didn't want to push anything, didn't want to risk ruining everything. Kurt had given him so much hope and he didn't want that to go. He was curious, but he let it go.

Kurt was looking a lot better too. He had more colour in his cheeks and he was gaining some weight. He'd been like a stick before. And now there was a little twinkle in his eyes that Blaine had never seen before, but it made Kurt even more beautiful than he had been. Blaine was glad as he had been starting to get beyond worried.

"So... Christmas break is coming up soon." Blaine said, trying to be nonchalant.

"Yes, I can't wait. I could really use a break." Kurt replied.

"I was wondering... I mean if you aren't too busy... Would you like to come to a New Year's Eve gathering?" Blaine asked nervously.

Kurt's eyes widened but a small smile appeared on his face. At that smile Blaine allowed himself to hope. That was how it was with Kurt. Trepidation; then hope.

"What kind of thing would it be?"

"Well it'd be at Jeff's house again but there'd only be a few people this time." Blaine said, trying to sound reassuring.

"Which people?" Kurt asked, worried, in case Sebastian would be there. That was one person he did not want to see again. Not if he could help it.

"Well Jeff obviously, Nick, Wes, David and then maybe Thad and Trent. It's not a party, just friends welcoming in the New Year together."

"I'll see what I can do then. Sounds like it could be fun." Blaine was so relieved by this answer that Kurt could visibly see him relax.

Kurt was pleased to see Blaine looking so happy. His eyes were shining with joy and Kurt wanted that look to always be there. It really was beautiful. Briefly Kurt wondered if the baby would have eyes like Blaine's. Kurt certainly hoped he or she would. They'd be so angelic.

Kurt decided that at the start of the New Year, Blaine would know that he was going to be a father. If Blaine reacted well to the news then Kurt would invite him to the eight week scan which would be in early January. It was an important scan because it meant that he'd be able to hear his baby's heartbeat. Kurt had to admit that he couldn't wait. It would mean the world to him if Blaine could go too. God, he hoped telling him would go well.

XXXX

When Kurt got home his dad was sat at the kitchen table surrounded by paperwork. He looked thoroughly confused so Kurt's interest was piqued. He shuffled further into the room.

"Hey dad."

Burt looked up, his eyes softening when he saw his son. One might say he had become crazily protective over Kurt since he'd found out about the pregnancy. He didn't want anything to happen to his little boy and the risks of his pregnancy made him anxious. If anything went wrong then his son could die and Burt knew that pregnancies weren't always the easiest. Elizabeth's pregnancy with Kurt had been a tough one. He'd been born a couple of weeks early by C-section and then he'd been in intensive care for a month. To this day the doctor's didn't know what had happened. Luckily both Elizabeth and Kurt had made it out okay.

"You hungry, Kurt? I can make you some lunch?"

"I'll make some later." The boy reassured him. "So what are you doing?"

"Trying to fill out the adoption forms. We need to get the process moving, get the ball rolling so to say. We need to sort out some potential parents before it arrives."

Kurt's heart dropped. Of course that'd be what he was doing. It seemed like that was one of the main things that he was worrying about. And it was something that Kurt didn't even want.

"There's a section asking about the other father's medical history. I really need you to find that out for me." Burt focused on the paperwork. He didn't see the way Kurt's smile had disappeared from his face.

"I haven't told him yet." Kurt mumbled.

"Well you'll have to do it soon. I need the information before I can send off this form. Babies are more likely to get adopted if they have the information on both birth parents."

Kurt knew his dad didn't mean to be uncaring, in fact he was probably aiming for the opposite, but Kurt couldn't help the tears that welled in his eyes. He didn't know how to tell his dad that he wanted to keep the baby; that he was going to keep it. He didn't know how to tell Blaine that he was going to be a father. It all felt like a huge weight bearing down on him.

Quickly he headed to his bedroom, flinging himself carelessly onto his bed. Only after he had shoved his face into his pillow did he let himself sob. He ended up working himself up into such a state that he made himself sick. He had to run to the bathroom barely making it in time before his stomach emptied itself. He hated being sick.

He felt a loving hand on his shoulder and before he knew it he was sobbing in Carole's arms. She didn't say anything, she just held him. It wasn't like she knew what was wrong yet and in the state that the boy was in he wouldn't be able to tell her. She needed to get him to calm down before she could ask him what exactly was making him so upset. Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that. It was long enough for Kurt's tears to stop at least.

"What's the matter honey?" She finally asked.

That seemed to be the key. All the thoughts that Kurt had kept locked away seemed to spill out. He didn't know how he did it while making any sense but he told Carole everything. He told her about his worries concerning actually telling Blaine, all his fears about actually having the baby and then finally about how he wanted to keep his baby.

Carole was surprised. When her husband had asked for her help, she had assumed that Kurt had made the decision to give up the baby. Obviously the poor boy hadn't even had a say in the matter. She felt so guilty. And then she felt a little bit angry a Burt. He probably didn't even realise that he had done anything wrong.

Kurt made her promise not to say a word, which she went along with to avoid making him more upset than he already was. There was no use making him more ill than he was already. Even though he was definitely keeping this baby, he was still scared for Burt to find out his decision. So to avoid added stress onto her step-son, Carole agreed to keep silent. It wasn't like she'd have to be quiet for long. He'd have to let his dad know sooner or later.

She also advised Kurt to tell Blaine sooner rather than later. Prolonging the wait would only make it more difficult for both of them. So Kurt promised that he'd do it after Christmas. By the New Year Blaine would know. He had to keep repeating that to himself.

XXXX

That night, try as he might, Kurt could not get to sleep. So many thoughts were swimming about in his head and made it impossible to get properly settled.

Absent-mindedly he traced patterns on his abdomen. It was weird to think that, while there was no visible sign of new life yet, this time next year there would be a baby. Time seemed to go so quickly when you thought like that. However, at the same time, the hours felt like they were crawling by. Kurt had always found it funny how time could do that.

"Dude. What are you doing?" The voice pulled Kurt out of his thoughts and made his hands stop so they rested on his belly.

Now everyone thought that Finn was stupid but that really wasn't the case. It was just that sometimes he could be a little slow. Unfortunately for Kurt, this didn't seem to be one of those times.

"Dude, you're stroking your tummy like a pregnant person."

Kurt could hardly breathe in the few seconds that it took for Finn's mind to muddle through it. It would explain why everyone in the house seemed a little off. Finn had wondered if it had all been in his head but this made sense.

"Kurt, are you...?" He asked, slowly.

Kurt couldn't reply. He hadn't wanted anyone else to find out before Blaine and now, because he had been stupid, someone else had found out. He knew he could probably just deny it and laugh it off. But honestly, Finn was going to have to know soon and it would make things easier on everyone in the house if he knew. What was the point in denying it? It would only make Finn upset when it was finally revealed to him.

"I am." Kurt's voice shook.

Finn looked shocked. Obviously he hadn't expected to be right. He just stared at Kurt like the boy had grown an extra head. Kurt started to really panic. He felt completely powerless in this. There was literally nothing that he could do until he knew exactly what Finn's reaction meant. Maybe he'd made the wrong decision in telling Finn now.

"Wait a minute; is that why you've forgiven Blaine?" Finn questioned.

Kurt had not been expecting that to be the first thing the taller boy said. But until Finn had said it, Kurt wasn't sure if he had completely forgiven Blaine. He supposed that maybe he had without even noticing it. In a way it didn't seem very important anymore. His mind had sort of pushed that to one side. Or maybe it was just telling him to start listening to his heart again.

"Yes." Kurt answered hesitantly. "But I haven't actually told him yet so please keep your mouth shut. I don't want it getting out yet."

"Sure thing little brother." Finn said, holding out his fist.

Kurt gave it a bump with his own fist. That went better than he thought it would go. Finn could be awesome sometimes. Maybe telling other people wouldn't be so bad.

XXXX

Blaine nervously waited for Kurt's Navigator to pull up in its usual spot. He was bouncing partially with anxiety but also with excitement.

In his bag was a Christmas present for Kurt. He'd saved up every bit of money he had just to be able to get something amazing for the love of his life. He had literally agonised over trying to get the perfect thing but he was still unsure about how Kurt would take the gift. Hence the anxiety.

Kurt pulled up with Finn in the passenger side. Kurt gave him a smile before getting out of the car. Blaine could feel Finn's eyes on him. He really couldn't be bothered with any fight with the tall boy so he decided to just ignore him. But obviously Finn had other ideas. He walked closer to Blaine and he quietly spoke.

"It's good that you're taking care of him."

He walked away leaving Blaine to ponder what the hell had just happened. He had certainly not expected Finn to be civil. It was a little unsettling, but he didn't have long to think about it before Kurt was by his side.

"You don't normally wait for me out here." Kurt noted with a smile.

"I just... I wanted to give you something." Blaine stuttered. "You know, for Christmas."

"Really? You didn't have to. I mean I have something for you too but it'll have to wait 'til New Year's Eve and you'll probably hate it and-"

Blaine cut off Kurt's rambling. "Whatever it is I will love it."

"I really hope so." He murmured. His mind seemed to wander for a second before it returned to Blaine. "So what did you get me?"

Blaine reached into his bag and pulled out a small box. He was almost shaking with nerves. As he handed the box to Kurt, his hands were captured by said boy. He looked into those beautiful, familiar eyes and saw nothing but reassurance. Slowly Kurt took the box from him and started to open it.

Inside the box was a simple yet beautiful bracelet with an engraving of the word 'Courage'. Kurt instantly loved it and courage was the exact thing he needed right now. His hormones started to act up and suddenly he was holding back tears.

"Blaine, it's perfect. I love it. Thank you so much."

Kurt moved forward and hugged Blaine. Instantly Blaine's arms wrapped themselves around the crying boy. It had felt like forever since he had held Kurt but it still felt so right and perfect. Though the boy was slimmer than he had been, it felt exactly as it had before. It always felt like home. He hated it when Kurt pulled away, wiping at his tears.

"Will you put it on for me? I swear I'll never be taking it off once it's on."

"Of course." Blaine carefully did the bracelet up around Kurt's wrist. Then he asked with uncertainty. "You really like it?"

"Yes. I don't think anyone could get me a better gift for the holiday."

The smile that appeared on Blaine's face was so beautiful and happy. Kurt could feel himself falling again. He knew Blaine wasn't as open with anyone else as he was with Kurt. Sometimes that thought made Kurt think that his heart would burst with joy.

It felt like a lifetime had passed since their breakup.

Kurt wanted to kiss Blaine senselessly. He didn't care who was around. But he couldn't. Not yet. As soon as he knew what Blaine thought about the pregnancy, then he'd give into those urges. But not until then.

"So I'll be expecting my gift New Year's Eve?" Blaine teased, feeling a lot more relaxed now that he'd seen his gift going over well.

"Yeah... Just... I don't know what's going to happen when you receive your gift but please understand." Kurt said nervously.

It was then that Blaine knew that whatever Kurt was talking about was no ordinary gift. Blaine had no clue what it could be and seeing how nervous Kurt was, was making him anxious too. He had no idea why Kurt couldn't show it to him right now but he didn't question it.

"Whatever it is, it won't change how I feel about you."

Kurt smiled meekly at Blaine but didn't say anything. Blaine hated that he had no idea how to reassure the boy that he loved.

XXXX

Merry Christmas, Kurt – Blaine x

Kurt smiled at the text that Blaine had sent him. Sure he'd woken him up with the message but Finn would probably have done it in a more annoying way. He was an over-excited kid on Christmas. Yeah, that's right. He wasn't just like one, he was one.

His smile didn't last long as his stomach flipped and he had to sprint to the bathroom. Merry Christmas indeed.

"Kurt! It's Christmas!" There was a pause. "Kurt?"

"I'm in the bathroom." Kurt called back to his step-brother.

"Oh... Is that like the morning sickness thing?" Finn asked, poking his head around the door.

"More like all-day sickness, but yeah."

"Do you want me to stay here with you or can I go down for breakfast?" Finn asked. Clearly he wanted Kurt to go with the latter.

Kurt shooed him away and went back into his bedroom. He quickly replied to Blaine and got dressed for the day. His outfit wasn't up to the usual fashionable standard but he figured it wasn't going to be the best day, what with the puking, so he aimed for comfort instead. See, already he was making sacrifices for the baby.

Christmas Day proceeded pretty much the same way it had last year but without the nervousness of it being a first family Christmas. The only difference for Kurt was the need to use the toilet a lot, but Carole had said that that was normal in pregnancy and he'd have to get used to it.

It was only at dinner time that the family hit a rough patch and Kurt hated that it was because of him.

Burt brought up the adoption again. He wanted to know if Kurt had gotten any information from Blaine yet and expressed disappointment that Kurt still hadn't told him. Ordinarily Kurt hated it when his dad told him that he was disappointed with him but with the extra effect of his hormones being all over the place, he had to stop himself from crying.

"You're putting it up for adoption?" Finn asked.

"We decided it would be for the best." Burt told him, not allowing Kurt to speak.

"Is that really what Kurt wants?" Finn asked.

It would have been so easy for Kurt to say something right there and then. He should have said that, while he was grateful for the support, he wanted to keep his baby. But he stayed quiet.

A dizzy spell took him over and he excused himself to go and lay down. He was utterly exhausted. He decided he'd just rest his eyes for a few minutes to rid himself of the dizziness. As soon as his eyes closed, he was gone for the night.

XXXX

Blaine pulled a pizza out of the oven and put it onto a plate, cutting it into eight slices. He was starving. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten so he was sure that the pizza wouldn't be there that much longer.

His dad wasn't at home tonight. Blaine wasn't exactly sure where he was, but he was sure that some woman was paying him attention. It wasn't like Blaine cared all that much. He didn't mind being alone at Christmas. He hadn't had a proper one since his mother had disappeared.

Last year he had cried like a baby when he realised that his dad wasn't going to be around for Christmas. Truthfully, Blaine would probably have been sobbing again this year if not for the fact that everything felt completely different from last year. This year, Blaine was in love and he had something to look forward to.

New Year's Eve. More importantly, New Year's Eve with Kurt. Hopefully they'd be able to reconnect properly. He could tell Kurt still felt something for him. All Blaine had to do was prove to Kurt that he wouldn't run again. No matter how afraid he was, being without Kurt was worse. So much worse.

XXXX

Kurt was seriously exhausted and he'd have liked nothing better than to lay in bed and sleep. Plus he was scared of what he was going to have to tell Blaine. Half of him wanted to call the boy and cancel, but he didn't really want to hide anymore.

So when the doorbell went, he put on his best smile and opened it up. Seeing Blaine, since it seemed like forever since he had, made his heart race. He didn't realise how much he'd missed him.

He saw Blaine look down to his wrist and smile when he saw that Kurt was still wearing his gift.

"You ready to go?" Blaine asked.

"Yep! Just let me grab my bag."

He quickly looked through the bag that was in the hallway. He was making sure that the sonogram and all the information leaflets were all in there for when he told Blaine. Satisfied, he picked up the bag and was about to head out when his dad came into the hallway.

"Where do you think you're going?" Burt asked gruffly, glaring in Blaine's direction.

"I'm going to a New Year's Eve gathering-" Kurt started to explain.

"Oh no you're not. You're crazy if you think I'm letting you out."

"Dad, I'm going. I have to go. I'll be okay. I need to do this."

Before Burt could say much else Kurt slipped out of the house and, taking Blaine's hand, he pulled him to the Navigator.

"Wait, Kurt, stop! I don't want you to get into trouble."

"Blaine, sweetie. You're not going to get me in trouble for this."

XXXX

Kurt pulled in Jeff's driveway and, like the last time, nerves overtook him.

What would the Warblers be like now that he and Blaine weren't actually together anymore? Would he even be truly welcome?

As if reading Kurt's mind, Blaine said "nothing that happens between us changes your friendship with them."

Blaine could see that Kurt wasn't entirely convinced but he knew that soon enough he'd have no choice but to be convinced. Jeff was practically Kurt's number one fan.

When they reached the door, Kurt stood slightly behind Blaine. His stomach was really unsettled and he desperately hoped that he wouldn't be sick that night.

The door opened to reveal Nick with Jeff hanging onto his waist. The blond boy already looked completely wasted. But as soon as he saw Kurt, he let go of Nick and flung himself at the boy. Kurt let out a surprised yelp and probably would have toppled over if Blaine hadn't grabbed both him and Jeff in time.

"Kurt! I've missed you! You've missed me too, right?!" Jeff shouted in Kurt's ear.

"I've missed you very much, Jeff." Kurt said, wiggling out of the boy's grip.

"Yeah! I knew you would!" A childish grin spread across his face.

"Why don't we let them inside, Jeffy? We don't want them to freeze to death."

The group made their way inside. All the Warblers welcomed Kurt back as if he had never been gone, just like Blaine had said. The acceptance made Kurt a little teary-eyed, though it was probably just his hormones.

All the Warblers offered to get him a drink but Kurt insisted upon only drinking water. With the amount of glasses of water that kept being passed to him, Kurt was visiting the bathroom pretty much every hour. Blaine was also refusing to touch alcohol and Kurt wondered why. He was glad though. That meant that Blaine would be sober when Kurt finally told him.

XXXX

Kurt gulped as the clock displayed only half an hour left until the New Year. It was time.

Everyone was doing their own thing, so nobody noticed Kurt taking Blaine's hand and pulling him out of the room. Blaine went without needing to be told anything. It showed how much he trusted Kurt.

They went into the room that they had almost two months ago, where everything had started. In terms of the baby anyway.

Blaine sat down on the bed, giving Kurt his full attention, who was shifting on his feet nervously. Blaine didn't say anything; instead he waited for Kurt to talk. It wasn't like he knew what to say until Kurt had said his piece.

"I suppose I should start off by saying that I really, really want to be with you." Kurt could hear the desperation in his own voice. "I still love you and that isn't going to change."

He took a shaky breath. In his head he kept chanting to himself, "Please don't be sick, please don't be sick."

"But I can't be with you until you know. Because this will affect everything."

Reaching into his bag, he pulled out what he'd brought with him and handed them to Blaine with trembling hands. There was no turning back now.

Blaine's eyes widened as he took in what was on the leaflets. Then he looked at the little black and white photo.

"I'm pregnant, Blaine." Kurt said, breaking out into sobs.