Kurt was freaking out.

Like really freaking out.

The doctor had just finished informing him of his injuries and he was needless to say freaking out.

Yeah he knew about them, he just kind of forgot about them.

Hearing them like that made them sound so much worse.

So much more real.

They were real.

And the realization of that was quickly dawning on him.

Of course he had remembered everything that happened, I mean how could one forget, but to have doctors and medical charts and files confirming everything made everything so real.

And he was freaking out.

The incident had been so traumatic it almost wasn’t believable to him.

After he had woken up everything was still hazy, his meds hadn’t worn off, and it was just a blur.

But by now, his mind- cleared his medicine-worn off, the pain-excruciating, the memory-painful.

Yes, he had known all along what had happened, but now it was like everything he had been through had just clicked with him.

At first he was in a stage of shock, now everything came crashing down on him at once.

His list of injuries just one reminder that everything was real. His second would take place in about an hour. He would be giving his statement to the police department.

Kurt still wasn’t sure how he felt about talking.

Look where talking got him.

If Karofsky wanted him quiet, he should probably stay quiet.

It was for the sake of his well being right?

His train of thought was interrupted by Carole’s soft voice.

“Kurt, the police officers will be here to talk to you shortly. Are you nervous?” Carole asked.

“Of course he’s not nervous.” Burt replied. “We’re gonna put this bastard in jail and all he has to do is speak.” He finished saying.

Kurt had the power to arrest Karofsky by saying three words he did it.

Kurt thought he’d pass out or throw up just from knowing if Karofsky went to jail it’d be because of him. Yes Karofsky deserved to go to jail, but could Kurt really be responsible for it?

He knew Karofsky needed to be jailed for what he did. But what would happen once he got out? Certainly he’d come after Kurt.

Kurt was once again freaking out. After what he’d been through lately freaking out was starting to become the norm.

He hadn’t even realized he was crying until Blaine was running up to his bed, clutching him in his arms, and wiping away the tears that had fallen.

“Its okay baby, they’re going to put him away for a long long time. You’ll be safe; all you need to do is talk.” Blaine tried to comfort a now sobbing Kurt.

“No, I won’t be safe.” Kurt cried. “I’ll never be safe! He’ll know I talked and come after me again!” Kurt said shaking violently.

“Kurt, you need to talk to them, so they can arrest him. If they arrest him, he’ll never be able to hurt you.” Burt tried reasoning with him.

“No! I’ll never talk!” Kurt screamed.

Blaine held Kurt tight in his arms and tried his best to sooth him but Kurt wouldn’t have it.

“Sweetie, you need to calm down. They’re only trying to help. Just tell them what you remember and they can help you stay safe.” Carole tried saying.

“What I remember!? Like I could forget!” Kurt said protectively.

“I know it was hard for you, but you need to tell them.” Burt explained starting to lose his calm.

“No, I’ll never talk. He’ll kill me if I do. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s not talk about it. We’re done talking about it.” Kurt said frantically.

“Dude, why won’t you just tell them? They can arrest him all because of what you have to say, so why don’t you just tell them?” Finn questioned.

“Because. Finn!” Kurt said with an attitude. “If I tell them and he get’s arrested, he’ll be mad. And if he found out it was me who spoke, if it was me that he was arrested because of, could you imagine what he would do to me?! If he did that to me all because the glee club found out, what do you think he’ll do to me if I aided the police?” Kurt cried.

He needed help, he wanted help, he was just afraid of what might happen if he told.

He couldn’t blame himself for being afraid, well you know, after last time he told.

What was he going to do?

He clearly didn’t want to talk.

But he also needed to talk.

Why are things so complicated?

He wished he could have just ended it all.

Why did he have to wake up?

Had he not waken up, he wouldn’t be dealing with the aftermath of all this.

Who was to say Karofsky wouldn’t come after him again?

What was he going to do?

He felt the anxiety overwhelm him.

He needed something to relieve him.

He grabbed his wrist immediately thinking back to the relief of the knife on his skin.

He couldn’t do that now.

He dug his nails into his skin, trying to provide a little bit of the sting he was accustomed to but failed.

He wanted something to take away the hurt he felt.

Something that could take away his pain.

Immediately his hand fell on the button on the side of his bed.

The button that directly controlled his supply of pain relief straight into his blood stream through the IV drip.

He pressed the button once, twice, three times, fifteen times, he frantically pressed it again and again and again and again and again until the his vision blurred.

His body became heavy and it became harder and harder for him to control his finger to push the button.

His heart rate slowed drastically coming near to a stop.

He heard frantic beeps coming from the monitor and a rush of doctors around his room.

But he didn’t seem to care about all that as everything was spinning and went black as his world shut down.

At last, he felt like everything was over.

Everything was over.

And he was at peace.

Peace.

Peace?

Did he really just take the most selfish way out of it, leaving so much behind him?

Guess so.

Sure his family cared, but not enough. They didn’t even understand why he wouldn’t want to risk his life be talking to the cops.

And Blaine. Who said Blaine would even still want to be with him after all that had happened. He was contaminated and he even disgusted himself. Surely Blaine wouldn’t want to love him.

His friends, sure they sang him a few songs, but they went and posted his personal business on facebook. They had no right to do that, and it’s the reason he’s in the place he’s in.

Maybe it wasn’t all that selfish. Who did he really have to live for?

His thinking stopped when he heard someone far away calling his name.

It was a doctor.

“Kurt? Kurt! Kurt! Kurt stay with us, Kurt?” He called but I sounded like he was a thousand miles away.

Part of him wanted to open his eyes.

But the other part just wanted everything to be over...