Blaine was calm and composed on the outside... but inside? He was a complete and utter wreck. He’d poured in his undivided attention into his family to the brim, until he was sure they were both tired of his company and sure that it was obvious he was trying. Kurt and Blaine had been on a grand total of seventeen dates, he’d slept every night of the past three months at home, made sure his whereabouts were always known, took care of and played with Lily, supported his husband’s career. Blaine told Kurt he loved him multiple times everyday and tried to present it through his actions as well, starting with petty things such at flowers and chocolates all the way up to devout speeches about every part of Kurt’s personality and body he adored so much. Blaine hadn’t seen Sebastian the day he quit his job and stayed firmly faithful to his husband. He didn’t like to bring his affair, but he did apologize constantly to Kurt at unnecessary and necessary moments.

Blaine was still a complete wreck because despite all of the things he did to prove his devotion, the damage seemed so catastrophic that his good deeds seemed to pale in comparison. His actions appeared to be even more fruitless when Dr. Marcus dug up some other detail about his past with Sebastian. The day Kurt found out he’d taken Sebastian to the same restaurant he proposed to Kurt at, the entire week had been littered with one-sided conversations. Whenever Kurt broke down swearing to god he hated Blaine and he was sick of him and began to fall into hysterical sobbing, all Blaine could do was hold him tight and whisper into the crook of his neck his undying love and beg for forgiveness.

Kurt came off as unsure to this very day, no matter how much Blaine assured him he meant the world to him, that he was more than enough for him, that he loved him, and he loved his family -- the looks Kurt gave him back -- they weren’t satisfied. Blaine didn’t know if this meant Kurt wouldn’t be willing to go further or if it was something they would continue to work on.

It all depended on today’s conversation, which Kurt and Blaine hadn’t discussed at all and didn’t plan to until their breakfast was completed. Kurt insisted that he missed cooking and whipped up some simple scrambled eggs with bacon. And they both settled down once they took their servings.

Blaine spoke while pouring orange juice into his glass, “So, what’s on the agenda for today?” he pushed lightly. He wasn’t sure how Kurt wanted to go about revealing his decision.

Kurt continued to chew on his piece of bacon while speaking back, “I think we should walk to Central Park today and have a little picnic for lunch. ”

Blaine took a gulp of his orange juice, thinking over Kurt’s plan. He wasn’t sure what Kurt’s intentions were, but decided to take Kurt’s pace, “Should I make us something?”

Kurt smiled, “I’ll just order us something from that little deli shop nearby and we can pick up a bottle of wine.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

After clearing the table and washing their dishes, the couple dressed casually and headed down from their apartment, picnic basket and blanket in tow.

It was nice to see the industrial streets of New York. The tall skyscrapers, the impeccably dressed business suits rushing through crowds, all stuck in their own life’s web, uncaring and unaware of the two men strolling to their possible last date together.

Blaine threaded his fingers with Kurt’s, holding on tightly while he plowed through the crowd onto a much more secluded street; one where they could walk slowly, he definitely didn’t want to rush things. He doesn’t let go once they start walking at a leisurely pace, glad to feel connection -- the warmth of his husband’s fingers. He looks to his side then, at Kurt’s pale smooth skin and his lovely jawline. Kurt doesn’t stare back.

It takes about a half an hour to reach their deli shop, and soon they make it to Central Park. It’s populated as expected, but they’re able to spread their blanket in a perfectly secluded spot with luscious green grass under a tree. The sun is bright and beaming, with only a minimum amount of clouds. Other civilians are close enough to hear, but far enough to not get what they’re saying.

Kurt lays his legs flat against the blanket, Blaine folds his legs in, and then they both settle into an awkward pause. They don’t speak to each other for a few moments, just letting everything sink it. The entire situation. Kurt sighs before gently nudging a fallen leaf off of their picnic blanket and looks at Blaine, “The park usually isn’t this empty on such a beautiful day.” he comments.

Blaine tilts his head, smiling at Kurt’s attempt at small talk, “I love you.”

Kurt looks uncomfortable, and begins to play with grass by the side of their blanket, “I thought we could relieve some of inevitable tension by coming here, having bottle of wine, on nice sunny day...” before Blaine can comment, Kurt asks, “Can you open the bottle of wine? We’ll have a glass now.”

Blaine closes his mouth, instead reaching for their basket, he pops it open and grabs the wine bottle,“It is helping a little.” Blaine admits while digging a corkscrew into the bottle’s top. He doesn’t let on that he’s a bit worried about being in public during such an intimate conversation. He pops the cork out and pours a modest amount into the glasses Kurt holds out.

Kurt hands Blaine a glass and takes a dignified gulp of wine before bringing his own down, “I guess it’s about time.”

Blaine fiddles with his glass, puts it down, and looks at Kurt, “We don’t need to hurry or anything Kurt, we’ll go at your pace.” he wants to know the answer, but at the same time he’s afraid.

“No. I want to do this now.” Kurt gently pushes, “I’ve had more than enough time to think about it, I’m tired of thinking about it.” He stops for a few beats.

“Do you still love me?” Blaine doesn’t mean to get emotional so fast, but it’s clear it’s already gotten far by the gleam in his eyes. Blaine wants to -- needs to know. Could he have fucked it up that bad? So bad that Kurt would fall out of love with him? It seemed like such a cold and foreign idea, for his husband to not love him. This past decade, Blaine was never sure if his parents loved him, but Kurt... he was always certain did. Now? He wasn’t sure and it scared him, it kept him up almost every night, the concept clawed at him.

Kurt attempts to buy some time by drinking the rest of his wine and placing it in the basket. He looks at Blaine and opens his mouth then closes it again. He turns his head away then.

Blaine notices the tears pouring down Kurt’s face then,“Kurt?” Blaine urges. “I’m not going to use it against you Kurt, if you do. I-I just want to know.”

Kurt wants to say he’s not sure, like he has been these past three months. Both answers seem hard to say, but especially the one he’s about to say now... “I don’t think so.”

Blaine reels back, he’s about to lift himself off the blanket and stomp around the park in pure rage, but after a few seconds it registers even further and his heart drops. Kurt doesn’t love him. His husband Kurt... He doesn’t even realize he’s in tears until he feels the liquid drop onto his shirt. He places his palm on his forehead and swipes his hair back. Look at what you’ve done.
He screams inside.

“When? When did you know?” Blaine wanted to know more. Did Kurt ease into this lack of feeling or was it quick? What was the last day Kurt loved him?

“I don’t know when exactly. I purposely tried to ignore it, but lately... almost every time I look at you it’s hard to feel...” Kurt scrunches his forehead together, “anything... while thinking about what you did. Sometimes, I can push it at the back of my mind for hours, but it always comes back. ”

Blaine bunches the blanket beneath his hands, his muscles tensing, he’s quiet for a minute then speaks, “I hate myself for what I did to you.” he takes a deep breath, “Kurt, I know this is going to sound extremely cheesy, but I can’t live without you. I can’t picture it; I don’t want to picture it. I know I can’t take it back, but Kurt -- just please. I won’t go back to work, we’ll make more appointments with Dr. Marcus, we’ll go out on more dates, I’ll prove my faithfulness to you...I will never cross you again. I’ll make you see why we started this, why we’ve been together for so long Kurt -- why we should still keep going. Just please... Kurt please” Blaine chokes, “forgive me.”

“Blaine.” Kurt speaks firmly, “It‘s not just about forgiving you anymore.”

Blaine knows this, but he needs to stop Kurt from doing what he’s about to do now. He needs Kurt to see that their marriage is worth another shot, to make Kurt fall in love with him again and he’s determined to make it happen, “I know you may not love me, but I love you a-and we will -- he looks flustered for a second “we’ll work on your side.”

“What if I don t want to stay together?” Kurt asks.

“No.” Blaine shakes his head, he moves across the blanket then, gripping Kurt’s hand, “Kurt, please. Don’t give up on this, on us. We’ve got so much ahead of us, and I want you there beside me every step of the way.”

Kurt’s jaw starts to quiver, “It’s so easy to believe you,” he looks up “God, I want to believe you... I’m so grateful that you’ve been making an effort and saying sorry, because I know a lot of people who don’t have that fortune, who die without hearing a single word of apology. But Blaine, I also hear about people who’ve heard thousands of empty apologies and promises. And I can’t do it -- I can’t go through this again. I can’t fall in love with you only to be broken down again.”

“It will never happen again.”

“Did you think an affair would ever happen before all of this started? How do you know you won’t slip up again? What if you don’t watch how much you drink one night and take a man home impaired? What if you’re bored with our marriage and look elsewhere again?”

“I was never bored with our marriage, and Kurt especially considering what I’ve done -- I’ve got more than enough initiative to avoid another affair at all costs.”

Kurt snaps his jaw shut, “I already made up my mind before this conversation started.” he slips his hand out of Blaine’s, “I’ve had more than enough.”

Blaine bunches his eyebrows, “Then why did you do this!?” he cries, “Why did you want us to sit in the middle of Central Park, why did we buy this fucking wine, and sit on a picnic blanket!?” he begins to shout.

Kurt’s tears have stopped falling, but his face still shows streaks of tears, “I thought I owed it to our eleven years of marriage.”

Blaine doesn’t even bother to wipe away the relentless water covering his face, he just sobs, “Stay with me.”

Blaine leans over to grab Kurt again, but Kurt moves faster. He stands up, looking down to Blaine, “I think I should leave now. I’ll stay with Rachel tonight and I’ll drop Lily off tomorrow so I can do the paperwork.”

Blaine just cries in response, he swears he’s never felt this much pain in his chest. Such a deep empty heart wrenching pain.

“Blaine,” Kurt steps off of the blanket, looking his husband in the eye, “please don’t let Lily see us like this.” he turns and walks off, easily blending in with the crowd of people strolling the sidewalks of Central Park.

On that blanket, Blaine cries until there’s no more tears left to give. He wraps up their blanket, uneaten sandwiches, wine, and walks back to the place that no longer feels like home.

Although Blaine’s been sleeping on the couch these past three months, it’s an entirely new feeling to know he’s really alone this time. To know he’ll never get the chance to sleep with Kurt again, to stroke his cheek, to make love to him. If he’d known back then, that their love making back four months ago would be his last... He wouldn’t have been so hasty. He would’ve taken the time to admire the smooth cleft of his chin, his beautiful skin, and the way he shivered when Blaine ran his hand down his side. Just the thought of a future without Kurt’s scent on their bed, his cooking form in the kitchen, twisted Blaine’s gut.

Blaine lays wide awake most of the night, eyes boring into the ceiling, all thoughts focused on how his husband Kurt would willingly step out of his life tomorrow.

When it’s five in the morning and he’s finally sure he won’t get any sleep, he walks around the house, and memorizing all the details he knew would change. Kurt’s shoes lined up by the side of the door, his apron hanging in the kitchen, the list of groceries he left on the fridge from last week.
Then Blaine decides to get ready for the day, remembering Kurt’s last words to him. The only effort he can make though is splashing his face with water and slapping on some casual, but respectful clothes -- he doesn’t even bother to shave.

Blaine hears a car pull up outside and watches Kurt walk down the driveway with Lily. Kurt immediately sends Lily into the parlor with a few books and DVDs. He leans down and gives her a goodbye kiss then silently treads towards the exit at front of the house, he frowns when he sees Blaine’s waiting there against the door.

“Hey Blaine.” Kurt stops to acknowledge him out of simple courtesy and then begins walking again.

“Are you coming back after this?” Blaine questions, hopeful.

Kurt flinches at the question and turns to look at Blaine, “No, not unless I’m picking up Lily.”

Blaine straightens up and takes a good look at Kurt. He reaches out to touch his husband’s cheek, and moves his thumb over the soft skin there, he’s surprised when Kurt doesn’t pull away. Blaine’s eyes well up with tears. After this things will never be the same.

With a heavy heart Blaine requests one last thing, “Can I kiss you goodbye?” his voice breaks at the end of his sentence.

Kurt shivers and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he allows himself to look into Blaine’s eyes then and their wonderful hazel depths, the same ones that stole his heart on that staircase in Dalton. Kurt lays his palm on his cheek, over Blaine’s hand, gripping it softly.

Blaine leans in, and their lips connect. They both move their mouths together, kissing feverishly. Desperate to take the last of something they know they will never have again. Blaine nips the bottom of Kurt’s lips, then continues to open his mouth wider over Kurt’s.

When Kurt breaks away, Blaine places his cheek against Kurt’s, nuzzling his nose into his husband’s neck. That does it. Kurt breaks and begins to weep and he cries into Blaine’s shoulder.

Then Kurt whispers to himself, just enough for Blaine to hear, “I wish I didn’t love you.”

Blaine pauses and lifts his head to look at Kurt, “You love me?”

Kurt cries, “I’m sorry, it’s just things would be so much easier if I didn’t love you.”

Blaine grips both of Kurt’s hands into his own, “You love me?”

“Yes,” Kurt sniffles, “Yes I do and it hurts so much.”

Kurt’s confession isn’t what a husband would want to hear, but really... Kurt loves him. It’s hard to not be happy right now.

Blaine cries and smiles at the same time, “You love me.” he holds Kurt’s hands tighter, “We love each other.” Blaine is over the moon; he had never lost Kurt’s love. They have a better chance together, it’s not hopeless.

Kurt nods his head and smiles at how ridiculous Blaine looks through his sobbing.

“You’ll stay? We’ll be together, and you’ll stay?” Blaine dares to push further.

Kurt bobs his head up and down again.

Blaine nearly pounces on Kurt, pushing their lips together again for a small sweet kiss then envelops Kurt in a tight hug, “Oh, Kurt. I love you... I love you so much.”

Moving his arms to wrap around Blaine too, Kurt smiles against his husband’s neck, “and I love you.”