When you´re feeling empty
Unikum
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Feb. 14, 2013, 10:47 a.m.


When you´re feeling empty: Chapter 6


E - Words: 1,737 - Last Updated: Feb 14, 2013
Story: Complete - Chapters: 8/8 - Created: Oct 07, 2012 - Updated: Feb 14, 2013
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Author's Notes: So it´s finished now :)

“Oliver,
You are never bothering me by telling me something like this. I know that we only know each other for such a short time, but I really started to care about you.
It was the best decision to break up with your finance. He was an awful asshole. Hopefully he will let you alone now, one of my husband’s exes still tries to contact him.
And that Exboyfriend of yours- it really sounds like you are still in love with him. Did you talk to him last night? You really should.
Andrew”
Xx
“Good morning,
I can’t believe that you actually answered me. The second I had pressed send, I already regretted my last mail. I was sure to wake up to a short message, telling me to not annoy you anymore.
I didn’t talk to him.
I couldn’t.
We need to talk about this in private; I want him to understand me. He doesn’t have to forgive me, just listen to me. Maybe we will become friends again. Andrew, I always hoped that one day he’ll contact me, that he’ll give me a chance. But all that I got was a short message, telling me to back off.
I never deleted it.
I can’t forget him.
——
Kurt bit his lip nervously and glanced over to Chandler who was sleeping by his side.
Oliver’s story remembered him of his own history with Blaine. He had met a lot of people who had cheated; none of them regretted what they did. But Oliver was so miserable- his whole life was in pieces, all because of one mistake he did in his youth.
How can somebody be that attached to another person? How was someone able to love so deeply that every other human in the world became meaningless?
Pictures of Rachel’s wedding flashed back into Kurt’s mind. Brody had held Rachel’s hand tightly as he told her that he would love her and only her that she was special and he wouldn’t survive in a world without her. Kurt had teared up, overwhelmed by the sheer passion between the couple.
He hadn’t cried once during his own wedding.

“Oliver,
You should talk to him. You need closure, need to move on and maybe the two of you can become friends again, but don’t try to force anything. Contact him.
Only then you can find someone else. And I’ll do the same. I’ll talk to my husband.”
Kurt pressed send and before he could close the window the answer popped up on his screen.
“What should I say?
I hope everything works out well for you. For both of us.”
Kurt closed his laptop and rolled out of bed.

Three hours later Kurt was sitting on the couch, his coffee untouched in front of him.
It was the right way. He should have ended their relationship years ago; maybe he shouldn’t have married him in the first place. But he had been so lonely in the big city and Chandler was willing to give him all the attention he needed so desperately.
He was over this phase. He had friends now; he could find someone new, someone he may be able to love exclusively.
The bedroom was opened and Chandler walked out and scuffled into the bathroom.
This was it. As soon as Chandler came out again he would do it.
“KURT!” An angry scream filled the apartment and the bathroom door was forced open violently.
“HOW OFTEN DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO GET NEW TOILET PAPER IF YOU USED UP THE OLD ONE?”
Chandler was now standing in front of the couch Kurt was sitting on, still in his Pajama pants, hair messed up, the empty toilet paper roll in his hand.
“Calm down, Chandler! It’s just some toilet paper.” Kurt sighted, sick of the annoying subject that they had to discuss at least twice a week.
“You are UNBELIVEABLE! I don’t know why I’m putting up with you anymore!”
He was so pissed; it would be the best thing to end it now. If he had calmed down first he would be even angry after Kurt dropped the divorce bomb.
“I think we should end our relationship.” Kurt pressed out.
His husband let himself fall down on the couch, all color gone from his face.
“I-I’m not seriously angry about the toilet paper. Kurt, I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
“No! No. Chandler it’s not your fault. See I- I cheated on you. Several times. Too many times for it to be excused. You have every right to hate me now, I hate myself for lying to you for so long. But-“
“I know, Kurt.”
Kurt looked at him puzzled, while Chandler took his hands into his own.
“You know what?”
“That you cheated. After Daniel had left our apartment that one time, I had found the condoms; you accidentally threw it next to the bin. Since we don’t use them, they had to be for you and Daniel.
And there were other little things. I know that you like to keep things clean, but you changed the sheets way too often for it to be considered normal. And one time my friend Julez saw you making out with some guy in a club.”
“But that means that you know about it for over a year now. You never said anything.”
“I love you Kurt. I don’t care.”
Kurt felt his throat tighten.
“But Chandler, I-I did it because I felt like there was something missing in our relationship. That’s why I tried finding it somewhere else”
“I know I work a lot, we may not have sex as often as you need to, so it’s okay for me if you get it elsewhere, as long as you are happy.”
“But that’s the point. I’m not happy. I slowly realized it wasn’t the sex I was lacking. It was something else. And, if I stay with you, I would continue feeling bad about myself and hold myself away from finding out what I need.”
Chandler let go of Kurt’s hand and stared over his shoulder into the empty kitchen.
“So you are not in love with me anymore.” he simply said, all emotions drained from his face.
“Chandler, I’m sorry.”
“No it’s okay.” A small returned to Chandler’s face, petting Kurt’s leg. “I should have known it would end this way. I was just hoping that one day you will be happy with me again.”
“I want to be happy with you Chan. As friends. We should have stayed friends, remember the times we went clubbing together?” Kurt lifted his eyebrows, hoping that Chandler could forgive him. Luckily the other guy chuckled and then smiled brightly at him. “We had the most crazy pick-up techniques. Remember that time we pretended to be two French tourists?”
“Oh yes- ‘Excuses-moi, je me suis trompé de chemin’ I had the most amazing night with that guy, yelling french nonsense, driving him crazy.” Kurt started to laugh, release flushing through him. But Chandler stopped and looked at Kurt, who didn´t seem to notice. Slowly he took his husbands face into his hands and pressed his lips against Kurt´s. Kurt quickly pulled back, a confused look on his face.
“Chandler, I was serious. I-“
“It´s okay. It was goodbye.”
—-
Blaine was sitting on the floor, leaning back against Claire´s and his bed. She was an angle for taking up with him for so long; Blaine needed to think of a way to thank her for it.
In front of him lay a bunch of scrambled notes, a blog and a pen. The front page of the blog read “What I want to say to Kurt” but it was still empty.
Blaine had already smeared ideas on several pages, but none of them seemed good enough. He needed the perfect speech for Kurt to forgive him. Maybe it would be easier now that several years had passed, or it would be even worse, since the hate Kurt might had in store for Blaine had have time to boil.
“How´s it going, Babe?” Claire said as she entered the room and sat down next to him.
“I´m stuck. I always imagined meeting Kurt again, but I never thought about the part before we jump each other and have amazing make up sex.”
Claire chuckled and bowed forward to get one of the scrambled papers.
“’Kurt, I still feel like an idiot for what I did and I can´t spend a day without thinking about you’- That’s not bad Blainey, why did you toss it away?” Claire continued reading and nodded. “Okay I see- ‘because you are so damn handsome and I´m just some stupid teacher that hates himself. You deserve so much more.’ Blaine, no, that’s not true.” She softly slaps the back of his head.
“It is. You should have seen him, he got even more gorgeous and I googled him- he´s an actor on Broadway now. He must love his new live. Kurt doesn´t need me.”
Blaine took the paper from Claire and threw it back to the other ones.
“I think you need to remember how your seventeen year old self had felt. Don´t let recent events put you down, imagine what you wanted to say to him back then. Back when you knew that you were worth more than this.”
Claire kissed his cheek and stood up again to leave him alone.
Blaine sighed and took the pen up again. What would he have said back then?
Of course he had wanted to talk to Kurt shortly after it happened, but he never thought about what to say- it was all so raw and fresh, the words would have stumbled out by themselves.
What should he say?
He got up to get his laptop and open it.
Andrew had said that he wasn´t bothering him with his feelings, so maybe he had answered his question now.
The website opened a few seconds later and there was indeed a small one next to the envelope on top of it, Blaine clicked on it quickly, enthusiastic to get some good ideas.
But the mail was short and took Blaine´s breath away.
“I´m getting a divorce. I want to help you. I think we should meet.”


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