So there he was, just lost. His primed appearance and slim build could hide all that. And his smile, the one he spent so long on, the one that hides it all so well. But inside he was hurting and breaking and no one knew, no one ever knows. The corridors were endless and his brain was just aching and his eyes were pained, there were cracks, huge and seeping, and his soul was slowly draining from them. His eyes were fixed in front of him, not taking much notice to who was around him, his face fixed in a fake daze of happiness. Nothing mattered anymore, no one cared and that was all there was to it.

“Oi fag” shouted one the burly seniors.

“Fucking move out of the way of my locker” he continued. Kurt slowly drifted into reality.

“Erm sorry” Kurt whispered.

His thoughts took over as he continued moving along the corridor. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of this. Kurt took his car and left, no one would notice he was gone. He felt like he was in a full room, screaming but no one could hear him. He opened his front door and saw a note his father had left him, grabbed it and went up to his room. He went into his bathroom and grabbed a bottle, fill of unknown pills, the ones he’d kept over the years, as he plummeted into the darkness. He remembered the note from his dad and realised he better make sure nothing serious had happened, his dad was his world, Carole and Finn had been welcome entries to the family, but his dad would always be the most important person in his life, but he had Carole and Finn now, he did not need Kurt anymore, he pulled the note out;

“Hey bud, just gone to the shop for a couple hours. Don’t worry my heart is fine, you worry too much kid, be back around dinner,  Dad x “

The tears pretty much fell as he finished reading the note; his hand gripped the bottle of pills and quickly released it, the only sound filling the room was the bottle falling to the ground with a thud. What was he doing? What was he thinking? It hit him like a gale force, his dad; he couldn’t do this to his dad. He pulled his legs up and rested his chin on his knees, his eyes flooded with the pain, he couldn’t do this. He needed help. He needed to stay strong for his dad. But what could he do, he couldn’t tell his dad, that would make him weak and would hurt his dad, like last time.

“Hey bud, I called you down for dinner like ten times?” Burt huffed as he climbed the stairs. “Kurt, I said dinner was on the table, I know it’s not a tea party but we can’t do that every…” Burt stopped talking as he entered the door to Kurt’s room, the door that held many secrets. A piece of his heart fell apart. Kurt was slumped against his bed, covered in streaks of dried blood and cuts and a blade lay to his side covered in a dried liquid. A piece of paper fallen to the floor saying ‘I can’t take this anymore, I’m sorry’. That was the day everything nearly fell apart. Burt called the hospital and Kurt was rushed in, he survived. But Burt couldn’t believe that his son was driven so far without him realising, he couldn’t lose another part of his soul, not with his wife taking that with her already. The first time Kurt opened his eyes was the best moment of Burt’s life, he let the tears fall, his son was all that he had and he loved him with such a passion that he promised himself that he would never lose him like that again. “I’m sorry dad” was the first sentence Kurt croaked out, and the most gut wrenching sentence Burt had ever heard in his life. “Kid, you have nothing to be sorry about, you are perfect and no one should ever make you feel like you have nothing left in this world, you have me bud, always remember that you have me, and I’m sorry I haven’t been there or been able to relate to your situation but I am trying and I love you so much son, please never do something like this again, I can’t lose you, you are my world”. Therapy followed his dismissal and a long, rocky path for the both of them.

He needed to sort this out alone. He thought back to health class, what was that number? He just needed to talk to someone. He was just being stupid. He wasn’t about to end his life, was he? Had he really let it get this far? His thoughts fogged his brain and his tears clogged ached his eyes until he fell into a solemn sleep.

Carole had text Burt telling him about going to the mall for Finn who was needing yet more clothes as he had destroyed most the ones he had at home, Burt knew this already, Kurt had been complaining all week about it, and boy did Kurt go on at Finn, but Burt didn’t mind he just sat there and enjoyed his dysfunctional family who loved each other, and the fact that three years ago he nearly lost all that. He opened the creaky door and called out to “Kurt”, but there was no reply. Kurt’s bag lay by the door, three years ago flooded his mind and he rushed up the stairs. “Kurt!” he yelled as he rushed to the door. His heart dropped at the sight of the bottle of pills fallen to the floor and his son’s calm sleeping figure. Kurt. Not his Kurt. Burt rushed over to his son’s bedside and shook Kurt vigorously. “Come on bud, please you need to wake up, wake up Kurt, wake up” Burt wept into the air as it thicken and made it harder and harder to breathe.

“Kurt, please, come on son, please, I need you, I love you son, please” He refused to believe this was happening.

“Dad” Kurt stirred in his sleep as Burt’s feeble broken state turned into one of disbelief.

“What’s going on?” Kurt voice was sleepy and cracked.

“Oh my god, Kurt” Burt huffed as he swept Kurt into his arms.

“What’s going on, da..” Kurt stopped talking as his eyes fixated on the bottle in his father’s hands.

“Kid, I need you to promise me that you weren’t about to do, what this makes it look like you were” Burt voice broke as he whispered the sentence.

Kurt hung his head and was in silence. He didn’t know what to say or do.

“Kurt, it’s okay, I just need you to talk to me, please son.”

Kurt spoke but it barely came out as a whisper. “I can’t do this anymore, it hurts too much”. His voice quickly raised to a yell as he continued “And yes, I was going to take those” he gestured to the pills, and quietly spoke the last few words “ the coward’s way out.”

Burt was stuck in a state of disbelief. “Kurt, why didn’t you come to me? You remember what I said last time, you need to talk to me, I can’t lose you son, I nearly did before and I can’t lose you” Burt began violently sobbing. Kurt felt pangs of guilt and rage towards himself and how could he be so stupid.

“I’m sorry dad, I’m sorry, I’m too weak and, and I couldn’t face seeing your disappointment at me, but I couldn’t go through with it, when I thought of you, I couldn’t do it.”

“Kid, I’m more disappointed you didn’t think you could come to me, is that how you feel about me? Because right now I feel like the worst father in the world, but son we need to deal with this and we are going to get you help, so you can speak to someone, okay, just promise me you won’t do anything, please.

His dad’s pleas were all he needed, he would do anything to fix this, to fix his stupid mistakes. “Dad, you are the greatest man, please don’t think otherwise, I’m so sorry dad, I’ve fucked everything up with my stupid mistakes, but I promise I will fix this, I promise.”