Chapter 4: Jealousy

"Welcome chez Louisa and Maggie!"

Blaine returned her a grin but Kurt was still looking around a little disgusted. Louisa chuckled at her cousin and got him into a hug:

"Don't give me that scrunchy face, pumpkin. I now it's incredible small and away from pretty much everything. But I'm paying my own rent in New York City; shouldn't you be proud of your cousin?"

He put on a smile that everyone knew was forced. Blaine tried to fix the situation:

"He is! Aren't you, handsome?"

Kurt started to mumble something but Louisa interrupted:

"Besides, Kurt, this is a place with two bedrooms and a living-room with a couch. This means you'll have a place to crash whenever this one is giving you a hard time."

Blaine looked at her offended:

"Last time I'll try to help you, Ms. Hummel."

"You are on, Mr. Anderson."

Kurt sighed:

"Oh Goodness! I thought you two had solved your issues! But you are right. Having your own place is something big, boo. Even if I don't think I'll need a time off from Blaine; it's good to know I'll have a place to sit other than your dormitory bed whenever I come visit. Why don't we look for a decent coffee shop around here to have a celebratory cup of coffee?"

Louisa checked her watch:

"Or we could head to NYADA and grab our cups to go at Coffee'N'Stuff; because we are already late."

Kurt rolled his eyes and Blaine ironically commented while giving Louisa small pats on the back:

"Really great place, Lou."

xXxXx

Finn had his mouth full of waffle as Rachel left the bathroom and kissed him good-morning. He managed to swallow as she rushed around preparing her breakfast.

"Are you in a hurry? I thought your classes started late today."

She smiled at him while dishing a cup of coffee:

"They do; but Brody also had a free period and offered to help me with choreography for Spring Awakening."

Finn just nodded and looked back to his waffles. She examined him before exclaiming a little offended:

"What? You are not going to say you are jealous of him!"

Finn dropped his fork irritably

"As a matter of fact; I am! You see; I think it's not fair that last week I completely opened myself to you about what I feel towards Louisa and you said absolutely nothing about Brody. Even after I accused you of still having feelings for him."

"You said yourself, Finn Hudson, that you knew I had feelings for him but you also knew my feelings for you were stronger."

Finn looked at her awestruck:

"And you say it like that? That doesn't mean that I don't care if you go around playing friendly-friends with him! I want you to tell me what feelings are those!"

"You are sounding like a five years old, Finn."

"I'm childish now? I was completely honest with you, Rachel; why can't you give me some light and explain things to me?"

She sighed and looked down for a minute. Then, in the better Rachel Berry style; she broke into a song to show her mind to Finn. And her mind was in a bitch mode in tune with the Spice Girl's Wannabe.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/gJLIiF15wjQ

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna,

I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

If you want my future, forget my past

If you wanna get with me, better make it fast

Now don't go wasting my precious time

Get your act together we could be just fine

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna,

I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends

Make it last forever, friendship never ends

If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give

Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is

Oh, what do you think about that

Now you know how I feel

Say, you can handle my love, are you for real

I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try

If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna,

I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends

Make it last forever, friendship never ends

If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give

Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is

So, here's a story from A to Z

You wanna get with me, you gotta listen carefully

We got Em in the place who likes it in your face

You got G like MC who likes it on a...

Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady

And as for me, ha you'll see

Slam your body down and wind it all around

Slam your body down and wind it all around

Slam your body down and wind it all around

Slam your body down and zigazig ah

If you wanna be my lover

xXxXx

"Kurt! Your boyfriend was fantastic at his number yesterday. You must be so proud of him."

Kurt smiled politely at his classmate:

"I am."

"Well, I have to go now. Make sure Blaine knows how great he was. Bye."

Kurt really was proud of how great Blaine and Louisa were doing in their first term at NYADA. At the same time, he couldn't help but to feel overshadowed. All the feelings of rejection by not having entered the first time he auditioned and not having a great reputation by now bugged him every day. It was right that Louisa's reputation was more due to her fierce personality; but everyone knew she was a great singer and no one disputed that. Blaine, on the other hand, was known uniquely because of his talent and, although extremely happy for him, Kurt couldn't avoid feeling inferior.

He was distracted from his thoughts by hands covering his eyes from behind:

"Guess who!"

Kurt smiled and grabbed the hands:

"Like I could ever not recognize you, Blee."

Blaine smiled and pulled him for a kiss. Kurt pecked him but was trying to get away from the embrace. Blaine tightened the grip and whispered in a low voice in his ear:

"Come on, gorgeous; the hallway is empty. I miss you so much. We've spent the whole morning apart."

Kurt couldn't resist Blaine's sexy voice and gave in locking their mouths in a passionate kiss. Blaine broke apart after a while with a wide grin spread across his swollen lips. Kurt looked at him and smiled back:

"Have I told you today that I love you?"

Blaine intertwined their fingers:

"You have; but I'm never tired of hearing it from the love of my life. Come on; walk me to my work place and I'll feed you lunch."

xXxXx

Finn arrived at NYADA with a bouquet of roses only to see Brody beating him and approaching Rachel first. Finn was in a hearing distance but somehow concealed so they weren't seeing him. He saw Brody tapping his girlfriend's shoulder and listened to him saying:

"Hey Rachel; how about lunch today? I heard the cafeteria has prepared their famous meatballs."

"Well, I'm vegan. But I insist on paying you lunch today. It's only fair after all the work you went through this morning to teach me those steps."

Finn watched Rachel taking the guy's arm and walking away with him. He didn't know what to do and just stared as the pair slowly faded away in the crowd. He was standing in the middle of the lobby, the bouquet threatening to fall from his hand when he felt a hand lightly touching his shoulder:

"Finn? Are you alright?"

He looked at the source at the voice still a little dizzy. He saw Louisa standing next to him with a half-smile on her lips and looking like she was expecting an answer. He nodded but she didn't buy it:

"Come on; walk with me to work and you can explain things over a cup of tea."

She started walking on the bookstore's way and it took Finn a few seconds before deciding to follow her.

xXxXx

Louisa opened the door to Books'N'Stuff and smiled a little at the now familiar sound of the bell. Finn was following her looking out of place there; as he wasn't a NYADA student, he didn't go there so often. She turned to him trying to make him more comfortable:

"We can go upstairs and have something on the coffee-shop or I can make you some tea at the staff-room if you rather talk somewhere quiet."

He took some time to process the information

"Upstairs. I want to grab something to eat too."

"Okay; I have fifteen minutes before my shift starts and we can talk about what's bugging you."

They sat in silence while Finn drank his latte and ate a sandwich. It wasn't awkward and they stared at each other and exchanged some smiles. When he was finished, she friendly touched his arm and looked straight in his eyes:

"Do you want to talk?"

He sighed:

"Maybe it'll work; I just don't know where to start... It's Rachel... And Brody..."

Louisa rolled her eyes:

"I know he can be upsetting."

"Tell me about it... It's just... ugh! I can't even find the words!"

She pointed her head towards the piano. He shook his head back:

"I can't play."

"Chose a song and I put it on the stereo."

He walked where she was pointing and connected his iPod to the system. He searched for the song and hit play to John Lennon's Jealous Guy. He sung the entire song looking at Louisa. His mind was troubled mixing images of her and Rachel; he didn't know to whom he was singing anymore.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/6lLs2dC9NaE

I was dreaming of the past

And my heart was beating fast

I began to lose control

I began to lose control

I didn't mean to hurt you

I'm sorry that I made you cry

Oh my, I didn't want to hurt you

I'm just a jealous guy

I was feeling insecure

You might not love me anymore

I was shivering inside

I was shivering inside

Oh I didn't mean to hurt you

I'm sorry that I made you cry

Oh my I didn't want to hurt you

I'm just a jealous guy

I didn't mean to hurt you

I'm sorry that I made you cry

Oh my I didn't want to hurt you

I'm just a jealous guy

I was trying to catch your eye

Thought that you was trying to hide

I was swallowing my pain

I was swallowing my pain

I didn't mean to hurt you

I'm sorry that I made you cry

Oh no I didn't want to hurt you

I'm just a jealous guy

Watch out baby,I'm just a jealous guy

Look out baby, I'm just a jealous guy

Louisa smiled as he finished and his mind was brought back to reality:

"In one thing Rachel is right: singing about your feelings really helps."

She pursed her lips and nodded:

"You two will figure things out."

Finn let out a long exhale:

"I'm not so sure. She's confused about her feelings and I'm about mine. Anyway, thank you for the help. I'll let you work now. Here: you can keep the flowers."

xXxXx

Rachel and Brody decided to go get coffee after lunch and were walking towards Coffee'N'Stuff. They saw Louisa sniffing some flowers in a vase before placing it at the shop's window. Seconds later, the door opened to reveal Finn waving at her and leaving the shop. Rachel pulled Brody by the arm to hide behind a column:

"Did you see it? Finn just gave her flowers!"

Brody seemed disturbed by it as well. He pulled Rachel back to NYADA:

"Come on; we don't have to watch it..."

Brody didn't thought he'd be so annoyed that Louisa was interacting with Finn. Wasn't it what he wanted after all? With Finn out of the way; Rachel would be free, right? Without seeing what he was doing Brody had guided them towards the classrooms and they were entering an empty one.

Rachel threw her purse away and let her body slide against the wall to sit on the floor. Brody was quick to sit at her side and take her hand. She looked at him:

"What does he see on her?"

"She's kind of hot. You know... exotic."

She rolled her eyes:

"Oh please. She's just the girl next door. Her Channel hair is so last season and her face is just normal. It's all just because you know she's Brazilian."

He smirked:

"Oh no, Rachel; she's pretty. And since Kurt gave her a makeover; you can see it. You are not a guy; but there's something about those hips. It's like they say: Brazilians do it better."

Rachel made a disgusted face:

"Don't tell me you two..."

"Not yet; but soon. Mark my words, Rachel Berry: soon."

She looked down and started playing with her fingers:

"I thought you loved me."

He carefully touched her face and lifted it up:

"I do. Maybe I'm just getting tired of being single. You still insist on Finn... And, in case you haven't noticed; I want it all..."

In his best rock-star posture, Brody stood up and plugged in an electric guitar. He winked at Rachel and started his performance of Queen's I Want It All.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/hFDcoX7s6rE

Adventure seeker on an empty street,

Just an alley creeper, light on his feet

A young fighter screaming, with no time for doubt

With the pain and anger can't see a way out,

It ain't much I'm asking, I heard him say,

Gotta find me a future move out of my way,

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now.

Listen all you people, come gather round

I gotta get me a game plan, gotta shake you to the ground

Just give me what I know is mine,

People do you hear me, just give me the sign,

It ain't much I'm asking, if you want the truth

Here's to the future for the dreams of youth,

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now.

I'm a man with a one track mind,

So much to do in one life time

Not a man for compromise and where's and why's and living lies

So I'm living it all, yes I'm living it all,

And I'm giving it all, and I'm giving it all,

It ain't much I'm asking, if you want the truth,

Here's to the future, hear the cry of youth,

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now.

Rock was his thing and Brody shined in all his colors. Rachel had no choice but to give him a standing ovation when he was over.

"Thank you, my best groupie."

"And your point with all of this is?"

"That I'm insatiable."

xXxXx

"You called cousin-deliver and here I am."

Louisa turned towards Kurt and embraced him in a bone-crushing hug:

"You don't know how happy I am to see you, silly."

"Wow! From that face I can tell things are worse than I thought."

She simply nodded. He snorted:

"Come on, boo. I'll take you to a fancy place and you can tell me all about it."

He took her to a cozy Italian place they hardly ever went because it was expensive. After an appetizer of a few focaccias to dye for, Louisa's tongue was freer:

"Can I tell you a secret?"

Kurt took her hand and squeezed it:

"When did I ever let you down?"

She smiled and went on in a conspirator whisper:

"I have a crush on Finn and, after this afternoon, I think he's one on me too."

Kurt gasped:

"Oh My! Boo, what the hell happened this afternoon? I was sure you had something going on with Brody!"

She blushed

"Well, Brody and I may have flirted; but he's in love with Rachel. Anyway, Finn went to NYADA today to give Rachel some flowers; I think they had a fight this morning. So he gets there with this huge bouquet and sees her going to lunch with Brody. That's when I walked in and saw him devastated. I took him to have a cup of coffee and we talked. Actually, he sang about being jealous. It was supposed to be about Rachel; but his eyes were telling something else..."

"You are getting yourself into quite some trouble, little one. They are already a triangle and you are just entering some very turbulent waters."

She browsed her forehead:

"I know! But what can I do? The people I hang out around here are your friends. They all already had relationships going on and I simply appeared out of thin air!"

"They all like you; well, maybe not Rachel. But this is your group too; don't think you're not welcome. But maybe hanging out with other people would be good for you."

"I'm thinking about it; Maggie invited me to join her show-choir group. Apple something... At first I thought I couldn't conciliate it with work and school; but now I'm considering it."

Kurt recovered from his shock and bumped the table:

"You are not joining the Adamless' Apples!"

"That's the name. Wait! Why not?

Kurt rolled his eyes:

"Because you are trying to engage in social suicide!"

"Hang on a minute; wasn't Adam the guy you dated while you were broken-up with Blaine?"

Kurt stuttered:

"It was; but that's not the point!"

"Yes, it is! You are being hypocrite! The hot guy could have a show-choir group but I can't join it without becoming a pariah?"

"You never liked show-choir! You are not doing it because you love it; you are doing it to push people away!"

She was outraged:

"I certainly am not!"

"Yes, you are! You know what I think? You are so afraid of showing people who you really are that you are forcing people to see you as an outcast."

She couldn't take it anymore. She got up and threw some dollars at the table:

"That's it! I'm leaving now. Thank you for the dinner."

xXxXx

Blaine was anxious waiting for Kurt to get home. He had said he would meet Lou at the bookstore but it had been hours ago. Blaine had called him several times but all the calls ended up in voice mail. Something must have happened.

After the last unanswered text Blaine let himself fall on the couch and stood there massaging his temple. The problem wasn't just that Kurt was late; the problem was that Kurt always had somewhere else to go. They hardly saw each other after having breakfast together nowadays. Kurt was always surrounded by new friends and classmates. The only new friend Blaine had made was Kurt's cousin; and even she didn't like him very much.

He fought his tears the best way he knew how: singing. He sat by the small keyboard they had managed to squeeze into the apartment and began to play a song by the indie artist Darren Criss.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/fXuGdJGPRIA

I hate where I'm at

Acting crazy like that

I know that I've been wrong

It's something I've been working on

And I don't know what to do

It's changing me, it's killing you

I'd tear out my insides if I could

But I don't know if it'd do me good

I'm sorry friends, I'm sorry lovers

To put us all in this mess

I know we've still got each other

But I'm in distress

'Cause every time that I feel like I've figured it out

Can't seem to figure it in

It's got nothing to do with me

It's not even you, you see

It's part of my chemistry

It's this jealousy

In absolutely no position

To be so needlessly unkind

When I'm the one writing this fiction

Make it real in my mind

It drives me crazy in the morning

Who is this monster in the mirror?

I try to get the steam to fog it out

But I just can't get it clear

Oh, and I can't stand what I'm feeling

It's just like poison in my veins

I know that I'm speaking

But I don't know what I'm saying

'Cause every time that I feel like the world just got lighter

It seems that my muscles give out

It's got nothing to do with me

It's not even you, you see

It's part of my chemistry

It's this jealousy

And I'm hearing your voice

Babe you know it's your choice

Maybe so

I know it's no use

But it's the only excuse

That I know

Know, know...

Let me go

Let me go

Oh, let me go

Oh, let me go

Now let's be real I've been just like a child

Man, someone could be taking all my toys

So call me dumb, call me wild

See that's the thing with little boys

Oh, I know I can't get it out in the shower

Or drink it off at the bar

This sugar's gone sour

And it's gone way too far

'Cause every time that I feel like I'm riding so high, feel on top of the world

The bitch just keeps telling me no

It's got nothing to do with me

It's not even you, you see

It's part of my chemistry

This demon is killing me

And, oh, Christ it's filling me

It's this jealousy

Oh, and I just can't believe

In this jealousy

This jealousy for you

Oh, this jealousy

This jealousy for you...

However, he couldn't finish playing Jealousy without letting the tears fall. That was when Kurt entered the apartment and saw him crying.

Soon, Kurt's arms were involving him but it didn't make him feel any better:

"Where were you?"

Kurt looked at him seeming hurt:

"I took Louisa to dinner. Well, I tried; we fought and she stormed out. So I walked around for a while to calm down."

"Couldn't you at least pick up your phone to tell me you weren't dead?"

"Easy, Blaine! You clearly must be hurt about something; but there's no need to use this tone with me. I had a rough day too!"

Blaine had tears running down his face and he swallowed hard before turning to Kurt with a broke voice:

"You have a rough day every day and there's always someone there to comfort you. You always have a different party or a gather-around to go to and I'm alone in this place, cooking dinner you won't eat. My only friend is your cousin; who hates me, by the way!"

Kurt tried to control his anger not to explode with Blaine but he couldn't:

"And do you think it's easy being in your shadow all these years? How do you think it's like to feel you haven't accomplished anything? How do you think I cope with people approaching me just to praise you? It's not because I'm not proud of you; I am. But are you proud of me?"

"Of course I am!"

"What for? I don't want your pity..."

Blaine sat back down and stared at his feet:

"I just started working harder because you were never around."

"It's been a while since I stopped believing in Santa Claus, Blaine."

Blaine got fed up and went to their room slamming the door behind him. Kurt wouldn't be the one crawling back; he grabbed his bag and left the apartment.

xXxXx

"Kurt! Thank Goodness; I thought you were still mad at me. Blaine called at least a hundred times."

Kurt looked at her and said in a small voice:

"Maybe I need some time off Blaine."

Louisa smiled and hugged her cousin:

"Family is family. You can always come here."

He began to feel better in the warmth of her embrace:

"Please don't trash Blaine tonight."

"I'd never! Not with you like this. Today, I'll only prepare you a hot chocolate with all the calories the situation requires."

Kurt made himself comfortable at her couch and she went to the kitchen. She returned with two mugs; handed one to Kurt and sat by his side:

"You are lucky; I even had mini-marshmallows. Do you want to start trashing Blaine? I mean; telling me what happened?"

He smiled behind his mug:

"There's something bugging you too. You go first."

"Okay; I fought with my cousin over something really stupid. I said things I didn't mean and left in the worse way possible. To top it all; he was absolutely right about me."

He grabbed her hand:

"You know your cousin is a wonderful person with a big understanding heart? He also have known you since you were little and he could read you were just upset because he was right. He already forgave you because that's how good he is. Also because he screamed nonsenses to his boyfriend and really needs your shoulder to cry on."

She put both their mugs away and pulled him to lay on her on the couch while cuddling and massaging his head:

"Tell me, my pumpkin; what did silly Blaine do to you this time?

"We both did actually; he was crying when I got home and we started yelling at each other. The thing is that we have hardly see each other; I mean, spending quality time together. There were things we were both denying and that boiled up today."

"From what I recall you telling; Blaine is the kind to hide his pain and after doing something he'll regret just because his head is hot."

Kurt got up in a jump:

"Do you think he's cheating on me?"

"Gosh Kurt; no! I don't think he'll ever go that way again. I was referring to your fight."

Kurt relaxed and lay back down:

"Do you ever felt overshadowed by someone?"

"Yes... I grew up feeling this about you. I felt a little about Blaine in our first weeks at NYADA. And now I feel about Carmen Miranda."

"I'm confused; are you talking about the Brazilian artist or your nickname?"

"I'm talking about me. I'm talking about the myth people created around me and that I couldn't possibly live up to. I'm also talking about the mask I hide behind to keep people from finding out about my disease."

"Oh boo..."

"It's nothing. Let me give you the same advice I gave Finn this afternoon: why don't we sing about our feelings?"

"Only if you let me produce the costumes."

After proper dressing up; Kurt and Louisa were back in the living-room singing a mash-up consisting of Kurt singing Mr. Cellophane from Chicago and Louisa singing Superboy and the Invisible Girl from Next to Normal.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/WKHzTtr_lNk

http://www.youtube.com/embed/6ZjQWv-uNT8

Superboy and the Invisible Girl...

Son of steel and daughter of air.

He's a hero, a lover, a prince—

She's not there.

Superboy and the Invisible Girl...

Everything a kid ought to be.

He's immortal, forever alive—

Then there's me

And even without clucking like a hen

Everyone gets noticed, now and then

Unless of course, that personage should be

Invisible, inconsequential me

Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name

Mr. Cellophane 'cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me and never know I'm there

I wish I could fly

And magically appear

And disappear.

I wish I could fly

I'd fly far away from here.

I tell ya Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name

Mr. Cellophane 'cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me and never know I'm there

Superboy and the Invisible Girl...

He's the one you wish would appear.

He's your hero, forever your son—

He's not here.

I am here.

A human being's made of more than air

With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there

Unless that human bein' next to you

Is unimpressive, undistinguished you know who

Take a look at the Invisible Girl...

Here she is, clear as the day.

Please look closely and find her before

She fades away.

Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name

Mr. Cellophane 'cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me and never know I'm there

Superboy and the Invisible Girl...

Son of steel and daughter of air.

He's a hero, a lover, a prince

She's not there

She's not there

She's not there

She's not there

Hope I didn't take up too much of your time

At the end of it; they felt laughing on the couch. Louisa recovered first and turned to him:

"Are you going back home or are you crashing on my couch?"

"Can I stay?"

"Of course; there will ever be a place for you wherever I am. But I have one condition.

"What is it?"

"Call Blaine. There are million unanswered calls from him on my phone. I know it was childish of him to run and slam the door; but that's no reason for you to disappear in

New York City not telling anyone where you are. I wouldn't betray you telling him you are here; but he's really worried."

"I'll text him."

"Fine enough."