Where the fuck am I?

Kurts eyes fluttered open and he groggily took in his surroundings. He went to sit up, but a forceful jolt of pain sent him back to the ground.

Ow, okay that hurts.

Kurt was outside, and once his vision stopped blurring in and out of focus, he was able to make out the goal post. He was on the football field.

Why am I here?

Then it all came flashing back; the dark classroom, the jocks in the hallway, the walk to the tree, a fist headed right for his face. Then there was Karofskys hand around his throat, a horrifying threat, and a blade on his face. 

"Shit." He whined as he pushed himself up to sit against the tree. Kurt pulled out his phone, which was surprisingly undamaged in his back pocket, and checked the time. He was on his was to AP European History when Karofsky... Kurt heaved up the last of his stomachs contents at the thought of what happened.

Now it was 2:25, so he missed all of last period, but if he was fast enough he could still make it to the bathroom and get cleaned up before he had to meet Finn at his car.

Okay, I can do this. Lets just hope I didnt break anything.

He slowly moved his legs and it didnt hurt too much. It was his chest that hurt with every breath. Kurt reluctantly pressed on his ribs to see if they were broken.

Oh thank God nothings broken.

With a deep breath, he pushed himself up to stand. Clinging on to the tree desperately, Kurt waited for the earth to stop spinning, and when it did, he stumbled to the nearest set of doors and made a b-line for the bathroom.

One quick glance at himself in the mirror and Kurt knew it was going to take a lot to persuade Finn that nothing happened. There was a bruise forming on his forehead and quite a few on his arms. He didnt dare lift up his shirt to see what his chest looked like, but there were a few spots where the blood was already seeping through. But after carefully adjusting his hair to cover most of the bruise and a few mints to cover up the vomit smell of his breath, Kurt made his way to Finns car.

"Hey Kurt! Have a nice- What happened? Was it Karofsky?"

"No, Finn, Im fine. Just a little incident in gym class. Im not really dodge ball material."

"Youre lying." Finn was so not buying Kurts pathetic excuse, even though it was quite true.

"No, Im fine. Just drop it. Okay?"

"Seriously dude?" Finn was a little agitated that Kurt wouldnt tell him what happened.

"Yes. Now drive."

Once he was safely in his room, Kurt looked at the cuts and bruises that patterned his chest and back. There were several dark bruises everywhere, lots of small cuts, and many deep gashes that were seeping blood. And as always there were the scars. Most were recent and scabbing, but farther down near his hip was a long white scar that brought back terrifying memories anytime Kurt saw it. It was a scratch mark from Karofskys nail that he put there that first night when Paul was working late. Kurt was only 12.

He shook the memories off, deciding to take a shower to wash off the blood.

"What the hell are those Kurt?" He jumped back at his fathers sudden anger.

Shit, I left the door open.

Burt stared at his sons skinny battered torso. "Who did this to you?"

"No one..."

"Kurt."

"The bullies at school."

"Why didnt you tell me?! I knew about the slushies and locker shoves, and I cant do anything about that. But this," He gestured to Kurt "Is assault. I need names, Kurt, who did this?" Burt was desperately trying to control his anger and frustration.

"I cant dad. Its okay, Im fine." The same automatic excuses.

"No, Kurt. Youre not fine. Someone hurt you and I need to know who."

"I really cant tell you. Its not that bad."

"Fine. But Im pulling you out of that school right now."

"No! I can deal with this. Just dont take me from my friends. I cant lose them."

"No. This is final."

"Please!"

But Burt just walked out of the room. Kurt slammed the door and locked himself in there for the rest of the night.

Sometime later there was a knock on his door.

"Kurt?" It was Finn.

"What?" There was a slight agitation in his voice, but Kurt felt bad about what he did to Finn. Earlier he heard Finn being interrogated by Burt and Carole about what happened, but he really didnt know anything. (Kurt had sworn him to secrecy about Karofsky, threatening to tell Burt and Carole that half the time Finn said he was going to Pucks to spend the night, he was really going to Rachels.) So Finn had to sit through a long lecture about being a man.

"I made you a grilled cheese. You dont have to eat it, but you missed dinner, and I would be really hungry if I missed dinner." He slid a grilled cheese on a napkin under the door. "Im really sorry Kurt."

"I know Finn. Thank you." Kurt got up and took the sandwich out from under the door. He wasnt going to eat it, but the sincerity in gesture was endearing.

"Burts coming upstairs right now, so, yeah. Youre welcome dude."

Kurt heard Finn walk away followed by more steps up to his door.

"Kurt, I know youre mad so Ill let you lock yourself up in there, but tomorrow we are talking about this. I do have a key for that door. I pulled you out of McKinley and Carole and I found this school that we really like." He slipped a little booklet under the door. "Please read through that. They have a great no bullying policy and you can be safe there."

"Fine, dad."

"Goodnight Kurt."

"Night dad." Kurt said with less irritability as he had his rested his forehead on the door.

"Night dude!" He heard Finn yell from somewhere.

"Tell Finn and Carole I said goodnight too."

"Will do kiddo."

Kurt knew his dad was only doing what was best for him, but he still felt like he was being abandoned. He looked down at the pamphlet. In big bold letters it read ‘Dalton Academy.

"Kurt, wake up honey." Caroles soothing words floated through his ears as he woke up from a dreamless sleep.

"Huh?" He blinked and rubbed the crust from his eyes. There was a plate of pancakes on his lap and orange juice on the side table.

"I brought you some breakfast. Finn already left for school so there is plenty." Carole was at the side of his bed and Burt was sitting on the couch across from the bed, also eating pancakes.

"Ill leave you two to talk then. If you need anything, let me know." Carole picked up the uneaten grilled cheese from last night off his desk and left.

Kurt picked around the food on his plate. They smell so good. But I cant eat.

"Kurt, I want you to eat. Ive noticed how youre eating less again and its worrying me. I promised that you wouldnt have to tell me why, and I stick to my promises, but if you ever want to tell me Im all ears. I dont know who or what worked it into your mind that you cant, but please eat.   

Ugh. Fine.  Kurt took a little bite.

"Good. Now we need to talk about that school." He gestured at the booklet that lay discarded at Kurts feet. He read through the whole thing maybe three times last night. It all seemed too good to be true at first, until he saw how far away it was. Westerville was a good two hours away and the tuition was steep.

"Westerville is so far away, dad. I cant drive two hours to school every day, and boarding hikes up the price by a few thousand dollars. Where do you think you think youll get all that money from?! A tree?"

Burt chuckled a little. It was great to see Kurt throwing humor around like his normal self. "I guess you didnt see what I highlighted. Theres this thing they have called the ‘Dalton Outreach Scholarship for kids that want to enroll from far away. Limas out of the district so you could qualify for it as long as you keep your grades up."

"How much does it pay for?"

"With financial aid added in, it could pay for all of it. But the tuition doesnt bother me. I want to know if you liked what you saw. It looks so safe from all the pictures and they have zero tolerance for bullying. Its just what you need."

Kurt knew how this conversation was going to end. It was a trap, and no matter what he said, there was a high likelihood that he was going to the school.

"What I need is friends, dad. And I have friends at McKinley. By sending me there youre just taking away me away from the only ones Ive ever had."

"You can still come home on the weekends and see them then. Not to mention all the great kids they have there. Manners and tradition are values they instill in all the boys there."

"Weekends?"

"Yeah, boarding is part of the scholarship."

"So you just want to send me away like everyone else?"

"No Kurt. Im doing this because I love you and I want the best for you. Even if it means having to spend less time with you."

Kurt knew that his dad was right and his intentions were pure, but Karofskys words just rang in his ears. ‘Youre a fuck up. And no one likes a fuck up.

"No!"

"Kurt, I dont like this attitude. I really wanted to give you a little say in the matter, but if youre going to act like this I might not."

"Fine then!"

"Okay! I will!"

Needless to say, Kurt locked himself in his room for the rest of the day.

Later that day Kurt woke up from a nap when he heard Finn come home. Around the middle of the day he heard Burt on the phone with Dalton setting up a meeting regarding class scheduling and a session with the uniform tailor. Since the transfer was final, he texted Finn at lunch asking him if he could break the news to the New Directions. So he spent the day waiting for Finn to come home and tell him what their reactions were.

"Kurt?" Finn called up the stairs.

Kurt opened his door and traveled to the top of the stairs, looking down at Finn... and Santana.

"Uh, Santana wants to talk to you quickly. The others are going to call later, but she demanded to see you in person."

Shit. Will she ever give up on this?

"Okay."

"Cmon lady Hummel, lets chat outside." Santana headed for the door and Kurt followed.

"What do you want?" He asked, even though he had a pretty good idea what she wanted.

"I want to know what the fuck Karofsky did to you."

"Im not telling you that."

"But he did something."

"Not saying."

"Kurt, he did something to you that seriously screwed you up. He was your fucking foster brother, and from what Ive been able to find, you were with him and his dad for 5 years. Then you randomly become anorexic ‘because of school? I dont buy that shit."

"You dug into my child services files?!" She was crazier that he thought.

"I do my research, dont act so surprised. I want to know the real reason why you stopped eating."

"I said Im not telling you."

"Jesus fuck, work with me please." She sat on the stoop of the front porch. "You were a really great person when I first met you, Kurt. But then you run into him in the hallway and you become someone totally different. That day in the bathroom, your eyes were filled with so much panic and mortification. It was like... you just saw death." Everything suddenly clicked. The only time she saw eyes look like that was right before her little sister died in her arms. "He threatened to kill you. Didnt he?"

Kurt couldnt answer. How did she figure it out?

"Oh my fucking god, Kurt, you have to do something about this! Why the fuck would he threaten to kill you?"

"I... Dont tell ANYONE. Not Finn, my dad, Mr. Schue, anyone. And he has his reasons."

"That bitch! Why, Kurt, why... what the fuck is his problem?!"

"I cant tell you! Okay? This is why I didnt tell anyone, among other reasons. If you want me to be safe, dont go all psycho-bitch when you see him, or he will literally kill me. Im going to be safe at this new school as long as he doesnt know where I am. Got it?"

"Fine." She spat the word out, outraged that anyone would think that its okay to hurt Kurt.

"Is that all?" Kurt got up and went to the door, completely composed and normal, as if nothing happened.

"Yeah, whatever. Ill miss you, Kurt." She looked at him straight in the eye, trying to find out anything else. It was rare that she would ever show even a little bit of emotion, even something as simple as an ‘Ill miss you.

"I will miss you too, Santana. And everyone else as well. Tell them Ill be fine, okay?"

"Sure thing lady Hummel."

And with that, Santana left. But she had no intentions of not telling anyone. Someone had to know. So she went to the first person that made sense. Puck. She filled him in on everything and his reactions were much like her own. After a while of spit balling reasons why Karofsky would want to kill Kurt, they came to a consensus. They would continue trying to figure out what Karofsky did, and once they found out from Kurt specifically what happened, they were going to get their own justice.

Kurt looked up at the massive wrought iron gate that barred entrance into Dalton Academy unless you were cleared by the gate keeper. The gate looked like it belonged at the entrance to Paramount studios, not a boarding school. The whole place was enclosed in a fancy fence, but the gate was just... wow. No doubt about it, Kurt would really be safe here.

"Just take the first left and follow the road to the back parking lot." The guard said to Burt as the magnificent gates began to slowly open. "Heres your parking ticket; the car is assigned to space number 72." Burt took the little sticker and handed it over to Kurt as they drove through onto the campus.

Once the school came into view, Kurt was breathless. The school was a stately brick mansion that seemed to stretch out forever. The very front of the building was two stories with an elegant balcony, and the rest was just one floor except in the back where he assumed the auditorium was. They pulled into a parking lot and Kurt could see the dorms. They were evenly spread out in a half circle around an oval shaped field with a decorative fountain in the center. The three buildings were equal in size and splendor, the architecture similar to that of the school. According to the map the house furthest away, Maxwell it was called, was going to be his. Most students that made it in on the scholarship were in this dorm along with all the seniors because the dorms were all singles. If Kurt ever joined the glee club here, the Warblers, he would have to move to the special Warbler dormitory and Kurt really didnt feel like doing that.

"Lets try and get all of your stuff in one trip because its a long walk over there." Burt said as he stepped out of the drivers side. "Finn, cmere and help with two of the boxes." Finn had followed them here because they took Kurts new car to get here and Burt would need a way to get back. 

"This place is like a castle!" Finn marveled.

"Yes, Finn, now help me carry this." Kurt dropped two boxes in his arms. Kurt wheeled along two suitcases and Burt carried another two boxes. This was all Kurt was bringing because he wanted to keep most of his stuff at home for when he visited on the weekends.

After a struggle to close the lift gate, they eventually started on the cobblestone path towards Maxwell house. Kurt was just reaching for the door handle when a handsome brunette stopped him. "Can I help you?" He side stepped the three and stood protectively in front of the door.

"Uh, Im new. This is Maxwell house right?" Kurt double checked the plaque that adorned the side of the building.

"Oh, you must be Kurt. Im Sebastian." The two boys shook hands but Sebastian didnt move from his spot. "I can help with your stuff. Its study hour right now and if you interrupt them there will be quite a deal of frustrated teens telling you to be quiet. Midterms for the seniors are coming up soon. So lets take the back door." He rerouted them around the side of the building where a utility door was. "This leads right to the second floor where the dorms are. I can take those boxes." Sebastian took two of the boxes from Finn and headed inside for the stairs. "We can get the suitcases on our second trip, Kurt." And he disappeared.

"Wow. Hes... helpful." Kurt was a little surprised by how nice this random boy was treating him.

"I guess thats our cue to leave. Im gonna miss you Kurt." Burt placed his two boxes on the ground next to him and wrapped an arm around Kurt. "Call me every night, okay? And I expect you to be home around noon on Saturday."

"Okay dad." Kurt smiled into Burts shoulder.

Kurt then went over to Finn and hugged him too. "Im going to miss you too Finn. Make sure Santana doesnt do something crazy because we all know she will."

"Got it little bro."

"Im older than you."

"Nope. Youre shorter than me so you are still little bro."

"Oh whatever." Kurt went to pick up his suitcase. Sebastian had already gone back up the stairs with the other two boxes

"See ya, dude!"

"Bye!"

Kurt watched as Burt and Finn went back around the house and started down the path.

"Lets get the rest of the stuff upstairs. You have the key so all your stuff is just sitting outside your door." He turned around to see Sebastian waiting with one of Kurts suitcases, slightly annoyed. Kurt knew it was too good to be true. Of course it was just an act.

"Okay."

Sure enough, all his stuff was haphazardly stacked in front of a door. He dug into his pocket for the key they had given him. "Dinner is at six in the cafeteria. Just use the student entrance to the school to get there, or eat whatever we have in cupboards in the kitchen downstairs. Im the house prefect, so if you have any problems, just tell me. But I would prefer if you figure them out on your own. Got it?"

"Sure." Kurt replied as he shoved his key into the door. He heard Sebastian walk away behind him. I hope theyre not all pompous asses like him.

He fumbled to get all his stuff inside, but once it was, Kurt flopped down onto the bed. His dorm wasnt that bad. There was no windows, but it had a decent amount of space and an en suite.

For the rest of the day Kurt was either unpacking or on the phone with his friends reassuring them that he was settling in okay. When dinner time rolled around he heard the bell but didnt get up to leave. He had no interest in trying to find a seat surrounded by strangers. He also had no interest in eating, but his stomach was making horrible growling noises, so once he thought everyone had left, he ventured to the common room.

What he saw startled him. What Kurt thought would be comfy couches and lounge space, was essentially a library. The walls were lined with bookshelves and there were more in the center of the room. Other than that there were four groups of tables and a tiny kitchen shoved off in a corner. Is this house full of a bunch of boring snobs? Kurt weaved his way through the books to the kitchen and rummaged around through the cabinets. Most of the stuff was vegan or some fancy all natural brand, but he eventually found a can of soup that looked okay. While it cooked on the stove he perused the shelves to find that all the books were extremely boring. They were all textbooks and SAT prep workbooks. There was even a section of med school books, but not a single novel anywhere. Yup. Boring snobs. So Kurt took his soup to his room without any intention of spending time with the uppity snots of Maxwell House.

Kurt had been at Dalton for three days now. Turns out that he most of the brats in Maxwell were in his classes, so he ignored them and they overlooked him. For the first two days it worked pretty well, but slowly Kurt was becoming more and more lonely. His strategy had back-fired and now Kurt was essentially invisible. During lunch he sat an empty table in the far reaches of the cafeteria and studied. The classes were a lot harder than Kurt had anticipated, and he had a lot of make-up work, even though it was only the third week of September. The books in the Maxwell commons would definitely help him, but Kurt avoids that room like the plague. Its always filled with an eerie silence that Kurt couldnt stand.

So Kurt passes his time in his room, but all the alone time was really getting to him. The nightmares were back and as a result he stopped eating again. The whole house was constantly filled with a strange silence. You could hear people walking around and the occasional hushed conversation about homework, but it was as if they were all ghosts. Life was simply missing from the Maxwell House. No matter how loud the music in his earbuds were, the ominous silence of always floated upstairs like a poisonous gas and horrible thoughts always came back to Kurt.

He tried to ignore them, push them aside for later contemplation, or rationalize them away. But the thoughts were a persistent jabbering in the back of his mind. But one phrase was always there. ‘Go kill yourself.

"Ughh!" He exclaimed, throwing a dull pencil to the side. Kurt had been reduced to scribbling little tornadoes on the side of his homework as his mind was in a state of turmoil.

"I need to get out of here." But where the fuck do I go?

Kurt looks around to find the campus map tucked under a stack of books. He pulls it out, nearly smashing his fingers because of the weight of the textbooks. He had been considering checking out the rose garden hidden away on the far side of the campus but he didnt feel like walking all the way over there. The library! Kurt had passed by the library a few times, and it always seemed completely empty, so he might as well give it a try.

Kurt packed his books up into a fashionable messenger bag and set out for the library. There was no librarian in sight when he got there, but instead a little self-checkout station that had a thin layer of dust on it. He started going through the shelves and noticed that they all were covered in a little dust, some books more than others. But that didnt spoil Kurts trip. He had only been there for five minutes and he was already in love. The silence wasnt odd and he didnt feel alone. The room was full of characters and stories that were dying to be discovered and he could easily loose himself in one of the plush couches with a good novel in hand. So thats what he did.

"STOP!" Kurt yelled, falling off his bed with a thud.

There was a loud "shh" from another student on the floor and an angry knock on the wall from his neighbor. But that didnt help Kurt come out of his nightmare. He might have been awake now, but unlike the other times he couldnt shake the feelings off of him. He could still feel the forceful hands on his hips, a nail digging into his side. Then there was a horribly familiar taste in his mouth, causing him to bolt into the bathroom and retch into the toilet, yet his stomach was so empty nothing came out. He just hung over the toilet, hoping the nightmare would be over, but he was still reliving it. He needed to get away. So he crabbed his phone and bolted from the room to the only place he could think of.

---

Kurt was frantically pacing around the abandon library, tears streaming down his face, occasionally stopping to brace onto a shelf as the more graphic scenes replayed itself in his mind. Every so often he would mutter a helpless plea for the torture to stop.

---

He had been in the library for about an hour, the traumatic hallucinations still continuing. But now they were coupled with a repetitive chant of "go kill yourself" in his mind. Is there any other way to stop this?

Blaine was passing by the library in a desperate rush for the cafeteria. He had gotten so caught up in a Mario Kart tournament with Jeff that he missed dinner. The cafeteria was open until seven, an hour before curfew, and he was really pushing it. Blaine couldve made his own food, but like the rest of the warblers, he really had no domestic skills. The last time he tried to make canned soup he nearly blew up the microwave. Apparently you cant microwave a tin can.

Something caught his eye as he speed walked by the normally desolate library. Who the fuck still uses the library?

Blaine tentatively approached the godforsaken place, and indeed, someone was there. "Jesus Christ that boys gorgeous." Blaine thought audibly as he saw the mystery boy pace around the library. Wait. Is he crying?

Blaine caught a glimpse of the boys face; it was all red and puffy, glistening with tears. He was clinging to a shelf in what looked like intense pain. Somethings really wrong. Blaine had never seen someone so distressed, so he rushed over to the boy.

"Hey... hey. Are you okay?" No hes not dumbass.

The boy didnt even recognize that Blaine had spoken to him, and instead fell to floor, pulling his knees to his chest. Blaine immediately knelt down next him. The boy didnt seem to be physically injured. He cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder, but all the boy did was flinch, still not recognizing Blaines presence. "Make it stop." The words were barely whispered, but Blaine still heard them.

"Its okay, whats wrong? Hey, hey there. Im Blaine. Can you hear me?" But he still didnt respond, so Blaine started to sing.

Say something, Im giving up on you

Kurts eyes snap open to the sight of a beautiful dark haired boy singing to him.

Ill be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere I wouldve followed you

Say something, Im giving up on you

So Kurt started to sing.

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall

Im still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

The boy picked up where Kurt left off at the chorus.

Say something, Im giving up on you

Im sorry that I couldnt get to you

Anywhere I wouldve followed you

Say something, Im giving up on you

Kurt continued at his part, keeping up the duet as their voices harmonized beautifully.

And I will swallow my pride

Youre the one that I love

And Im saying goodbye

Kurt stood up and took a few steps to the door, the singing boy following him, something more frantic in his voice as he started the final round of the chorus.

Say something, Im giving up on you

And Im sorry that I couldnt get to you

And anywhere I wouldve followed you

Say something, Im giving up on you

As the song was starting to end, Kurt picked up the pace as he made his way to the exit. I need to stop the pain. I need to die. I cant let anyone else love me.

Say something, Im giving up on you

Say something... Kurt sprinted down the long hallway and out the door, running to his dorm as he surrendered to Karofsky and decided to kill himself, ignoring the sound of footsteps chasing after him.