“Wake up Baby.” Claire whispered against his ear while stroking the side of his face.
“Why?”
“It’s 1 pm and I believe that we agreed that you will talk with Sebastian today.”
“I don’t wanna.” Blaine mumbled and turned on his stomach to get Claire of him.
“Blaine. Please don’t tell me it was only the Baileys talking yesterday.”
“What if?”
“Blaine! You hold the most amazing speech about self-loving and not accepting to live in an abusive relationship because you are worth more than this. And, the neighbors are my witnesses, you screamed out to the world that you will break up with Sebastian asshole Smyth!”
She rolled him over again and sat down on his stomach.
“Get dressed and drive to your apartment. Then, you can pack your things and when Sebastian comes home from work YOU WILL BREAK UP WITH HIM.”
“Fine.”
He pushed her off him and sat up, his legs swinging down the side of Claire’s bed.
It was true. Last night Claire and the alcohol made him realize that he only stayed with Sebastian to be not alone. To be able to hide himself from the world, to hide from opening himself up to others. But was it worth the price? Was it worth sitting through all the bad days with Sebastian screaming at him, was it worth giving up all his own needs to only care about Sebastian?
Was Sebastian worth it?
No.
——
Kurt sat on the floor, photos spread around him.
Those photos summed up his and Chandler’s relationship way back until NYADA.
He picked up one of the oldest ones.
It had been taken during his first semester, him and Chandler near the great lake in central park. They were singing something, Chandler standing on a bench and Kurt in front of him. They were reenacting Romeo and Juliette.
Kurt clearly remembered that day.
They had just become friends and Chandler had helped Kurt to feel good again, ever since the events at Battery Park.
It had been the best time of Kurt’s life. Going clubbing with his best friend, helping each other to hit on cute guys.
Kurt sighted and closed the little red box. Ever since they had started dating everything went downhill. Maybe if they had stayed friends, maybe if Chandler hadn’t kissed him on that one movie night, maybe he would be happier now.
—
Blaine was folding his last pair of jeans and carefully laid them down into his bag. He stood up and turned around slowly. The room seemed empty without his books, pictures and piles of papers that were shattered all over the place.
Blaine checked every room one last time to be absolutely sure that he had packed everything.
This is it.
He sat down on the couch and stared at the living room couch, he could do this. He should have done this long before.

At 4:30 pm, like usual, the front door was opened and Blaine could hear Sebastian taking of his shoes and jacket off, dropping it on the floor. But today Blaine wouldn’t pick it up for him.
“Blaine?” He could hear his soon-ex yell into the apartment. “Why are there all those boxes in front of the door?”
Sebastian finally reached the living room, looking at Blaine with pure confusion in his eyes.
“Are you really asking me this?” Blaine hissed, preparing himself for what was about to come.
“And why have you been so moody last night? We could have talked about that whole thing like adults.”
“Oh really? Like you are so good at being an adult. Letting your dishes rot in the sink, not making your bed even when I’m too sick to do it-“
“I already told you that I didn’t notice back then! I apologized!”
“Yes! You always apologize, Sebastian. But have you ever considered simply behaving different so you don’t have to apologize afterwards? But no, you keep on doing what you want and expect me to go along with it. And I’m so stupid for actually letting you.
When was the last time you did something for me without expecting a repay for it?”
Blaine stopped for a second, catching his breath. He was standing now, still keeping distance between Sebastian and him. He needed to finish this before Seb could try to calm him down, like he always did when they fought. This needed to be the end, no makeup.
“I’m moving out. I’m leaving you, Sebastian.”
The taller man opened his mouth, but closed it again. His eyes flicking up and down Blaine’s body, considering if he was serious about this whole thing.
“Blaine, you can’t break up with me.”
“Is that so?”
“Without me you’ll be nothing. Not only do I pay for this apartment, but I’m also the only person who would ever stay in a relationship with you.”
Sebastian’s words hit him, making Blaine’s stomachs clench in pain.
“You are seriously believing that I won’t find another man to love me?”
It sounded more desperate and less pissed-off than Blaine wanted it to.
“I had a ton of boyfriends before we started dating. But you were alone. Ever since Kurt had left you, you were alone. Nobody wanted to put up with the broken little puppy which just begged to be tied up and thrown into a lake.”
Silence.
Blaine stared at Sebastian in pure shock, unable to form an answer to the bitter truth.
Kurt had broken him. He had believed that they were meant to spend the rest of their lives together and after their break up he hadn’t seen a reason to date someone else.
If you can’t be with your soul mate- why even bother with it?
“Maybe I chose to be alone.”
“As if, Blaine. You need someone to lead you. You are no longer the charming lead soloist. You are a fucking background singer.”
“Claire was right about you all the time. You are a total asshole. Good-bye, Sebastian.”
Blaine pressed out before he stormed out of the apartment, leaving his stuff behind. He needed to bring as much distance between his ex and him as quickly as possible.
—
As Kurt stepped out of the shower he could hear his phone buzz from somewhere across the room.
“’Oliver’: I did it. Not sure how to feel about it.”
Kurt smiled as he reached for his towel.
Shy boy did it. He fought his daemons.
So why couldn’t Kurt do the same? Telling Chandler about everything and then he would leave him, or he wouldn’t, but it would make things a lot easier.
But Kurt couldn’t.
Even if Chandler would forgive him, their relationship would never be the same again. Kurt may not wants to be with Chandler, but he also couldn’t imagine being without him.
So the cheating had to stop. That being easier to say than to actually do.
After looking at their pictures Kurt had decided to try one last time. He would go to a club tonight and bring someone home.
—-
“Amazing idea to leave all your things behind, thank you very much.” Claire hissed as she pulled the last box inside her apartment.
Blaine had arrived an hour ago, his eyes red and puffed from crying, but also smiling brightly. He had begged her to go and catch up his things, so he didn’t have to see his ex again.
Claire had agreed under the term that he would go out with her tonight to celebrate his new life.
Blaine hadn’t been excited, but he really wanted to leave New Jersey behind.
Now he had showered and was looking through one of the boxes Claire had thrown into the hallway.
He didn’t want to find someone new tonight; he just needed to be noticed, to get compliments.
To gain back the little piece of confidence that he had also lost thanks to Sebastian.
“I’m going to shower now and then we can go. I dare you if these boxes are still lying around when I’m finished, you’ll find yourself homeless in no time!”
“I promise you won’t regret letting me stay here. I can’t thank you enough for it!”
Claire snapped her fingers in front of his face to make him shut up, before she turned around and walked towards the bathroom.
“Did you decide where you want to go?” Blaine could hear her scream from behind the door.
“‘The Aries” He screamed back and picked a shirt out of the box that he hadn’t worn in years.
——
As Kurt arrived at “the Aries” he could already hear the music pumping through the thick doors.
Normally he wouldn’t go to a gay club, it made the game way to easy, but tonight he really needed to find someone, so he was going to play it save.
He quickly looked at the queue in front of the security guy. There was no way that he would wait an hour outside, it could start to rain any second and a ruined hairdo wouldn’t higher his chances.
Kurt made his way across the street and tried to look as confident as possible while walking directly towards the bouncer.
“Can I help you?” the smaller, but much muscular man asked him, his eyes flicking up and down Kurt’s figure.
“Yes, it would be lovely if you could step aside and let me enter the club.”
“And why should I do this, Darling? You need to wait in line like everyone else”
Kurt smiled and leaned down, whispering in the other man’s ear. “I don´t think your boss would like to hear that he let Kurt Hummel wait. You are just one call away from being fired.”
The bouncer bit his lip, eyes flicking hectically towards the queue and back to Kurt.
“Fine. Go in.”
He stepped aside and Kurt could enter the club, smiling at himself. This trick works every time.

The music was nearly breaking Kurt’s eardrums as he pressed through the sweating bodies towards the bar.
He screamed his order at the barber and turned around, trying to make out potential candidates. Sadly he could already tell that tonight’s offer wasn’t amazing.


But there was one guy, a bit smaller than him, red hair shorted with a sidecut. So 2011, but Kurt would still give it a try.
—-
“I can’t believe how long that queue was. It’s not like this is the only gay club in NY” Claire mourned as she handed hers and Blaine’s jacket towards the man working at the wardrobe.
“But it’s the best.” Blaine answered and took her hand to guide her towards the main hall.
“And to how many gay clubs have you been exactly?” She mocked him, knowing that Blaine hadn’t been to a club ever since Sebastian came into his life.
The mood was at its highest, man and woman alike jumping around ecstatically screaming at the Gogo dancers, rubbing against each other. This was definitely the right place to get his mind of the asshole that was now his ex.
“I’ll get us something to drink, what do you want?” He screamed towards Claire, but his best friends was already busy dancing with a petite Asian woman. Claire wasn’t even gay.
He chuckled as he tried to get towards the bar. On his way he already saw four men that could easily get his thought away from New Jersey. Maybe one of them would also be interested in him.
Blaine let out a sigh and shook his head. No they won’t.
As he reached the bar he screamed his and Claire’s order towards the bartender and looked up at the giant mirror above the bar.
He seemed a little lost, standing alone between a pair of kissing man and a mixed pair sticking their heads together, gushing about the others.
Blaine let his eyes swift along the side of the bar through the mirrors reflection. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to go after all, he could feel his anticipation sink with every figure he tried to make out through the reflection.
That’s when he sees him.
Perfectly dressed, hair styled neatly. It seemed like he hasn’t aged a day since they had met last time, 4 years ago at Rachel and Brody’s wedding.
There was a red haired man who nuzzled against his jawline, but Kurt looked indifferent, staring at the dance floor.
New York is so fucking big. Why.
“Hey! HEY!” Blaine snapped out of his trance, forcing his eyes off Kurt and down towards the bartender who was glancing at him angrily. “I get $8 for this!”
“I don’t want them.” Blaine whispered, ruining into the dancing crowd leaving an angrily screaming Bartender and the love of his life behind.
—-
“Fuck me, common!” Redhead screamed beneath Kurt, tilting his head up to lick against his neck.
Kurt had forgotten the other man´s name, but even worse he wasn’t able to fulfill his wish. They had started to make out during the Taxi ride towards Kurt’s Apartment. Redhead had came for first time before they had even reached the bedroom.
But Kurt just couldn’t.
Redhead was hot, hands down. He was a health couch and his body was even nicer without tight clothes covering it. Two weeks ago Kurt would have been all over him, doing him all night long and keep his phone number on the first page of his little black book.
Today he couldn’t get hard. Redhead had tried to suck him of, stroked him endlessly. Nothing
“Common!” The other man let out, voice filled with frustration. He reached down, to grab Kurt’s dick, but the taller man pushed his hand away, rolling off him. He looked down himself where his dick was red, skin aching from all the rubbing and sucking, but still soft.
“I guess I can go.” Redhead said bitchy, sitting up to get his underwear of the floor.
Kurt waited for him to get dressed, not even bothering with standing up and taking red head to the door.
As soon as he heard the door close he rolled on his stomach and let out a frustrated scream.
What was wrong with him.
—
Please come online, Blaine begged towards the screen of his laptop.
He had opened Andrews and his chat window, staring at it for half an hour now. His phone was exploding with texts and calls from Claire, but he had simply wrote her that he was okay. But it wasn’t okay.
Seeing Kurt again had brought back all the feelings he had tried to push down.
He needed to talk with someone who doesn’t know anything about the whole story. But Name wasn’t online.
He sighed, closed the chat window and opened the email service instead.

“I know it’s late, but I had to talk to someone. You don’t need to answer, I won’t be mad at you.
Tonight I saw my Ex. He was my only boyfriend before I got together with my finance, well Ex-finance. We shared our first kisses, our first time. I loved him more than anything else; I never wanted to be without him. But I fucked it up. I cheated on him.
Right after it I regretted it, I realized that my boyfriend was my soulmate.
He never forgave me. We never even talked about the whole thing.
I wished so badly to see him again. To tell him that I still love him that I never stopped. That I still hate myself for what I did. That I often imagine what our life could look like by now. That we would have a child and fulfill our dreams, just like we joked about it back in high school.
Sometimes I wake up and try to imagine that instead of my boyfriend he was lying next to me, remembered the way the morning light used to play on his cheeks, his beautiful face.
On these mornings I had thought about leaving my boyfriend. Now I understand that I never loved him. Just like he told me during our fight today: “You need someone to lead you.”
I do, name. I was good at telling people what to do; they looked up to me, asked for my help.
I changed ever since that day.
He was my support system, the reason I felt good about myself.
I was able to be strong and believe in myself, because he believed in me.
My Ex doesn’t even tried to be that person for me. He just took and never gave anything back.
So after breaking up with him, being hurt and feeling like even the last bit confidence was erased from my mind, seeing my first boyfriend, my first and only real love again- I don’t know what to feel.
I don’t know why I’m even writing this.
I’m sorry.”

Blaine stared at the email.
He had never told anyone how he really felt without Kurt, how much he misses him.
He shouldn´t sent this.

Blaine pressed the enter button and closed the laptop.