~ Chapter 31 ~
Awakening

A bird flutters over head, shattering the stillness of the place. I open my eyes and follow its movements with my ear. The sunrise is a few moments away, but I am not scared. I am safe under the covers of tree roots, further protected by the bushes. The rattlesnake who shares my new hideout with me, named Rat (I know it's not that brilliant) hisses in frustration at being disturbed.

It was winter on the horizon; it had rained last night. My clothes are still soaked through; good thing I can't feel cold anymore.

Half in his hibernation already, Rat gives me a vicious look. Three nights ago, I had been the one who'd disturbed him. But now we were friends. He'd tried to bite me once or twice, but he wasn't the only one with fangs. I'd shown him my sharp fangs too, and it sort of satisfied him. As long as he shared this hibernation spot with another snake, things were peaceful.

I feel in my bones as the sun rises. None of the rays touch me as I am very secure in my hidey hole. It was still too early for either of us to move, and no matter how much time passed, none of us wanted to.

A small, troubled stirring of something—perhaps a thought—touches my mind and I shy away from it. I know that my sire had been trying to contact me all this time. I know he is worried, and that another boy was worried. But I just didn't want to face them anymore.

I couldn't.

As if feeling my reluctance, the thought goes away. I sigh and settle on my back again, curling into a fatal position. My fangs stir to life as a stab of hunger hits me in the stomach, my throat. I hiss in annoyance and try hard to ignore the thirst. I'd been ignoring it ever since I came here. I could do so again.

A faint memory came to my mind. Back then Sebastian had still been listing the Dos and Don'ts of a Vampire lifestyle. He'd told me that the more a Vampire ignored the thirst of blood, the more his condition deteriorated. Two things happened then. One; the Vampire would go mad with hunger and attack any or everything in sight. Two; a Vampire will start shriveling like a prune, until an immeasurable sleep came over them, and wouldn't wake for years at time.

I didn't want to go mad and start attacking everything. Not even Rat, if snakes even have blood. I just wanted that sleep—at least, somehow, that would erase the pain that I felt in my heart continually.

I failed you, I thought yet again.

I had decided to do things, things that everyone expected of me without even considering that I wouldn't succeed. Ok, I did think that, many times. But I thought I was strong enough. I thought I had everyone's support and that even if it ended badly, I'd be able to move on from it.

However, I hadn't considered exactly this pain that came with my failure. I hadn't considered just how disastrous my actions would be for the world in general. I'd always believed that it would all end here, in this small insignificant place like Hilltown.

But I'd failed.

I clench my jaw, teeth/fangs grinding audibly, and pushed the tears of blood back inside my skull somehow. I won't cry—nobody deserved my unwanted, useless tears. They wouldn't solve anything.

Neither would this.

I open my eyes in shock and snarl—startling Rat into nipping at my sleeve angrily. For an instant, in my self-degrading moment I'd let Sebastian in. He'd slipped past and heard my thoughts. But not much, as I close all my walls again, and feel the frustration on the other end.

As long as Sebastian was unaware of my real plan. As long as he didn't KNOW, things will be fine and maybe I'll be able to fix this blunder of blunders.

As long as I was able to do this before Blai—

I clenched my fists, hissing. NO! I screamed. I must not think of HIM. It hurt to think of him.

And just as it had for past few days, the memories started coming again. Memories of waking up to his kisses in the cavern under the Smyth Mansion. Memories of what happened later.

We'd passed out again, me and...him. Sebastian had found us, took us outside and somehow revived us with help of Sue and Shelby.

According to Sebastian, Edward had stolen the charm thread from Lily's ashes, and that's how managed to survive escaping in the evening sun. Just when I was thinking that it was over—I'd found out that people had died.

Maria, Hunter...Thad. They'd died. They'd been unable to bear the injuries. Neil, Wes and Jake were injured and in serious condition. Sue had, in her usual no-filter tone, told us that they were in God's hand now. There was no knowing if they would survive at all.

It had been a cruel awakening. I remembered tears, of everyone and...his. I remembered thinking that somehow it had been my fault and—and I was afraid that I was right. It truly was my fault. If I'd just did something from the start...if I hadn't given Edward so many chances to reconsider... If I hadn't been so goddamn weak!

But that was all in past. They were gone. Lily was gone—and there was no way of making anything normal again.

But the bad news didn't end.

Two of those children that Edward had kept as hostages died of shock and terror. The handling of that business had left even Dad shaken to the core. I'd seen Burt age ten more years after that serious and horrible conversation with the sheriff of the nearby town where the kids were from.

I don't know how I'd managed to go on. Blai—HE—had been so into everything while I just wandered aimlessly. He'd been all over the injured, the restoration of the peace in town that was finally—even if temporarily—vampire-free. He'd been the head of a search party that we sent out for Elliot.

For our beloved alpha hadn't returned. Three days, the Warblers and the wolves searched miles of this forest and the nearby towns. Three days and not a trace of Elliot or Edward. The weight of it hung on every single face in the town.

But then Elliot came back.

It had been a shock when a few farmers under Puck's employment had caught sight of someone coming down the Hilltown road. A naked man, tired and bleeding from several places, was stumbling uneasily through the hot tar road.

Luckily Riley, Rory and Michael Jones Jr. had been there as well. They'd run ahead and caught the man before he collapsed on the road. Elliot had been taken to the ER and I still remembered the expression of utter hopelessness on my sire's face.

It took twelve hours for Elliot to wake up—and when he did; he told us that Edward had, yet again, managed to escape. Elliot had injured the Vampire badly too, but there was no telling where Edward was now.

That's when I felt myself shut down.

It wasn't over. He was still out there.

Her voice echoed through the confines of my mind, and now the tears escaped and I whimpered. "Don't let Edward out in the world, Kurt...End this here, in this small town where even if people die, the number will remain small. This world...can't deal with Edward. Don't let...anyone else's dreams go to waste because of his madness."

I failed you, Lily. I failed you, Mom... I—I don't know what to do anymore.

I steeled myself and wiped furiously at my tears. Of course, I knew of a few things I can do. But there were things I need to know first. Like, where is Edward now? How many people had already died because Edward had used their life up in order to heal himself? Just how many people have already became monsters under his tutelage?

I tried finding these answers. I had tried everything; I'd even volunteered to go with him to these searches. But—a fortnight passed.

And this unnamed pain took up residence in my body and heart then. It was gradual at first, but with every passing day, as Hilltown became normal, as people slowly forgot, as the people out there started dying in various grisly ways—this pain dominated everything.

Blai—he said it wasn't my fault. But then why did it hurt so much? If it wasn't my fault then why did I feel every single death weight on me this way? Why did I feel my own hands darken in blood?

He didn't understand. I'd failed everything everyone's ever worked for. I'd failed the people who'd died counting on me.

That's when I took up to walking. Now that the forest was fairly vampire-free...I took long walks in the night. After he went to sleep and I couldn't do anything but think of how everything was my fault no matter what he said. No matter what Sebastian always said.

Taking walks calmed me. I could think of other things then. Things like how many more people were in town now. Those who had exiled themselves were slowly coming back. A few new shopping malls were under construction. Fin and Puck were practically rolling in money with the trade they'd started. There was no such thing as food shortage now. Amazing—how just within a month things had gotten better.

Except for this pain. It didn't fade.

I had to do something then, before the pain consumed me fully and I became something even I wouldn't recognize. And all the possible course of actions were—to be frank—dangerous. It crossed my mind once or twice, to ask for help...but no more. Everyone has helped me plenty. Look where it landed them?

No, this was still my battle. I hadn't truly understood just what everyone meant when they kept saying only I could do it. I always thought it was because of my strange heritage, my blood that had this weird power. I knew, however, the real truth. I knew it and still...I had taken it for granted. I'd thought that somehow, I'll have help. Somehow the wolves or the other vampire, even Warblers, would help me deliver the killing blow.

I hadn't realized that had been me thinking like a coward yet again. I was dusting the responsibility away from my shoulder when I thought those things. Now, I knew. It hadn't been because of my blood alone. It had to be me because there was practically no one else who could do this.

There was no one in the world that was like me. Not truly, anyways. To my own knowledge, I knew just what exactly happened when I became what I am now. I knew the real story—I knew it as if it was yesterday.

Sebastian thought he had hidden his own thoughts away well enough, but I had gathered that he and Elliot had been speaking about this insane coincidence that was me, my birth and the way my Mom had died. Sebastian thought he'd kept his suspicions from me, but I knew vaguely they suspected something.

Crazily enough—they were right.

This—ME, being who and what I was—it is no coincidence. This is premeditated and been in motion since years.

All I have to do is close my eyes and I would be transported back to that lake somewhere outside. I'll see the camps on the other side. I'll feel someone sneaking up to me and a strange man who just sat beside me and started speaking of how silent the night was. I could still hear his voice, so clear and firm.

I could still hear as he told me my own story.

I sigh and stir a bit. There is a shift in the environment. There is something here that wasn't before. I perk my ears and hear. But there was nothing—just a feeling that probably was paranoia.

I refocus on my thoughts. Lately, ever since I've given up feeding, I found that my thoughts tend to wander a lot more than before. But that isn't the troubling aspect. My thoughts are disappearing. My body is shutting down and I feel every second of it happening. That's why; I keep repeating my plans to myself. I don't want to forget.

His face appears in my mind's eye and my breath hitches. Yes, I don't want to forget everything. Especially, not him.

I shake my head and focus again. Stupid wandering mind! Why was I going to the memories that hurt so badly? I should be thinking of my next course of actions.

But why wasn't I acting? I questioned, slightly confused. All I remember since last four days is being here in this hole. I remember my plans but I can't remember why I wasn't acting on those plans.

Rat's tail twitched and his double-lidded eye flicked open with a smallest noise that reached my ear. He stares at me, as if telling me why.

Oh—the patrol. Of course.

Ever since I came out for a walk, four days ago, I had never returned. Obviously, my friends and...he...had sent patrols after me. This forest that I was so used to wandering at night had become so noisy—people crashing through underbrush, people shouting my name.

I even heard Bl—him, once or twice. I also heard my family, my sire. But of all of them, Sebastian had come closest to finding me. Because he could see through my eyes. It had taken me a few tries to actually block him off completely. The trick was to totally wipe my mind blank and build a strong iron wall.

Then I'd found this place and crawled down here. The voices of searching people faded slowly. But even now, there were people out there. Looking. I felt the faint feelings of desperation and worry from Sebastian when I dared reach out softly. But I could only imagine just what everyone else was going through.

And still—do I really deserve their worry? Am I even worth it? I...who'd failed everyone so terribly?

Blaine.

I choke. His name rings in my head with all the longing and sadness I'd been keeping buried deep down. I know he'd be sad, even if nobody else is. I know how hard it would be for him, because I would feel the same if our situations were reversed. Because he loves me just as much I love him.

And that's precisely why I was here. I need to finish my duty before I even deserve looking at him again. This was my redemption.

XXXXX

Cooper stood at the edge of the forest. He sniffed the forest's wet smell, and gulped. He loved this smell.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" a tired voice said from behind.

Cooper's heart sank as he turned to look at his brother. Blaine was on his motorbike, leaning on the stirring handles heavily, as if he couldn't pick his weight up anymore.

Maybe, he couldn't.

"Yep," Cooper said, trying to sound sure. "It's not like there are any more Rogues here anymore. Besides, I've got my colt. I'll be fine."

Blaine didn't answer. Cooper knew that his brother probably hadn't even heard him. There was the same look on Blaine's face—the one that had appeared the minute they realized Kurt was gone. It was a look of a man whose soul had been ripped from his living body, who had been grinded into shreds and left to rot on a pavement.

Blaine looked like a Rogue...only worst because of the sadness that had appeared in every single pore of his face. His face was wrinkling with the burden of all the grief. And Cooper hated that look of Blaine's face.

"Blaine?" he whispered, and felt tears pool in his eyes. He knew no matter how loud he called, Blaine wouldn't answer. Blaine's hazel eyes were glassy and staring at something far ahead on the road—Blaine wasn't even there anymore.

"BLAINE." Cooper hated himself when Blaine flinched as if somebody had slapped him. He hated himself for doing this to his brother as Blaine's slightly shocked eyes landed on him. "I'll come back soon. I only have an hour long patrol today. Are you going to wait or...?"

Blaine's face showed just a slight amount of emotion as he thought about it. Then nodded. "I'll stay here...I don't have..." Anything to go back to.

Cooper's lips trembled, though he managed to smile a bit and saluted Blaine once. "Okay, I'm off."

And he turned his back to his brother.

He'd been talking with Sebastian lately and was certain that the Vampire felt Kurt's presence somewhere around this particular part of the forest. Then again, as Cooper looked around, it kind of made sense.

He was at the point where the borders of Hiltown's forest territory faded slightly...and the rocky wilderness to the next town started, stretching for three miles at least. They'd never been here as the soil wasn't soft enough to plant anything. Sooner or later, the land hungry parties might discover this stretch of wildness and start up another suburb.

But Kurt must have come here to avoid the possible detection. Cooper figured that Kurt was probably up to something. Why else would he come at such a strategic hiding spot? Somewhere in Hilltown yet not quite close by. No wonder most of the patrolling parties have overlooked this place.

Cooper's mouth started going sour as he thought of his brother again. Blaine must have known this place was an important point to search at. IF he'd been in his senses. But as it were, Blaine was so consumed with his own isolation and misery that he hardly paid any attention to anything anymore.

Gritting his teeth and grabbing his colt firmly, Cooper started plowing deeper into the forest. He'd find Kurt if it killed him.

XXXXX

Something wild is attacking the underbrush. That's my first thought when I hear loud stomping and breaking of branches and crunching of leaves. If I pay a bit more attention, I also hear soft squelching of foliage under some weight on the winter soaked ground.

Someone is here.

I try to stay still, in case it's a Vampire who'd certainly hear even a slightest movement. I thank my luck that I now smelled so much like forest and grim that my own scent was probably faded to nothingness.

But then I hear a heartbeat. Steady but slightly loud heart of someone who was perhaps scared or—angry? As the stomping come closer I decide that whoever this person is, he's very determined to disrupt my rest.

Then I make a mistake and inhale automatically—getting a whiff of hot, fresh and young blood that made the heartbeat sound even more delicious. I whimper, clasping my mouth with my hand. A small sound escapes still. Not a good time to feel hungry.

Go away, I yell at Sebastian once.

I'm away. He says calmly even as I block him out again. But his calmness tells me that he's telling the truth.

So if it's not him...then who could it be?

Blaine.

My eyes pop just as I think of his name. It's possible...He could be here. If anyone can find me like this, it's probably him. Unless, Sebastian somehow traced me through a little connection we have had and told somebody.

I take another whiff—and my eyes go back to normal...almost closing again for sleep.

It's not Blaine. I'd know his scent anywhere and this scent was different. But still a bit familiar. That makes me curious and I slowly sit up under the roots and bushes, softly pushing Rat away so as not to disturb his sleep.

The footsteps stop a few yards away from me, hidden behind a few trees. Now the heartbeat goes up, as if this person was slightly scared. Then I hear a muffled curse. And I almost know who it is, even before he speaks—but my groggy mind takes time placing the face to this voice.

"KURT!" the boy yells loudly. "KURT? YOU HERE?"

I wince as his voice falls shrilly to my ears. The sun is still shining brightly, which means I won't be able to show myself to him. So I just speak, feeling my vocal cords vibrate in a raw rumble, reminding me of my thirst severely.

"I'm here."

At first nothing happens. The only indication that he heard me is the sudden and frantic beating of his heart. Then his footsteps grow nearer, now with renewed purpose. The bushes and roots crackle and tremble around me as the boy started looking for me.

Rat hisses angrily, almost pouncing but I grab him by his tail, firmly.

"Don't." I say, wincing again. This close, I can smell the boy even clearly. "The sun..."

The bush stops trembling and the boy grunts in understanding. I know he has questions, so I wait for them. Now that I am awake, and reminded of my thirst again, I might as well listen.

"Is this the reason why you didn't come back?" the boy asks, sharp and calculating.

Even though I understand his meaning, I ask again. "Is WHAT the reason?"

"The sun," he replies, now sounding as if he was holding his anger back. "Because last time I checked, the sun didn't show up at night. Unless it has been showing up for you these last few days..."

"No." I sigh, trying to yank at Rat who was trying to wriggle free. "No, that isn't the reason. Why are you here Coop?"

"Why d'you think?"

I flinch at his scathing voice. I didn't realize I could anger him so much. I've always known him to be a gentle and intelligent person. "You're angry..."

"Damn right, I am! Do you have any idea what we've been going through all this time?! Do you have any idea what Blai—"

He chokes, just as I do. Both of us unable to speak...of him.

"Do you have any idea what it did to him...when he saw you feeling all this pain and holding back from him? Did you really think he didn't notice it?"

My eyes close as I yank Rat close to me, stroking his head with my thumb, calming him even as my own tears started falling in earnest.

He'd...noticed? Then why...

"He was giving you your space," Cooper admits softly, sniffing and inhaling his snot. "He thought you trusted him...all of us...enough to share just what you were going through. He can't read all your thoughts like Sebastian can...but he was so sure that you loved him enough to share...to speak. But then—you just up and disappear."

My eyes open...widen.

"Do you have any idea what it did to him?" Cooper's voice didn't hold back the accusations now. It was raw and painful, his blame. And I literally sagged under the weight of it.

Dear God...what have I done!?

He didn't need to speak anymore, didn't need to say and blame anything anymore. I know what this was—this was my own mistakes staring at me again. My own foolishness...my fault. All of this.

"When even Sebastian couldn't reach you, Blaine thought you'd..." Cooper chokes and sniffles loudly. "He thought you'd died, Kurt! Do you have any idea what he went through?! What he's still going through...?!"

Now I realize what Sebastian's thoughts had been trying to tell me. I've blocked him so thoroughly that I'd only felt his emotions in distance...and the most that I'd felt was the unspeakable amount of worry and—despair. At first I'd believed that it had something to do with the whole sire-prot�g� bond thing but now...

I open my mind to Sebastian at once. Like a wave...his memories flood me. And I see the mistakes I've made. The crimes I'd committed while I was so absorbed in my own pathetic self-pity.

XXXXX

Sebastian's memories, his perceptive filled Kurt's mind.

*Blaine was waiting for me as I came out of the emergency room. He was concerned, and I knew it's because he was aware of what it felt like when you loved someone so dearly.

"How's he?"

I sighed, trying to keep my own pain from my brother with whom I was mentally connected. "He's out of the forest, is what Sue and Hiram said. Whatever that means."

Blaine nodded and clapped a hand on my shoulder firmly. "He's gonna be fine. He's a freaking alpha, dude."

I smiled at his attempt to make me feel better. But then I asked what I knew was bothering him still. "And what about Kurt...is he...?"

As expected, Blaine's face fell just for a moment and then became grimly happy. "He's going to be fine. I know he misses her...she was his Mom in more ways than counted. But I just—" a strange longing crept on Blaine's expressions.

"Just wish that he'd talk to you?" I guessed. "Believe me, I do as well. I can't believe he's managed to block me out like this. I never even taught him how."

"But you know he's there, right?" Blaine said suddenly, with an intensity that made me frown. "You know he's there and, well, you can FEEL him there."

I nodded cautiously. "Yes, all the time. It's part of the whole deal, really."

Blaine nodded too, and sat down heavily on one of the waiting chair. "That's good, then. As long as he's...fine."

I sat beside him and we were silent for a while.

The pack members were, until a few hours ago, shooed away by Sue to wait at the Tavern. I called Dani to let them all know that things were going to be fine.

All through this, Blaine sat quietly, staring at the far wall. I looked at him and realized there were slight dark circles under his eyes. He must be losing sleep over Kurt.

"I'm jealous of you, you know."

I didn't realize he'd spoken right away. He'd spoken so quietly, that I stared at him. His words registered after a while. "Jealous? Of me? But why...?"

"You can feel connected to Kurt in a way even I can't," he said even more quietly. "Even if he's not speaking, you can at least know he's there. All he's been doing lately is getting distant. All he's been doing is sneaking out at night to God knows where and I can't..."

Can't even tell if he's safe? I wanted to ask, but it's not needed. It's all too clear on his face.

"I didn't think of it this way..." I said at length. What else could I say? "Besides, you are more connected together without even needing a side-effect sort of bond like this. Just because he's distant and in pain doesn't mean that he'll be like this forever. Right?"

He looked up at me and I realized at once why Kurt's mind is always so full of Blaine's eyes; why he's so mesmerized by the depths of them. Blaine's eyes always said more than his words. I could almost look into his soul.

"Do you really think so?"

And in that moment I realized that Blaine was—compared to me—a child. Right now, it was so obvious just how young he really was. Just because he could fight monsters didn't negate the fact that he was still a teenager, going through the ups and downs of his first love.

I smiled. "Yes, I really think so. It's Kurt we're talking about. There's no way he'd give in to his own despair, he's more than that!"

When I saw his eyes suddenly clear and a smile light up his face, I felt pathetically like a father who'd just made his son smile. I chuckled at him and we both sat silently again, waiting for the next update on Eli's condition together.

X

I sat at the far end of the couch, watching. Kurt and Blaine were huddled on the couch. Blaine's fingers were stroking Kurt's hair and he was reading softly into Kurt's ear some book they'd found lying about.

Everyone else was busy with whatever they did here on the top of the hill, but I still had an hour to kill before I could visit Eli and others. The others, Jake, Wes and Neil were still in a coma of sorts. They still had to wake. This was a fact we'd tried keeping from Kurt.

Speaking of, I looked up and winced slightly.

Even though he was responding to Blaine's touch by leaning into it, Kurt's eyes were blank and distant. Like he wasn't really feeling anything, like he wasn't listening to Blaine as he read from the book. Kurt was falling where even I couldn't reach. I extended my mental abilities and touched Kurt's mind, feeling slight responses from him.

Pain...that always stayed there, that Kurt couldn't explain. Warmth, of Blaine's presence. Pain, despair, guilt, the remorse. Then, most of all—the NEED to do something.

Blank.

It took me minute to realize that Kurt's eyes were boring into mine, and his mind was a complete blank. Whatever he was feeling the NEED to do, he didn't want me to see it. I dissolved the situation by smiling. "How do you like the story, cousin?"

"It's funny," Kurt said mechanically.

I looked at Blaine as a jolt of pain washed over his face. His eyes met mine and I read the sorrow there. Kurt didn't listen to anything at all? Why else would he say that Romeo and Juliet was funny?

Blaine swallowed his pain and gently took Kurt's hand. Now, for a while, Kurt was aware again, he said, "I was thinking maybe we should head to bed now? You must be tired."

Kurt nodded and stood up, ignoring Blaine's hand. He walked away, leaving Blaine to follow him.

Before he left, Blaine looked at me again. I opened my mouth but he cut me off with a pained whisper. "DON'T. Don't you dare say it'll be all right! I'll believe it when I see it. Please, just don't..."

I nodded, keeping my reassurances to myself.

X

I was feeling groggy now, as I walked up the hill. The sunrise was half an hour away still.

Eli was much better now. Soon enough, he'd be discharged and ready to be with his pack again. With me again. I smiled. Thank goodness at least something was right in this messed up town.

But when I walked through the Dalton's door, I found Blaine pacing the foyer endlessly. When I entered he perked up, a smile of relief on his face. But it died just as he saw me.

"What's wrong?"

He looked behind me, and then started pacing again. "Kurt's not back yet."

I didn't think much of it. "I'm sure he's on his way." I didn't even bother to check through our connection. I knew I felt him there so there wasn't any need.

"But it's almost sunrise!" Blaine blurted, betraying the concern he was feeling.

I looked closely and saw his dark circles that had become more prominent over the last few days. He was also thinner. How come everyone had failed to notice this? Even with all things he was busy with, surely someone must have noticed?

"I'll go check," I said, deciding that enough was enough. I needed to teach my prot�g� some lessons in decency. I used to be a wild one once—Kurt had helped me see the light, figuratively of course. Now it was my turn to save Kurt from giving in to any kind of darkness. Two things that could drive Vampires to evilness were hatred and pain. Right now, Kurt was feeling both extremely.

Time was running out fast. The sun would be out any moment. I ran throughout the Hilltown in what felt like fiteen minutes, thankful that nobody was outside this early to notice my disheveled state. But still, I didn't see Kurt.

Stopping in my tracks, I frowned. I wasn't—feeling him either. No, not quite. I felt him but it was fainter than ever. Almost as if...he was far away.

I stated running around in the crops, wincing as I destroyed some fields by my speed. I felt Kurt nearby a few times, his presence fluctuating like a sputtering candle flame. Fluttering in and out as I ran, just barely able to locate him.

Ten minutes till sunrise.

I ran back to the hill, hoping on the fading stars that by now Kurt was safely inside.

Then I came face to face with Blaine again, who looked at the end of his sanity. "WELL?"

I gulped, feeling the earth shatter under me. It was too obvious from Blaine's expectant gaze that, no, Kurt hadn't come back still. I reached for the connection, trying to feel it again somehow, trying to pinpoint where he was. Why was he so faint...?

The sun rose.

My body felt the warm even from the closed door and I hissed, shrinking to the more secure living room. Blaine followed me, out of breath and with bulging half-mad eyes.

"WHERE IS HE?" he yelled.

His frantic voice called his brothers out from the kitchen, all of them were suddenly concerned.

Cooper and Nick reached Blaine first. "What is it? What's going on?" They asked at the same time.

But Blaine was looking at me. "Where. Is. He?"

I shook my head. "I don't know..."

"THEN FIND OUT!" Blaine said, yelling in my face now. "You have this built-in GPS thing in your head, right? Find him!"

I bit my lips. How to explain to him that Kurt's connection to me was so faint. All I was getting from the other end was a blank.

Cooper's voice cut through everything sharply. "The Sun! It's dawn already!"

I saw as Blaine's features turned one of terror. I knew what he was thinking. What if Kurt was caught in the sun before he could reach a shelter? What if he was too slow coming home? What if—?

But what if it was true...and that's why I couldn't feel him so clearly as well?

"I can't feel him," I whispered...

...then regretted.

Blaine was standing close to me, still in my face; he heard me clearly. "What..." His voice was like a cough of a parched throat, unrecognizable and painful. "What did you say...?"

"Nothing," I lied, regretting again. I saw that he knew I had lied to make him feel better.

Within seconds, Blaine's sword was in his hands and the tip was resting on my throat. Even though I'm the Vampire here, I felt fear unlike never before.

"What did you say, Sebastian?" he asked me, deadly quiet. "I'll ask one last time."

I closed my eyes and said, "I can't feel him clearly." And lied better. "Because of the sun. It's making me weak."

Blaine's brow cleared. He took away his sword and nodded at me in apology. "It's all right. He's probably feeling weak too."

Then he turned to his brothers and said in loud, authoritative voice. "Nick, Trent, gear up! We're going to look for Kurt! NOW!"

X

They were gone the entire day, searching so hard that more than half of the townspeople knew by now, the Puckpeople, Kurt's family and even the ex-Deserters were out there looking for him.

I stayed indoors, mostly because Andy and I couldn't leave. But by night, we'll be looking as well.

When the Warblers came back home with Blaine, it was easy to see in his face that they hadn't found Kurt. Blaine didn't say anything when Andy started asking questions, and went to bed, muttering something about catching some sleep. He wasn't angry, or even showing any emotions, but I could tell that he was almost losing it.

I swallowed the concern and started searching for Kurt again, enhancing my mental capabilities to such an extent that my head literally ached. Why was Kurt doing this? I knew he was there but why was he so faint?

I didn't have any answers.

That night Andy, Santana, Quinn and I searched through town again. Santana even went to the next town, but came back with no positive news. None of us could locate Kurt by his scent or even his tracks that he must have left in forest somehow.

Then again, if Blaine had trained Kurt as a Warbler it was almost possible that he didn't leave any tracks at all. It wasn't a good prospect and it had been twenty-four hours already.

X

I got back on the hill almost half an hour before sunrise again. As expected, Blaine was awake and waiting. He also didn't ask anything—he knew form my face that I hadn't succeeded either.

"Maybe...he just wanted to be alone?" Blaine guessed aloud in a small voice. And I felt pity as I nodded. He sounded so fragile like that, it was hard believing a Warbler could be so breakable. "Maybe he just needed to stay away from me?"

"Don't be ridiculous," I snapped, getting where he was going with this. "He never shuts up about you, and I have to hear it all in my head! There's no way he'd ever get bored with you. So suck it up and wait. He's probably doing some profound soul searching. We Vampires tend to get broody at times."

He smiled slightly and nodded. "I guess, you are right. I'll wait..."

But in that moment, I stood up, my breath gushing out at once. I'd felt Kurt's presence flare out—so close and vivid. "I felt him!"

Blaine jerked to his feet too, watching me with relief and pathetic hope. "Where...how is he? Is he talking?"

NO, he wasn't. I intensified the connection and focused on Kurt. I got the same feelings of guilt and hopelessness. I also got the regret, mostly directed towards Blaine—when the sun rose outside.

I gasped, looking at the curtained windows as they showed the first rays of light—

—and Kurt's presence dimmed at once.

"NO!" It left my mouth before I even considered the consequences. "He disappeared!"

Blaine stepped back as if I'd slapped him. "What do...what do you mean? Dis-disappered? How...?"

I started focusing more intensely and groaned. I couldn't get through to Kurt. "SHIT!"

My yelling brought everyone down, Cooper and Andy huddled closer to Blaine who was watching me like he wanted to get inside my head and from there to Kurt.

But I couldn't find out why this was happening? How could Kurt control his thoughts like this? I never taught him this much control? Or had he mastered this himself in all this time he'd been mourning Lily's passing? Why didn't I notice...?

Of course, because I was too worried about Eli myself. I had barely enough time to think of anyone else. Just like everyone else was busy trying to pick this town and their lives back up. We—we had started not noticing what was happening to Kurt. And now, he was nothing more than a pinprick in my head. His presence so small and distant.

That's when something else happened. Kurt's presence vanished for a few minutes. I didn't know what happened but my chest felt tight—like something was trying to claw my un-beating heart out. I knew this feeling slightly, a feeling of a bond breaking between a sire and prot�g�. I'd heard about this only so many times.

No, Kurt couldn't, "Kurt..." I whispered, clutching my chest, searching for the source of hurt. "He's gone..."

I shouldn't have said it. I should've noticed about my actions more. But for a while, that silence where Kurt usually resided was too much, too loud. And I didn't even see what my words did to Blaine.

I felt a distant screaming that belonged to Cooper, felt people start to run about frantically. I looked up and saw Blaine on his knees, Cooper and Andy hugging him close as he trembled uncontrollably. The other Warblers were a chaos, running about, getting water; calling people.

Then slightly, like a speck of light piercing the pitch blankness, Kurt reappeared in my head. So slight—as if he was JUST letting me know he was there. Nothing more.

"Ahh..." I sank in relief, my chest feeling lighter. "He's...gosh, Kurt. He scared me."

But nobody was listening to me. And that's when I noticed things clearly.

I realized just what my words had done to others. What they had sounded like to Blaine.

I'd just told him that the only person who was his whole world was gone.

"Blaine!" Cooper was screaming over and over, shaking Blaine from his trembling trance. "Blaine, look at me!"

Andy was holding on to both his son, looking beyond despaired. He looked like he had nothing left to do anymore.

"No," I said, walking forward to join their little circle. "No, Blaine...listen t me. I was wrong! He's okay. I just lost him for a second. Blaine, listen please, Kurt is all right he's just fine."

Cooper looked up sharply and punched me in face. With all his might. It didn't even scratch me, but I felt the force behind it.

"You asshole! Why would you say something like that! Tell me for real. Is he really gone? Or not!"

"He's all right. He isn't gone." I told him, regardless of his anger or the fact that I might have to suffer the consequences of my actions for a long time still. "Kurt's alive."

Andy's eyes bulged. He hurriedly turned Blaine face up by force and said, "Did you hear that, Blaine! He's ali—"

But the minute I saw Blaine's face, I knew that I might as well have murdered Kurt by own hands. There was nothing left in Blaine's eyes, no hope or happiness, no life...no soul. He was like a dead man with robotic motor control over his body. That's all.

But his lips were trembling, forming words. I leaned closer to hear him—and felt my stone cold heart break all over again.

"Kurt's gone," he was whispering over and over again. "Kurt's gone."

"Blaine..." I gasped and backed away. "What have I done...I...what have I done?!"

Andy now looked at me, and in his anger didn't hesitate to bare is fangs to me. "It's your doing, Sebastian. And now you will fix this. Or I swear, I'll never forgive you. If I live for an eternity, I'll live every single moment cursing your very existence."

"Andy I—I didn't mean to—I just lost him for a second and..."

"Don't offer excuses!" Andy growled, his eyes blackening with hate. "You say Kurt's alive? Prove it. Bring him back to Blaine. And maybe I'll consider forgiving you. Now go...GET OUT OF MY SIGHT."

His cold rejection was like a slap on my face that actually hurt. I slowly backed away, watching their little family—falling apart before my eyes. I looked at Blaine and looked away. The sight of him, so broken and so lost, hurt.

During Kurt's absence these few days, I'd gotten closer to Blaine and started thinking of him more as a friend than just Kurt's mate. Before we were just civil to each other, uniting in moments only when Kurt's safety was the priority. But now I thought of him as a dear friend.

And I'd hurt Blaine, my friend, with my own tactlessness. I knew I have to do everything in my power to make things right. "Fine, I'll bring him back."

And I left the Dalton House, vowing to return only when I had Kurt beside me. I stopped at the door, remembering that it was still sunny outside. Crap. I sat down at the threshold, hoping to wait the sun out in silence.

It didn't last long, as after two hours, Cooper found me.

He mirrored his father's expression of hate well, but he also looked determined somehow. He sat down beside me and started speaking without being asked. "He's fine now. He's calmed down and we've managed to tell him that Kurt's alive. But—" Cooper bit his lips.

And I knew what he was not saying. "But he still looks dead to the world?"

Cooper stiffened and nodded. "Yes, I don't think he believes it. But he's pretending to listen to us, because he's noble like that. He thinks we're trying to make his life easier by lying to him. That's why...That's why I'm coming with you!"

I gaped at him. "No."

"Yes, I am! Blaine's my brother and I care about him. I can't see him like this. So now that you're going to look for Kurt again...I want to come with you. To help in any way I can. Please."

"It might take months. I feel him close by but he's not making it any easier. It'll take me months to just pinpoint which direction he's in."

Cooper looked at me straight in the eyes. "Do you hear me complaining?"

And right there, I saw a wild look in Cooper's eyes that was so like Blaine's. And I chuckled. "Fine kid, let's do this. But don't you dare back down if it gets tough."

I didn't even hear the blade slithering out of the sheath. Yet, Cooper had a knife at my throat out of nowhere, his eyes hard. "And don't you dare forget that I'm a Warbler. Hunting Vampires is what I do. Understood?"

Yep, this kid definitely took after his older brother. "Yessir."

And that's how—Cooper and I teamed up to look for Kurt. After a few days, Blaine and rest of the Warbler also helped us. Even though, Blaine wasn't always right in his head, always distant and dead in the eyes. He didn't shirk his duties and helped us in finding Kurt like it was just of the things he was responsible of doing.

I hated to see him that way. Everyone did.

I tried pouring the image of Blaine's downfall on Kurt—but he had somehow managed to block me off so well that it seemed impossible. Or maybe, I was getting through to him; maybe he knew what was happening to Blaine. But he just didn't care anymore?

Yet deep down in my heart, I knew. Kurt would never be so heartless. Especially not when it came to Blaine.*

XXXXX

I gasp in pain and self-hatred, coming back from Sebastian's thoughts with a groan. My chest heaves, frantic for breaths even though I really didn't need to breathe. But it feels like I am drowning in a dark murky pool full of pain and sadness—there's no escape.

Blaine's face haunts me, much as it haunt's my sire's mind. Sebastian needn't feel the guilt that was MY responsibility. I'm the one who did this. I'm the one to blame!

"Kurt? You still there?"

It takes me a while to remember that I have company. Cooper's still outside, still trying to push me with the accusations. But no more. I know where I stand now.

I was at his mercy.

"Coop..." I whisper, trying to focus on breathings low. My panting isn't helping with the extreme hunger I still feel. "Cooper, take me back. When it's sunset. Take me back...please."

Cooper's heartbeat slows, as I can't look into his face, I know he is relieved that things were working out well. "Not until you tell me what's your real reason behind this whole escape-act."

I guess I don't blame him for wanting to know. "I'll tell Blaine and Sebastian first. If they think my choice was the wrong one—then I'll personally look for you Cooper. And you may punish me in whatever way you see fit. Is that acceptable?"

Cooper is silent for a minute. I think he was going to say something like 'don't bother,' or 'I don't want to punish you.' But I am underestimating the strength of his anger again.

"It's acceptable," Cooper says gruffly. "You belong to me now Kurt. Whether you live or die is now in my hands. You will pay for making Blaine go through it; and I don't care just how much of my soul I have to kill off to make you feel the pain worst than that. Do you understand?"

I understand. I have made an enemy today. Cooper was the only one in this whole world who now hated me more than I hated myself. And somehow—the thought of it was reassuring.

"But we can't wait for sunset," Cooper went on speaking, not waiting for my reply. "I've been talking with April a while—and she's made something for you."

The bushes around me shudder as Cooper slips a hand inside. The thrones cut through his flesh and the scent of his warm blood hits me with a vengeance. I hiss, shrinking back, as his bloodied hand comes in view, bringing small rays of sunlight with it.

His hand opens a thread slips down on me. I didn't need to know what it was but Cooper explains anyway. "April gave it to me, in case I managed to find you. I believe you know how to activate this?"

"Yes." What else can I say? I slip it around my wrist, ignoring a few damp spots of Cooper's blood that soak the thread. "Soraelin."

"Get out here," Cooper says in a terse voice.

I pull apart the bushes earning another enraged hiss form Rat. The sunlight hits me full force and I close my eyes, unable to bear it. But I didn't burn, thanks to the bracelet. And I finally see Cooper's face, and the hatred there. I hadn't been mistaken; I'd made an enemy of Cooper—by hurting him in worst possible way. I deserve every single punishment he'll inflict on me.

"I know I said I'm agreeing—but I lied," he says, eyes hard and looking deep into mine. He looks older somehow, and I know it's my fault as well. "Your punishment begins now. What to do with you and your reasons is something I'll let Sebastian and Blaine take care of."

I nod, watching him carefully. He isn't stopping the blood that still oozed form the thorn sliced hand. In fact, he isn't even hiding is hand. And I know what he meant. He's making me feel the burn of thirst. He wants to see me squirm and bear this torture.

"Alright."

As if he was waiting for my agreement, Cooper nods and starts walking back down the path he came. "Follow me. And if I hear a single complain out of you..." His hand grips the handle of the colt. I understand completely, so I nod again.

I follow him, through the pathways, and thick underbrush. Cooper's not careful, and getting himself bruised and injured on purpose. Every time a soft breeze blows, his scent attacks me in face, making me flinch. However I can't lose control and hurt him—that would be another sin I don't want to be responsible for. So I put up with it. But barely.

We finally come outside and I stop still, my heart turning over on itself. Cooper looks back at me, a wicked glint in his eyes. "Go there—and don't dare coming back until I see my brother smiling like before again. Is that understood?"

I flinch at the harshness of his voice. "I—I can't," see him. I can't face him right now. Not when I'm this hungry and bearing so much guilt. I can't!

Yes, you do, Sebastian says now, not even bothering to hide his own anger. You brought this on yourself my dear brother. You deserve every single moment of pain you're about to feel. The pain, I'm sure is worst than compared to your own self-wallowing that you've been feeling all this time. You truly deserve this.

Now I feel warm trickles of blood seeping down my face, bubbling form my eyes. So this is it—I have to face my mistakes finally. And I thought loosing Lily was the worst thing ever. That letting Edward escape was the end of everything. I'd lost sight of things that still mattered—that I still could have salvaged. But in my own self-centered sorrow—I'd lost those precious things as well.

They were right. I deserve this.

I start stumbling towards the road, leaving Cooper behind me.

"Kurt, one more thing." I stop at Cooper's voice but don't look back at him. "The thread lasts for just an hour. I meant what I said. Bring Blaine back, and live. Fail... and I'll watch with relish when you turn to ash. Good bye."

I hear him leave—but I don't even feel hurt at his words. His words are nothing compared to the sight before me.

Blaine's bike stands under the shade of tree by the edge of the road. And Blaine sits on it, half-leaning against the trunk of the tree. It's his face that brings the first wave of pain—and then the gaunt look of his eyes that stare down the road, at something invisible.

"Blaine." The words leave my mouth the minute I'm on the roadside.

His whole body seizes up, and he flinches like a kid scolded in public by a tall, scary looking stranger. But there is something like horror and disbelief on his face when he finally runs and sees me. His eyes pop wide—his mouth works a bit, forming words I can't hear. Or maybe not forming any worlds at all.

All I see is the absolute pain and sorrow of his face. I'm the cause of that look. I deserve this pain of watching him going through such hurt

But that's when the second wave of pain comes. Blaine opens his mouth—

—and he screams.