Over the next month, nothing of significance changed in between Blaine and Kurt. Sometimes, when they were having lessons and no one else was home Kurt would sit a little closer to Blaine and allow their bodies to touch from shoulder to hip on the piano bench and their fingers would brush over the keys as they played the duet that Kurt was currently learning. 

Some nights, Kurt would come to Blaine’s room to talk. If Kurt would sit down on the bed, Blaine would sit down at his desk and they would talk. When it was time for Kurt to go to his own room, Blaine would walk him to the door and give him a light kiss on his cheek. Kurt smiled at him and squeezed his hand and wished him a good night. 

Blaine wanted to hold Kurt more than anything, but he knew that he had to show Kurt the same respect he would if he had been courting Kurt in the open. Having the door closed while they were alone felt scandalous to Blaine but Kurt felt more comfortable with the door closed. As uncomfortable as it made it Blaine feel, the door remained closed because Blaine would do anything to make Kurt feel good. 

Dear Ophelia,

It feels like I am always on edge these days. The news that Mama sends me in her letters and the things the papers are writing. Since Mr.Lincoln has been elected as president it seems that the friction between the North and the South is getting worse. There will most likely be fresh news by the time you get my letter so I will not report what I know. Papa most likely is bringing the paper home every night and reading to the family anyways. 

What worries more than the South following through with their threats of succeeding is that most of the young men in town seem almost excited at the prospect of war. However I hope that everything gets sorted and we never have to raise arms against our fellow country men. Finn Hudson seems to be ready to sign his name to any man with army recruitment forms. Kurt tells me that Finn’s father was killed at the battle of the Alamos in Texas so I think he is eager to prove that he is just as good of a man as his father is. Ms.Berry seems anxious about the whole thing considering with the news of her friends’, Ms.Fabray and Mr.Puckerman, wedding she has been dropping hints that poor Finn does not seem to pick up on. Which means Kurt spends a lot of time rolling his eyes at the two of them.

Speaking of Kurt, things continue to go well for the two of us. He is beyond words. When we are at the piano together and no one else is in the house he presses his body against mine and sometimes I stumble in my playing. Kurt giggles when I do and always seems surprised that he can have that effect on me. I am never mad at him however, because he smiles at me or if he is feeling particularly daring he leans over and kisses me and I just melt. 

When we are alone, I do try to be a gentleman but it is very hard with the way Kurt wears his clothes. Sometimes I think if we just laid down on the bed and I held him I would be happy, but I am certain that I would never be able to stop myself before I became too forward and soon just holding him wouldn’t be enough. I would want to run my hands under the clothes that he wears and feel his soft skin against the palms of my hands. It would be so easy to make happen late some night when we are alone in my room. Kurt is less concerned with propriety than I am and he could so easily make me forget that I am dearly trying to be a gentleman. I think that is why Kurt always makes sure we meet in my room, though his room is just as convenient, because I always keep a distance between us when we are behind closed doors and there is not so much space to put between us in my room. 

I do not think that Kurt would mean for us to go further than kissing, but I do try to treat this as if it were a common courtship, besides the fact that Mr.Hummel would never let us alone like we are if he were to know the kinds of thoughts I have about his son. Most likely, I would be thrown out of the house. Still, I do not think Kurt knows how little effort on his part it would take to convince me to give him everything he wants. This being said, I don’t think Kurt really knows what he wants, besides the sort of things that Ms.Berry and Mr.Finn sneak off to do when they can and I do not want him to end up in over his head. 

Before I get your letter about it, no I have not told Kurt about Sebastian. I am not sure how to tell him for one. We never talk about other men that we have found attractive or if we have had other experiences, mostly because I have a suspicion that Kurt is embarrassed about these people or does not want me to know that I am not his usual type of man. I think that if Kurt described his idea of the perfect specimen of man he would not come up with a man who looks like me. This is not bother me much because no matter what Kurt would design for himself, I have him now and that is all that is important to me.

The other reason I have not taken the trouble, and all he really was was trouble, of bringing up Sebastian in our talks is because I do not want Kurt to feel like we are unequal in our relationship. I do not want to make him feel like he is not giving me something that I want in this relationship. Also, I do not want him to feel poorly about himself. He is perfect just the way he is and perhaps if I told him that about the things I did with Sebastian he would not feel that way.

Also, perhaps, I am just a little afraid of what Kurt would think of me if he knew. I am not proud of what I’ve done but there is no way for me to take it back. And how I do wish I could take it back, because if I had known I was going to find Kurt I would have waited. I would have let Kurt be my first in everything instead of cheaply giving it away because I was lonely. Letting Kurt know that I am not virtuous scares me more than anything because he might not want me anymore. 

You must forgive me, dear sister, for this is a terrible letter. The subject matter is morose and it is poorly written. I fear that the political climate has washed over my mind and I am most horrible to be around. I pray that you forgive me for another horrid letter and I will try very much to make the next one better.

Your loving brother,

Blaine.

Dear Ophelia,

I am writing about your brother. I should not be, as I am sure he believes what I am going to ask you about a private matter, but I am also sure you already know. Blaine writes you to you too often for you not to know. 

The problem is that Blaine seems to be uninterested in me beyond holding my hand or letting me sit much to close to him on the piano bench when we are alone. He has not kissed me besides small, chaste kisses on my cheek since we first started courting. Or whatever it is that we are doing, because it certainly isn’t courting in the traditional sense of the word. 

I do think that Blaine cares for me a great deal, but I am wondering if he has changed his mind about being interested in me romantically. I assure you that I would be fine with whatever he decides, but I had been certain that he really did have an interest in me. It’s a little heartbreaking to think that perhaps when he kissed me for the first time he only did it because he thought it would comfort me. 

Has Blaine told you about the first time we kissed? I mean really kissed because I do not count the time under the mistletoe, because it was an accident and I prefer to think that Blaine would enjoy kissing me quite a lot if he would only give me a chance to show him. 

I understand that Blaine is trying to treat me with respect and act like a gentleman your mother can be proud of, but even Rachel and Finn sneak off to kiss for a little while when they think that no one will notice. Trust me, everyone notices but Carol believes that if she comes chasing after them they will elope. I do not have the choice to elope with Blaine, but if I had I would. 

This is the part of my letter that I am going to ask you for your help. I wish to know if there is a way to broach the subject with Blaine without causing unnecessary heartache. Or perhaps you could tell me just a little of what he writes about me in all of those letters of his. I think I would make a very poor spy because I have resorted to asking you for help, but I would much rather have information that is freely given instead of taking it by means of opening Blaine’s mail or taking his letters before he sends them.

I am well aware that this is a poor letter and my mother would be turning over in her grave if she knew how poor. I must also send my apologies for using you for information on your brother, but I am unsure of what else to do. There is no one else that I can ask for help without people thinking I have a girl that I am courting in secret and that would cause the heartache I was speaking of earlier. Any help that you could offer would be of great help.

Sincerely,

Kurt. 

Dear Blaine,

You are an idiot. Just go and talk to Kurt. I sent this with Mama’s letter so I did not need to waste the postage to tell you that. Just talk to Kurt, I’m sure he will understand and perhaps relieved that the two of you are not just fumbling around in the dark trying to figure things out. Someone could get hurt doing that and I have it on good authority that someone getting hurt is one of Kurt’s biggest fears. In his last letter the word heartache showed up several times. Now go find Kurt and fix whatever mess you’ve managed to make this time. 

Love, 

Ophelia. 

Dear Kurt,

I am truly sorry that you have to put up with my brother’s stupidity. I hope you know that he does care very deeply for you. In all of his letters you are almost the only thing he can talk about. Please be patient with him.

There is very little I can tell you but that I have told him that he needs to make things right. Hopefully he will not wait too long to do so, he does have a tendency to put things off if he knows that they are going to make him uncomfortable or get him in trouble. I promise you though that it nothing to be upset at. Just listen to what he has to say and please do not get mad at him. As misguided as he is, he does try to be the best man that he can be. 

Hopefully all of this is resolved soon and it will be the last I hear of these sorts of problems from either of you. Yes, I am aware that this is wishful thinking on the account that Blaine is much too nice for his own good. However, if you have a piece of him you have all of him. I think the thing that he is worried about most after making you angry with him is making you uncomfortable in anyway. This is just something you two will have to talk about and work out. 

Do not worry about the quality of your letter, though it was not the worst that I have read in the last month Blaine is terrible at writing letters, so I am sure your mother will forgive one bad letter. 

Ophelia.